Elections and democracy

Are elections enough to demonstrate that the country is a liberal democratic country? 

Many may answer in the affirmative and they won't be entirely wrong. But are only elections enough? Not really. There are many countries where elections are held, and governments claim to represent their people, but they can't be called democracies, for example, Russia and China. India claims to be the largest democracy. If we go just by claims, China should be considered the largest democracy, India may overtake them soon, but currently, China is the most populist country and claims to be democratic. However, many don't accept China to be a Western-style liberal democratic country, and hence India is considered the largest democracy in the world. I have participated as a voter and witnessed Indian elections since my childhood until I left for the US. It is true that elections are held regularly in India at various levels, starting from the local city or village level elections to national elections. Voter bribing, voter intimidation, or voter fraud allegations are leveled after every election. At some point booth capturing and violence during campaigning and voting used to be common. Even today after shifting to so-called more secure voting machines, voting fraud is regularly alleged, and some constituencies need to go for repoll due to voting-related issues. Even after all this, the election is not an issue, what happens during and in between elections is a better indicator of the health of any democracy. Whether personal rights are protected and respected across society, how vocal is the opposition and how much coverage it gets in the media, and whether there is any opposition intimidation (like in China and Russia) are some of the parameters that can be used to check the health of democracy at any given time. India does not perform well on many of these parameters consistently. These things happened in the 70s during the regime of Indira Gandhi, there was an official emergency declared curbing many personal rights and opposition intimidation. Not surprisingly, these things still happen after more than four decades. When the voters don't question the party they vote for, they defend each and every action of their party, and then there is no incentive to do the right things. When there is no accountability and repercussions, why any government or party will change? In a democracy, the majority gets the right to govern and implement its election manifesto, however, it does not get any rights to suppress or intimidate the minority. When personal rights are subjective and depend on who you support and who is in power, and the judiciary fails to step in and check this abrogation of personal rights, then society lives in fear and intimidation. The illusion of democracy is not a democracy. 

Therefore, conducting elections is not enough for democracy, many times, what happens in between the elections is more important than the elections. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Sports rivalry and a life lesson

The FIFA World Cup recently got concluded. The world witnessed one of the best finals played ever. Keeping aside issues related to the organization of this World Cup and corruption charges against FIFA, it was an entertaining event. Messi, who was desperately trying to conquer the only remaining frontier in his illustrious career, helped his team win the much-coveted title after 36 years. And how can we forget another rising star, Mbappe, who plays for the same club as Messi, at the age of 23 already played in two World Cup finals, and was part of the French team that won the last World Cup. The final did not disappoint, it lived up to the hype and excitement. The game was a roller coaster ride after the first 80 minutes when Argentina looked like cruising towards their much-awaited World Cup triumph with a 2-0 lead. The way Mbappe brought his team back into the game by nullifying Argentina's leads was amazing. Unfortunately, the finals can have only one winner, so even though both teams played a great game, Argentina beat France on penalties to win their third World Cup title. 

I started watching football after learning about the magical skills of Maradona when Argentina won the World Cup in 1986. I was heartbroken when Argentina lost in the 1990 World Cup finals. When it comes to playing, I prefer cricket, another team sport, I have played cricket since my childhood and even play now also whenever I get a chance. Competitive sports always amazes me. People watch them not only for fun but also for inspiration, they try to look for heroes and icons that can inspire their generation or country. Many times, such icons get elevated to the status of a cult, Pele, Mohammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Maradona, Sachin Tendulkar, Zidane, Ronaldo, and Messi are just a few examples of such cult sports icons. Also, rivalries in sports are intense. However, I like it when players play intensely against each other and shake hands at the end of bitterly fought contests. There are exceptions where teams fight and things get ugly or when teams mock their opponents. I love the spectacle where winners try to console losers and shake hands acknowledging their efforts. Appreciating the efforts of your opponent after a bitterly fought contest is not an easy task, no matter on which side you are. I wish people learned an important life lesson from competitive sports. Respecting and appreciating the efforts of our opponents is something for everyone to learn. Try to give everything when you are on the field, but once the final whistle is blown and the match is over, shake hands with each other and move on, no matter what is the result. If you win, acknowledge the efforts of your opponents and wish them better luck next time. If you lose, congratulate the winners and resolve to come back and try harder next time. Come out of that game with some lessons and resolve. Try to come out not only as a better player but also as a better person. 

Sports and rivalry go hand in hand, but rivalry does not teach us to hate our opponent. It teaches us to make every effort to defeat our opponent, to be better than them, and to try to do our best. It doesn't teach us to hate our opponent, it doesn't teach us to throw them out of the arena, it doesn't teach us not to play by the rules, and it doesn't teach us that there should not be any opponent. We live in a world with diverse opinions and views. It is impossible that we all will agree all the time. There will be disagreements, many times, on very sensitive issues. Sometimes, we lose or win bitterly fought battles either in elections or in courts. In both cases, we should understand that the other team was also fighting for their team and is part of our society, we need to live with them and not without them. This is why it is necessary to respect our opponents. Respecting does not mean agreeing with them, it does not mean not opposing them, and it does not mean not pointing out their flaws and mistakes. Respecting means acknowledging their right to fight for their cause, acknowledging their efforts, and agreeing that even after defeat they also have the right to exist and build their team as much as we have. These simple steps will reduce the amount of hatred and polarization that we are witnessing around us. I hope as we talk and cherish memories of grand sporting events, we also learn the lesson to appreciate our own victories and defeats and treat our opponents with the respect they deserve.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Don't underestimate the power of dissent

It is not easy to raise your objection when no one seems to be bothered by that issue. It is not easy to question when it is only you who feels that whatever is happening is wrong, but everyone seems to be okay with it. It is not easy to fight against powerful institutions like traditions, culture, religion, society, and political parties alone. It is not easy to stand up against your family and friends. It is not easy to question our employer, especially, when our family depends on that job. It is not easy to speak up in a silent forum. It is not easy to resist a bully. I can add many more items to this "it is not easy" list, but I think you get my point, it is not easy to register your dissent when no one else is dissenting.

Dissent is not easy, it is scary and intimidating to go against the flow. It is hard to ignore that many chose not to speak and there must be some rationale behind it. However, if you are a sensitive person, it is hard to escape the guilt of not speaking up when you must have. It is impossible to look another way when you know whatever is happening is wrong. We only keep quiet if we underestimate the power of dissent. A single dissenting voice may not be enough to stop injustice at that moment, but it may be enough to catalyze something that may manifest into some movement in the near future. We should not underestimate the power of our dissent, even when we feel scared or intimidated. Things are not always smooth for people who choose not to ignore and speak up instead of keeping mum. Even if we gather all our courage and stand up, we may find ourselves without any support, or worse, surrounded by people who are not very receptive to our questions and objections, that is, we get attacked rather than being supported. These situations are not easy to handle. It sucks to be alone while taking on a powerful entity. Therefore, it is important to be convinced about our own stand and be sure about our own beliefs and strengths before testing them. We should test our beliefs regularly, read about them as much as possible, get to know all sides, verify, and get convinced that challenging the status quo is the right thing to do. Once we do our due diligence and conclude that we need to stand up, then what we do depends on our strength and courage. If we really believe in our values and principles, we don't worry if we are alone and no one supports us. Many changes and movements started because some courageous people decided to speak up. Remember, Galileo was alone when he challenged age-old beliefs, but he was sure about his ideas and knew that the prevailing beliefs were wrong. In the end, he was proved to be right, this is an example of the power of a single dissenting voice. Don't underestimate the power of dissent, we all can be Galileo in our own way, we just need that conviction and courage to speak up.

Change takes time. Often, it is a slow and painful process, some changes we desire may not be possible in our lifetime, but someone needs to initiate it, and that someone can be us. Voice of dissent is a powerful weapon to initiate change. When someone decided to speak up about voting rights for women the women's suffrage movement started the decades-long fight for women's right to vote in the United States. When someone decided to speak about segregated schools, the fight to outlaw school segregation began. There are countless examples of such courage and conviction where a dissenting voice catalyzed a movement that resulted in a mass movement to force the change that was once deemed impossible. Believe in yourself and your convictions. Believe in the power of your dissent, you might be at the cusp of starting a revolution.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Difficulty of getting out of abusive relationships

Whenever news related to an abusive relationship becomes public, people start wondering why the person getting abused didn't quit the relationship when the abuse started. Why stay in an abusive relationship for so long? How difficult it is to understand that serial abuser is not going to change? These are the few questions asked to the victims of abuse. Maybe these questions are well intended and arise from the frustration and helplessness of seeing the victim suffer, but many times such questions are asked to question the intent of the victim. In most of these cases, a woman is the subject of abuse and some of these stories end with a tragic murder or a suicide where the woman pays with her life the cost of staying in that relationship. Why do people find it difficult to come out of abusive relationships? Is it a matter of choice, social conditioning, society's attitude, fear, or something else? Unfortunately, the answer is not that simple, it may involve any one, all, or more than the aspects mentioned here.

A few glaring problems that make it difficult to come out of an abusive relationship are financial dependence and patriarchal culture. In most households, even today, it is the woman who has to make compromises with their career for the sake of the family. Many women find it difficult to re-enter the job market after taking breaks to fulfill family responsibilities, most of the time these responsibilities are related to parenting. This makes them dependent on their partners for financial stability and their partners take full advantage of this dependency. Where will you go and how will you survive alone are the two questions asked to the victims of abuse if they are financially dependent on the abuser. This is not an easy question to answer. Not everyone is educated about the legal process of divorce and their rights under family law. Even in the legal process, the more financially resourceful party tries to game the system and play every trick to pay the fair share to the other party. Many abusers manipulate their victims by taking advantage of the victim's dependency and vulnerability.

Another reason is the patriarchal culture, where a single woman is forced to feel insecure and targeted as a vulnerable target. This situation is changing in some developed countries but in many countries even today it is not easy to live as a single woman. This forces many women to tolerate their abusive partner. Many of them feel that it is better to tolerate a known abuser rather than deal with a new one every single day. Even the families of many victims advise them not to quit such relationships and try to adjust and this advice to adjust is mostly offered to the victim. Many times victims are advised that having a child will resolve the relationship troubles, or in the beginning things are a little rocky and they will settle as time passes, these are other reasons why people get stuck in such relationships. This is a shameful situation, but it is a reality in many places around the world. 

Whenever abuse victims fail to challenge abusers or come out of an abusive relationship we as a society need to introspect. Yes, whether to quit or take some other corrective action is the victim's choice, but do we make it easy for them to make this choice, in some cases, do we even offer them this choice? Why can't we offer a safe environment where these victims can raise their voices without being worried about the repercussions? Why can't we make these victims feel confident that society will stand behind them if they come out and expose their abuser? Why can't we stop questioning the intent of the victim rather than making sure of their safety and mental well-being? Until we take such steps we are not going to make it easy for victims of abusive relationships to come out of those relationships. It is not just the abuser, but we as a society are also equally responsible for making it difficult to quit abusive relationships. Whenever you see such situations please try to offer as much help as you can, many times, offering moral support can build confidence to take corrective actions. Let's make it easier for abuse victims to make the choice to end the abuse, as a civilized society we can at least do this much.   

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Our comfort zones

"Get out of your comfort zone." This has become a cliche, we hear it all the time, but still, it resonates with many of us. Why? Why are we so scared of getting out of our comfort zones? One of the reasons is that it is scary to get out of our comfort zones. No matter how bad they are, we get used to our current surroundings because they are predictable. Anything unpredictable sounds riskier than our current situation, which is why most of us are scared to take risks. It must be noted that the word "comfort" used here has nothing to do with physical comfort it implies our familiarity with the situation and fear of the unknown rather than a feeling of material comfort. 

If we are exposed to any situation for long enough, we get used to it, and most of us behave this way. Whether it's our job, neighborhood, house, relationship, family, school, country, or anything. We know what to expect, we can guess the consequences of our actions and plan accordingly. This predictability gives us a sense of comfort, a zone in which we feel in control, at least on our own actions. Anything out of this zone is unpredictable and hence scary. Most of the time if we get comfortable in a bad situation we fear getting into a worse situation than the current one and hence hesitate to take any action. However, the truth is that nothing improves until we take the risk and move out of our comfort zone. We need to face that uncertainty and fear. We need to dare to challenge the status quo, the result may not be what we expect, but it is worth giving it a shot. If we are going to go down it is better to go down fighting. One example of such fear is to give enough time to find a suitable job or career. There is a huge pressure on us to work once we finish our education. The pressure is very high. People start asking about their future jobs while students are still in the last year of their college. This makes students anxious and forces them to have some job no matter whether they like it or not. They want a job offer just to show that they are on track, not because they want that job. Taking your time to figure out what you want to do is getting out of your comfort zone. Choosing a career of your liking and preference than opting for obvious and safe choices is getting out of your comfort zone. It's not always doing something that defines getting out of our comfort zone, not doing something, not following the traditional path, not falling for propaganda, and not opting for the so-called American dream is also getting out of our comfort zones. It takes courage to do things, and at the same time it takes courage not to do things that everyone expects from you but you don't want to do. 

Getting out of our comfort zone is an adventure, it is a personal choice and challenge. I understand that not everyone may want to do this. Being happy in our comfort zones is not a bad thing if this is what makes us happy. But if you are not happy or content, you want something more, or want to change things, then take that step, and get out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself and test your abilities. Things will be unpredictable and a little scary. But this is what adventure looks like, unpredictable and a little scary. Remember, most people regret things they didn't do rather than things they did. So, if you are looking for some challenge, get out of your comfort zone, and chase the dream you always wanted to chase. Make sure to prepare yourself for this challenge, as any risk without preparation is a recipe for disaster. So, get ready and start your journey, you won't regret it.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Don't confuse confidence for competence

Confidence is good, it gives a person the power to do things that a person with low or no confidence may not be able to do easily. This is also one quality that many desire to see in their leaders. However, many times, confidence is confused with competence. People tend to forget that both things are completely different and have no relation with each other. That is, it is not necessary that a competent person will also be confident and it is also not necessary that a confident person will also be competent. Of course, it will be great if a competent person is confident, but unfortunately, this is not the case. But there are many confident people whose competence can be questioned, especially in the field of politics. I don't think I need to cite any names here, just look around the world. In many countries, some leaders are elected or extremely popular because they are excellent orators, they speak with all confidence and conviction, but there is no real change, they just keep on giving speech after speech. People love their confidence and confuse it for competence. Such leaders develop an image of charismatic leaders, developing a cult-like following, but no real change happens, but their supporters don't care, they are mesmerized by the magic this leader creates, for them the image in their mind is more important than the reality on the ground.  

Confidence is good, but it is not everything. We should try to look beyond confidence, to see if it is accompanied by competence or exists as a trait to shield incompetence. Just because someone dominates the room or conversation, occupies the stage with ease, entertains the audience, knows how to push their point with force and conviction, and can say unpopular things does not make them a good leader. Also, being confident is not a red flag per se. But being confident without being willing to be accountable, without accepting any mistakes, taking all the credit all the time, demeaning people or team members for disagreeing, or behaving like an autocrat are red flags and signs of a terrible leader, these can be signs of a dictator but not a leader. This world has seen many confident and popular leaders who did tremendous harm not only to their own countries but to the entire world. I don't think we have learned our lessons from those events as it seems we fall for the same trap again and again. Somehow divisive politics seem to appeal to us even in the twenty-first century. Somehow hate-mongers still get elected as lawmakers. Somehow religion still divides people rather than uniting them. If you look at all these problems, you will find some extremely confident but utterly incompetent leaders. These leaders know how to use people, but don't care for them. They are okay with people fighting among themselves, hating or killing each other, but seldom put themselves or their families in the line of fire. These leaders want to be popular and win at any cost, even at the cost of human life or the unity of their country. I am not calling these leaders incompetent because they lose elections or fail to inspire, many of them keep on winning elections and inspire their supporters to do unimaginable things. I am calling them incompetent because any good leader is supposed to unite and lead, bridge gaps within their country, and create harmony, but they don't do this, rather they do the exact opposite. Therefore, my humble request, please don't confuse confidence for competence. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Risks of ignoring underlying sadness and anxiety

Human emotions are complex. They are complex not because there are many, but because many times they confuse us and our conditioning doesn't allow us to acknowledge some emotions. Anxiety, stress, sadness, or feeling low in life is unavoidable. We all go through some or all of these emotions from time to time. It is not easy to embrace these emotions as they are uncomfortable feelings, and this is why we tend to avoid them. Many try to ignore them, bury them under some other emotions. Some try to dilute them with the use of drugs, alcohol, or some other addiction. Sometimes we feel that keeping ourselves busy may make them go away and we immerse ourselves in some activities. Some take shelter from work and become a workaholic, forgetting that addiction to work can also be bad. Sometimes we are so confused that we don't know how to react. Sometimes we take out all our frustrations and anger on people who we love and hurt them, damage relationships, and end friendships. One thing is clear, ignoring these emotions is not a good strategy. Rather, ignoring these emotions may be risky, especially when these emotions push us toward some addiction. Once we start walking the path of addiction, there is a slippery path of getting trapped where it is hard to come out without any professional help. It is better to embrace these emotions and deal with them, try to find out their roots, and address them rather than ignore them. 

