Parents don't own their children

Parenthood is a beautiful thing, but at the same time, it is a physically and mentally challenging job. Parents have a responsibility to provide for and guide their children as they grow and become independent and responsible adults. As parents, we are not only taking care of our own children but also shaping up our society by bringing up future citizens of that city and country. However, parents don't own their children and children should not be treated as mere possessions to be controlled and manipulated to convert them into reflections of self. In many cultures, children are often referred to as the property of their parents, they are considered as a retirement fund of parents, someone who has an obligation and responsibility to take care of their parents no matter what. But this notion is deeply flawed for many reasons.   

This idea that parents own their children may have its roots in a patriarchal society where children were seen as an extension of their father's property. Even today, in many cultures, children are considered as an asset to be used for labor, marriage alliances, or to continue the family lineage. These traditions treat children as objects to be owned and used for the benefit of parents. However, children are independent human beings with their own thoughts, needs, feelings, and desires. Parents produce them by their own actions, human reproduction is a biological process, similar to the reproduction of many mammals who reproduce their offspring by the same mechanism we reproduce. There is nothing spectacular or divine in our reproductive method, it can be initiated in a petri dish in a well-equipped biology lab. 

Just because children are biologically produced by their parents, they don't become the property of their parents. They are not like any other property we own that we produce or buy, like patents, writings, paintings, sculptures, or our pets. Children are not listed as our assets that can be valued or sold if we default on any financial obligations. This is the reason no developed country gives an unrestricted right to any parents to bring up their children in whatever way they want. There are some rules that parents need to follow and if they don't follow these rules, the state may step in to protect the rights of the affected children. In most countries, at least on paper, children have legal rights and protections that are independent of their parents. For example, children have the right to a safe and healthy environment, access to education and healthcare, and protection from abuse and neglect. All these rights are recognized by international human rights laws and are enforced by many governments. This itself is enough to remind parents that children are not their property but independent entities with their own standing, legally and socially.

Children have the right to make their own choices and live their own lives free from the influence of their parents. However, this rarely happens in most cultures. Even though most parents agree that it is the duty of parents to support and nurture their children, and not to dominate and control them so that children can become independent thinkers, rarely do parents allow children to go out of their influence. That is why we see most kids follow the same religion as their parents, support the same political ideology, and even follow the education and profession chosen by their parents. 

Finally, parents must also understand that their children are not a reflection of themselves. Most parents make this mistake, they think that their children are the means to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. Many parents own the success and failures of their kids as if it is their own success and failure. Definitely, parents play a role, maybe a big role, in their kids' lives, but the success or failure of their kids doesn't in any way reflect on parents' own lives unless there is gross negligence or misconduct from the parents' side. At the same time, children are not responsible for their parent's success or failure. Having this simple understanding will allow parents to encourage their children to pursue their own interests and passions, even if they are different from their own. 

As parents, it is our responsibility to recognize, respect, and protect the individuality and agency of our children and provide them will all the love and support they need to thrive and become responsible citizens of this world.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Contradicting ourselves is not as bad as it sounds

Consistency is a virtue most of the time. People like to be consistent and some even brag about how they are consistent throughout their lives. I also believe that consistency is a good characteristic, it demonstrates that the person is reliable and doesn't do a flip-flop when the time comes to stand by what they said or did. However, the inability to contradict ourselves, especially in the presence of new information and data just for the sake of being consistent, is also a problem. We all live with many biases, prejudices, and perceptions, and we form our opinions based on these things. Some of these opinions are about our own and other religions and political and social views. Rarely, do people change their opinions about their own religion and political views, not because there is not enough data available but not to contradict themselves and the people around them who helped them to formulate these opinions. However, the same people love to use scientific research or other available data to prove others' views and opinions wrong. This not only shows that we refuse to change our opinions and views even when data to the contrary is available but also shows our selective use of data to prove someone wrong but ignore the same when it comes to proving ourselves wrong. I try my best to avoid this rigidity, it is not easy, as we are not trained to do this, but it is very helpful to learn new things and understand different perspectives. This is why I seek information that helps me to refine my opinions and if I find reliable and verifiable information/data that contradict my views I don't hesitate to update my views, even if it means I contradict myself. It is important to remember that this contradiction or updating of our views is not for some selfish reasons like being accepted in some group or being pressured by the establishment but because there is enough contrary data that shows that we need to update ourselves. There is a difference between flip-flopping for selfish reasons and being an opportunist and being open to new information that contradicts your own principles and ideas.

