Don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype

Gender bias is still a pressing issue in most countries, including developed and developing countries. Gender stereotyping is one of the reasons why gender bias exists. Different cultures and societies tend to associate certain characteristics only with specific genders. For example, men are supposed to be more aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, natural leaders, and masculine; women are supposed to be more gentle, passive, emotional, physically weak, non-masculine, and unwilling to lead. Like all stereotypes, gender stereotyping may have some historical context for it, but it should be clear from the list that I used as an example that it is not proper to generalize the qualities of all genders just in two sets. For example, a man can be gentle, non-masculine, emotional, passive, and unwilling to lead; and a woman can be aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, masculine, and a natural leader. The point is that we should search for our own identity, and should not become a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. 

Once we stereotype anything, including a gender, we attach specific characteristics to that group and create barriers around it. Anyone without those characteristics is considered an outlier or abnormal. This forces many who don't have these characteristics to feel bad about themselves or insufficient, suffer from mental health issues, or make them feel like a failure. Instead of being proud of what they are, people try to fit in, just to get accepted. They really try hard to fit in by concealing their true identity. This is the worst thing a society can inflict on any person. Imagine living in a prison for no fault of yours where you are forced to act in a certain way, wear certain clothes, eat a certain food, and live the life of someone who is anyone but not you. This is what we do when we live as a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. Try to be free, and explore the world. Think about what is good for you, what makes you happy, draw your own boundaries and respect them, value your identity, and don't allow anyone to dilute or change it. Respect others and command respect from others. We should not tolerate nonsense and discrimination for ourselves or for others. It is we who should decide who we are, what qualities we want to have, and how we want to express ourselves. One can be a strong leader and emotional at the same time. One can be physically strong and feminine at the same time. A man can like to wear makeup and a woman may hate it. One can be of any combination, the possibilities are endless. This is what freedom is, this is what civil societies do, allow people to flourish. We all deserve to live free of fear of expressing ourselves. I don't think anyone of us wants to go back to the era where transgenders or homosexuals were forced to conceal their identities or used to get secreted when their identities were revealed. Therefore, don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype, be free, express yourself, and let the world learn and accept your true identity. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

 

No means NO

Recently I watched a Hindi movie "Pink." It is a courtroom drama dealing with sexual assault and battery-related incidents. I liked the movie, it is very well made and all actors have performed brilliantly in their respective roles, but this post is not about the movie. It is about the importance of willful "consent" in any relationship. I watched this movie with my kids, they both are teenagers and will face a situation of dealing with their or their partner's willful consent in their relationship and I wanted to make sure that they get this message. When someone says "No," it means "NO." It doesn't mean yes or even maybe. It doesn't matter what that person said just a few minutes ago, it doesn't matter if that person was drinking or very friendly and seems to agree to your advances. NO means NO. There is no ambiguity and no confusion, there doesn't need to be any explanation or additional word, NO is a sentence in itself, it means NO, nothing more, nothing less.

Any relationship needs a very strong foundation, and to treat our partner equally can be the first crucial step towards building that strong foundation. I know it is not an easy task for many, our culture and patriarchal society never treated all genders on an equal basis. One can include any kind of discrimination to point out the inequality in our society, but here I am talking specifically about gender discrimination. Many cultures never gave women a chance to have control over their sexual behavior as they gave to their men. Rather every time some sexual misconduct happens, many societies try to find the fault in the victim's behavior. Many try to hint that the victim might have provoked poor boys (or men) and forced them to commit sexual assault. Now, before I move on, let me clarify that I know that men are also victims of sexual harassment, but data shows that still women are the main victims of this crime, that's why I am focussing only on women victims. This victim shaming is one of the reasons why many such incidents even don't get reported, as many victims fear social backlash or humiliation. It is still very common to comment on and judge the character of women based on their sexual behavior, the clothes they wear, or some of their social behavior (like smoking, drinking, etc.). We need to stop this, women need to claim their freedom to express themselves without any social prejudice. Women need to make it clear that it is their life and they are free to choose their path, same as men. They must demand equal rights, no more no less.

After watching the movie, during our discussion, I told my kids that they should understand one thing very clearly, whenever another person says "no" it means NO, and they should respect that under any situation. Always respect other's right to decide for themselves, it is a minimum courtesy we all can offer to each other and especially to our partners or friends. Please go and watch Pink if you like courtroom dramas, but even if you don't watch it, remember that NO means NO. No is a sentence in itself, it doesn't need any explanation or justification. Also, only humans can understand this denial, wild animals can't control their natural instincts, but we humans can and it is one of the major differences between our and wild animal's sexual behavior. So, if you claim to be a human, you should understand when someone says NO. Get this thing ingrained in your mind, NO means NO.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]