How did we get there?

My last post was about the effect of negative politics. Our society is getting increasingly siloed and polarized, that too in an era where information is available at our fingertips and we can connect with almost anyone, anywhere in the world who has access to the internet connection. How come we are so disconnected from each other when there are so many social media platforms available. We all need to ask at least one question to ourselves; how did we get there? 

Until recently, diversity was a desirable trait to have in our society. Initially, immigration was encouraged for cheap labor, but it resulted in bringing diversity to that society and such societies immensely benefitted from this phenomenon. Then, how come suddenly diversity became a bad thing? I feel we are convoluting diversity with threat, we are getting paranoid about our own perceived identities assuming that human culture is static and needs to be preserved from destruction. Anything different than our beliefs, culture, or political ideology is perceived as a threat rather than an opportunity to engage in conversation and learn something new. We are convoluting the opportunity to learn with the perception of threat. How did we get there? 

 
Human culture has always evolved, that's the only reason for our progress so far. If we compare any region, religion, culture, or country with what it was just a century ago, we will find how much it has changed. Agreed, now all changes are for good, but there are many positive changes. Most of these changes are the result of challenging the status quo, challenging old customs and traditions. Suddenly, it seems we are scared of change. We are scared to offer women their reproductive rights. We are scared to encourage diverse viewpoints related to sex, gender, sexual orientation, and many other topics. We are scared of social reforms that can help some of our fellow humans to live a dignified life. How did we get there?

Developed countries like the USA used to be a brave and experimental society. But it seems even we are now scared to experiment. We want to stick with every old tradition or belief no matter how negatively it affects some sections of our society. Issues like racism, casteism, and sexism that are universally condemned not only still exist in our societies, but they are openly used by popular politicians to appease their voter base and win elections. Social ills like racism, casteism, and sexism divide our society, they project diversity as a threat, not a strength. These things have resulted in suffering for large sections of our society for centuries. When we all agree that these divisive things are bad and must be condemned, I wonder how are we tolerating divisive politics that uses these things openly to divide us. How did we get there? 

Some of us detest and hate fellow humans just for who they are. They want to deprive others of living their lives on their own term. Somehow freedom to practice religion (which should be there) is considered as a more fundamental right than freedom to practice your sexual orientation. People are not angry by racist or bigotry comments by popular politicians but they are angry over the use of some pronouns. People are okay with voting for divisive and narcissistic leaders just because they feel their political agenda can be implemented. Despite having information and data, we are getting increasingly insensitive toward the social and emotional well-being of our fellow humans. How did we get there?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Negative bias

A negative bias is something we all have it. We may not be happy to accept this or would like to believe that we are not the ones with any negativeness in our personality but that's not true. Negative bias is not about being negative or anything bad, this is a natural tendency of humans to compare. We naturally compare ourselves with others around us, with the advent of social media people don't even have to be around us, we can compare ourselves with anyone we want. However, the problem is that we tend to compare upwards more than downwards and often find ourselves at the bottom of the comparison ladder. We do this futile exercise, again and again, knowing that it is only going to bring anxiety and despair. Even after all this, it is hard, if not impossible, to get rid of the negative bias. 

Comparison is a double-edged sword. It can motivate us to do better, and we can learn so many things from each other to improve and enrich our lives. On the other hand, it can make us feel disappointed in our choices and think that others are doing much better than us with much less hard work and talent. Mostly success stories are shared with a lot of flare and glitter, whereas failure is only whispered. Also, we always tend to compare upward, that is with people who supposedly doing better than us. It is obvious to find ourselves at the bottom of the comparison ladder when we always compare upwards. Instead of getting motivated to continue our journey for our dreams and happiness, we get entangled in the vicious cycle of comparison and regret. Social media does not make this any easier. We see others posting about their amazing lives and feel what the heck is wrong with us. We feel our life sucks whereas others are having the time of their life. We forget that we are also doing the same and someone looking at our social media posts might be feeling jealous about the amazing display of our life on social media. 

