Empty nest?

Both my kids are in college now. Graduating from high school and going to college is a milestone in every student's life. The student and their parents give their best to achieve this moment. Going to college is an emotional moment for parents, they are happy to see their child graduate from high school and also a little sad because most kids leave their homes to attend the college of their choice, hence the metaphor of the "empty nest." Nests and homes have something in common, both are places where families live. Generally, nests are built to protect the eggs and newborn birds until they can fly on their own and feed themselves. However, there is one significant difference. Homes are not temporary residences, of course, people move and change their homes, but this is just a shift from one home to another. But the nests cease to be useful for birds once the newborn birds learn to fly and feed themselves. This is why I feel the metaphor of an empty nest makes sense but doesn't show the complete picture. Hence the question mark in the title.

Every phase of life changes the dynamics of our relationships. Every relationship, for example, between child and parent, friends, spouses, our surroundings, or our colleagues changes over time. Kids start their lives completely dependent on their parents or guardians, but slowly they get independent and pursue their own journeys. Parents are supposed to facilitate this process, but the journey has to be the kids' own. Unfortunately, not many parents are brave enough to allow their kids that free choice. Most instill them with their fears and insecurities, force their religious and political values, brainwash them with their cultural and social biases and prejudices, pass on their own stereotypes, and worst, use them as vehicles to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams and expectations. Even after all this, every parent-child relationship is special in its own way as most parents do these things thinking that they are doing good for their child. 

When kids graduate high school, they are supposed to embark on their own journey. This journey is supposed to be special as they will be living out of their homes for the first time. In the US most colleges require living on campus for at least part of their four years of college as they believe that living separately from parents is a part of a student's growth. I did not get to do this, I lived with my parents until I left for the US to pursue my postdoctoral work. It had its own pros and cons. I never got to live an independent life outside the shadow of my parents until my late twenties, whereas most kids in the US start doing this in their teens, at the age of 18 or 19. Now back to the empty nest metaphor. Even though it is a beautiful metaphor, our homes don't get empty, my kids are very much part of our home, even though they stay 8-9 months of the year on campus and are busy with their friends during their vacations. So, the nest is not really empty, just relationship dynamics have changed, we have entered a different phase and it has its own charm and fun. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com