Representation matters, without that gender equality is a distant dream

Gender equality is still a hot topic, many people have written about it and many more will write. I have also written extensively about the issue of gender quality. Even after all the progress and barrier-breaking, gender equality is a distant dream. I know, many men and maybe women may disagree with me and argue that there is already gender equality as women are free to do whatever they want in many societies, especially in developed countries like the USA. However, this is far from reality. People who make this argument have no idea about the prejudices and challenges women need to face every day and at every step of their life for things that are granted to men just because of their gender. For example, women still get harassed in public places; they still need to be conscious about the way they dress as many judge their character based on the dress they wear; there are specific beauty standards set for women; they need to perform better than men just to show that they deserve that job; and in most households even when both partners work, it is the woman who is expected to cook and bear childcare related workload. I have cited just a few most common challenges faced by women, the list can grow depending on which country, religion, and socio-economic background they come from. All these hurdles that hinder their path make their journey incredibly difficult and unpredictable. This is why I have tremendous respect for all women who fight against all these odds and still chase their professional and personal goals. Women are still fighting for representation forget about gender equality, and that's still a distant dream. Representation matters. It not only provides opportunities but also provides hope for all those who are struggling and trying to maneuver through different obstacles. One can look at the data and see that women are missing from many key domains of decision-making. This needs to change. Be it by affirmative action, reservation, or by any other means, this needs to change. Also, there is nothing against men in the process of improving women's representation, men need to work on improving their representation in all domains where women were forced to cordon themselves. One of the problems why we are still struggling is that people who have no clue about the real difficulties faced by women are sitting in policy development. These people are either ignorant or full of prejudices and they propose solutions or policies that hardly produce any desired results. We aimed for gender equality but we are still struggling with representation, gender equality is not possible without proper representation. Unless we improve women's representation all our talk about gender equality is just a talk, nothing else. Therefore, focus on representation first, once we reach there, we will work towards equality. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

My journey towards feminism

Feminism was an alien word for me till I came to the USA, I never heard it or read about it, and did not know what it meant. This does not mean I was not aware of gender bias and discrimination. I was very much aware of these things and other types of discrimination, rather I grew up in a very discriminatory culture and society. People were discriminated against for various reasons, including their skin tone, gender, caste, age, disability, and economic status, just to name a few. All this was overt and explicit, right on your face. So, even as a kid, I was exposed to various discriminations and even personally experienced some of them. It was everywhere, within our homes and outside, even on TV and in movies, in schools and colleges. It was so pervasive that for many years I did not even know that it was discrimination, I was under the impression that that's how people live, and being at the receiving end of discriminatory behavior was part of the deal, a price to pay to live in this world. 

I noticed different treatment offered to my brothers compared to my sisters within my own family. I also noticed that my family was not an exception, such gender discrimination was a norm in our society and my family was just following what they thought was their culture and the right thing to do. I witnessed how girls and women were subject to harassment even in public places, touching them without their consent by taking advantage of the situation was a norm, not an exception, it was something boys and men boasted about, not something to be ashamed of. As a teenager, I used to feel jealous of all boys who could do these things, I couldn't, not because I didn't want to or I thought it was wrong, but because I was too scared to do these things. I felt bad about my lack of courage to do these things, such behavior was considered manly and males who couldn't do these things were teased for not being manly. But slowly I realized that something was wrong, there was nothing manly in making someone feel uncomfortable by your behavior or presence. It felt wrong to breach personal boundaries and encroach without any legitimate reason, but I was not sure if there is any alternative to this or if it was I who was confused.

Girls around me, including some of my cousins, were not allowed to continue or finish their education because their parents thought it was not required as they were girls. I wondered if I could go to college why can't they. I wondered why any boy is not dropping out of school or college because his parents decided to get him married, but many girls used to drop out for this reason. I wondered why even grown-up females were not allowed to travel alone, whereas males were allowed to travel alone from a very young age. Many such questions used to come to my mind, I even tried to ask a few of them, but I only received some unsatisfactory answers: this is our culture; women don't or can't do this; this is too dangerous for women, you are too young to understand this, or something like that. None of these answers made any sense to me. At the same time, there were girls in my college, we had female professors, bank workers, politicians, and authors. So, on one side, I knew that women could do these things but in many families and cultures, they were not allowed. This was when I started understanding gender discrimination, I must have been around 18-19 years of age. My maternal grandmother died when I was in my last year of high school. Her death reminded me of the life she lived as a young widow, it hit me really hard. When I looked back on her struggles and the treatment she got from society and her own family, it made me really sad and angry at the same time. She was very respected, almost worshipped as a deity by people around her, but many simple pleasures and choices were snatched away from her at a very young age just because the man she married died in an accident. She was respected because she followed the cultural dictate precisely. Her life was romanceless, colorless, and choiceless, but she was hailed as an idol of a pious and pure woman. 

That was the time when I started raising questions within my family, and I started boycotting functions and ceremonies due to their discriminatory practices, I can say that this is when the seeds of feminism were planted in my mind. One common answer I used to get was that it is easy to talk and criticize these things when others are doing it, I will do the same and they will see what I do when I have a daughter. I used to get taunted that I was dreaming of changing something that was going on for many centuries and our ancestors were not fools to practice these things. I was also told that gender equality will never happen, it is not natural, and as women have been treated like this for centuries in all cultures, some religious texts recommend these practices, hence no need to change anything. But I wanted the change, and this is when I started my journey towards feminism. I did not become a feminist because my daughter was born, I was happy to have a daughter because I was a feminist. The birth of a female child is still not welcomed in many families, the situation was worse compared to today when my daughter was born.

Once you witness gender discrimination and you are not okay with it, there is nothing that can stop you from becoming a feminist. You are either for gender equality or against it, there is nothing in between. I know this sounds like an aggressive stance, but there are some issues where there cannot be a middle ground and gender equality is one of them, racism is another example. Either you are a racist or you are not, there is nothing in between, you cannot be a racist in some situations and against it in some situations, that's hypocrisy. Also, as a feminist, either you are for gender equality or you are not. Gender equality is not a movement against men, it is a movement for equality for genders, only men who don't believe in gender equality will feel threatened by it.  

I also feel odd if someone gives me credit for not being an obstacle in the journey of my wife and my daughter to become independent women. No one should get any credit for not being an obstacle to someone's progress, that's the minimum everyone should do for people around them. My journey to becoming a feminist was full of many obstacles, many of the obstacles were from society, culture, family, and religion in which I was born, and many were from within me due to the brainwashing I received as a child. It was tough to get rid of that conditioning when everyone was okay with it. In the beginning, I was very scared to ask questions when no one around me questioned these beliefs and traditions. I was scared on many occasions and even thought that something must be wrong with me as so many people cannot be wrong at the same time. I was worried about whether my wife and daughter will be accepted in our families or not, and whether they will blame me for the backlash they may receive. I still sometimes worry if my daughter will be able to find a person who can accept her independence and opinionated personality. There were many doubts and fears, uncertainties and questions, and there was no one who could talk me through this. Some fears still remain, but there is no doubt anymore. I am glad that I overcame all my doubts, and today, I am a proud feminist. What is stopping you from becoming a feminist?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Why I don't participate in campaigns like #Selfiewithdaughter?

I read the news that #selfiewithdaughter is trending on Twitter since India's PM Mr. Modi asked people to share selfies with their daughters along with the line 'beti bachao, beti padhao' (which means, save daughters, educate daughters). I understand that the intention behind this is to spread awareness about decreasing male to female ratio in Indian society. The tagline "save daughters" is directed towards female feticide, where gender-selective abortions are very common. But I see a problem with this, many people who are concerned with dropping male to female ratio or female feticide issue try to project females or girls as something special, something precious which needs extra protection or attention or care. They all forget that this is the same attitude that resulted in gender discrimination and the perception that females are the weaker sex or a liability to the family. Such campaigns, no matter how well intended, fail to produce any desired results. They do create some media coverage, the issue gets discussed in some debates but hardly anything changes on the ground. There are enough government programs and laws in India like the anti-dowry law, there is even a law that gives daughters an equal share in ancestral property, but still, dowry is a very common practice and very few people bother to give girls their legal share in ancestral property. They all consider their daughters very special, treat them very nicely, and all love them, but they are not considered as EQUALS. Always or in most cases son is considered as heir of property or leader of the family, and there is a different set of rules for sons compared to daughters. I agree that the situation is changing slowly but not at the speed with which it should. It is also true that the situation of women in many Western countries is comparatively much better than in countries like India, India has a lot of ground to cover and this campaign is not going to help in that direction. Problems on the ground are very different, the situation and status of women in society needs a major revamp. Unless women are made equal partners in each and every decision-making process, their situation is not going to improve. One doesn't need to respect only their mothers, sisters, or daughters but also their wives, neighbors, and colleagues. We should stop looking at women only through the prism of some personal relationships, and treat them as equal individuals. 

So, why do I think that such campaigns are not useful, or why I don't participate in such campaigns especially when I claim to be a feminist and someone who believes in gender equality? Actually, I am against any special treatment offered to women or men just because of their gender, this is against the basic concept of equality. My daughter is just one of my kids, she is not any more special than my son. She is like any other member of my family with EQUAL rights; no more, no less. She gets all the privileges and rights that my son or I get in my family. She is allowed to party the same way my son is allowed, she is allowed to hang out with her friends (male or female doesn't matter) the same way my son is allowed to do it, she is allowed to watch the movies or TV programs which are suitable to her age (based on ratings), she is allowed to use words which I am allowed to use while speaking in home or in public, she is expected to do chores like everyone else, she or my son are not treated any different based on their gender. We don't offer any concession or privilege to her just because she is a girl. The same is true for my son, he doesn't get anything extra just because he is a boy. My daughter is not assigned any chores just because this is what girls are supposed to learn or do; it is her choice if she wants to learn cooking or not, she has to decide whether she wants to learn driving or not and the same is true for my son also. Equality doesn't come with any special privileges, rather equality means that there should not be any special privileges for anyone. If we want to teach our daughters the meaning of equality first and basic thing we need to do is to treat them as equals. If we don't practice equality in real life then just talking about it will not make any difference. Equality means giving equal respect, freedom, opportunity, and responsibility.

Whether it is positive or negative both types of discrimination are bad. Daughters are not special, they are equal and responsible members of any family. They deserve equal status, not some special treatment. Such special treatment offered to them for centuries is the very reason that they are discriminated against. Many societies worship female gods, they treat them as special and show extra protectiveness and concern. What is the result of all this? Women are not treated as equals, many restrictions are forced upon them just because of their gender, and they are considered as weak or less capable. Now the time has come not to give any special treatment, but to give them equal resources, opportunities, freedom, and responsibilities which they deserve. Any society or country is not doing any favor by giving women equal rights, rather societies should be ashamed that still women have to demand equal rights for them. These types of campaigns might create some media buzz, but we need a change in the mentality of people, let parents take oath that they will give equal share to their daughters in their property, they will let her choose her career and life partner, and they will not restrict her from doing something just because of her gender. Let them promise that they will make sure that daughters will have all the freedom that any other male member of her age from their family enjoys. Parents can post selfies with their daughters on the internet, it is a very easy thing to do but I hope they go many steps further and treat her as an equal human being, not something fragile, weak, and inferior. Gender inequality is a very big problem across the world, and it is even bigger in countries like India. Even though I don't think that any such campaign has any capacity to bring any real change, I will be happy if this initiative helps to create awareness about gender equality. I also hope this doesn't send the wrong message that daughters are in any way special because they are not, they are equals, and please treat them as equals.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Fight for gender equality is far from over

So far, the most popular post on my Blog is "Chanakya and his views about women." I wrote that post with a specific intention and mentioned it clearly in that post. The intention was not to display Chanakya in a bad light, to question his intelligence, or to criticize him. However, some people blinded by their faith and love of their idols didn't even bother to read the post carefully. Many such people took the post as a direct attack on Chanakya and somehow they also thought I was questioning his wisdom. They just couldn't tolerate my objections to some of his statements about women. They thought how can a person who was so brilliant and expert in many fields can make any mistake, and even if he made any mistake who am I to question it?

