Gender equality and parenting

Parenting is a tough job. Ask any parent living in a nuclear family, and they will attest to how demanding this job is. Not only it's a 24/7 responsibility, but it is also a job where you yourself may become the biggest critic of your own performance. The job has become more challenging as families have become nuclear. In joint families, due to the presence of extra human power, there was more help and advice available for parents. It not only made their job physically less demanding but also reduced anxiety related to making mistakes as there used to be an ample dose of unsolicited parental advice. However, this is not to comment that joint families are any better than nuclear families or vice versa. Whether people want to live with their parents or siblings is entirely a personal choice, there are pros and cons for both arrangements, but the reality is that the world is moving towards a nuclear family structure. 

Another important aspect of today's parenting is increased gender equality compared to the parenting methods of the past. Even though it is true that our society is still heavily influenced by patriarchy, we have made tremendous progress toward gender equality, and today's parents practice a much more gender-neutral parenting approach compared to the parents of my generation. This has added challenges for parents like me who have to play a balancing act of challenging our own parent's values and beliefs while defending our gender-balanced approach to parenting. Let me accept that gender-equal parenting is not easy, especially when you come from a heavily gender-biased and patriarchal culture. People around you not only question your methods but also question your intelligence and sanity. It would have been fine if the questioning stopped at you, but it doesn't. These people question your kids, comment on their behavior, and taunt them for living a life with a different set of values than what the gender-biased society commands. In the beginning, this is worrisome and it puts a lot of pressure on parents. They question their own judgments. It is easier to subscribe to traditions and cultures than to question them, that's why most don't try to question them. Parents who dare to take a different path face a lot of uncertainty as there is no example within their own family or community that can assure them that their approach will work. Such parents often ask themselves, whether it is worth putting their kids through this and expect that the kids will be able to defend their values and remain committed to gender equality or cave into the pressures of patriarchy and family pressure. 

Despite all these anxieties and challenges, I feel gender-balanced or gender-neutral parenting is worth a shot. I don't regret it. Yes, the challenges are there, but the satisfaction that you did not become a hurdle in the life of your own child because of their gender trumps all challenges and uncertainties. Also, in this process, your own children teach you a lot about subtle gender discrimination that still remains within us. It is not always a pleasant experience to get exposed to our own biases and prejudices, especially, when we try hard to eliminate them, but it is necessary if you want to improve as a human being. If you are thinking about challenging gender stereotypes within your own family, culture, or society, please go for it, you may face many hurdles, but you won't regret your efforts.      

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype

Gender bias is still a pressing issue in most countries, including developed and developing countries. Gender stereotyping is one of the reasons why gender bias exists. Different cultures and societies tend to associate certain characteristics only with specific genders. For example, men are supposed to be more aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, natural leaders, and masculine; women are supposed to be more gentle, passive, emotional, physically weak, non-masculine, and unwilling to lead. Like all stereotypes, gender stereotyping may have some historical context for it, but it should be clear from the list that I used as an example that it is not proper to generalize the qualities of all genders just in two sets. For example, a man can be gentle, non-masculine, emotional, passive, and unwilling to lead; and a woman can be aggressive, emotionally and physically strong, masculine, and a natural leader. The point is that we should search for our own identity, and should not become a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. 

Once we stereotype anything, including a gender, we attach specific characteristics to that group and create barriers around it. Anyone without those characteristics is considered an outlier or abnormal. This forces many who don't have these characteristics to feel bad about themselves or insufficient, suffer from mental health issues, or make them feel like a failure. Instead of being proud of what they are, people try to fit in, just to get accepted. They really try hard to fit in by concealing their true identity. This is the worst thing a society can inflict on any person. Imagine living in a prison for no fault of yours where you are forced to act in a certain way, wear certain clothes, eat a certain food, and live the life of someone who is anyone but not you. This is what we do when we live as a prisoner of our own gender stereotypes. Try to be free, and explore the world. Think about what is good for you, what makes you happy, draw your own boundaries and respect them, value your identity, and don't allow anyone to dilute or change it. Respect others and command respect from others. We should not tolerate nonsense and discrimination for ourselves or for others. It is we who should decide who we are, what qualities we want to have, and how we want to express ourselves. One can be a strong leader and emotional at the same time. One can be physically strong and feminine at the same time. A man can like to wear makeup and a woman may hate it. One can be of any combination, the possibilities are endless. This is what freedom is, this is what civil societies do, allow people to flourish. We all deserve to live free of fear of expressing ourselves. I don't think anyone of us wants to go back to the era where transgenders or homosexuals were forced to conceal their identities or used to get secreted when their identities were revealed. Therefore, don't be a prisoner of your gender stereotype, be free, express yourself, and let the world learn and accept your true identity. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

 

Stereotyping also happens for men, and it is equally bad

Are men also stereotyped in our society like women? Do they feel pressure to fit in a certain image to define their manliness? Does society expect a certain type of behavior from them or associate a certain set of qualities with their personality because of their gender? Do they face any discrimination because of their gender? Normally we ask these types of questions to point out gender stereotyping of women, but we can also ask these questions about men and the answer to most of them is YES. I am sure both men and women will be surprised to know that men are as much stereotyped as women or transgenders. There is a certain perception about men in our society. Our media and movie culture has built a certain image of an ideal man, masculine, fearless, and ever-ready for sex are some of the characteristics that most of us associate with men. This image is the result of years of stereotyping of male behavior, and males grow with this image in their minds. The effect of this is very strong. Knowingly or unknowingly men try to mold their behavior to fit into this image. The effect of this stereotyping is so much that if we come across any post or article adulating men the automatic response is "wish there were more men like this" or "We need more men like this." If you don't believe me then just check the comments section of any Facebook post or article adulating men or describing any incident which doesn't fit typical stereotyped male behavior. This is strong evidence to show how much our society has generalized the behavior patterns of men.

The truth is that most men want to be kind and very well-behaved. Patriarchal culture all over the world has put a lot of pressure on them to do justice to their so-called "manliness." Most of them try really hard to fit into that image. Often all those efforts and struggles are not recognized or appreciated as it is expected from them as a part of their duty as men, especially their responsibility to feed their family. This happens with women also where they are expected to take care of their families and all their efforts in that direction go completely unnoticed as it is considered as their "natural" duty. But unfortunately, when men misbehave, and commit crimes like murder or rape their gender becomes significant, and many times that criminal behavior is blamed on their gender. Even ridiculous statements like 'boys will be boys' are often used to justify or defend some misbehavior. Sometimes while criticizing sexual harassment incidents people try to put blame on the criminal's gender rather than accusing that particular individual for that mistake. The point is, men and women both face problems of gender stereotyping in our society and both get affected negatively because of this. Agreed, women are much more harshly targeted than men, but if we want to resolve the issue of gender discrimination we should look at the complete picture. Just because some men are misbehaving with women this type of behavior doesn't become a characteristic of all men. Just because some men are brave and masculine, this should not become a criterion to describe all men. Every person, whether it is a man, woman, or transgender comes with a unique set of qualities and emotions. A particular gender might have a certain type of emotion that dominates in its group, but there is no hard and fast rule for these things. Humans are not robots, they are not manufactured in factories with a certain set of characteristics. We all are different. Let's acknowledge and respect these differences. Such stereotyping of any gender can only result in feelings of low self-esteem and guilt among people who don't fit into those descriptions.

