Don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype

Gender bias is still a pressing issue in most countries, including developed and developing countries. Gender stereotyping is one of the reasons why gender bias exists. Different cultures and societies tend to associate certain characteristics only with specific genders. For example, men are supposed to be more aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, natural leaders, and masculine; women are supposed to be more gentle, passive, emotional, physically weak, non-masculine, and unwilling to lead. Like all stereotypes, gender stereotyping may have some historical context for it, but it should be clear from the list that I used as an example that it is not proper to generalize the qualities of all genders just in two sets. For example, a man can be gentle, non-masculine, emotional, passive, and unwilling to lead; and a woman can be aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, masculine, and a natural leader. The point is that we should search for our own identity, and should not become a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. 

Once we stereotype anything, including a gender, we attach specific characteristics to that group and create barriers around it. Anyone without those characteristics is considered an outlier or abnormal. This forces many who don't have these characteristics to feel bad about themselves or insufficient, suffer from mental health issues, or make them feel like a failure. Instead of being proud of what they are, people try to fit in, just to get accepted. They really try hard to fit in by concealing their true identity. This is the worst thing a society can inflict on any person. Imagine living in a prison for no fault of yours where you are forced to act in a certain way, wear certain clothes, eat a certain food, and live the life of someone who is anyone but not you. This is what we do when we live as a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. Try to be free, and explore the world. Think about what is good for you, what makes you happy, draw your own boundaries and respect them, value your identity, and don't allow anyone to dilute or change it. Respect others and command respect from others. We should not tolerate nonsense and discrimination for ourselves or for others. It is we who should decide who we are, what qualities we want to have, and how we want to express ourselves. One can be a strong leader and emotional at the same time. One can be physically strong and feminine at the same time. A man can like to wear makeup and a woman may hate it. One can be of any combination, the possibilities are endless. This is what freedom is, this is what civil societies do, allow people to flourish. We all deserve to live free of fear of expressing ourselves. I don't think anyone of us wants to go back to the era where transgenders or homosexuals were forced to conceal their identities or used to get secreted when their identities were revealed. Therefore, don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype, be free, express yourself, and let the world learn and accept your true identity. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

 

The dangers of stereotyping the definition of fun and enjoyment

"Why don't you go on a vacation and have some fun, what's the point in working so much and earning those big bucks if you don't want to have some fun?" A coworker asked one of my friends. My friend could not come up with any explanation as he didn't have any. He knew that his coworker wouldn't believe if he said that he loved his work so much that he didn't need any other enjoyment to really enjoy his life. For him his work was fun and that's all he needed to feel content and happy. However, for most of us, this is not true and I feel stereotyping the definition of fun and enjoyment is the main reason behind this.

There are indeed some people around us who love their work more than anything else and they don't feel the need to do anything else. But many of us can't even imagine that work or studying can be so much fun. The problem is we have stereotyped the definition of fun and enjoyment. We are told that ONLY fun is going on vacation, partying in pubs, having drinks with friends, spending time with friends and family, or watching movies, almost anything but not our work. Many or all of these activities indeed are entertaining and many people enjoy engaging in these activities, but it is not necessary that everyone needs to do them to have fun. I don't understand why people find it hard to digest that someone can have fun while doing their job or while studying? Why study or job is stereotyped as boring and hard, why can't they be super fun and entertaining like other so-called entertaining activities? The main reason behind this stereotyping is that most people don't do a job of their choice or study in the area they really love. They stay in their job even though they don't enjoy a bit of that work and they study subjects in which they have zero interest. Most people do these things (job and study) just because someone told them that this is what everyone does and this is the only way to be successful in this world. They were made to believe that this is how the world works. The effect is, that most people feel that they are stuck with this so-called routine life and try to seek refuge in enjoyment methods which are again prescribed to them by their surroundings to make up for their boring life.