Social media does not cultivate authenticity for most of us. Actually, most of us perform on social media. Very few of us dare to show our true selves on social media, most try to showcase only the best versions, even if they have to fake them. This is the biggest problem of social media, it is not as social as we imagine. It has become a place where people perform for validation from others, it has become a form of entertainment. There is not much interaction, there are performers and there is an audience. 

When we only watch others perform and believe it is reality, we exacerbate the problem of negative bias. It is like watching a fiction movie and comparing it with our day-to-day life. Of course, our day-to-day life is not as entertaining as the movie because the movie is scripted, acted, edited, and polished. It is a refined product that is meant to entertain, but our real life is not meant to entertain others. So, relax, take it easy, and don't fall into the trap of negative bias so much that you get disconnected from your own reality. Compare but be aware that you are comparing, use the comparison for motivation and encouragement. Occasional jealousy is normal, but don't be in a mode of constant validation from others. Likes or comments on social media do not define our life or who we are, we define it, this awareness and control are valuable, so don't surrender them.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

How to deal with the onslaught of the cult of positivity?

Who doesn't like to be positive, right? However, is it possible to remain positive in each and every situation of one's life? Is it even normal to try to be positive all the time? Definitely not. There are bound to be ups and downs in everyone's life. We are going to feel the highs and lows in our personal and professional lives. If we check, we can find thousands of videos on various platforms of social media that only talk about how to be positive, and how to be happy. There are very few that discuss how to deal with every kind of emotion: positive, negative, neutral, everything. Many of these videos are good and they can help a person overcome frustration or get motivated to take up new challenges, but at the same time, they are creating what I call "a cult of positivity." These so-called motivational gurus intentionally or unintentionally group human emotions into two categories: good and bad. Positivity, optimism, love, etc. all are good, and anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, discomfort, etc. are all in the negative bucket.  

This cult of positivity has become so strong and dominant that even when you try to talk about the possibility of a different outcome than a person desires, they label you as a pessimist or a negative person. People are not willing to listen or even consider that there might be another possibility that needs some consideration. Don't get me wrong, there is no problem with being positive, it helps in many ways, but at the same time other emotions are as natural, and many times they are very much required to have a proper understanding of the world around us.  People do feel angry, frustrated, anxious, or depressed and such people are not pessimistic or people filled only with negative emotions. Such people can also have equal zeal and love for life. These so-called motivational leaders talk as if a person should always be high on adrenaline and willing to jump a cliff no matter what, and if we show a slight hesitation or reluctance, then we are a failure or should be ashamed of ourselves.  However, this is not how real life is, we can feel apprehension, doubt, fear, feelings of being lost, lonely, sad, rejected, stressed, remorseful, angry, and jealous. These are just a few and there are many emotions to add to this list, and all these emotions are as natural as feeling positive. 

We need to feel optimistic and positive, no one can deny that. At the same time, too much of anything is bad, as it is said: "The dose makes the poison." Too much of any emotion is bad, if our stress, anxiety, or depression becomes chronic, we should get professional help. Demonizing these feelings doesn't help. Many people are reluctant to accept that they feel these so-called negative emotions just because they are worried that they will be judged if they speak about these emotions. We need to learn how to deal with this cult of positivity. I notice that people smitten by this cult are scared of anything that has a connotation of negativity or vulnerability. People prefer to shield themselves in a false sense of security and do not want to be perceived as vulnerable, they feel being vulnerable means being weak, and this is not natural. We need to equip ourselves with a proper emotional balance so that we can understand when this dose of positivity or any other emotion is reaching the level of being toxic. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for this, as everyone's capacity to deal with a particular emotion is different. This is why, we should not hesitate to talk about all emotions, not just the ones which people appreciate (so-called positive ones). This will allow each emotion to get its due recognition and will remove the guilt factor from people who feel the emotions that normally don't get any space in day-to-day discussions (so-called negative ones).  

The human mind is a very complex thing and just one emotion cannot define its good or bad health. We need to strike the emotional balance and the path to striking that balance demands to recognize and accept the presence and need of every emotion. 

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.