Stereotyping men is as bad as stereotyping women or transgenders. It doesn't serve any useful purpose, we all should avoid it. Just because for centuries, certain things were expected from certain gender doesn't mean we should continue with such wrong traditions. Once we realize that certain traditions are wrong, we should dare to challenge them and change them no matter how old they are. Like women, men have also suffered long because of stereotyping and gender bias. Let's try to end this injustice. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Women are made, not born

The title of this post is a famous quote by French philosopher Simone de Beauvoir on womanhood. I don't know in what context he said it, but when I heard it I immediately thought, wow, he described it so correctly. For me, this quote means that we as a society condition the minds of people into believing what men and women should do, how they should behave and what are their roles in society and family. In reality, no gender is supposed to do only certain types of things or behave in a certain way, we define it and it is a human creation. This quote is actually equally applicable to men, all genders are told what it is supposed to be a man or woman or a transgender and then we all try to fit into one of these roles. In the modern world, many people are trying to challenge these definitions and break the traditional gender perceptions but still, it is not that easy. The characteristics assigned to different genders are so stereotyped that people involuntarily follow them. Men without even knowing subscribe to traditional notions of masculinity, they come under tremendous pressure to perform and succeed to demonstrate their manliness. Similarly, women are forced into certain roles, and their minds are conditioned to teach them what they can do and what they can't. Once this task is successfully achieved, then it is easy for a patriarchal society to dictate what men can do and what women can do, and everyone follows. This biased environment then creates ample examples to support this hypothesis, and most people agree with these things as they see many examples validating these notions. That is why such quotes are important, they tell us the inherent flaw associated with such classification. Such quotes and thoughts force us to think and ask some uncomfortable and difficult questions. One of those questions should be, whatever we see around or believe is natural or manufactured by centuries of tradition and suppression of certain genders?

Our sex is determined by our DNA and now we very well understand the science behind it. But once we are born and start our journey in this world, society and people around us start conditioning our minds about what our gender should and shouldn't do. Many traditions, rituals, and cultural or religious beliefs start shaping our minds in a particular way. We are told about our gender and also how our gender must behave. We are also told about the responsibilities and limitations of our gender roles, what boys should like, and what girls are supposed to like. There are rewards for obedience and punishments for disobedience of these restrictions and slowly these things become part of our personality. They get embedded deep in our psyche. Rarely do we think about questioning these things. Many of us don't ask, why only women cook in the family? Why do only men have to go and work outside? Why it is considered the responsibility of man to be the breadwinner of a family? Why polygamy is more accepted in some societies but not polyandry? Why do only women change their last names after marriage? Why there is no equal recognition of any third gender? Nowadays these types of questions are being asked and many people are trying to challenge gender discrimination at various levels, but one can easily feel that society is not yet very receptive and accommodative of many of these reforms. There is still a reluctance to break the traditional stereotyped definition of men and women, but the pot is being stirred, things are being challenged and something good is going to come out of all this.

Many people including many women still believe that women are incapable of doing certain things, but they don't question why? Is it because they are women or because for centuries they were told that they couldn't do these things and now suddenly we expect them to match men on every level or go back to their traditional role. Providing an opportunity is just a first step, once the opportunity is provided one has to give enough time to master those skills. Men didn't become powerful in one day, they got preferred treatment and a favorable social atmosphere for centuries to become the so-called stronger or dominant sex. Actually, many women have already proven that they can take up any challenge thrown at them but still, many of them are way far behind as they are caged in age-old stereotyped boundaries. Slowly they are also becoming aware of their rights and capabilities, and even with limited resources and additional household burdens, they are competing strongly. As this awareness spreads across the world, we will see more and more women entering the mainstream and taking up responsible roles. If society and people around them don't try to suppress their potential, then I am sure in years to come we will see many more women in key leadership roles. Until then, let's try to create an environment where they get a fair shot to prove their talent.  

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Gender biased etiquettes

Open and hold your car door for ladies, pull out the chair for them before you sit, and offer your seat to them in a crowded bus or train, these are a few tips offered to men who wish to behave like true gentlemen. It is also said that true gentlemen treat women as women, I guess this means giving them special treatment, but definitely it doesn't mean treating them as equals. While these etiquettes might make women feel special, privileged, or even happy on these occasions. According to me, these etiquettes are gender biased. They are examples of positive gender discrimination, where women are getting special or preferred treatment just because of their gender. Superficially, there doesn't seem anything wrong with it, these gestures are well-mannered, intentioned, and respectful, but such minor incidents sow the seed of discrimination in people's minds.  Because of some of these things, some men get the impression that women are different (or special or weak) and always need some help from men and they should be treated somewhat differently than men. Then these people also expect that in return women should behave like women because they are special and different than men, and this is where the crux of the problem lies. Some of these men are shocked when women demand equality.

Gender discrimination like any other discrimination can be either positive (where some person is offered special treatment just because of their gender) or negative (where a person is discriminated just because of their gender). Men and women both are victims of this type of discrimination, especially women. But whenever men or women face positive discrimination, that is, when they get any special treatment just because of their gender they don't complain, this is why many men are silent about the privileges that come to them just because of their gender. I see most men and women enjoy this type of special treatment offered to them but when it becomes negative discrimination they start complaining. Any type of discrimination (positive or negative) should be questioned, because if you tolerate one type (positive) then people expect you to tolerate another type of discrimination (negative). Some families treat boys differently than girls. Boys are allowed to go out more frequently, and they can stay out late, drink, or even smoke after a certain age but similar things are not allowed for girls. Boys often don't see anything wrong in this preferred treatment, and they don't complain about this special treatment but then the same families expect boys to outperform girls in every competition, they are expected to work and earn a living for their entire family (bread earner), they need to be strong under all circumstances, they are expected to be the man of family, the savior, the protector, and bread earner. All these expectations put tremendous pressure on them, they are expected to perform and succeed not to fail or show any weakness. Men who don't fit in this mold struggle, feel guilty, or even get ridiculed by society (for not being real men). I have written about discrimination and bias against women in some posts before so I won't go into details about that. The truth is both genders get special treatment and then also face gender discrimination, women way more than men. Once we accept special treatment or positive discrimination then the other negative discrimination follows.

Why do women need to be treated any differently than men in our day-to-day interactions? What couples do during their date is their personal matter but to make gender-biased etiquette part of male-female interactions is problematic for gender equality. Women can open car doors themselves, pull their own chairs, and unless pregnant they can also stand like any other normal passenger on a train or bus. I have seen many ladies politely reject seats offered to them just because they are women. There are reserved seats for ladies in trains and buses in India but there is an altogether different reason for that, I think everyone who has traveled in crowded buses and trains in India knows why ladies are offered reserved seats or reserved compartments. But I think we don't need any reserved seats just for ladies anywhere, in special cases like pregnant women, both men and women should be courteous enough to offer them their seats. Women are capable of taking care of themselves they don't need any special treatment, especially, in a way that makes them feel that they are the weaker sex. I hope that more and more women reject this type of special treatment offered to them just because of their gender. Equality comes with some price, it's not a free thing. Equality also comes with some responsibility and struggle, if women want to claim that they are equal to men they need to behave like one. They need to reject all special treatment offered to them just because of their gender. They need to say that they don't need special treatment but need equality. They need to fight for their rights, it might come with the loss of all this special treatment, but I am sure equality is far better than any special treatment that comes at the cost of equality.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Lean In - very inspiring and thought provoking book

Recently I finished reading the book "Lean In" by Sheryl Sandberg. It was a very refreshing and learning experience for me. I liked the book because it was an honest perspective of a very successful woman about the challenges she faced and difficulties she experienced from every quarter of her life like family, culture, social taboos, and traditions. Without any hesitation, I recommend this book to everyone, especially to those who are interested in knowing about the tremendous progress women have achieved and also about their continuous struggle towards equal and fair treatment in our society. 

One thought that I liked the most from the book is her point that we need to respect the choices of people. We need to respect the choices of women who choose (out of their own will and desire) to stay at home, look after their family, and make this their primary job as well as women who prefer (again out of their own will and choice) to go out, pursue a career in any field they want and become successful in it.

"We all want the same thing: to feel comfortable with our choices and to feel validated by those around us. So let’s start by validating one another. Mothers who work outside the home should regard mothers who work inside the home as real workers. And mothers who work inside the home should be equally respectful of those choosing another option."

At the same time choices of men who choose to do any of above mentioned things should also be respected. We need to change heavily stereotyped gender roles, redefine them, and make the choice of any job a matter of personal choice, not a gender choice.

"The gender stereotypes introduced in childhood are reinforced throughout our lives and become self-fulfilling prophesies. Most leadership positions are held by men, so women don’t expect to achieve them, and that becomes one of the reasons they don't."

As this book is about her personal experiences in day-to-day life, it sounds very practical and logical. The problems and possible solutions mentioned in the book sound very practical as they are based on real-life experiences, it doesn't sound like some manifesto or too preachy this is a big plus for this book.

She also writes about the fears that women face.  
"Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter." she also goes on to say "for women, “self-doubt becomes a form of self-defense. In order to protect ourselves from being disliked, we question our abilities and downplay our achievement".

I also like when she questions society's attitude towards women, she writes, "It’s up to us to end the self-fulfilling belief that 'women can't do this, women can't do that.' Throwing up our hands and saying 'It can't be done' ensures that it will never be done." 

Along with society's attitude women's attitude to themselves matters a lot and is going to play a key role in determining their role in future society. She also writes about women's attitudes towards other women, often this is used to show that women are real enemies of other women. She offers a very candid explanation for this where she emphasizes that women can be both victims and perpetrators of gender bias.
"Women’s negative views of female coworkers are often seen as an objective assessment—more credible than the views of men. When women voice gender bias, they legitimize it. Obviously, a negative attitude cannot be gender based if it comes from another woman, right? Wrong. Often without realizing it, women internalize disparaging cultural attitudes and then echo them back. As a result, women are not just victims of sexism, they can also be perpetrators." 

She also comments about gender stereotypes and questions many indirect gestures that condition our minds to stereotype both genders.
"Other cultural messages are more blatant. Gymboree once sold onesies proclaiming “Smart like Daddy” for boys and “Pretty like Mommy” for girls."

The book contains many situations and examples that are really interesting and thought-provoking. She also shares many successful examples from her friends' lives where couples break traditional norms and share responsibilities or even switch traditional roles to live a peaceful, happy, and successful life.

I would like to end this post with a very optimistic quote from the book, "The hard work of generations before us means that equality is within our reach. We can close the leadership gap now. Each individual’s success can make success a little easier for the next. We can do this—for ourselves, for one another, for our daughters, and for our sons. If we push hard now, this next wave can be the last wave. In the future, there will be no female leaders. There will just be leaders."

I wish everyone works hard to make a society a reality where we have equal opportunity for everyone irrespective of their gender or any other characteristic that is immaterial for that opportunity. This will be the first step towards the creation of a discrimination-free world.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Links:
1. Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
2. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009LMTDL0/ref=r_soa_w_d
3. Sheryl Sandberg: So we leaned in ... now what?

Fight for gender equality is far from over

So far, the most popular post on my Blog is "Chanakya and his views about women." I wrote that post with a specific intention and mentioned it clearly in that post. The intention was not to display Chanakya in a bad light, to question his intelligence, or to criticize him. However, some people blinded by their faith and love of their idols didn't even bother to read the post carefully. Many such people took the post as a direct attack on Chanakya and somehow they also thought I was questioning his wisdom. They just couldn't tolerate my objections to some of his statements about women. They thought how can a person who was so brilliant and expert in many fields can make any mistake, and even if he made any mistake who am I to question it?

