Overconsumption: the elephant in the room for environmental protection

Global warming and other environmental issues are debated and discussed passionately on various regional, national, and international forums. Environmental protection has become a buzzword for many political establishments and every government is pledging some audacious milestones that they claim will help our efforts to protect the environment. However, no one or very few are talking about one of the major problems that contribute to all our environment-related problems, the elephant in the room, "overconsumption." I understand why people don't want to discuss overconsumption. This is because the discussion about overconsumption will expose almost everyone involved in the conversation. Every country, its leaders, and all celebrities talk about environmental protection all the time but do nothing to minimize their consumption habits in their private lives.  

How does it make sense when a person living in a mansion, having multiple homes, traveling in a private jet or a full-size plane, having an oversized wardrobe and other consumables, and living an exuberant life advise common people to scale down their consumption habits. These leaders and celebrities advise us to cut our fuel consumption, shift to electric vehicles and use solar for our electricity, recycle everything, and reduce our carbon footprint. How many people will believe that such a person is serious or sincere about environmental protection when they contribute heavily to destroying it? Will anyone take seriously this message? Look at all presidents and prime ministers, or other heads of state, see how they live and travel, calculate their carbon footprint, and compare that with common people from those countries to see who is causing the actual environmental damage. Preaching others is easy, but practicing what you preach is where the real test begins. Personally, I try my best to limit my consumption of fuel and other consumables, but I am not a minimalist, and I know that my efforts have negligible impact on the overall environmental issues but I try my best anyway because that's all I can do.

Overconsumption is a problem at every level. No recycling company or manufacturer or business is going to tell us to consume less. They are only going to tell us what to do after we consume so that their business interests remain sound and we feel less guilty. Recycling single-use plastic doesn't help as much compared to reusing it multiple times before dumping it in a recycle bin. Using solar energy or electric vehicles doesn't help as much as reducing our energy consumption or driving so that we use less fuel no matter what's the source. If these heads of state are really serious about environmental protection they should lead by example before preaching to their countrypeople. Consuming an astronomical amount of energy and resources under the name of security or a privileged position is not an excuse. And if you are doing that, then at least stop preaching to others, it sounds ridiculous and hypocritical. To all others, who really care about the environment and want to do something about it, please check your consumption habits and make necessary changes. Each individual can make a difference. It is easy to preach, but what we do is what really matters. Let's be doers and not hypocritical preachers. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Fear of failure

Why do people hesitate to pursue the career of their dreams? Why do people hesitate to switch once they find their job or career boring or burdensome? Why do people hesitate to study nontraditional fields that no one around them studied? One common answer to all these questions is "fear of failure." Fear of failure is not just about failure, it is more about being judged as a failure. 

There is a difference between actually failing at something and being judged as a failure. We fail for so many reasons, lack of preparation, underestimating the difficulty, better competitors, or plain bad luck. Sometimes things because of which we fail are not in even our hands, for example, if we miss the exam because our car broke down or we miss the train, there is nothing we can do about it. Most people are not scared of these types of failures, but being judged as a failure is an altogether different animal. Even if you are doing or trying to do something you love or still trying to figure out what to do, people may judge you as a failure based on your family, social, and economic background. People judge an engineer's child just because he or she did not choose to study engineering but chose music. If a doctor's child doesn't become a doctor and chooses any other profession that is supposed to be riskier and less monetary rewarding, people judge them and many feel sympathy towards these parents as if their kids failed them. Many people from my circle assume that my kids will be doing either science or law because I have that background and both fields are considered lucrative career options. I admire and applaud kids who chose to travel a different path. It is not easy, fear of failure is not an easy thing to overcome. I face this fear, and this is why I chose science as people told me arts has no future and commerce is for business-savvy people. Both pieces of advice were completely wrong but they affected my decisions, because of fear that I may end up without any job if I didn't study science. 

Also, the Asian community overseas is stereotyped as a science and tech-savvy community, which is far from true. Just because mostly STEM-educated people from India and China come to the USA or other countries doesn't mean that everyone in India or China is only good in science-related fields. The Asians are interested in arts like writing and music, they also love cinema and theater, they also like to be entrepreneurs in areas other than science, and they also want to tell their stories. However, many Asian kids are not encouraged to take these paths and are coerced or brainwashed to take more traditional careers that are considered as safe and monetarily rewarding. 