Emotional distress or trauma is common for all of us. It's a spectrum, some of us suffer more compared to others. The words "trauma" and "distress" have so much negativity associated with them that no one wants to say that they are in emotional distress or trauma. Just acknowledging these emotions doesn't make us weak or sick, it allows us to recognize them and deal with them. It also allows us to seek help if needed, and this help can be in many ways and forms. It can be in the form of counseling, therapy, medication, meditation, or just talking with someone we trust. There are many ways to get help, provided we recognize that we need help and we figure out what we need help with. Also, once we acknowledge these emotions we can try controlling them, ignoring them only allows those emotions to control us. Ignoring them may also make us sick. Please don't ignore underlying sadness, anxiety, or any other emotion that bothers you. Seek help and begin your journey towards better emotional well-being. All the very best.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

My phone and me

I like my phone, it is the one thing I carry everywhere. By phone I do not mean the make or model that I am using, I mean the phone as an instrument, a smartphone with all its features and apps. I find it a handy gadget as it helps me in many ways, especially to get over boredom, it provides me with something to do, wherever I am and whenever I want. At the same time, I also understand the criticism directed toward the excessive usage of smartphones. I see the point, but I disagree with the sweeping criticism directed toward phone usage. In many conversations, the smartphone is projected as an evil gadget, the source of all our problems while ignoring all the benefits. I understand that like many inventions that transformed our lives the smartphone is also like a double-edged sword, it all depends on how we use it. Smartphones and the internet come with some inherent risks, but so do sugar and caffeine, didn't we learn how to use them to our advantage? Similarly, why can't we do this with our smartphones?

Today's smartphones are amazing devices, they are more powerful than the desktops that were in use just two decades back. They allow us to make calls, message our contacts, do our office work, take photos, record videos, use it as a navigation device, read books, watch movies, play games, and many other things. Just a few years back we used to have separate devices for each of these things, now we can do it all on one device that can fit into our pockets, such is the power of smartphones. Yes, occasionally we get distracted, many of us are getting addicted to it and this is bad. Just because the gadget is super cool and useful does not mean we should overuse it. Just because we can connect with anyone, anywhere using our phones we should not disengage from our immediate surroundings. I am sure we will learn how to adjust and accommodate the presence of smartphones in our lives, any resistance is futile. In the same way, resistance to the TV was futile, it did enter almost every household that can afford it. Initially, when TV was launched it was ridiculed as an "idiot box" and blamed for all the problems including weight gain to increasing violence in society. Similarly, smartphones are going through that blame phase. 

People who criticize smartphones conveniently overlook the benefits it offers. My phone allows me to read books, and listen to podcasts, even in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, many times it helps me to sleep while listening to some music or podcasts. It keeps me engaged when I am waiting for someone, helps me to check things during travel, and I can stay connected with my kids and parents. The list is too long to mention everything. For many who need something to keep their mind engaged, a smartphone is like a boon, something that keeps our hyperactive brain in control. I am sure, there are many like me who thank their phone for this. Also, there are many who overuse smartphones so much that it starts affecting their day-to-day lives. In such cases, the user needs to be trained to monitor the use and make sure they are not overdoing it. The Internet is like an ocean, we will get lost in it if we try to navigate without any control and guidance. Please be conscious of all these things and use your smartphone to your advantage. I and my phone are going to stay together, we both benefit from each other. I love this relationship and have no plans to break up. I wish you all a rewarding and fulfilling relationship with your smartphone.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Capitalism and inequality

First a disclaimer from my side, I am a capitalist and I do believe that capitalism is the best economic system we have today, all other options like socialism and communism are much worse. However, this does not mean that I am not receptive to any criticism of capitalism. Rather, I think capitalism, in its current form, needs a lot of work and it also needs to evolve with time to suit the needs of changing socioeconomic situations. Increasing inequality is one of the most common and valid criticisms that capitalism cannot ignore. It is hard to explain, why women are paid less than men for doing the same work, and how in the same society, some people have so much that they don't know what to do with their resources, and some struggle even for the basic necessities of life. 

Inequality was common in ancient times when royals used to live a filthy rich life and many of their subjects used to struggle for basic needs. The royals benefited from the sweat and blood of their subjects and were rarely cared to elevate the social status of the working class. I believe we have moved away from those times, and I hope most readers will agree. I also know that socialism and communism, or any other system do not have answers to this problem, but I expect capitalism to do better than them and look for some solutions to tackle increasing inequality. Also, this is not a theoretical discussion for the sake of discussion. It sucks to struggle for money. I was on the other side, I have experienced what it means to live where money is scarce and the root of all your problems. The income gap is not just an economic issue, it becomes a social and law and order issue if not taken care of.

Until I moved to the USA, I lived in a poor neighborhood in India. Resources have always been scarce and demands were more. I remember that most of the arguments between my parents were about money, almost every problem could be traced to the lack of money. I did not realize back then that it was a structural problem, my parents were trying their best, and they worked really hard, but even after all their efforts, there was not enough to live comfortably. Even buying a tape recorder or a blender was not possible for us for many years. It seems we were trapped in a poverty trap, no matter what we did there was no way out. In our neighborhood, there were households where everyone worked, irrespective of their age and education. Even alcoholic adults and kids of all ages used to do some work that fetched some money, but they were still poor. Back then India was a socialist country and the government controlled almost everything, still, poverty and hunger were rampant, and socialism clearly didn't eliminate or even reduce poverty. There was neither enough wealth generation nor proper wealth distribution.

In most developed countries, income inequality is not the result of poor wealth generation, but a wealth distribution problem. Capitalism does a great job in wealth generation but seems to be failing miserably as far as wealth distribution is concerned. When I say wealth distribution, I am not talking about government handouts. I am not talking about so-called freebies by the government irrespective of any need or due diligence. Any populist scheme launched without proper data and due diligence is an invitation for an economic disaster. In any democracy is easy to launch beneficiary schemes, but it is extremely difficult to withdraw them as there are consequences like losing an election. 

Disparate wage structure is a glaring problem with capitalism. Proportional incentives at every level are not part of the existing pay structure. The short-term gain takes precedence due to high personal rewards to executives. Nonsustainable perpetual growth to increase stock prices has become a norm, and rewards of any market success are disproportionately distributed. True, the markets should decide the compensation, but where is the bargaining power with the workers to negotiate? The big fish eats the small fish leaving only a few big players that control and dictate the market. Competition is a hallmark of capitalism, but the presence of just a few big players and a tacit understanding between them hardly create any competition. The hourly rate of any CEO is orders of magnitude higher than the hourly rate of any temporary employee. Health coverage offered to lawmakers at the cost of taxpayers' money is much much better compared to the health coverage of many citizens who work as hard as these lawmakers. It is widely perceived that business and morality do not go together. Why can't we make money and also do the right things? Why can't we increase the stock prices and distribute the income fairly? Why can't there be job stability as well as income growth? Why can't a woman get the same salary as a man for the same work? These are some of the questions for which capitalism has to provide solutions, blaming everything or leaving everything to market is not enough anymore as it is clearly not working. I hope upcoming leaders will address these issues. While being profitable, they won't hesitate to do morally right things. If capitalism remains silent about these issues, then it has no right to complain if the society leans towards socialism, after all, if you don't offer any solution people are free to consider other options. It's not too late, capitalism can address the inequality issue, the only question is does it want to?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Depiction of intimacy and violence in Indian movies

Entertainment today is full of countless choices. The variety and amount of content are so vast that one life is not enough to consume it all. This was not the case just a couple of decades back, especially in India. As kids, we had very limited options available to us. Watching limited programs on the national TV channel and movies shown on weekends were the only entertainment available for us during our initial childhood years. Then came the VHS tapes and VCRs, few video theaters started in our neighborhood where the charge was Rs 1 per movie. Of course, they were illegal, but we didn't care about their legality, there was another option to watch movies and it soon became very popular in underprivileged neighborhoods like ours where very few could afford their own TV, forget about having your own VCR. 