Our society has stereotyped definitions of work, fun, and enjoyment. Why does work need to be always boring? Why weekend culture is so prevalent as if people don't live their lives during the weekdays? Why people who don't go to parties, go on vacation, drink, or watch movies but focus on their work and studies are perceived as boring and someone who is not having any fun? The danger behind such stereotyping is that many people start believing in such categorization and they feel increasingly unsatisfied with their lives. They feel that their life is boring due to their job and students feel they are trapped in studying and they need to do something different to have fun and enjoyment in their lives. The reason for this misunderstanding is simple, we fail to understand that someone can also have fun while working on their job, studying for their degree, or doing research because we are not taught that these things can be fun. Yes, one needs to have a healthy atmosphere at a workplace to enjoy it, one needs to love the subject and have to have great teachers to enjoy their studies, but these things are not hard to find in today's world. There are a variety of industries where one can choose to work as per their liking. The number of universities and courses they offer is vast and one can choose any subject of their liking to study (online or on campus). We can have fun while working if we find our work really exciting and find some purpose behind doing it. If we look forward to the knowledge and wisdom we could get by studying the subject which we like studies will not be boring. One needs a break from everything, there is nothing wrong with taking breaks, not because that particular thing is boring or torturous, but to bring a variety in life and this could be a good reason to do different activities.

Strenuous physical or mental efforts are part of work and study, these things can be very demanding physically and mentally, and some people might say that this is the part that makes these things less interesting and boring. But, gym or sports also demand physical and mental stamina, but many enjoy going to the gym or playing some sport. They don't mind the physical and mental rigor that sports and gym demand. Similarly, if we can have the same attitude towards our work and studies these things can also give us the same enjoyment. Please try this approach and then you will realize that there is no need to live life only during weekends, but weekdays can also be equally rewarding and exciting. Our work consumes a major part of our active lives and we invest the best part of our youth in studying, so it is better if we also enjoy these things. Let's fill our lives with unlimited fun and excitement.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Stereotyping also happens for men, and it is equally bad

Are men also stereotyped in our society like women? Do they feel pressure to fit in a certain image to define their manliness? Does society expect a certain type of behavior from them or associate a certain set of qualities with their personality because of their gender? Do they face any discrimination because of their gender? Normally we ask these types of questions to point out gender stereotyping of women, but we can also ask these questions about men and the answer to most of them is YES. I am sure both men and women will be surprised to know that men are as much stereotyped as women or transgenders. There is a certain perception about men in our society. Our media and movie culture has built a certain image of an ideal man, masculine, fearless, and ever-ready for sex are some of the characteristics that most of us associate with men. This image is the result of years of stereotyping of male behavior, and males grow with this image in their minds. The effect of this is very strong. Knowingly or unknowingly men try to mold their behavior to fit into this image. The effect of this stereotyping is so much that if we come across any post or article adulating men the automatic response is "wish there were more men like this" or "We need more men like this." If you don't believe me then just check the comments section of any Facebook post or article adulating men or describing any incident which doesn't fit typical stereotyped male behavior. This is strong evidence to show how much our society has generalized the behavior patterns of men.

The truth is that most men want to be kind and very well-behaved. Patriarchal culture all over the world has put a lot of pressure on them to do justice to their so-called "manliness." Most of them try really hard to fit into that image. Often all those efforts and struggles are not recognized or appreciated as it is expected from them as a part of their duty as men, especially their responsibility to feed their family. This happens with women also where they are expected to take care of their families and all their efforts in that direction go completely unnoticed as it is considered as their "natural" duty. But unfortunately, when men misbehave, and commit crimes like murder or rape their gender becomes significant, and many times that criminal behavior is blamed on their gender. Even ridiculous statements like 'boys will be boys' are often used to justify or defend some misbehavior. Sometimes while criticizing sexual harassment incidents people try to put blame on the criminal's gender rather than accusing that particular individual for that mistake. The point is, men and women both face problems of gender stereotyping in our society and both get affected negatively because of this. Agreed, women are much more harshly targeted than men, but if we want to resolve the issue of gender discrimination we should look at the complete picture. Just because some men are misbehaving with women this type of behavior doesn't become a characteristic of all men. Just because some men are brave and masculine, this should not become a criterion to describe all men. Every person, whether it is a man, woman, or transgender comes with a unique set of qualities and emotions. A particular gender might have a certain type of emotion that dominates in its group, but there is no hard and fast rule for these things. Humans are not robots, they are not manufactured in factories with a certain set of characteristics. We all are different. Let's acknowledge and respect these differences. Such stereotyping of any gender can only result in feelings of low self-esteem and guilt among people who don't fit into those descriptions.

