My journey towards feminism

Feminism was an alien word for me till I came to the USA, I never heard it or read about it, and did not know what it meant. This does not mean I was not aware of gender bias and discrimination. I was very much aware of these things and other types of discrimination, rather I grew up in a very discriminatory culture and society. People were discriminated against for various reasons, including their skin tone, gender, caste, age, disability, and economic status, just to name a few. All this was overt and explicit, right on your face. So, even as a kid, I was exposed to various discriminations and even personally experienced some of them. It was everywhere, within our homes and outside, even on TV and in movies, in schools and colleges. It was so pervasive that for many years I did not even know that it was discrimination, I was under the impression that that's how people live, and being at the receiving end of discriminatory behavior was part of the deal, a price to pay to live in this world. 

I noticed different treatment offered to my brothers compared to my sisters within my own family. I also noticed that my family was not an exception, such gender discrimination was a norm in our society and my family was just following what they thought was their culture and the right thing to do. I witnessed how girls and women were subject to harassment even in public places, touching them without their consent by taking advantage of the situation was a norm, not an exception, it was something boys and men boasted about, not something to be ashamed of. As a teenager, I used to feel jealous of all boys who could do these things, I couldn't, not because I didn't want to or I thought it was wrong, but because I was too scared to do these things. I felt bad about my lack of courage to do these things, such behavior was considered manly and males who couldn't do these things were teased for not being manly. But slowly I realized that something was wrong, there was nothing manly in making someone feel uncomfortable by your behavior or presence. It felt wrong to breach personal boundaries and encroach without any legitimate reason, but I was not sure if there is any alternative to this or if it was I who was confused.

Girls around me, including some of my cousins, were not allowed to continue or finish their education because their parents thought it was not required as they were girls. I wondered if I could go to college why can't they. I wondered why any boy is not dropping out of school or college because his parents decided to get him married, but many girls used to drop out for this reason. I wondered why even grown-up females were not allowed to travel alone, whereas males were allowed to travel alone from a very young age. Many such questions used to come to my mind, I even tried to ask a few of them, but I only received some unsatisfactory answers: this is our culture; women don't or can't do this; this is too dangerous for women, you are too young to understand this, or something like that. None of these answers made any sense to me. At the same time, there were girls in my college, we had female professors, bank workers, politicians, and authors. So, on one side, I knew that women could do these things but in many families and cultures, they were not allowed. This was when I started understanding gender discrimination, I must have been around 18-19 years of age. My maternal grandmother died when I was in my last year of high school. Her death reminded me of the life she lived as a young widow, it hit me really hard. When I looked back on her struggles and the treatment she got from society and her own family, it made me really sad and angry at the same time. She was very respected, almost worshipped as a deity by people around her, but many simple pleasures and choices were snatched away from her at a very young age just because the man she married died in an accident. She was respected because she followed the cultural dictate precisely. Her life was romanceless, colorless, and choiceless, but she was hailed as an idol of a pious and pure woman. 

That was the time when I started raising questions within my family, and I started boycotting functions and ceremonies due to their discriminatory practices, I can say that this is when the seeds of feminism were planted in my mind. One common answer I used to get was that it is easy to talk and criticize these things when others are doing it, I will do the same and they will see what I do when I have a daughter. I used to get taunted that I was dreaming of changing something that was going on for many centuries and our ancestors were not fools to practice these things. I was also told that gender equality will never happen, it is not natural, and as women have been treated like this for centuries in all cultures, some religious texts recommend these practices, hence no need to change anything. But I wanted the change, and this is when I started my journey towards feminism. I did not become a feminist because my daughter was born, I was happy to have a daughter because I was a feminist. The birth of a female child is still not welcomed in many families, the situation was worse compared to today when my daughter was born.