I grew up in India and spent my entire childhood and part of my adult life there. The 1980s and 90s were the eras of action movies, and the angry young man Amitabh was ruling the Indian box office. As a teenager, I was a fan of these action movies. I loved the way an underprivileged hero fought against the corrupt and unfair system and won, it gave me the feeling as if I was fighting those battles. Most romance genre movies of that era had a typical rich boy and poor girl or vice versa type of storyline, except for songs and sometimes fresh faces there was nothing much to watch in those movies. As expected, violence was an integral part of all action movies. However, intimacy and romance had a minimal presence, even in the movies of the romance genre. Therefore, it seems as kids it was okay for us to watch slaps, murders, and anything in between but a kiss on the screen was a big NO. Any intimacy on the screen was forbidden for some reason, except, rape. So, kids were not allowed to watch a kiss but were okay to see a rape scene. Rape was an essential part of most action movies, especially if the hero had a sister. In most action movies the character of the sister of the hero was written to get raped and killed. Interestingly, none of them survived after being raped, rape was like a death sentence for them. The rape scene was an essential ingredient of most action movies, it was used to add fuel to the fire of revenge. The effect of all this was that even though India faced the problem of population explosion people cringed watching a kissing scene on the screen. I still wonder what was the logic behind the policy for allowing a rape scene and other violence but not a kiss. How it was okay for a child to see a man slapping a woman, but not okay to see a man kissing a woman? I wonder what was the rationale if there was any. It seems they were okay with allowing children to watch violence compared to love, they were scared that after watching a kiss on screen people may start kissing each other but after watching violence they will not have any reaction. The censor board of India is not only a joke but it is heavily influenced by the government and curtails freedom of expression as much as it can. I mean, imagine, a kiss is not okay but murder and rape are, that too in a country where overpopulation is a problem.

It's not that Indian movies never used to have any intimate scenes. Movies of the pre-independence era used to include on-screen kissing scenes. Something happened when India gained independence and this policing of movies started by establishing a censor board. However, the situation is much different now after the arrival of various OTT platforms and the lack of censorship for these platforms. Some people complain about the excessive sexual content on the OTT platform. One of the reasons is that for the first time in many decades, creators from India are feeling the freedom of expressing something like this on the screen and are flying like a free bird. I have no complaints about the depiction of violence or intimacy as long as it is a part of the storyline. I enjoy the current content compared to the rubbish that was served to us under the name of entertainment during my childhood. I hope the OTT content doesn't come under the censorship of the Indian government, otherwise, we will go back to the sanitized version of everything where two flowers kiss each other on the screen instead of two people.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Social media and our cult fetish

Social media has revolutionized the way we interact with each other. On one side, it has made the world more accessible, we can now reach almost anyone, living anywhere, anytime from the comforts of our homes. But on the other side, it has affected the way we think and behave, dependency on social media has reached the level of addiction in many cases. On the one hand, it improved our connectivity with the outside world, the world that was beyond our reach without letters and telephones, but on the other hand, it negatively affected our interactions with our immediate surroundings, we often get distracted and are not present during our one-to-one interactions. 

Validation offered by social media is one aspect that made it so powerful and popular. Many of us crave social media likes, followers, comments, and other validations that we feel define our lives. It seems social media satisfies our cult fetish. The race to increase the number of followers on various social media platforms is a testimony to this cult fetish. In general, social media does not cultivate authenticity. Once we consciously start posting things for people's approval, we perform for our audience, just like actors perform in the movies. We feel the need to entertain others so that they can like us, validate our performance, and say something nice about us. Statements, photos, controversies, and debates start looking choreographed and purposeful to grab maximum attention. Of course, there are exceptions, but the general trend is to put on a show under the name of sharing personal stories. The content has become so polished and well crafted that there are social media celebrities and influencers who seem to influence others about how to think and live life. In one way, this has democratized the celebrity sphere that was only reserved for politicians and movie personalities, but it has also brought all the toxicity and negativity that is associated with cultish behavior in the everyday lives of people. 

The term "followers" has a cultish connotation. Everyone is looking for followers, they are not looking for readers, like-minded people, colleagues, collaborators, or group members, but followers. Followers who can like, praise, and validate their existence on social media. Even social media platforms like Facebook which started as a friendship-oriented platform have the option of following someone without being friends. I don't know whether it was an intentional result or an unintentional byproduct, but social media has started countless mini-cults. Cults where people live in their own echo chambers, they are siloed from the rest of the world, where they only hear what they like, create their own facts and truths, and validate them for each other. There is no need to have any emotional relationship to be a follower having a common enemy is enough to be in that cult. These cults hate each other, each thinks that the other is an enemy of humanity and only their own cult can save this planet from moral destruction. Such cults mainly exist based on religion, political ideologies, political leaders, and racial, social, and personal beliefs. One can see the increasing polarization in all societies due to this cultish culture that is becoming dominant. People are eager to criticize, but not ready to face criticism, eager to point out flaws, but not willing to accept their own flaws, and eager to destroy the existing systems, but do not know what they want to substitute them with. If you are on social media, but free from this cult fetish, then you are lucky and among the very few who can make good use of social media without getting affected by its negative side effects, be vigilant, protect your independence, and save yourself from this cult fetish.     

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Is our work becoming the new religion?

Religion is still one of the biggest institutions. It is still relevant because it gives many the group identity that humans crave so desperately. It gives people the feeling of belonging and offers social and emotional support to a group that is bound by common beliefs. However, recent trends and surveys indicate that more and more people are moving away from organized religion. There can be many reasons to move away from organized religion, and society's intellectual and economic progress is one of them. But the need for that group identity still remains, and it seems our jobs are filling that void. If we look carefully, for most of us, our careers define our identities, we are known as doctors, scientists, actors, lawyers, diplomats, teachers, nurses, coders, or whatever job we are doing. This identity is no longer limited to our workplace, this is how people know us even outside our work circle. This begs a question, is our work becoming the new religion?

This question is a more hypothetical one at this stage, but I find it very intriguing. When we start deriving our friend circle, social life, thinking patterns, and other aspects of life from our work, our work becomes the most dominant part of our lives. It is no longer just an economic support vehicle, it also becomes our social and intellectual support system. This can have its pros and cons. One of the pros is that life will be structured as our work is going to be in the center, everything will be dictated by the demands and concessions of the work. But the flip side is that work controls everything, our family and social life. Almost every work, especially if it is a high-paying job involves stress, anxiety, and deadlines, this stress and anxiety going to spill over into our personal lives. This is why I think there is a lot of talk about work-life balance, as if when we work there is no life in it, life only exists outside of our work. 

Are we giving too much importance to our jobs? Are we dependent on our source of income so much that it controls every aspect of our lives? Yes, that's where we are as a society at this juncture. For most, our jobs and income control the quality of our lives. I agree that money is a necessity, and being poor sucks. But we have been brainwashed about our needs. Most of the time desires are presented as needs to live a happy life. This is where our income attains paramount importance. There is nothing wrong in chasing our desires and working hard to fulfill them. But when desires are presented as a basic tenant for happiness, and we all buy this logic, we are in a continuous mode of chasing. As desires are endless, the chase becomes endless. As the chase is endless our want for money becomes endless. As our job provides that money, it becomes the central and most controlling factor in our lives. Once we are trapped in this it is hard to come out as it is an endless cycle of a race with constantly shifting goalposts. As long as this phenomenon persists, I can safely say that our job has become the new religion. To come out of this cycle one needs to perform an objective evaluation of their priorities and create an independent space for other key aspects like family, friends, social work, and other hobbies along with the job. 