Stereotyping men is as bad as stereotyping women or transgenders. It doesn't serve any useful purpose, we all should avoid it. Just because for centuries, certain things were expected from certain gender doesn't mean we should continue with such wrong traditions. Once we realize that certain traditions are wrong, we should dare to challenge them and change them no matter how old they are. Like women, men have also suffered long because of stereotyping and gender bias. Let's try to end this injustice. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

We all are transgenders in someway

While watching this program on NDTV about the situation of transgenders in Indian society, I was wondering what is the reason these people are so stereotyped that they can't live a normal life in most societies around the world. By normal life, I mean getting the same treatment and opportunities that most of us so-called "normal" or "cisgender" people get. In India, most of them are forced into the sex trade or live in ghettos because of the way society treats them. Why it is so difficult for any society to accept them as equal citizens or for that matter why we are so apprehensive about anything that doesn't fit the age-old definition of "normal"? Who decides what is normal and what is not? Is most common mean normal and something uncommon becomes abnormal? We need to ask such questions to counter this narrative which has been going on uninterrupted for centuries. It is really sad to see that some people among us get discriminated against for something natural. They face various difficulties and problems not because of their mistakes or actions, but just because of who they are. This attitude of they are different than us or they are not normal, so they can't be with us or our kids will become like them needs to be questioned, everyone needs to get a fair chance to fulfill their ambitions and desires, as a society it is our responsibility to create such environment. Most of us agree with this statement, but as a society, our behavior doesn't match this statement.

Sex is determined by DNA and gender is something how we present ourselves in society, both don't need to match. We are taught and conditioned on how men or women should behave or conduct themselves in society. We are taught what is masculine and what is feminine, based on this conditioning we develop our own perception of our own gender and also try to define other's gender. This perception and stereotyping also decide what we call normal and what we consider abnormal. We are also trained to reject, denounce, or stay away from these so-called abnormal people. Most of us follow all these traditions or rules without even giving any serious thought or consideration about their logic and relevance. Many of us fail to question these perceptions which are passed on to us by our society. We follow them as part of tradition or culture, but we never bother to check their relevance or validity. Once anything whether it is good or bad becomes a part of tradition or culture it stays there for a long time. Many societies also develop some protective attitudes towards such traditions as they consider them an integral part of their identity. This is one of the main reasons why many people hesitate to question these things openly. I agree that it is not easy to challenge or fight against ancient traditions and rituals, but if they are wrong someone needs to challenge them. But the problem is that there is not a very conducive environment in most societies that can encourage questioning or dissent, rather few who dare to question have to face many hostile reactions. Transgenders are victims of such wrong traditions and misconceptions. According to me, we all have some transgender qualities in some way or other, therefore, it should be easy for all cisgender to relate with transgenders, provided we overcome all our prejudices and biases. We all possess a unique set of qualities, there is no defined set of masculine and feminine qualities which are exclusive to any one particular sex. A variety of feelings or characteristics can be found in both sexes. We all are sensitive, tough, stupid or intelligent, fearless or cowardice, strong or weak, introverted or extrovert our gender doesn't define these things. We all are capable of displaying feelings of tenderness, vulnerability, fear, jealousy, and envy to different extents on different occasions. We all have many characteristics that people associate only with transgenders we are a mixture of qualities that are normally classified as masculine or feminine. We just don't fit into that stereotyped definition of transgender that people have created by combining some emotional and physical characteristics. But just because some people show physical or emotional characteristics of both sexes more than others, we should not label them as abnormal. These people are as normal as any of us, just maybe not as common as many of us. Uncommon doesn't mean abnormal. They are in the minority, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve equal rights and recognition. We need to remove this prejudice and bias, we all need to recognize that there is nothing wrong or abnormal in being cisgender, transgender, or any other gender. Most common doesn't necessarily mean normal and uncommon doesn't mean abnormal. Let's remove these barriers and become a more inclusive society where every individual is accepted regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Let's start with ourselves, let's embrace and understand our fellow humans irrespective of their gender, sexual orientation, religion, race, or any other thing that we use to categorize us. Let's show love and respect towards each other, after all, we all are humans, and let's behave as humans. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Despite being a woman

During his Bangladesh visit in one of his speeches Indian Prime Minister Mr. Narendra Modi said, "I am happy that Bangladesh prime minister, despite being a woman, has declared zero tolerance for terrorism." There is no doubt that he wanted to praise Bangladeshi Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina for doing a commendable job in dealing with terrorists in her own country. So, what is wrong with this statement of Mr. Modi which created some controversy in social media and became the subject of some TV debates? The use of the term "despite being a woman" is highly objectionable to many including me. I don't think there is any doubt that he should have chosen better words to praise her, and there was absolutely no need to mention her gender while complimenting her for her stance against terrorism. Special mention of her gender displays the typical patriarchal mindset of our society, even our PM did not think that it is wrong to compliment anyone by highlighting their gender. This also shows a stereotyping of women as gentle, nonaggressive, soft gender who can not deal with tough situations like terrorism the way men can. It would be unfair to say that Mr. Modi is the only politician or person who thinks like this, this mindset is present in many societies including many developed countries, even in India many politicians across party lines say insulting or derogatory comments about women regularly. Whenever there is a huge uproar against such comments they are brushed under the carpet by labeling them trivial remarks not to be taken seriously or they cite the usual excuse that they were taken out of context.