Once you witness gender discrimination and you are not okay with it, there is nothing that can stop you from becoming a feminist. You are either for gender equality or against it, there is nothing in between. I know this sounds like an aggressive stance, but there are some issues where there cannot be a middle ground and gender equality is one of them, racism is another example. Either you are a racist or you are not, there is nothing in between, you cannot be a racist in some situations and against it in some situations, that's hypocrisy. Also, as a feminist, either you are for gender equality or you are not. Gender equality is not a movement against men, it is a movement for equality for genders, only men who don't believe in gender equality will feel threatened by it.  

I also feel odd if someone gives me credit for not being an obstacle in the journey of my wife and my daughter to become independent women. No one should get any credit for not being an obstacle to someone's progress, that's the minimum everyone should do for people around them. My journey to becoming a feminist was full of many obstacles, many of the obstacles were from society, culture, family, and religion in which I was born, and many were from within me due to the brainwashing I received as a child. It was tough to get rid of that conditioning when everyone was okay with it. In the beginning, I was very scared to ask questions when no one around me questioned these beliefs and traditions. I was scared on many occasions and even thought that something must be wrong with me as so many people cannot be wrong at the same time. I was worried about whether my wife and daughter will be accepted in our families or not, and whether they will blame me for the backlash they may receive. I still sometimes worry if my daughter will be able to find a person who can accept her independence and opinionated personality. There were many doubts and fears, uncertainties and questions, and there was no one who could talk me through this. Some fears still remain, but there is no doubt anymore. I am glad that I overcame all my doubts, and today, I am a proud feminist. What is stopping you from becoming a feminist?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

I am a proud feminist

There are very few labels that I like to associate myself with, being a feminist is one of them. I think the feminist movement is one of the few moments that has transformed societies across the world. Feminism has revolutionized every society, every country, region, religion, and even many families including mine. This is a movement that does not have a single face, single leader, any book, or a set ideology. Feminism is about gender equality. Every feminist revolution is led by individual brave women and men of this world. Yes, you read that right, by women and men, both. The biggest misconception about feminism is that it's all about women. Mostly it is about women as they are at the forefront of this movement, but men are also an integral part of it. We men are part of the problem, so, we need to be part of the solution also. 

I agree that the label of feminism is a recent phenomenon, the fight for gender equality has been going on for decades. Many brave women tried to break barriers that tried to cage them, mostly without much success, but they all were as feminist as any of us can claim to be. No matter how recent is the label, feminism is now synonymous with gender quality, and the fight still continues as a lot still remains to achieve gender equality. Another important point is that a to of well-intentioned people who support gender equality hesitate to associate themselves with the word "feminist." This may be due to some hyperactive or radical feminists acting as if men are the origin of all the problems, the perception created in some sections of media is that feminism is about hating men. Both these things are not true. Like every movement when it spreads widely, feminism also has attracted a variety of people from different social, economic, political, and cultural backgrounds. Based on their personal experiences they shape their own feminist ideology and some of them behave like radical activists who want to bring overnight change by demolishing everything that exists today. This is neither a practical nor sensible approach, and this does not represent the entire feminist movement. For comparison, we can take the example of another widespread ideology, capitalism. Capitalism has transformed the economies of many countries, it has helped to generate and distribute wealth. However, at the same time, it has created a class of radical capitalists who believe that anything coming from socialism is evil, the market should have absolute power, the government should be only a spectator, and many more things. This does not make capitalism an evil movement per se, one can be a capitalist and still support equitable distribution of wealth, and one can be a pro-market and still support required regulations and oversight. Many times, we want things either to be good or bad, positive or negative, no matter how easy the binary view is, most things don't fit into the binary world, we now live in the world of the spectrum. Everything is like a spectrum and we need to find our match within that spectrum. 

I have witnessed gender discrimination since my young days, I know what it can do to children and how it can shape their thinking and behavior. Gender discrimination is devastating, not only for people who suffer because of it, it degrades the entire society. There are many examples around the world to demonstrate this. I have committed myself to doing my bit toward gender equality. This is how we can bring change, from one person to another, from one family to another. I invite everyone who is now aware of feminism or is skeptical about it to read more and talk with people like me to know about feminism and what can you do to bring change. What type of society will take pride in saying that they don't want gender equality. I hope no society wants to suppress almost half of its population so that it only benefits the other half. I define feminism as a fight for gender equality. If you support gender equality, you are a feminist. I am a proud feminist. I hope that you will join me in being a proud feminist and walk the path toward gender equality.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Why a movie with a central woman character is titled "Mardaani"?

The first time when I saw some news related to this movie called "Mardani," I thought this was some B or C-grade masala film. The news was about the first "A" rated film from Yashraj production and I was a little surprised that how come such a big production house like Yashraj is producing such a movie. I was wondering why some movies getting an "A" certificate (equivalent to the R rating in the US) is such a big deal. But then I came to know that this is a Rani Mukharjee starer film, that too produced by Yashraj so definitely it was going to be in the news for some reason. After reading some reviews I also came to know that Rani's character is based on a real-life police officer from the Mumbai crime branch who was instrumental in solving various child trafficking cases in the city. The title Mardaani means "manly" or "mannish." So, why a movie with the central character of a woman cop is titled "Mardaani"? Why do the makers of the movie feel the need to use a male-specific adjective to describe a brave lady? Why can't they use a female-specific word to describe a brave female cop or a brave woman? Actually, there is a dearth of female adjectives that describe qualities like bravery, even I can't think of any but I am not an expert in Hindi or English, I am interested in knowing if there are any such adjectives.

The issue is not what should be the title of the movie, the makers of this movie have the freedom to give their movie whatever name they want, it is their right to name their product. I am sure the reason they labeled this product like this is because they know that in popular culture there is no parallel world that can project the bravery of a woman, even the famous poem to praise the great queen of Jhansi Rani Lakshmi Bai goes something like this, 'Khoob ladi mardani, woh to Jhansi wali rani thi (खूब लड़ी मर्दानी, वह तो झाँसी वाली रानी थी). They know that our society associates bravery with adjectives that project masculinity. Somehow our society never bothered to invent words that can project the brave side of females. We have many words that describe female beauty, love, compassion, dedication, tolerance, obedience, but not bravery. I am sure no one can imagine that the movie with the title "Janani" (opposite of mardani, meaning feminine) would be associated with the bravery of a female or male character, they just cannot associate being feminine and brave together. This is the problem of stereotyping both genders and exclusively associating certain attributes with a particular gender. Because of years of brainwashing our minds have become so conditioned that we don't see anything wrong in associating particular characteristics only with a particular gender. The title of this movie specifically projects this mindset. This movie is a commercial project so of course they will follow the trend which allows them to market it well. But I am glad that at least a story of a brave woman police officer is shared in this movie. We need to have more female superheroes, and we need to have more stories where the princess also rescues the prince so that this concept of bravery associated exclusively with male characters goes away and bravery becomes gender-neutral. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Mardaani: Packs a punch

Thank you Kalki

When I watched the video by Indian actress Kalki Koechlin, it left me speechless. I was amazed by the way Kalki presented such a complicated and sensitive subject in an effective manner. Actually, I saw not only one but two amazing videos on that day second one was by Tracey Spicer. I suggest readers watch both of them, they deal with totally different subjects but believe me you won't regret watching them. The first one was more special because this was the first time I saw an Indian actress commenting so boldly about issues related to gender discrimination in our society. She touched on almost every area related to this issue (religion, politics). It's not the first time that I have seen or heard talk like this, there are many videos like this on the internet but mostly by some non-Indian celebrities or some feminist activists. Normally, Indian movie celebrities are very conscious and careful about their image. They don't want to comment on any sensitive issue that can become controversial or hurt someone's religious or political feelings. Somehow these religious and political feelings of many people get hurt by almost anything. They can get hurt by a book, a movie, a stage play, a painting, or even some cartoon. But surprisingly these feelings don't get hurt by communal riots, inflammatory speeches, fatwas, forceful religious conversions, discriminatory practices, or rituals. Somehow they get hurt only by some criticism directed to them in any form. I applaud the courage of Kalki, she dared to do something that no other Indian actor or actress dared to do in the beginning stages of their career. Maybe she will be branded as an atheist or feminist who is painting a negative picture of our society, maybe she will lose some of her fans because of some comments she made about religion and society but I think she cares little about all this. Actually, I read this monologue a few days before, but it was not that effective because it was too lengthy to read and it didn't have the same effect that it had when I watched it. The video is much more impactful, maybe because of the way she presented it. I have seen some plays like this in Marathi but this was the first act by some mainstream Bollywood actress. Please watch the video, and understand the message it wants to convey. Thank you very much Kalki for this, I hope you become a prominent voice against any type of discrimination in India.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. An intense piece about the truths of womanhood kalki performance
2. AIB: It's Your Fault
3. The lady stripped bare: Tracey Spicer at TEDxSouthBankWomen

Do we still need feminism?

Feminism is the term used a lot nowadays. We can find it in many places, and like many other terms, this term is also slowly getting stereotyped. For some people, feminists are men haters, anti-fashion, people who like to blame all miseries of women on men, and who want to make this world a female-dominant place to take revenge for years of male dominance. For some, feminism is an anti-men movement. Some are utterly confused as to why feminism is even needed. One can find many groups supporting feminism at the same time opposing it, some even hate feminists because of their demand for gender equality in society. I consider myself a feminist and I don't fit into any of these stereotyped definitions. For me, feminism is a very simple thing, it's advocacy for equal rights for women, a movement for gender equality. Feminism expects gender equality, nothing more, nothing less, equal opportunities for all genders in all fields, and encouraging their participation at all levels in society. That's all, anyone who believes in this or in gender equality is a feminist according to me.

Actually, the basic question is why do we need feminism? Isn't our society already progressive, technically advanced, and civilized? Isn't the situation of women in most cultures and societies much better than it was just a decade ago? Then why do we still need feminism? Yes, we have indeed made tremendous progress in science and technology in the last few decades, we have also improved our social structure in most parts of the world compared to what it was just a few decades ago, but still, some people want women to play only certain role in society and family (mostly wife and mother). They are against her freedom to make her own choices about various aspects of her life. These people, even want to dictate choices about very personal things like her sexuality, health, and fertility. They take shelter from some religious book or some age-old beliefs to justify this encroachment on women's personal rights. These groups are still very powerful and active and to deal with them we need feminism and we need it very badly even today. So there is no doubt that we still need feminism.

Anyone who thinks that women should get equal rights and opportunities in our society is a feminist. Anyone who thinks women are no less or more than men is a feminist. One does not have to work with some NGO, part of some political party, or member of some society to be a feminist. The belief in gender equality is enough to become a feminist. Feminists are not men haters. I don't know where and why this misconception originated. Feminists don't want to bring a women-dominated culture or society, they just want equal rights for all genders. Most societies are still men dominated that's why sometimes during the fight for gender equality it seems that this fight is against men, but that's not true, it's not a fight against men, but it's a fight against everyone (including women, religion, traditions, etc.) who think that women are inferior to men and should not be given equal status in society. The real fight is against this mentality (also called patriarchy or misogyny). It doesn't matter who is the flag bearer of patriarchy or misogyny, mostly they are men that's why I think this wrong impression is created. Wherever we see gender discrimination, we should voice our concern, discrimination of any type should be challenged. There should not be a place for any kind of discrimination in any progressive, tolerant, and inclusive society.

I am proud to be a feminist and I hope more and more people will understand the real meaning of feminism and feel proud to call themselves feminists. Whether you call yourself a feminist or not, I hope you will stand with me in the fight for gender equality. The label is not important but the mission is. We still need feminism as we have a long way to go.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]