Job is important, but it is not everything. Do your job with the utmost sincerity and honesty. Work hard when at work. But also set boundaries and respect them. Go on that backpacking trip you always wanted to go, visit your friends and relatives whose company you enjoy and cherish, write that blog you were planning to write for many years, read the book you wanted to read, binge-watch the web series whose first episode you loved and can't wait, and spend some quality time to decondition yourself and unlearn that brainwashing. In short, do the stuff that makes you happy. Once religion ruled every aspect of human life and we all know how that turned out for most of society, let's not make the same mistake again with our jobs.    

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Our choices and their consequences

"Choice" is a very loaded word, we use it in many contexts. In our lives, we need to make many choices, almost every moment offers us a choice, and even in instances where we feel there is no choice, we do make a choice, knowingly or unknowingly. Apart from genetics and a few other things we need to make some choices daily, and our choices have consequences. The choice can be as simple as how many spoons of sugar to have to as complicated as who to marry or which job offer to select among the multiple options. Based on the results (consequences) of our choice, we decide whether it was a good or a bad choice. That is, most of us grade our choices based on their consequences, as it is always easy to connect the dots backward. 

However, I feel that there are some choices where you may experience unfavorable or bad consequences, but are still worthy to make, not because of the consequences we face but because of the stand we take and the impact it may have. Being right or being nice and saying no to various requests from our dear ones are two of the choices many of us hate to make. It is easy to say no to a stranger, but it is not easy to say no to friends and family or even to colleagues. We always struggle to value our own time and say yes to many things we don't want to do just not to hurt the feelings of our dear ones. We hesitate to reject requests that demand our time, attention, and resources, even for the right reasons. But, the ability to say no is very important for our well-being and personal growth. And if people really care for us, they should understand the reason behind our refusal, after all, what type of relationship it is if it cannot offer personal space to each other and the ability to say no. Similarly, it is not easy to decide which battle to pursue and where to yield, especially when we deal with our family members or when someone we know is being a bigot or racist and needs a reality check. It is easy to question or stand up against racism or discrimination when someone we don't know is doing it. It is easy to advocate for change in someone else's life and target some big and powerful organizations or celebrities for their objectionable behavior. But we hesitate or ignore the same behavior when the person is someone close or known to us, for example, our parents, friends, or partners. We try to downplay such incidents or find some reason to justify them as harmless acts. This makes us a hypocrite person, a person with double standards, but we are more comfortable being a hypocrite than being uncomfortable. Again, this is a choice we make. Being a hypocrite, bigot or racist is a choice and we do these things not only by doing such acts but by ignoring or supporting them.

It is easy to have principles and propagate them, but it is hard to live by them. It is easy to have standards, but it is hard to apply those standards to ourselves and evaluate our own behavior. It is easy to advocate for change, but it is hard to be the change. It is easy to criticize others, but it is hard to be a self-critic. Some choices are hard, but are necessary, especially if you have some principles and believe in them. If you believe in gender equality, you need to stand up if you witness gender discrimination. If you are against racism, speak up against racist behavior. It might sound easy to stand up against wrong things, after all, who doesn't want to do this, but it is not always that simple, especially when no one else is doing anything. People may hesitate to speak due to fear of losing a job, a relationship, or any other loss. If you choose to stand up, the chances are that you may find yourself standing alone. Being alone sucks, it is not easy to challenge institutionalized things like discrimination alone, and even standing against a powerful person or your own family and friends is not easy. There are consequences, loneliness is one of them, and that's a choice we need to make. Do we have our values just for display, or they are also for practice? Do our principles mean anything to us, or they are just topics of debate and discussion? If they do really mean something to us, then we should choose accordingly. Of course, consequences will follow, but then that's the choice we make.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Politics and compassion: Can they go together?

Social media has offered us a platform to share many things. People share their views and opinions freely on social media, so much so that everything seems to be a politically sensitive subject. Starting from a movie to the election result, many things generate politically colored comments from people. While becoming overtly political, are we losing our empathy and compassion toward each other? I feel that each one of us should ask this question ourselves. It is perfectly okay to be vocal about our political views, criticize our opponents, and argue against policies and regulations that we disagree with. But is it necessary to get personal while doing this? Is it necessary to bring politics into every issue we discuss? Is it necessary to ridicule others for what gender they identify with, what pronouns they use, what economic system they support, or what state or country they come from? Nowadays, I see people doing this regularly, even benign social media interactions end with some politically overloaded remarks. Some tasteless and crass jokes are made to make fun of gender or sexual preference about which people don't bother to educate themselves. People comment without having a basic understanding of a subject, just because we have a mouthpiece does not mean that we need to shout whatever comes to our mind. This shows how much anger and ignorance are out there. Yes, both anger and ignorance are required when you troll or ridicule someone without even knowing about them. Opposing something does not always mean showing contempt, there is a subtle difference between the two, and nowadays, people cross that line all the time. It also shows how much empathy and compassion are lost just because there is some disagreement. 

I do have my opinions on various topics, and I disagree with many around me about my political and social views. Sometimes these discussions and arguments get passionate and heated, but I never try to make them personal. I prefer to limit my arguments to the topic and take care not to make it about the person with whom I am arguing. I understand that it is difficult not to get personal in heated arguments, and it is difficult not to target personally anyone who is opposing our beliefs, especially when those beliefs are related to politics or religion. We see this happening on TV channels all the time. But just because somebody behaves like a jerk and insensitive person on public television does not mean that we should also do the same. It is better to move away from the discussion with a jerk than to compete to show who is the bigger jerk. 

Politicians talk about compassion and collaboration all the time, but in reality, rarely practice these things. Demonizing their opponents, pitching one group against another, and polarizing opinions so much that people hate each other are some of the common tactics used by politicians all over the world. Hate politics is not new and works very well in most countries. Politicians are to be blamed for this, but why do people fall for these things. Why do people don't realize the "divide and rule" ply which has been used for centuries to divert attention from the real issues and keep citizens engaged with each other so that no one asks tough questions? This also begs the question, can politics and compassion go together? According to me, yes, they can. It is up to us, the people, to make them go together. Our political adversaries are not enemies, they are our rival teams, we fight for the same trophy, that is, the opportunity to dictate and implement policies that we feel are right for our society. We are not there to eliminate each other, we are there to make each other better, to raise the level of competition, and to make our country and society a better place. If anyone does not understand these basic things they are not qualified to be called decent human beings. Let's show some compassion towards our opponents and compete with grace and dignity. After all, we are humans, we claim to be more civilized than animals, let's not put a question mark on this.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Why do I write?

Someone asked me a few years back, why do I write? I am not a professional writer and do not have a huge subscription base, still, I am writing this blog for more than 10 years. I understand that these questions are not out of any malicious intent, they are out of plain curiosity. People wonder, what I get by writing a blog or social media posts where I share my ideas and thoughts on various subjects ranging from personal stories, science, mental health, politics, and religion. I have a straightforward answer, I write for myself. I write because I enjoy the process, any outcome is a bonus. 

Sharing our thoughts and ideas with others may have a powerful impact on some that we may never know. When we share our experiences and stories with others with honesty and sincerity, we expose our vulnerability to them. This is a powerful experience. This can inspire them to embrace their own vulnerabilities or understand the meaning behind something they are feeling but do not know what it is. Vulnerability is a unique emotion. Many people are not comfortable with being vulnerable as they equate vulnerability with weakness. On the contrary, sharing our vulnerability is a brave act. However, it is also true that sharing anything on a public platform can also result in some backlash or trolling, but that is the risk we take in this process. I feel the rewards outweigh the risks in this case, at least for me. 