I always encourage kids who want to pursue a different career path than the so-called safe career choices. This is not easy, ask anyone who tried this. These kids face a lot of anxiety and get a lot of unsolicited advice that is offered with good intentions but under the assumption that these kids are lost and misguided. It is not easy to try to enter a profession that is not commonly pursued in your community, where you don't know anyone, and where you don't have any example to follow from your community or family. This requires courage and self-belief, more than any other common profession that they could have chosen. Note that in these common professions, there may not have been anyone from their family, but just because these professions are so well structured there is less risk and a more defined career path that reduces entry barriers. Therefore, be proud if you are trying to chart an uncommon path. Seek the support of your family, and if they don't offer any support, then find a mentor who can support you. Be patient and believe in yourself, the path may be tough and uncertain, the entry barrier may be high, and you may face many failures, but you are on a journey to achieve something that no one around you dared to do, and that itself is commendable. Fear of failure will be there, but make that your strength and not a weakness, use that fear to better prepare yourself and give yourself the option to fail. Failures don't define us, our grit, determination, and willingness to struggle do define our character. Success is not always the ultimate destination, many times it is the journey that we take that matters more than the ultimate destination. All the very best. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

My journey towards feminism

Feminism was an alien word for me till I came to the USA, I never heard it or read about it, and did not know what it meant. This does not mean I was not aware of gender bias and discrimination. I was very much aware of these things and other types of discrimination, rather I grew up in a very discriminatory culture and society. People were discriminated against for various reasons, including their skin tone, gender, caste, age, disability, and economic status, just to name a few. All this was overt and explicit, right on your face. So, even as a kid, I was exposed to various discriminations and even personally experienced some of them. It was everywhere, within our homes and outside, even on TV and in movies, in schools and colleges. It was so pervasive that for many years I did not even know that it was discrimination, I was under the impression that that's how people live, and being at the receiving end of discriminatory behavior was part of the deal, a price to pay to live in this world. 

I noticed different treatment offered to my brothers compared to my sisters within my own family. I also noticed that my family was not an exception, such gender discrimination was a norm in our society and my family was just following what they thought was their culture and the right thing to do. I witnessed how girls and women were subject to harassment even in public places, touching them without their consent by taking advantage of the situation was a norm, not an exception, it was something boys and men boasted about, not something to be ashamed of. As a teenager, I used to feel jealous of all boys who could do these things, I couldn't, not because I didn't want to or I thought it was wrong, but because I was too scared to do these things. I felt bad about my lack of courage to do these things, such behavior was considered manly and males who couldn't do these things were teased for not being manly. But slowly I realized that something was wrong, there was nothing manly in making someone feel uncomfortable by your behavior or presence. It felt wrong to breach personal boundaries and encroach without any legitimate reason, but I was not sure if there is any alternative to this or if it was I who was confused.

Girls around me, including some of my cousins, were not allowed to continue or finish their education because their parents thought it was not required as they were girls. I wondered if I could go to college why can't they. I wondered why any boy is not dropping out of school or college because his parents decided to get him married, but many girls used to drop out for this reason. I wondered why even grown-up females were not allowed to travel alone, whereas males were allowed to travel alone from a very young age. Many such questions used to come to my mind, I even tried to ask a few of them, but I only received some unsatisfactory answers: this is our culture; women don't or can't do this; this is too dangerous for women, you are too young to understand this, or something like that. None of these answers made any sense to me. At the same time, there were girls in my college, we had female professors, bank workers, politicians, and authors. So, on one side, I knew that women could do these things but in many families and cultures, they were not allowed. This was when I started understanding gender discrimination, I must have been around 18-19 years of age. My maternal grandmother died when I was in my last year of high school. Her death reminded me of the life she lived as a young widow, it hit me really hard. When I looked back on her struggles and the treatment she got from society and her own family, it made me really sad and angry at the same time. She was very respected, almost worshipped as a deity by people around her, but many simple pleasures and choices were snatched away from her at a very young age just because the man she married died in an accident. She was respected because she followed the cultural dictate precisely. Her life was romanceless, colorless, and choiceless, but she was hailed as an idol of a pious and pure woman. 