The obligation not to contradict ourselves under any circumstance is what bad politicians and their supporters do. These people try to justify everything and anything they do either by pointing fingers at others or turning a blind eye to all the evidence offered to counter their arguments. It seems that most people don't want to truth, they just want and actively seek constant validation that what they already believe in is the truth. However, my aim is not to become such a moron. The fact is that anyone can be proven wrong based on experimental evidence and that's the time when we accept that we were wrong and update ourselves to be consistent with the new evidence until again proven wrong the next time. This cycle will go on as long as the human species exists. 

Also, not accepting that you can be wrong and believing in all conspiracy theories is not just a sign of stupidity it can be a sign of a narcissist. Narcissists want to feel special, they think they are better than everyone else and don't want to accept that they are wrong. One can see that most politicians fit this definition and the ones that don't are not traditionally considered charismatic or strong leaders. However, things are changing slowly, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a leadership attribute. When we are proven wrong and we have to contradict our previous statement, we feel vulnerable, only actual leaders can withstand this, narcissists can't. So, be vulnerable, be brave, and avoid being a narcissist. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Passing on generational trauma - common pitfall of parenting

Parenting is a tough job. It is a physically and mentally demanding and challenging task, you need to be on this job 24/7 and 365 days a year, without any leave, there is no place to complain and you cannot quit the job. It is challenging irrespective of one or both parents working, surely, both parents working makes it more complicated and adds additional dimensions to it, but this does not mean work-at-home moms have an easier task at their hands. This is why childcare is so vital for parents in nuclear families. It is impossible for parents to provide the required support to their kids of all ages and perform other non-parental duties expected from them without having reliable and affordable childcare. However, this post is not about general parenting challenges or affordable childcare, this is about one of the most common pitfalls in parenting, parents passing on their generational trauma to their kids. 

Most parents based on their upbringing and childhood experiences have certain insecurities, prejudices, and generational trauma. I and my wife are not an exception to this. Also, as an immigrant to another country or as a migrant to a different place in the same country, some of our insecurities get stronger or we add some more to our list. Knowingly or unknowingly parents try to instill these insecurities and concerns in their kids. We pass on to our kids our fears about job loss, job insecurity, ignorance about non-traditional career paths, lack of education, insecurities related to inter-caste or inter-racial marriage, prejudices related to gender and sexuality, concerns about poverty and abuse, and ignorance about various other issues. A single phrase "generational trauma"  is used here to include all these parental insecurities, prejudices, and ignorance. The problem is that the parents pass on this general trauma with all good intentions, thinking that they are helping their child, thinking that they are protecting their child from obvious dangers that the poor child is unaware of. No matter how good the intention is, the fact remains that we are putting our own biases and fears into our children's minds. 

Generational trauma can be in many forms, scaring our children that their poor academic performance will lead them to beg on the streets is one form, reminding our children continuously about how lucky they are compared to the parent's childhood is another form, criticizing children's choices based on our own fears and ignorance is yet another form, passing on our own bigotry beliefs is also a very common form, and this list can go on but I think you get my point. I am sure every parent will come up with some very good reason why they are persuading their child to follow a particular career path even if their child is interested in something else. No matter how good is our reasoning, the fact is that by doing this we are telling your kids their choices don't matter and undermine their decision-making ability about their own lives. As parents, we do these things instinctively without realizing the consequences of our well-intentioned encroachment on our kids' lives. However, this is avoidable. As a parent, whenever we feel a strong urge to fix our kids' lives, we need to pause and ask an honest question, are we passing our own generational trauma to our child? Remember that the world in which we grew up is not the same, even ten years back the way people interacted with each other was different compared to how we interact today. Are our fears and concerns that originate from our experiences in a world that doesn't exist anymore rational? If not, is it right to indoctrinate our kids with these things? If parents take this simple step and do some introspection, I believe we can stop the continuation of this generational trauma. Remember, as parents, we cannot stop every trauma that our children may experience, but we can definitely minimize our own contribution to their trauma. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

My first live basketball game

On March 9, 2023, I attended my first live basketball game at Madison Square Garden Arena in NY city. It was a Big East men's basketball tournament quarterfinal between the two arch-rivals, UConn and Providence. I prefer to watch games in the comfort of my home on my TV screen. I attended some college football or gymnastic tournaments in New Haven and attended some tennis matches when CT Open was a thing, but nothing like a basketball match where there is a highly charged environment on and off the court. This was very unlikely for me to attend this game on a working day, but I am glad that I did it, this was one of the best experiences in my life.

It was my daughter's idea that I should go to this game. She insisted that as I like basketball and UConn is playing, I should go and watch this game with my son who is studying at UConn and is one of the top fans of both UConn basketball teams. I decided to give it a shot to this proposal. I bought a train around noon and reached Grand Central around 2pm. I met my son a few blocks away from the Grand Central Terminal and we both walked to the Madison Square Garden arena. The atmosphere there was electric, it was a full house with more than nineteen thousand people in the arena. Fans of both teams were supercharged and singing songs or chanting slogans in support of their respective teams. I sat with UConn supporters. Some students came with face paint and costumes matching their team's jersey. They asked if I wanted some paint on my face, so I went ahead and got my face painted. The game did live up to its expectations. I was one-sided at the beginning with UConn leading by 25 points at one point, but in the last ten minutes, it got really tense. The lead was cut down to 5 with some amazing defense and flawless scoring NY the Providence team. UConn managed to hold on to their lead to win the game with a 73-66 final score. I enjoyed the thrill, ups and downs, and other aspects of the game. In the entire game, there was no dull moment. Even during the breaks and halftime, there was some entertainment either on the court or among the audience that was showcased on the big screens of the arena. Fans added extra flavor and color to that electrifying atmosphere. UConn winning the game made this an unforgettable experience for me. Sitting with the students was extra special, their enthusiasm and energy was infectious. We were standing most of the game, and for the last five minutes or so the entire stadium was on its feet. Watching the game along with my son made it extra special, I could witness his joy and involvement in enjoying the game and supporting his university team. College sports are very special in the USA. Many college teams have a huge and very loyal fan following. Witnessing all this is an enthralling experience. I would still prefer to watch games on my TV as I really get anxious when games get really close, in your home, you can choose to mute the volume or switch off the TV and follow the score on the internet and rejoin whenever you want, but in the stadium, you don't have that option. However, if you are a sports fan, I would advise you to go and watch a live game in the stadium at least once to experience the magic of a sports arena full of passionate sports fans. Sports teach us to compete intensely while the game is on, but once it ends shake hands and move on to the next game. Go and enjoy that experience at least once, I didn't regret it and I am sure you also won't regret it.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Eleventh anniversary

Today is the eleventh anniversary of the blog. Eleven years of sharing my reflections with my readers. When I started this endeavor eleven years ago I had no idea how long this would continue. I am not a professional writer and have no training in writing, but I have a lot to share. I always wondered why I got so many questions and why people around me could not provide satisfactory answers to most of my questions. This prompted me to find those answers on my own, and this is also one of the reasons why I thought my journey, views, and opinions were worth sharing. I never regretted even one post since I started writing this blog. Thanks to all my readers for their comments and encouragement. There are more than 550 published posts on this blog on various subjects and issues ranging from personal stories to political and social commentaries. 