Why I am picking this statement? Does this single line diminish all other achievements of this foreign tour of Mr. Modi? This tour is very successful and I am sure there will be many media releases and advertisements by the Indian government to highlight these things, I don't have to do that. But the reason why I am picking up this statement is that this displays deep-rooted prejudice against women in our society. Mr. Modi's supporters will of course downplay this incident, actually not only his supporters but every political leader's supporters are very forgiving towards anything done by their own leader.

Now let's see how the following statements sound,
It is great that despite being a woman you learned how to drive. It is very admirable that despite being a woman you are doing an industrial job. It is nice that despite being a woman you earned a college degree. I am glad to see that despite being a woman you are in the military. It is good to see that despite being a woman you play football (soccer). I am happy to see that despite being a woman you are a writer. And so on.

Actually, I can go on offering these so-called compliments to women for the many achievements that they managed to achieve despite being a woman, but the question is, are these really compliments, or these are insults in a very subtle way exposing my patriarchial and misogynist mindset? Because of this deep-rooted bias, some people feel that women can only do a certain type of work and if they excel in any other field it is an exception and therefore it deserves special praise, this is why they specially mention their gender and use the phrase "despite being a woman" she did this or that. We need to ask these questions to expose this patriarchal mindset of our society. Why do some of us still think that being a woman is like having some sort of disadvantage? If any woman becomes successful then why do some of us feel that it is an exception and not a normal incident? Actually, because of such a mindset, women have to face many hostile situations in their day-to-day lives. Because of this narrow-mindedness, some people don't welcome women's presence in many professional spheres as they think they don't belong there. Women need to fight against this prejudice which is why it is not proper to compliment them like this. There are many examples of successful women from all fields including politics (both from present and past eras), we know many strong female political leaders, so, it is not a strange or unusual phenomenon anymore. The time has come to get rid of this narrow mindset and stop using phrases like despite being a woman you did this and you did that while praising the achievements of any woman. Women have fought hard and still fighting hard for equality in our society, they still face uphill battles and such statements don't help their cause. I hope we all realize this and next time complement any person and judge their achievements not based on their gender but purely based on the merit of their work and achievements.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Stop gender policing

Recently I saw this excellent video advocating the message "STOP GENDER POLICING." The video is very well made and illustrates their point by using the example from the blockbuster Hindi Movie "Kuchh Kuchh Hota Hai," where a girl is taunted initially for not being girly enough because of her dress and behavior. Slowly she realizes her mistake and starts behaving according to her gender? Then, the hero of the movie falls in love with her and the fairy tale begins. These types of movies cater to preconceived notions of gender-associated characteristics. The audience loved this movie, this is just one example and many movies portray similar scenarios. Actually, I don't expect these mainstream movies to advocate any social change in society but these movies and their popularity also show the current mindset of our society. Movies reflect the values and culture that we practice as a society. Criticizing girls for not being girly enough or rewarding them when they change their not-so-girly mannerisms to so-called girly ones is still very common. It seems there are very rigid rules in people's minds about how people from a particular gender should behave, and what they should like and dislike. People still comment about what type of jobs girls should or shouldn't do, and how a man should behave in a manly manner. These things are still going on in our society which is why such videos, blog posts, and seminars are necessary to spread awareness about gender policing.

Stereotyping anything is bad, and stereotyping genders is worse. There is an urgent need to update concepts of masculinity of femininity. It is wrong to associate these qualities only with a particular gender. People associate these characteristics so rigidly with one gender that it is considered abnormal, bad, or weird for any other gender to possess even part of that quality. Girls not wearing so-called feminine dresses or boys who don't like sports or who like to play with dolls are considered abnormal. People are labeled abnormal just because their likes and dislikes don't match with the likes and dislikes that society normally associates with their gender. This is wrong and unfair to kids who are perfectly normal but are forced to change their ways just because it doesn't fit into the stereotype of their gender. We see this happening around us all the time where girls are told not to be bossy, and boys are told not to play with dolls but play with action figures. People do it without even knowing that they are forcing gender stereotypes on their kids. They insist on gender-specific behavior because they think this is the right way.