I do not write to get more readers, or for praise or criticism, these are the byproducts of the writing process, not its aim. For me writing a blog, my diary, or any social media post is an activity I enjoy and find very rewarding. I only write when I want to, there are neither any deadlines that I need to meet nor any projects I need to finish. I do not mean to say that writing with deadlines or for any specific project is bad or not honest writing, I want to highlight that writing can be done just for pleasure. Also, it can be therapeutic, writing down our thoughts and emotions can relieve stress and anxiety. I share my writing with others with the intention that it may help someone to cope with their journey as the writings by others helped me to do the same. I read many books, blogs, and social media posts. My readings have influenced me a lot, but I don't think most authors of those writings have any idea about this as I never had any chance to communicate with most of them. Similarly, I am sure there are some who read my post and find something useful in them, they may or may not be able to convey that to me but I am happy to think that this is a possibility. So, if you are someone who is debating whether to share your stories or not, and want someone to encourage you to take that leap, I hope my experience helps you to take that leap. Do share our stories, storytelling is a powerful tool, and let's use it to help each other. Happy storytelling.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

My turbulent teenage years

Teenage years are not easy, even though they are one of the best and most interesting phases of our lives, the journey through these years can be rocky and bumpy. Those were turbulent times for me and the lack of access to information did not make it easy. People of my generation love to roast today's generation about internet addiction and social media dependence, but they fail to recognize that there is a huge positive side to this connectivity, it allows one to access useful information. I could not access the information that I needed as there were no resources available for me. Concepts like personal choice, passion, feminism, equality, justice, and privacy were neither part of my vocabulary nor did anyone around me care about these things. Also, I grew up in a sexually suppressed society, even a benign kiss or a hug on the screen was taboo. The interaction with the opposite sex was neither encouraged nor easily possible. Even in my college days, my interaction with girls was very awkward and I tried to avoid it as much as I could, not because I didn't want to interact, I just didn't know how to interact. I was confused from the inside but acted confident from the outside. Turbulent from the inside, but calm from the outside. Angry but did not know why and on whom. With many questions but with no way to find any answers.

As a teenager, I was also very confused about things happening around me. I did not understand why we struggled for money even after my parents really worked hard and did not have any conventional bad habits like drinking or gambling. I struggled to understand why females were treated differently than males. I and my brothers were expected to do good in school, but there was no such expectation from any of my sisters. It is not that these things started happening around me when I entered my teenage. They have been happening around me since I was born, but I started getting affected by them only during my teenage. As a male, I was conditioned to think and behave in a certain way, even in the poor neighborhood, I had many privileges just because of my gender. Females were looked at and treated in a certain way, almost like some object. There were strict boundaries for them that they were not supposed to cross, and if they crossed, there were serious consequences. Even their own families did not spare them if they dared to cross those boundaries. 

Education for me was only a key to coming out of poverty, nothing more than that. I was desperate to get out of poverty and education was the only option available to me. I did not go to school and college because I loved it or enjoyed it, but because I had to as it was my ticket to the outside world. The world that I saw around me but didn't belong to. I desperately wanted to be rich, rich enough so that I didn't have to think about how to get things that I needed. During my high school and college days, I started reading books outside my study books. Reading was not my hobby of choice, but it just happened that it was the only option available once my other friends went their own ways pursuing different options that economically underprivileged neighborhoods offered. It was sad to part ways, but it was also unavoidable. As I did not have much to do, I started reading newspapers beyond sports and film portions, and from there I got introduced to politics, religion, and other subjects. I wanted to know more and this is how I started borrowing books from libraries around me. This is when my life changed. 

My family thinks that I am a feminist or have liberal social values because I came to America, but this is not true. I was like this even when I was living in Pune but I did not talk about it much. I also never used to stay much at home and at home, I never used to talk much. For example, my daughter is named Sara, which is not a name considered for a girl in Hindu families, not because I visited America or knew anything about America, but because I wanted her to understand that people may judge you just based on your name and she should not the one doing this. It was this simple, I was not looking for anything else. I learned this from the book I read about Dr. Shriram Lagoo, a famous Marathi, and Hindi movie/stage actor. I read so many books that I don't even remember their names or authors. I just remember what I read not who wrote it or where I read it. I just read whatever came into my hands, even at the cost of my academic performance. The education system in which I studied never encouraged any outside reading, rather it was considered a waste of time. I am sure my academic performance would have been much better if I had not listened to Hindi movie songs or read as much as I did. I might have become an engineer, a doctor, or even a government officer that my parents desperately wanted me to become, but definitely would not have learned about feminism, casteism, gender discrimination, communalism, socialism, communism, capitalism, hate politics, secularism, and many other things. I do not regret wasting my time in reading at all, it provided some answers to the questions that I had but did not who to ask. Books saved me from being a narrow-minded, patriarchal, casteist, communal male, they made me a better person than I was. All the books I read and the Hindi film music made my teenage years less bumpy and turbulent than they could have been. It also saved me from various addictions that were common in my neighborhood. I was so addicted to reading books, watching movies, and buying audio cassettes that I had no money left for cigarettes, alcohol, or gutkha (a chewing tobacco product that was a craze during my college days).  

I hope at least some of the readers will relate to my teenage years. These years are years of internal and external changes. Along with our body and hormone levels, our understanding of our surroundings also evolves. It is good to find some channel or mechanism to cope with this change. I found that channel in movies, music, and books. Some may find it in performing arts or sports. Some may find it in writing or cooking. Find that channel that will make your ride less bumpy and turbulent. It will be still shaky, but not as much to knock you off the road or throw you off the cliff. You will be fine, just find the channel that works for you. These are our formative years, if my experience helps you to find some solace and guidance, I am happy. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Toxic relationships

Humans are social animals. We all crave social belonging, validation, love, and support. Our relationships fulfill part of these needs that's why they are important. We have biological relationships that we don't choose, this is a set of relatives that we get because of our biological connections. And we have social relationships like friends and colleagues that we develop on our own. Both these relationships play a vital part in our development and growth as a person. Trust is one of the essential ingredients that makes any relationship special, without trust no relationship lasts long and can be called a reliable relationship. However, not all relationships help us to thrive and flourish, some become toxic over a period of time. Toxic relationships make us feel suffocated, they take a severe toll on our mental health. Actually, no one wants to be in a toxic relationship, but sometimes, things are not in our hands, they depend a lot on how the next person behaves. Also, it is hard to get out of some toxic relationships depending on the length and complexity of these relationships. It is also tragic, that some relationships that are supposed to be full of love and care, like between parent and child, and relationships between siblings, and spouses, become toxic leaving a permanent scar on our minds.  

If we don't take the necessary steps either to repair our toxic relationships or get out of them, they can mess up our mental health. Most of the time, by the time any relationship becomes toxic, it is beyond the scope of revival, the best way at this point is to part ways amicably and move on. It is not easy, and it may be a painful process to part ways, especially if the relationship has been long and intimate, but the pain of separation is better than daily exposure to the toxic environment of that relationship. The toxicity of any relationship does not only affect our own mental health, but it may also affect our relationships with others. It may alter our personality in some undesired way that we push people away who care for us. Therefore, if you find yourself in a toxic relationship, start working towards coming out of it as soon as you can. Get all the help you need to analyze the situation and take the necessary steps. Ideally, this work should start much before the relationship becomes so toxic that you need to come out of it, but it is better to be late than never. It is a sad reality that some people refuse to change, they refuse to see that the other person is suffering because of their lack of empathy and understanding. Many times, there is nothing much to say or do once we give our best and still don't see any improvement. Coming out of a toxic relationship may allow us to cherish any beautiful moments that the relationship might have had. While remaining in it at the cost of our mental well-being ruins everything forever. Don't allow anyone to demean you, don't allow anyone to exploit you, don't allow anyone to take undue advantage of your kindness, don't allow anyone to take you for granted, don't allow anyone to violate your personal boundaries, and don't allow anyone to force you to be in any relationship. Take control of your own life. Toxic relationships only benefit the person who creates that toxicity, therefore, the sooner you take steps better for you. Stay safe and stay away from toxic relationships. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Let's move it, move it

Our lives have become increasingly comfortable physically compared to our ancestors. We don't have to constantly move for food or live in constant danger of being attacked by predators as humans have managed to put themselves at the top of the food chain. However, this all came with a cost, our lives have become more sedentary, we move less, and day by day it is becoming lesser and lesser. We move so little that most of us have to join a gym or include some regimental exercise routine in our day-to-day lives to get that required dose of physical activity. Joining the gym is easy, but regularly going to the gym is not, planning to exercise is easy, but doing it every day is not. This is why we all plan but fail to execute, then, plan again, but again fail to execute, and this cycle continues. I was trapped in this cycle. 