In the past few years, I was pleasantly surprised to know that even the younger generation finds my blog posts interesting. I am a lifelong learner, and I have learned a lot from the younger generation, I am glad that I can offer some insights to them through my blog. 

This journey has been phenomenal so far and I am sure the excitement and fulfillment will continue. Thanks again and happy reading. 

Thank you for reading and for your continuous support. 

© Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Overconsumption: the elephant in the room for environmental protection

Global warming and other environmental issues are debated and discussed passionately on various regional, national, and international forums. Environmental protection has become a buzzword for many political establishments and every government is pledging some audacious milestones that they claim will help our efforts to protect the environment. However, no one or very few are talking about one of the major problems that contribute to all our environment-related problems, the elephant in the room, "overconsumption." I understand why people don't want to discuss overconsumption. This is because the discussion about overconsumption will expose almost everyone involved in the conversation. Every country, its leaders, and all celebrities talk about environmental protection all the time but do nothing to minimize their consumption habits in their private lives.  

How does it make sense when a person living in a mansion, having multiple homes, traveling in a private jet or a full-size plane, having an oversized wardrobe and other consumables, and living an exuberant life advise common people to scale down their consumption habits. These leaders and celebrities advise us to cut our fuel consumption, shift to electric vehicles and use solar for our electricity, recycle everything, and reduce our carbon footprint. How many people will believe that such a person is serious or sincere about environmental protection when they contribute heavily to destroying it? Will anyone take seriously this message? Look at all presidents and prime ministers, or other heads of state, see how they live and travel, calculate their carbon footprint, and compare that with common people from those countries to see who is causing the actual environmental damage. Preaching others is easy, but practicing what you preach is where the real test begins. Personally, I try my best to limit my consumption of fuel and other consumables, but I am not a minimalist, and I know that my efforts have negligible impact on the overall environmental issues but I try my best anyway because that's all I can do.

Overconsumption is a problem at every level. No recycling company or manufacturer or business is going to tell us to consume less. They are only going to tell us what to do after we consume so that their business interests remain sound and we feel less guilty. Recycling single-use plastic doesn't help as much compared to reusing it multiple times before dumping it in a recycle bin. Using solar energy or electric vehicles doesn't help as much as reducing our energy consumption or driving so that we use less fuel no matter what's the source. If these heads of state are really serious about environmental protection they should lead by example before preaching to their countrypeople. Consuming an astronomical amount of energy and resources under the name of security or a privileged position is not an excuse. And if you are doing that, then at least stop preaching to others, it sounds ridiculous and hypocritical. To all others, who really care about the environment and want to do something about it, please check your consumption habits and make necessary changes. Each individual can make a difference. It is easy to preach, but what we do is what really matters. Let's be doers and not hypocritical preachers. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Fear of failure

Why do people hesitate to pursue the career of their dreams? Why do people hesitate to switch once they find their job or career boring or burdensome? Why do people hesitate to study nontraditional fields that no one around them studied? One common answer to all these questions is "fear of failure." Fear of failure is not just about failure, it is more about being judged as a failure. 

There is a difference between actually failing at something and being judged as a failure. We fail for so many reasons, lack of preparation, underestimating the difficulty, better competitors, or plain bad luck. Sometimes things because of which we fail are not in even our hands, for example, if we miss the exam because our car broke down or we miss the train, there is nothing we can do about it. Most people are not scared of these types of failures, but being judged as a failure is an altogether different animal. Even if you are doing or trying to do something you love or still trying to figure out what to do, people may judge you as a failure based on your family, social, and economic background. People judge an engineer's child just because he or she did not choose to study engineering but chose music. If a doctor's child doesn't become a doctor and chooses any other profession that is supposed to be riskier and less monetary rewarding, people judge them and many feel sympathy towards these parents as if their kids failed them. Many people from my circle assume that my kids will be doing either science or law because I have that background and both fields are considered lucrative career options. I admire and applaud kids who chose to travel a different path. It is not easy, fear of failure is not an easy thing to overcome. I face this fear, and this is why I chose science as people told me arts has no future and commerce is for business-savvy people. Both pieces of advice were completely wrong but they affected my decisions, because of fear that I may end up without any job if I didn't study science. 