The post itself came into existence because of my two posts related to Prabhupad's book Gita as it is. In this book, he (Prabhupad) used some of Chanakya's quotes about women to claim that women are generally not very intelligent and trustworthy (compared to men). He also claimed that women are more prone to (moral) degradation, ironically this all was written in a book in which he claims to explain Gita as it is, this means Prabhupad claims that Gita is also a gender-biased text. So, the post "Chanakya and his views about women" was an attempt to show that an intelligent and wise man like Chanakya can also be biased about women. Such statements by influential people like Chanakya could be used to suppress women, hinder their progress, and restrict their freedom. Therefore, we need to question such statements, that's why I wrote that post. I thought it was a very simple thing to understand but unfortunately, some people failed to get it. This current post is not to defend that post or to justify it, I don't think I need to do that but I want to share my experience in dealing with some people who aggressively commented on that post to defend these views of Chanakya. Actually, this was not a totally unexpected reaction but in this process, they also shared their misogynist views like women are indeed not equal to men, women have some "natural flaws" that make them somewhat inferior to men, etc. One can see that even in today's world people are still nurturing some age-old misogynist beliefs.  Surprisingly not only some men but some women also claimed that indeed they were somewhat inferior (or weaker, having more problems, basically they meant inferior) to men. This shows how strong is the prejudice against women in our society. The years of brainwashing and suppression have made even women themselves believe that they have some natural flaws that make them less competent compared to men.

In the last few years, many laws have been created to protect women from social and sexual abuse. These laws were required because there were many cases where women were harassed for dowry (especially in India) or exploited sexually (all over the world). These laws helped to reduce these cases to some extent, at the same time nowadays there are many incidents reported in newspapers for misuse of anti-dowry laws and sexual harassment laws. Few women use these laws to blackmail their partners for selfish motives. Misuse of any law is not a new thing, many people exploit some loopholes present in any legislation. This is wrong and strict measures should be taken to stop it, but people should also try to understand why in the first place these laws were introduced. These types of laws were needed to stop those crimes against women and like many other laws some people misuse them for selfish purposes but that doesn't mean that we don't need these laws or only women misuse laws and men don't do it. Our society still needs these laws, we need to fine-tune them as much as possible so that people can not misuse them, but a few people misusing them can not be a reason to blame all women and conclude that we don't need any such laws. It's very foolish to generalize and conclude something like this. This is just one example that shows how some people want to use certain isolated incidents against women, based on a few incidents they like to jump to the conclusion that women should not be given equal status to men in society and that women must only perform certain traditional roles. They are eager to turn the wheels of the women's liberation movement backward.

The fight for gender equality has been going on for decades. A lot has been achieved by many feminist movements but still lot needs to be done. This fight is far from over. We can clearly see that still many think that men and women are not equal, they want to force women to do only some particular jobs, want to put boundaries around them, and suppress them. However, whether they like it or not those days are gone or will be gone very soon. Women have already proved their capabilities and earned respect and equal status in many societies around the world, and societies where they still don't have equal status they are catching up very fast, but as long as people with discriminatory mindsets are there, the fight for equality continues.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Chanakya and his views about women 
2. Bhagadvad Gita-As it is or As it is NOT..Part-I
3. Bhagadvad Gita-As it is or As it is NOT- Part-II

Seeing the Girl - a classic example of gender-bias

"Seeing the Girl" is one of the very important processes in the case of arranged marriage. This process may sound outrageous or very backward to many who don't know about the process of arranged marriage, but it is still a very important part of arranged marriage and it's still practiced widely.  Also, this is not just limited to villages or rural areas, but educated people, living in big cities or abroad also practice this ritual. I always felt that this process was a very humiliating process for prospective brides. I felt bad for them that they had to go through this and always admired their courage and the efforts they took to go through this process without complaining.