Gender policing is so widespread and common that many parents do it by thinking that they are doing a great favor to their children by correcting their gender-related behavior. They believe that it is their duty to make their kids realize how to behave according to their gender. They try to educate their kids about what should be their likes and dislikes based on their gender. This stereotyped mindset is passed from generation to generation, and people who don't fit into this are forced to mend their ways to fit into it or are labeled as weird or abnormal. Many lives get ruined by such an environment because they start thinking that something is wrong with them. They are made to feel guilty for being the way they are, and this takes a toll on their mental and physical health. People should feel comfortable expressing themselves without feeling fear of being ridiculed. Our society needs to evolve to accommodate expanded definitions of gender and sexuality. This evolution is required for almost every culture and society to survive in the long run. It is good to see that many people are working towards spreading awareness about these things this video is a very good example of this attempt. I hope that people realize that knowingly or unknowingly they are doing "gender policing" in the name of culture, religion, or traditions and they should stop this. Likes, dislikes, or hobbies don't depend on the gender they differ from person to person. Forcing kids to mend their ways just because they don't fit into our definition of normal can have disastrous effects on their personalities. It can shatter their self-confidence and self-esteem. Let's pledge to fight against any type of gender policing, this will be a positive step towards making our society more inclusive, tolerant, and progressive. Let's not associate any gender with hobbies or personality traits, this way gender policing will automatically disappear. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:

1. http://www.storypick.com/rape-always-sex-video-will-change-way-look-rapes-forever/

Stereotyping - the effect of listening to a single story

When I heard this TED talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I was impressed by the way she explained the phenomena of stereotyping in very simple terms by giving relevant examples from her own life. I wanted to write about stereotyping for a long time and this talk gave me an opportunity to discuss this issue. I remembered many instances from my own life where I knew only a single story about certain people, religions, or cultures and I formed my opinions about them even before completely understanding those people or places. I am sure this happens to many people. We read or hear about popular beliefs, social customs, myths, and stories. All these things create a certain image about many things in our mind and then we start giving some labels to those things. We stereotype them, knowingly or unknowingly we judge them or express our opinions about them based on that stereotype which was created in our mind based on some incomplete and inaccurate information. I still remember when I was surprised to meet an atheist Muslim who used to follow many things from his religion or culture but didn't believe in god. I was surprised to see a female bus driver for first the time in the US because I had never seen any women driving a bus or truck in India, somehow, I was under the impression that women can't drive these big vehicles. There a are few more things that I can include in this list but the post is not about how many stereotypes I used to believe in but why I believed in them and how that belief was formed? All stereotypes may not be wrong but they definitely don't tell the entire truth.

As Chimamanda nicely explains in her talk, these stereotypes or misconceptions were formed because I only knew single stories about those things. I only saw women working at home and rarely saw them stepping outside the house. I saw them doing only certain types of jobs that women were supposed to do. Therefore I never imagined that they could drive a bus or can also become pilots. I was only told stories about fanatic Muslims and their strong religious beliefs, I was informed that they are anti-Hindu. I never thought that there could be an atheist or a progressive Muslim who respects all other religions. These are just a few examples from my own life to illustrate the effect of listening to single stories and believing in them. Since some of the stereotypes which I believed turned out to be completely wrong I started questioning every stereotype I came across, and believe me, I found each of them based on wrong or incomplete information. There might be some element of truth in them but certainly, they don't represent the true picture. That's why we need to question and challenge every stereotype we come across. They create a wrong image of people, communities, or countries in our minds.

I stopped believing in any stereotype long back. I question all of them, may it be about any gender, race, religion, community, or country. This approach changed my outlook towards looking at things drastically. It helped me a lot to overcome my inhibitions and misconceptions. I am always interested in the other side of the story or want to know more before forming any opinion about anything. I always want to do my own research to explore all angles of any topic before forming my opinion about anything that I hear, see, or read. I am also willing to change those opinions as I get to know about new information. According to me, change is the only constant factor in life. When people stereotype anything then they give some permanent label to those things, attribute certain set of characteristics to them, and believe that those things don't change. They start believing that there are some common qualities for that particular community or gender. Stereotyping is wrong, so let's stop doing this, this will definitely help to make our society a better and more inclusive place. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story