Once I join any gym, I go regularly. However, for me, the big challenge is to find a gym close to my apartment as I am not an enthusiastic driver. It is hard to find a gym that is open when I want to go and also reasonably priced as I don't need any fancy stuff. Rarely any gym used to fit these criteria. Also, I think that one does not need to join any gym or any other club to remain fit. Hence, I started to have my own exercise plan. There is only one routine, do it every day, no fixed time, no fixed routine, no fixed place, just move. I feel the biggest hurdle to being physically active is that we don't move. Many of us have desk jobs, we either drive or take public transport, we watch TV sitting on a couch or chair, and we do most of the stuff where little or no movement is required. Therefore, I feel it is important to move, no matter how, when, and where, just move. 

I plan to do at least 30 minutes of physical activities every day. This can be walking, skipping on the spot, weights, yoga, stretching, dancing, or a combination of any of these activities. There is no set routine, it depends on how I feel and what I want to do on that day, I just need to do that every day. No breaks, unless there is a compelling reason to take a break (like travel or sickness). This has helped me a lot. First, I don't have to join any gym to remain physically active. Second, I can do my exercise any time of the day, so, it is flexible, it is not like after some time I cannot do it as the place is closed. Finally, I can choose my routine and set my own daily targets. For everyone who is struggling to remain physically active, my suggestion is just to start moving, regularly, diligently, and with intent. Include physical activities in your daily routine, for example, walking instead of driving, or exercising while watching TV, rather make a rule, your first hour of TV watching will include at least 30 minutes of physical activity of your choice. 

If you struggle to find a time slot for your exercise, don't keep exercise as a separate task, club it with something that you love to do or you have to do. Make your exercise a part of any daily activity, like work, watching TV, or talking on the phone, so that your exercise happens while you perform that activity. Mix a variety of physical activities so that you don't get bored with your routine. Include things that you enjoy, if you like to dance, pair it with aerobics, if you like yoga, club it with weights, and so on. Start with small and reasonable goals. The goals that are achievable for your age and physical abilities. Once you get into the habit of achieving those goals, then, gradually ramp up the speed and time that suits you. Don't start with a lofty target to show off, that will only make you feel frustrated and dejected after the first week. If you have time, read about the research related to the effect of movement on our general well-being. The research suggests that movements affect almost every system of our body, mental as well as physical. The best physical activities are where we also involve our mind, this gives us a wholesome workout. So, friends, let's move it, move it. Let's make our general well-being a mission. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Negative bias

A negative bias is something we all have it. We may not be happy to accept this or would like to believe that we are not the ones with any negativeness in our personality but that's not true. Negative bias is not about being negative or anything bad, this is a natural tendency of humans to compare. We naturally compare ourselves with others around us, with the advent of social media people don't even have to be around us, we can compare ourselves with anyone we want. However, the problem is that we tend to compare upwards more than downwards and often find ourselves at the bottom of the comparison ladder. We do this futile exercise, again and again, knowing that it is only going to bring anxiety and despair. Even after all this, it is hard, if not impossible, to get rid of the negative bias. 

Comparison is a double-edged sword. It can motivate us to do better, and we can learn so many things from each other to improve and enrich our lives. On the other hand, it can make us feel disappointed in our choices and think that others are doing much better than us with much less hard work and talent. Mostly success stories are shared with a lot of flare and glitter, whereas failure is only whispered. Also, we always tend to compare upward, that is with people who supposedly doing better than us. It is obvious to find ourselves at the bottom of the comparison ladder when we always compare upwards. Instead of getting motivated to continue our journey for our dreams and happiness, we get entangled in the vicious cycle of comparison and regret. Social media does not make this any easier. We see others posting about their amazing lives and feel what the heck is wrong with us. We feel our life sucks whereas others are having the time of their life. We forget that we are also doing the same and someone looking at our social media posts might be feeling jealous about the amazing display of our life on social media. 

Social media does not cultivate authenticity for most of us. Actually, most of us perform on social media. Very few of us dare to show our true selves on social media, most try to showcase only the best versions, even if they have to fake them. This is the biggest problem of social media, it is not as social as we imagine. It has become a place where people perform for validation from others, it has become a form of entertainment. There is not much interaction, there are performers and there is an audience. 

When we only watch others perform and believe it is reality, we exacerbate the problem of negative bias. It is like watching a fiction movie and comparing it with our day-to-day life. Of course, our day-to-day life is not as entertaining as the movie because the movie is scripted, acted, edited, and polished. It is a refined product that is meant to entertain, but our real life is not meant to entertain others. So, relax, take it easy, and don't fall into the trap of negative bias so much that you get disconnected from your own reality. Compare but be aware that you are comparing, use the comparison for motivation and encouragement. Occasional jealousy is normal, but don't be in a mode of constant validation from others. Likes or comments on social media do not define our life or who we are, we define it, this awareness and control are valuable, so don't surrender them.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Courage is to speak when it's easy to keep mum

Bullying is a type of abuse, physical and mental abuse. It is also called ragging or many other names, but the fact is that it is a type of abuse and torture. Bullying is also different than many other types of abuse, it happens in the full public glare. It happens in schools, colleges, universities, neighborhoods, social media, families, locker rooms, and many other public places where others are present, but they either don't react or watch as mute spectators. It is also true that it is not easy to stand up against a bully or resist raging. When most don't resist. When most surrender, ignore it as a minor nuisance or a necessary evil and try to justify it as a junior-senior interaction or friendly banter. It is hard to resist it. It is hard to stand against it. Even people subjected to bullying or ragging try to downplay it as they feel resisting it is much more damaging than tolerating it.

People justify their lack of action as a choice of the lesser evil. They feel standing up for abuse is more damaging than tolerating it, they find obedience more convenient than resistance. They may have their own reasons for behaving like this. However, not everyone thinks and behaves that way. Not everyone tolerates abuse wrapped as friendly banter or a necessary evil. Some chose to speak while the rest chose to keep mum. They do it at the cost of their mental peace and without any support. It is not easy to stand up for something when you see everyone accepting the status quo and obliging. It is not easy to resist when people who should resist try to convince you to keep quiet and tolerate it. Despite all this, some show this courage, and they are heroes. They choose to speak up even when it is scary, even when they feel threatened and intimidated, even when there is no support from friends and colleagues, and even when they know that speaking up may have unfavorable consequences. 

It is not easy to stand up against a bully, but that's the choice we have to make. This bully can be anyone, it is not always a human. In many cases, it is a person or a group of persons, like your seniors or even your own family, but not always. The bully can be a religion or some age-old tradition that may force you to do something against your wish, or we may get ridiculed or heckled by society or the community just for raising our voice of dissent against such practices. We must stand, we must resist, and we must raise our voices against all forms of bullying. Why? Because that's the right thing to do. It may not be easy or convenient, but it is the right thing. Nothing may change even after we register our dissent. It doesn't matter. We must stand, not because we will see that change, but to initiate that change. Someone must initiate the process of resistance, it may take years or decades to bring that desired change after the initiation, but initiation is important. I stand in solidarity with all those who show this courage. The world may never recognize or appreciate our actions, but every place we speak up, it changes something, may be a trivial change considering the vastness of the problem, but still, it is a change. The change that is initiated by us. We did the right thing when others chose to ignore and that is what matters the most. This post is dedicated to all who chose to stand up when it is not convenient to stand; to all who speak up when it is convenient to ignore and keep mum; and who resist when it's easier to oblige and surrender. Be proud of your actions, tell your stories to kids, and inspire them to resist suppression and injustice in any form and size.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype

Gender bias is still a pressing issue in most countries, including developed and developing countries. Gender stereotyping is one of the reasons why gender bias exists. Different cultures and societies tend to associate certain characteristics only with specific genders. For example, men are supposed to be more aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, natural leaders, and masculine; women are supposed to be more gentle, passive, emotional, physically weak, non-masculine, and unwilling to lead. Like all stereotypes, gender stereotyping may have some historical context for it, but it should be clear from the list that I used as an example that it is not proper to generalize the qualities of all genders just in two sets. For example, a man can be gentle, non-masculine, emotional, passive, and unwilling to lead; and a woman can be aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, masculine, and a natural leader. The point is that we should search for our own identity, and should not become a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. 

