The topic of discriminatory traditions is not limited to any particular country, region, or religion, it is a widespread phenomenon. Almost all cultures and religions of the world have traditions or rituals that are openly discriminatory on its face. The discrimination can be about gender, marital status, or something else. Even today, many of these traditions are still followed with the utmost respect and dedication. There are many who find some value in these traditions, many also believe that there is nothing discriminatory in them, some even think that these traditions need to be protected just because of what they are, age-old traditions. While there can be some intelligent arguments to justify them or some need-based justifications for their existence, personally, I have not found any logical justification to rationalize most of them. I have been battling against these discriminatory traditions from the moment I became aware of their blatant discriminatory nature. One important disclaimer before you read any further, I was born and raised in a Hindu family and spent three decades of my life in India, hence, all my personal experiences are related to discriminatory traditions belonging to those two identifiers, this does not mean that such traditions only exist in India or Hinduism. People who are familiar with similar traditions in other religions or countries should feel free to comment about them, in this post, I am going to stick with my personal experiences.
I have already written about one such festival Karva Chauth. However, Karva Chauth is just one of many festivals where discrimination based on marital status exists, many others exclude the participation of widows. I personally witnessed this discrimination because I saw both my grandmothers not celebrating any of these festivals. Both, my paternal and maternal grandmother lost their husbands early in their lives, they spent most part of their life as a widow because the second marriage was out of the question for them. I know stories of quite a few widows who lost their husbands in their early twenties (some even before that) and spent the rest of their lives as a widow, but I don't know a single man who was forced to live as a widower because he lost his wife so early in his life. This impacted me really hard. There are many festivals in India that only married women whose husbands are alive are supposed to celebrate. Just a few years back there used to be a blanket ban on widows to participate in any so-called celebrations, thankfully, this has changed now, but still, there are festivals that widows are not supposed to celebrate just because their husbands are not alive. The irony is that most of these festivals claim to be about love between a husband and wife, but hardly there is any participation of husbands, and if at all husbands participate, they do as if they are some revered entities to which their wives need to be grateful or worship them just for being what they are, a husband. The sole purpose of most of these festivals is to make a wife pray for her husband's well-being and be thankful that her husband is still alive. Therefore, one of the justifications offered for not allowing widows is that as their husband is not alive widows don't have any use of such a festival. People don't even realize how insensitive this justification is. it must also be noted that there are many such festivals where a wife is supposed to celebrate the existence of her husband. But I have not seen similar festivals where a husband has to perform any ritual for his wife's well-being or be thankful for her being alive, nor men are barred from any social gatherings or forced to dress any differently based on whether their spouse is alive or not.
Also, these festivals are celebrated by many: educated and uneducated, rich and poor, in cities and in villages, within India or abroad. The appeal and popularity of such traditions are really widespread. Many men and women who celebrate these festivals know women within their own families who can't celebrate such festivals because their husband is no more. These people feel bad for such women, but that's it, they do not think that these traditions are in any way discriminatory or insensitive. Even the women who are at the receiving end of these traditions don't feel that they are being discriminated against, these women blame their own misfortune or bad karma (if not this life then from their previous life) for their fate. I never saw my grandmothers complaining about the discrimination that they faced on countless occasions in their lives. They just blamed their fate, nothing else. Most of the victims are not even aware that they are being victimized, and this is the saddest part.
My battle against these traditions started when I became aware of their discriminatory nature. As a child, I was not aware of discrimination in any form, not because it was not happening around me, but because I was not sensitized to detect and fight against it, I was taught obedience and respect. However, the training of obedience and respect did not stop me from opposing them since I became aware of the discriminatory nature of these traditions. I am trying to change them within my own family. Honestly, most of my attempts have been unsuccessful so far. I have no shame in accepting my failure and I am very well aware that there is a strong possibility that I may not be successful in changing any of these in my lifetime, but this doesn't deter me from fighting my battle. I don't participate in any such rituals, some of them are celebrated within my own family, I am not part of it, I oppose them, but the reality is that they still continue. There is also a possibility that one day things may change, and people around me might agree that I have a point, whether this will happen or not I don't know, but I know that my battle against such discrimination will continue.
Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.