The process itself is not very standard and can differ widely from region to region or family to family. In many places, they just want to make sure that it's the same girl (whose photo they saw), and that she doesn't have some obvious issues that were not disclosed to them (like some disability, etc.). Some families want girls to display their talents like singing, dancing, cooking, etc. Some people take proper interview of that girl by asking a variety of questions starting from her hobbies to her career goals to her opinion about living in a joint family, etc. So, the process can vary from place to place and family to family. I think this process was necessary for an era of child marriages, especially when women (of any age) were not allowed to go out of home and men-women interaction was minimal outside of the family. During that time it might have been necessary to go and interview potential brides. "Swayamvara" was one unique tradition in ancient India where a girl used to choose her future husband from a list of suitable candidates, this ritual gave all the right to girl to choose whoever they liked as their future life partner, but this was in ancient India, today one can only see very distorted version of this on some reality shows.

I am not against arranged marriage or social traditions where people can meet and try to know each other before deciding to get married. But having a social gathering to know each other is one thing and when a group of people analyzes physically and interviews only girls as if she is some article they want to purchase is a totally different thing. In most cases, people who should be actually involved (bride and groom) never even get a chance to interact with each other, which is a major flaw of this process (especially in very conservative families). When I expressed my desire to have a face-to-face meeting with my wife before our marriage everyone in our family was shocked and they were wondering what purpose this meeting will serve? They never heard of any boy meeting the girl before marriage in their community, so it was confusing and shocking to them.

I feel this process of seeing the girl should be abandoned for good or at least made gender-neutral. A bride has an equal right to get to know her future groom, so the process should be balanced for both. It should be entirely left to the prospective couple to decide whether they want to go through this process or not and the decision of marriage also should be theirs. I am sure that today's generation is mature enough to take decisions about such an important step in their lives. Let's give them a chance I am sure they won't disappoint their elders. After all, it's their life and they are more concerned about it than anyone else, so just believe in them and give them a chance.

Thanks for reading and please share your views about this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

We need gender unbiased harassment laws

The recent case of the suicide of actress Jiah Khan and the subsequent happenings created a lot of stir in media and social networks. There were a few posts criticizing the way the case was handled and also some people believe that there was an attempt to accuse a man (in this case someone named Suraj Pancholi, her boyfriend) of her suicide. Many also feel that some of the laws like dowry law or sexual harassment laws are heavily biased toward women and they often misuse them to blackmail men and their families. Some of these posts take the familiar route of accusing the victim of her actions and feeling sympathy with the accused. In this case Jiah, no doubt is responsible for what she did but it's also necessary to investigate what made her take this step. This case is an ideal example of our attitude towards these types of problems. Some people want to blame men for whatever wrong happens with women and some people always want to blame women's behavior for whatever wrong happens to them, these two polarized groups always fight with each other. We see somewhat similar attitudes when people try to accuse victims in most rape cases and blame their dress or behavior for a crime committed against them, by doing this they are not helping to solve this problem but they are making things more complicated.

In the last few years, there have been some laws introduced in many countries to curb the number of cases related to sexual harassment. Mainly these laws are designed to protect women's rights and deliver justice if there is a crime committed against them. Some laws are purposely made very strict to make sure that perpetrators of these crimes don't make use of loopholes to escape the punishment. At the same time, we also see that some of these laws can be misused, so there seems to be a two-fold problem here. We need very strict laws to control crime against women but at the same time, we need to make sure that there is no misuse of these laws. Another important point is that it would be a big mistake to assume that only women are sexually harassed or physically assaulted, these crimes are also committed against males, so we must have gender-unbiased harassment laws. This will provide protection to both genders from any harassment crimes against them and also reduce the feeling that some laws are very biased towards a particular gender. There is no doubt that we need these laws but also they need to be unbiased, crime committed against women is as bad as crime committed against men. Victims need justice and proper support to deal with these situations. Our social structure is such that currently women are more prone or vulnerable to these incidents that's why we see most of these laws designed particularly to protect them. It is the responsibility of lawmakers to make sure that laws related to sexual harassment and torture (like dowry) are gender unbiased so that all people feel that they are not unfairly targeted or neglected purposely. Path to seek justice and protection should be offered to all and its availability should not be based on a person's gender, religion, caste, or something else.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)