Once we stereotype anything, including a gender, we attach specific characteristics to that group and create barriers around it. Anyone without those characteristics is considered an outlier or abnormal. This forces many who don't have these characteristics to feel bad about themselves or insufficient, suffer from mental health issues, or make them feel like a failure. Instead of being proud of what they are, people try to fit in, just to get accepted. They really try hard to fit in by concealing their true identity. This is the worst thing a society can inflict on any person. Imagine living in a prison for no fault of yours where you are forced to act in a certain way, wear certain clothes, eat a certain food, and live the life of someone who is anyone but not you. This is what we do when we live as a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. Try to be free, and explore the world. Think about what is good for you, what makes you happy, draw your own boundaries and respect them, value your identity, and don't allow anyone to dilute or change it. Respect others and command respect from others. We should not tolerate nonsense and discrimination for ourselves or for others. It is we who should decide who we are, what qualities we want to have, and how we want to express ourselves. One can be a strong leader and emotional at the same time. One can be physically strong and feminine at the same time. A man can like to wear makeup and a woman may hate it. One can be of any combination, the possibilities are endless. This is what freedom is, this is what civil societies do, allow people to flourish. We all deserve to live free of fear of expressing ourselves. I don't think anyone of us wants to go back to the era where transgenders or homosexuals were forced to conceal their identities or used to get secreted when their identities were revealed. Therefore, don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype, be free, express yourself, and let the world learn and accept your true identity. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

 

India's problem was never her politicians

Since my childhood, I regularly hear one theme in conversations about India, everyone talks about India's potential. Everyone says that India has a lot of talent, rich history, diversity, and whatnot, but somehow can't live up to its true potential. Most Indians also keep on repeating the same lines again and again without realizing that it is they who need to help their country realize its potential, not some outsiders. However, most are happy just debating these issues, blaming each other or their political opponents, and complaining about politicians and bureaucrats. However, most Indians are okay with corruption and corrupt politicians regularly get elected in various elections. It is a common perception that politics is a dirty game and that politicians are dishonest. To be fair, India is not the only country that has this perception about politicians, but it is definitely one of those countries that blame its politicians for all problems, for example, the problems of corruption, communalism, poor infrastructure, poverty, unemployment, brain drain, and whatnot is blamed to dirty politics. However, India's problem is not its politicians, but the people who elect these politicians, again and again, from different political parties. These people not only support such corrupt, many times, with criminal background people, but idolize them, worship them, and even after that, expect their society to be just and fair. Also, in India, it is very common to change political parties, unbelievable, but people thirsty for your blood can become your die-hard supporter once you switch to the party they support. Unbelievable, but true.

Once elected people with a criminal background become lawmakers, no matter how many laws exist in the law book, how many courts function, or how many police personnel work, it is impossible to have proper law and order. This is because no elected person will allow to law to take its proper course unless it hurts their opponents. When people of any country start reacting to crime based on who has committed it, not what is the nature of the crime, that country is sure to get doomed today or tomorrow. Once people see crimes through political, racial, religious, or any other bias, they are not looking at the crime, but at the criminal's identity and react based on that. That means the reactions are not based on the nature or gravity of the committed crime but on the identity of the accused. The same crime based on who has committed it generated drastically different reactions, people either try their best to downplay or justify the crime or try to demand the harshest possible punishment possible. Politicians make very good use of this, they instigate polarized emotions within society and benefit from dormant hate that many organizations silently brew within the society. Hate is a very potent social weapon, politicians, religious fanatics, and terrorists all use it very well. People knowingly fall into this trap so regularly that one can hardly blame anyone but the people themselves for being a toy in the hands of antisocial elements. This is the point of today's post, India's problem is not its politicians but people who support these politicians and don't dare to speak when a politician or the party they elected does something wrong. Things don't change overnight, but to start any change people first should start from themselves, only complaining about the system hardly initiates any change. Once people change their attitude and demand accountability from the politicians they elect, things will start changing. Until then, the evergreen argument of India has potential, this is how things are done in India would continue for many more decades.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

This is an attack on freedom of expression

On Friday, August 12, 2022, a  24-year-old man attacked Indian-born British author Salman Rushdie. The actual motives of this attack are not clear, but it is not difficult to guess why Mr. Rushdie will be attacked. He is an author who has written some books that created controversy in the past. Especially, his book, The Satanic Verses, first published in 1988, created controversy, and some countries like Iran issued a fatwa for his death. Various people related to this book (translators of the book in different languages) have been already attacked in various countries. This display of religious rage and hate is not new, freedom of expression is not guaranteed in many countries, even in some so-called democracies, books are banned and authors are attacked for what they write. However, the attack on Rushdie happened in the USA, a country with one of the best freedom of protection laws. Therefore, the attack is not just on Mr. Rushdie, it is an attack on the USA's core spirit, and it should be treated as such.

Freedom of expression is not an easy pill to swallow for everyone. Most people want this right for themselves so that they can say what they feel, and criticize whoever they want, but are seldom happy when others practice it, especially to say offensive stuff. Hurting religious sentiments is a timid and often-used excuse to curb freedom of expression in many countries. This is such a lame excuse. Religion is a centuries-old institution, it has survived violent attacks from each other (one religion attacking another verbally as well as physically), so, how does one more book or a speech or movie or anything expressed by anyone matter? If religions are not able to tolerate a book, movie, or speech against it how strong it is in reality? These are the questions religious people need to ask themselves, maybe they will find this post itself offensive, you never know. If we are serious about freedom of expression, we need to defend books like The Satanic Verses and authors like Mr. Rushdie. The USA has one of the best freedom of expression laws, these laws make this a special place for many like me who want to express and appreciate the expression of others. Defending freedom of expression is not easy, especially when things are being said that are offensive to us, but that's when it matters the most. If people around us only express things that we like or agree to, do you think there will be a need to protect free speech? Our commitment to freedom of expression is tested when offensive things are being said and when something despicable is said about things we revere or respect. Otherwise, why do we need such right? 

Protecting and celebrating freedom of expression is as important as defending the freedom of a country. Without freedom of expression, there is no real freedom. It really doesn't matter how old or how big of a democracy you are, it doesn't matter how old or how liberal your history or culture is, if there is no freedom of expression, there is no freedom at all. The USA has benefitted a lot due to its strong policies to protect freedom of expression. If it fails to do so the effect will be disastrous. I hope the attack on Rushdie acts as a warning to America and it acts accordingly to protect its most valuable aspect.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Empty nest?

Both my kids are in college now. Graduating from high school and going to college is a milestone in every student's life. The student and their parents give their best to achieve this moment. Going to college is an emotional moment for parents, they are happy to see their child graduate from high school and also a little sad because most kids leave their homes to attend the college of their choice, hence the metaphor of the "empty nest." Nests and homes have something in common, both are places where families live. Generally, nests are built to protect the eggs and newborn birds until they can fly on their own and feed themselves. However, there is one significant difference. Homes are not temporary residences, of course, people move and change their homes, but this is just a shift from one home to another. But the nests cease to be useful for birds once the newborn birds learn to fly and feed themselves. This is why I feel the metaphor of an empty nest makes sense but doesn't show the complete picture. Hence the question mark in the title.

Every phase of life changes the dynamics of our relationships. Every relationship, for example, between child and parent, friends, spouses, our surroundings, or our colleagues changes over time. Kids start their lives completely dependent on their parents or guardians, but slowly they get independent and pursue their own journeys. Parents are supposed to facilitate this process, but the journey has to be the kids' own. Unfortunately, not many parents are brave enough to allow their kids that free choice. Most instill them with their fears and insecurities, force their religious and political values, brainwash them with their cultural and social biases and prejudices, pass on their own stereotypes, and worst, use them as vehicles to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams and expectations. Even after all this, every parent-child relationship is special in its own way as most parents do these things thinking that they are doing good for their child. 

When kids graduate high school, they are supposed to embark on their own journey. This journey is supposed to be special as they will be living out of their homes for the first time. In the US most colleges require living on campus for at least part of their four years of college as they believe that living separately from parents is a part of a student's growth. I did not get to do this, I lived with my parents until I left for the US to pursue my postdoctoral work. It had its own pros and cons. I never got to live an independent life outside the shadow of my parents until my late twenties, whereas most kids in the US start doing this in their teens, at the age of 18 or 19. Now back to the empty nest metaphor. Even though it is a beautiful metaphor, our homes don't get empty, my kids are very much part of our home, even though they stay 8-9 months of the year on campus and are busy with their friends during their vacations. So, the nest is not really empty, just relationship dynamics have changed, we have entered a different phase and it has its own charm and fun. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com