That was the time when I started raising questions within my family, and I started boycotting functions and ceremonies due to their discriminatory practices, I can say that this is when the seeds of feminism were planted in my mind. One common answer I used to get was that it is easy to talk and criticize these things when others are doing it, I will do the same and they will see what I do when I have a daughter. I used to get taunted that I was dreaming of changing something that was going on for many centuries and our ancestors were not fools to practice these things. I was also told that gender equality will never happen, it is not natural, and as women have been treated like this for centuries in all cultures, some religious texts recommend these practices, hence no need to change anything. But I wanted the change, and this is when I started my journey towards feminism. I did not become a feminist because my daughter was born, I was happy to have a daughter because I was a feminist. The birth of a female child is still not welcomed in many families, the situation was worse compared to today when my daughter was born.

Once you witness gender discrimination and you are not okay with it, there is nothing that can stop you from becoming a feminist. You are either for gender equality or against it, there is nothing in between. I know this sounds like an aggressive stance, but there are some issues where there cannot be a middle ground and gender equality is one of them, racism is another example. Either you are a racist or you are not, there is nothing in between, you cannot be a racist in some situations and against it in some situations, that's hypocrisy. Also, as a feminist, either you are for gender equality or you are not. Gender equality is not a movement against men, it is a movement for equality for genders, only men who don't believe in gender equality will feel threatened by it.  

I also feel odd if someone gives me credit for not being an obstacle in the journey of my wife and my daughter to become independent women. No one should get any credit for not being an obstacle to someone's progress, that's the minimum everyone should do for people around them. My journey to becoming a feminist was full of many obstacles, many of the obstacles were from society, culture, family, and religion in which I was born, and many were from within me due to the brainwashing I received as a child. It was tough to get rid of that conditioning when everyone was okay with it. In the beginning, I was very scared to ask questions when no one around me questioned these beliefs and traditions. I was scared on many occasions and even thought that something must be wrong with me as so many people cannot be wrong at the same time. I was worried about whether my wife and daughter will be accepted in our families or not, and whether they will blame me for the backlash they may receive. I still sometimes worry if my daughter will be able to find a person who can accept her independence and opinionated personality. There were many doubts and fears, uncertainties and questions, and there was no one who could talk me through this. Some fears still remain, but there is no doubt anymore. I am glad that I overcame all my doubts, and today, I am a proud feminist. What is stopping you from becoming a feminist?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Cultivate many special relationships

Humans are social animals, we thrive in social environments. We love to live in groups, surrounded by those we form strong bonds with. We also look for someone to share our joy and happiness, that "special relationship." We often put so much expectation on that one "special relationship." Often, this special relationship is our romantic relationship and that person becomes a special person, and the entire burden of our expectations falls on that special person in our special relationship. We want that special person from our special relationship to laugh with us, laugh at our jokes, cry with us, understand us, have coffee, tea, or whatever other drink we like, agree with our social and political views, deal with our mood swings, and cheer us up whenever we are feeling down. But is it fair to place such high expectations on just one person to be our emotional support, confidante, motivator, and more?

Why limit ourselves to just one special relationship when we can have many? A special relationship with our mentors can provide valuable guidance for professional and personal growth. A special relationship with our friends who give us their time generously, create everlasting memories, and stand by us when we mess up. A special relationship with our buddies at the gym or our sports club who motivate us to push our physical limits. A special relationship in our neighborhood where we live and cultivate our home. A special relationship with our parents and siblings that are unique in their own dynamics and demands. The list can grow as each one of us may need our own set of special relationships depending on our personality and needs. 

Why do we put all the burden of "specialness" on just one relationship? While a romantic relationship holds a significant place in our lives, and we do expect a lot from this relationship. It is not wrong to expect something extra from our romantic relationship. Many expect their partners to be a therapist, great friends, motivators, pillars of support, and also ever-romantic and charming person. Is this even humanly possible? No, it's unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill every role. Our romantic relationship is special, our partner is a very special person in our life, romance has its own special place, but so are friendships, mentorships, social and work relationships, intellectual relationships, and other relationships that make our lives exciting and fulfilling. Other special relationships are just as important and contribute to a fulfilling life. Our friend that loves our gossip is a special relationship, the intellectual group where we discuss our ideas and evaluate policies is a special relationship, our relationship with our parents is special, and our relationship with whatever we enjoy, cinema, music, or any other art form, is also a special one. Each of these relationships has different dynamics and different requirements, cherish them all and value them all. Please don't put the burden of everything on just one relationship. Also, remember every relationship is a two-way process, you need to give as much as you take to nurture any relationship. One way relationships are exploitative and don't last long, and if they last at all, they become toxic. So, let's cherish and value all our special relationships and continually evaluate if they are meeting our personal needs. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com