Also, the Asian community overseas is stereotyped as a science and tech-savvy community, which is far from true. Just because mostly STEM-educated people from India and China come to the USA or other countries doesn't mean that everyone in India or China is only good in science-related fields. The Asians are interested in arts like writing and music, they also love cinema and theater, they also like to be entrepreneurs in areas other than science, and they also want to tell their stories. However, many Asian kids are not encouraged to take these paths and are coerced or brainwashed to take more traditional careers that are considered as safe and monetarily rewarding. 

I always encourage kids who want to pursue a different career path than the so-called safe career choices. This is not easy, ask anyone who tried this. These kids face a lot of anxiety and get a lot of unsolicited advice that is offered with good intentions but under the assumption that these kids are lost and misguided. It is not easy to try to enter a profession that is not commonly pursued in your community, where you don't know anyone, and where you don't have any example to follow from your community or family. This requires courage and self-belief, more than any other common profession that they could have chosen. Note that in these common professions, there may not have been anyone from their family, but just because these professions are so well structured there is less risk and a more defined career path that reduces entry barriers. Therefore, be proud if you are trying to chart an uncommon path. Seek the support of your family, and if they don't offer any support, then find a mentor who can support you. Be patient and believe in yourself, the path may be tough and uncertain, the entry barrier may be high, and you may face many failures, but you are on a journey to achieve something that no one around you dared to do, and that itself is commendable. Fear of failure will be there, but make that your strength and not a weakness, use that fear to better prepare yourself and give yourself the option to fail. Failures don't define us, our grit, determination, and willingness to struggle do define our character. Success is not always the ultimate destination, many times it is the journey that we take that matters more than the ultimate destination. All the very best. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

My journey towards feminism

Feminism was an alien word for me till I came to the USA, I never heard it or read about it, and did not know what it meant. This does not mean I was not aware of gender bias and discrimination. I was very much aware of these things and other types of discrimination, rather I grew up in a very discriminatory culture and society. People were discriminated against for various reasons, including their skin tone, gender, caste, age, disability, and economic status, just to name a few. All this was overt and explicit, right on your face. So, even as a kid, I was exposed to various discriminations and even personally experienced some of them. It was everywhere, within our homes and outside, even on TV and in movies, in schools and colleges. It was so pervasive that for many years I did not even know that it was discrimination, I was under the impression that that's how people live, and being at the receiving end of discriminatory behavior was part of the deal, a price to pay to live in this world. 

I noticed different treatment offered to my brothers compared to my sisters within my own family. I also noticed that my family was not an exception, such gender discrimination was a norm in our society and my family was just following what they thought was their culture and the right thing to do. I witnessed how girls and women were subject to harassment even in public places, touching them without their consent by taking advantage of the situation was a norm, not an exception, it was something boys and men boasted about, not something to be ashamed of. As a teenager, I used to feel jealous of all boys who could do these things, I couldn't, not because I didn't want to or I thought it was wrong, but because I was too scared to do these things. I felt bad about my lack of courage to do these things, such behavior was considered manly and males who couldn't do these things were teased for not being manly. But slowly I realized that something was wrong, there was nothing manly in making someone feel uncomfortable by your behavior or presence. It felt wrong to breach personal boundaries and encroach without any legitimate reason, but I was not sure if there is any alternative to this or if it was I who was confused.

Girls around me, including some of my cousins, were not allowed to continue or finish their education because their parents thought it was not required as they were girls. I wondered if I could go to college why can't they. I wondered why any boy is not dropping out of school or college because his parents decided to get him married, but many girls used to drop out for this reason. I wondered why even grown-up females were not allowed to travel alone, whereas males were allowed to travel alone from a very young age. Many such questions used to come to my mind, I even tried to ask a few of them, but I only received some unsatisfactory answers: this is our culture; women don't or can't do this; this is too dangerous for women, you are too young to understand this, or something like that. None of these answers made any sense to me. At the same time, there were girls in my college, we had female professors, bank workers, politicians, and authors. So, on one side, I knew that women could do these things but in many families and cultures, they were not allowed. This was when I started understanding gender discrimination, I must have been around 18-19 years of age. My maternal grandmother died when I was in my last year of high school. Her death reminded me of the life she lived as a young widow, it hit me really hard. When I looked back on her struggles and the treatment she got from society and her own family, it made me really sad and angry at the same time. She was very respected, almost worshipped as a deity by people around her, but many simple pleasures and choices were snatched away from her at a very young age just because the man she married died in an accident. She was respected because she followed the cultural dictate precisely. Her life was romanceless, colorless, and choiceless, but she was hailed as an idol of a pious and pure woman. 

That was the time when I started raising questions within my family, and I started boycotting functions and ceremonies due to their discriminatory practices, I can say that this is when the seeds of feminism were planted in my mind. One common answer I used to get was that it is easy to talk and criticize these things when others are doing it, I will do the same and they will see what I do when I have a daughter. I used to get taunted that I was dreaming of changing something that was going on for many centuries and our ancestors were not fools to practice these things. I was also told that gender equality will never happen, it is not natural, and as women have been treated like this for centuries in all cultures, some religious texts recommend these practices, hence no need to change anything. But I wanted the change, and this is when I started my journey towards feminism. I did not become a feminist because my daughter was born, I was happy to have a daughter because I was a feminist. The birth of a female child is still not welcomed in many families, the situation was worse compared to today when my daughter was born.

Once you witness gender discrimination and you are not okay with it, there is nothing that can stop you from becoming a feminist. You are either for gender equality or against it, there is nothing in between. I know this sounds like an aggressive stance, but there are some issues where there cannot be a middle ground and gender equality is one of them, racism is another example. Either you are a racist or you are not, there is nothing in between, you cannot be a racist in some situations and against it in some situations, that's hypocrisy. Also, as a feminist, either you are for gender equality or you are not. Gender equality is not a movement against men, it is a movement for equality for genders, only men who don't believe in gender equality will feel threatened by it.  

I also feel odd if someone gives me credit for not being an obstacle in the journey of my wife and my daughter to become independent women. No one should get any credit for not being an obstacle to someone's progress, that's the minimum everyone should do for people around them. My journey to becoming a feminist was full of many obstacles, many of the obstacles were from society, culture, family, and religion in which I was born, and many were from within me due to the brainwashing I received as a child. It was tough to get rid of that conditioning when everyone was okay with it. In the beginning, I was very scared to ask questions when no one around me questioned these beliefs and traditions. I was scared on many occasions and even thought that something must be wrong with me as so many people cannot be wrong at the same time. I was worried about whether my wife and daughter will be accepted in our families or not, and whether they will blame me for the backlash they may receive. I still sometimes worry if my daughter will be able to find a person who can accept her independence and opinionated personality. There were many doubts and fears, uncertainties and questions, and there was no one who could talk me through this. Some fears still remain, but there is no doubt anymore. I am glad that I overcame all my doubts, and today, I am a proud feminist. What is stopping you from becoming a feminist?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Cultivate many special relationships

Humans are social animals, we thrive in social environments. We love to live in groups, surrounded by those we form strong bonds with. We also look for someone to share our joy and happiness, that "special relationship." We often put so much expectation on that one "special relationship." Often, this special relationship is our romantic relationship and that person becomes a special person, and the entire burden of our expectations falls on that special person in our special relationship. We want that special person from our special relationship to laugh with us, laugh at our jokes, cry with us, understand us, have coffee, tea, or whatever other drink we like, agree with our social and political views, deal with our mood swings, and cheer us up whenever we are feeling down. But is it fair to place such high expectations on just one person to be our emotional support, confidante, motivator, and more?

