Parents don't own their children

Parenthood is a beautiful thing, but at the same time, it is a physically and mentally challenging job. Parents have a responsibility to provide for and guide their children as they grow and become independent and responsible adults. As parents, we are not only taking care of our own children but also shaping up our society by bringing up future citizens of that city and country. However, parents don't own their children and children should not be treated as mere possessions to be controlled and manipulated to convert them into reflections of self. In many cultures, children are often referred to as the property of their parents, they are considered as a retirement fund of parents, someone who has an obligation and responsibility to take care of their parents no matter what. But this notion is deeply flawed for many reasons.   

This idea that parents own their children may have its roots in a patriarchal society where children were seen as an extension of their father's property. Even today, in many cultures, children are considered as an asset to be used for labor, marriage alliances, or to continue the family lineage. These traditions treat children as objects to be owned and used for the benefit of parents. However, children are independent human beings with their own thoughts, needs, feelings, and desires. Parents produce them by their own actions, human reproduction is a biological process, similar to the reproduction of many mammals who reproduce their offspring by the same mechanism we reproduce. There is nothing spectacular or divine in our reproductive method, it can be initiated in a petri dish in a well-equipped biology lab. 

Just because children are biologically produced by their parents, they don't become the property of their parents. They are not like any other property we own that we produce or buy, like patents, writings, paintings, sculptures, or our pets. Children are not listed as our assets that can be valued or sold if we default on any financial obligations. This is the reason no developed country gives an unrestricted right to any parents to bring up their children in whatever way they want. There are some rules that parents need to follow and if they don't follow these rules, the state may step in to protect the rights of the affected children. In most countries, at least on paper, children have legal rights and protections that are independent of their parents. For example, children have the right to a safe and healthy environment, access to education and healthcare, and protection from abuse and neglect. All these rights are recognized by international human rights laws and are enforced by many governments. This itself is enough to remind parents that children are not their property but independent entities with their own standing, legally and socially.

Children have the right to make their own choices and live their own lives free from the influence of their parents. However, this rarely happens in most cultures. Even though most parents agree that it is the duty of parents to support and nurture their children, and not to dominate and control them so that children can become independent thinkers, rarely do parents allow children to go out of their influence. That is why we see most kids follow the same religion as their parents, support the same political ideology, and even follow the education and profession chosen by their parents. 

Finally, parents must also understand that their children are not a reflection of themselves. Most parents make this mistake, they think that their children are the means to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. Many parents own the success and failures of their kids as if it is their own success and failure. Definitely, parents play a role, maybe a big role, in their kids' lives, but the success or failure of their kids doesn't in any way reflect on parents' own lives unless there is gross negligence or misconduct from the parents' side. At the same time, children are not responsible for their parent's success or failure. Having this simple understanding will allow parents to encourage their children to pursue their own interests and passions, even if they are different from their own. 

As parents, it is our responsibility to recognize, respect, and protect the individuality and agency of our children and provide them will all the love and support they need to thrive and become responsible citizens of this world.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

We should also practice emotional hygiene

A few days back, I came across this amazing talk by Dr. Guy Winch on TED based on practicing emotional hygiene like we practice physical hygiene. I loved the way he presented this great idea of the need to practice emotional hygiene. We all pay a lot of attention to our physical hygiene, we try to keep our body and surroundings as clean as possible because we know that if we don't do this, then it might cause some kind of illness. But we rarely pay that much attention to our emotional hygiene. We all go through different types of emotions every day of our lives, some of them are good some of them are bad for us. Some of them make us happy and encourage us to do better but some of them make us sad and might affect us negatively. We all also consciously or unconsciously develop our own methods to deal with all these emotions that affect us. We all know that happiness and sadness are part of our lives, no feeling or situation is permanent but still, sometimes we struggle to deal with some negative thoughts and feel overwhelmed by some situations. A cluttered mind can always cause some problems and that is why I think the suggestions offered in Dr. Winch's talk are so relevant.

No matter what we do most of us can't avoid getting affected by different emotions, even while watching a movie or reading some book we get affected by situations presented in them and get emotionally attached to the characters of the story. Humans are emotional, actually, all animals are emotional to some extent but humans know how to display it in a much better way and that's why we get affected by it more than any other species around us. This is why it becomes extremely important to practice emotional hygiene. Lingering on with any emotion doesn't help. The only thing that is constant in life is change and we all know it but most of us struggle to practice this in real life. I have a very bad habit of thinking too much about small things and I am constantly working towards getting rid of this habit. I know it is not easy to get rid of some habits, but we must, especially if it is affecting our day-to-day behavior. I personally understand the importance of practicing emotional hygiene and that is why this talk impressed me so much. In this talk, Dr. Winch explains the importance of emotional hygiene by citing some examples from his own life that's why I encourage readers to listen to this talk. We all should understand that emotions are not going to go anywhere, they are going to be integral parts of our lives so we need to get better at dealing with all types of emotions. Many times, we have no control over the situations in life that we face (like the loss of some near and dear ones), but we can control the way we react to these situations and this is where our capacity to practice emotional hygiene comes into play. I know that it is not easy, but it is necessary. The wrong way of dealing with emotions can land us in serious psychological issues and they can affect our personal and professional lives considerably. So, it is better to be aware of these things rather than being ignorant and suffer without even knowing why are we suffering. I feel this talk will give people some insight into their own emotional health and being aware of emotional hygiene is better than not knowing about it. Please listen to this talk and start working on your emotional hygiene.

 Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. http://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene