Parents don't own their children

Parenthood is a beautiful thing, but at the same time, it is a physically and mentally challenging job. Parents have a responsibility to provide for and guide their children as they grow and become independent and responsible adults. As parents, we are not only taking care of our own children but also shaping up our society by bringing up future citizens of that city and country. However, parents don't own their children and children should not be treated as mere possessions to be controlled and manipulated to convert them into reflections of self. In many cultures, children are often referred to as the property of their parents, they are considered as a retirement fund of parents, someone who has an obligation and responsibility to take care of their parents no matter what. But this notion is deeply flawed for many reasons.   

This idea that parents own their children may have its roots in a patriarchal society where children were seen as an extension of their father's property. Even today, in many cultures, children are considered as an asset to be used for labor, marriage alliances, or to continue the family lineage. These traditions treat children as objects to be owned and used for the benefit of parents. However, children are independent human beings with their own thoughts, needs, feelings, and desires. Parents produce them by their own actions, human reproduction is a biological process, similar to the reproduction of many mammals who reproduce their offspring by the same mechanism we reproduce. There is nothing spectacular or divine in our reproductive method, it can be initiated in a petri dish in a well-equipped biology lab. 

Just because children are biologically produced by their parents, they don't become the property of their parents. They are not like any other property we own that we produce or buy, like patents, writings, paintings, sculptures, or our pets. Children are not listed as our assets that can be valued or sold if we default on any financial obligations. This is the reason no developed country gives an unrestricted right to any parents to bring up their children in whatever way they want. There are some rules that parents need to follow and if they don't follow these rules, the state may step in to protect the rights of the affected children. In most countries, at least on paper, children have legal rights and protections that are independent of their parents. For example, children have the right to a safe and healthy environment, access to education and healthcare, and protection from abuse and neglect. All these rights are recognized by international human rights laws and are enforced by many governments. This itself is enough to remind parents that children are not their property but independent entities with their own standing, legally and socially.

Children have the right to make their own choices and live their own lives free from the influence of their parents. However, this rarely happens in most cultures. Even though most parents agree that it is the duty of parents to support and nurture their children, and not to dominate and control them so that children can become independent thinkers, rarely do parents allow children to go out of their influence. That is why we see most kids follow the same religion as their parents, support the same political ideology, and even follow the education and profession chosen by their parents. 

Finally, parents must also understand that their children are not a reflection of themselves. Most parents make this mistake, they think that their children are the means to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. Many parents own the success and failures of their kids as if it is their own success and failure. Definitely, parents play a role, maybe a big role, in their kids' lives, but the success or failure of their kids doesn't in any way reflect on parents' own lives unless there is gross negligence or misconduct from the parents' side. At the same time, children are not responsible for their parent's success or failure. Having this simple understanding will allow parents to encourage their children to pursue their own interests and passions, even if they are different from their own. 

As parents, it is our responsibility to recognize, respect, and protect the individuality and agency of our children and provide them will all the love and support they need to thrive and become responsible citizens of this world.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com