Why limit ourselves to just one special relationship when we can have many? A special relationship with our mentors can provide valuable guidance for professional and personal growth. A special relationship with our friends who give us their time generously, create everlasting memories, and stand by us when we mess up. A special relationship with our buddies at the gym or our sports club who motivate us to push our physical limits. A special relationship in our neighborhood where we live and cultivate our home. A special relationship with our parents and siblings that are unique in their own dynamics and demands. The list can grow as each one of us may need our own set of special relationships depending on our personality and needs. 

Why do we put all the burden of "specialness" on just one relationship? While a romantic relationship holds a significant place in our lives, and we do expect a lot from this relationship. It is not wrong to expect something extra from our romantic relationship. Many expect their partners to be a therapist, great friends, motivators, pillars of support, and also ever-romantic and charming person. Is this even humanly possible? No, it's unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill every role. Our romantic relationship is special, our partner is a very special person in our life, romance has its own special place, but so are friendships, mentorships, social and work relationships, intellectual relationships, and other relationships that make our lives exciting and fulfilling. Other special relationships are just as important and contribute to a fulfilling life. Our friend that loves our gossip is a special relationship, the intellectual group where we discuss our ideas and evaluate policies is a special relationship, our relationship with our parents is special, and our relationship with whatever we enjoy, cinema, music, or any other art form, is also a special one. Each of these relationships has different dynamics and different requirements, cherish them all and value them all. Please don't put the burden of everything on just one relationship. Also, remember every relationship is a two-way process, you need to give as much as you take to nurture any relationship. One way relationships are exploitative and don't last long, and if they last at all, they become toxic. So, let's cherish and value all our special relationships and continually evaluate if they are meeting our personal needs. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Essentialism and intersectionality

I recently came across these two terms, "essentialism" and "intersectionality," while listening to the podcast by Cece Xie. The reason I felt excited about these two phrases is that I learned some new things from them. I did not know we get completely different perspectives on the same issue when we look through the prism of essentialism versus intersectionality. The difference is not subtle, and this just blew my mind away. I always feel excited when some of my notions are challenged with something better, something that teaches me about a different aspect of that issue that I never thought about. This is one such instance. 

We have the tendency to categorize issues and problems based on gender, race, caste, nationality, age, or any other differentiating factors and try to find solutions for them. Sometimes this approach works, but not always. Most of the time, the issues are more complex than just related to race, gender, age, caste, or nationality. Essentialism is when we consider each of these differentials separately and assume that the problem associated with race is the same across that race irrespective of gender, age, or nationality. When the approach involving essentialism does not give us the complete picture, but rather misguides us, we must think about intersectionality. Intersectionality offers us a better perspective on most issues. Many of the social issues are complex, they involve a mix of race, gender, nationality, age, and a few other factors. For example, race-related problems are different for black men compared to black women; the issue of maternity and paternity leave may result in different challenges for colored parents compared to white parents, especially mothers. Just because a company hires women does not mean women from minorities are also hired. Just because a company hires minorities does not mean they also hire women from minorities, maybe only men from minorities get hired. One can cite many examples where intersectionality gives us a better perspective on the issues compared to essentialism. 

I recommend everyone to read about intersectionality and educate themselves to get a better perspective of the challenges faced by our society. This will not only make us more sensitive towards these issues but also make us well-equipped to come up with effective solutions compared to what we have. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com