The post itself came into existence because of my two posts related to Prabhupad's book Gita as it is. In this book, he (Prabhupad) used some of Chanakya's quotes about women to claim that women are generally not very intelligent and trustworthy (compared to men). He also claimed that women are more prone to (moral) degradation, ironically this all was written in a book in which he claims to explain Gita as it is, this means Prabhupad claims that Gita is also a gender-biased text. So, the post "Chanakya and his views about women" was an attempt to show that an intelligent and wise man like Chanakya can also be biased about women. Such statements by influential people like Chanakya could be used to suppress women, hinder their progress, and restrict their freedom. Therefore, we need to question such statements, that's why I wrote that post. I thought it was a very simple thing to understand but unfortunately, some people failed to get it. This current post is not to defend that post or to justify it, I don't think I need to do that but I want to share my experience in dealing with some people who aggressively commented on that post to defend these views of Chanakya. Actually, this was not a totally unexpected reaction but in this process, they also shared their misogynist views like women are indeed not equal to men, women have some "natural flaws" that make them somewhat inferior to men, etc. One can see that even in today's world people are still nurturing some age-old misogynist beliefs.  Surprisingly not only some men but some women also claimed that indeed they were somewhat inferior (or weaker, having more problems, basically they meant inferior) to men. This shows how strong is the prejudice against women in our society. The years of brainwashing and suppression have made even women themselves believe that they have some natural flaws that make them less competent compared to men.

In the last few years, many laws have been created to protect women from social and sexual abuse. These laws were required because there were many cases where women were harassed for dowry (especially in India) or exploited sexually (all over the world). These laws helped to reduce these cases to some extent, at the same time nowadays there are many incidents reported in newspapers for misuse of anti-dowry laws and sexual harassment laws. Few women use these laws to blackmail their partners for selfish motives. Misuse of any law is not a new thing, many people exploit some loopholes present in any legislation. This is wrong and strict measures should be taken to stop it, but people should also try to understand why in the first place these laws were introduced. These types of laws were needed to stop those crimes against women and like many other laws some people misuse them for selfish purposes but that doesn't mean that we don't need these laws or only women misuse laws and men don't do it. Our society still needs these laws, we need to fine-tune them as much as possible so that people can not misuse them, but a few people misusing them can not be a reason to blame all women and conclude that we don't need any such laws. It's very foolish to generalize and conclude something like this. This is just one example that shows how some people want to use certain isolated incidents against women, based on a few incidents they like to jump to the conclusion that women should not be given equal status to men in society and that women must only perform certain traditional roles. They are eager to turn the wheels of the women's liberation movement backward.

The fight for gender equality has been going on for decades. A lot has been achieved by many feminist movements but still lot needs to be done. This fight is far from over. We can clearly see that still many think that men and women are not equal, they want to force women to do only some particular jobs, want to put boundaries around them, and suppress them. However, whether they like it or not those days are gone or will be gone very soon. Women have already proved their capabilities and earned respect and equal status in many societies around the world, and societies where they still don't have equal status they are catching up very fast, but as long as people with discriminatory mindsets are there, the fight for equality continues.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Chanakya and his views about women 
2. Bhagadvad Gita-As it is or As it is NOT..Part-I
3. Bhagadvad Gita-As it is or As it is NOT- Part-II

Women are also humans

Women are also humans. Aren't they? I think sometimes many of us forget that and start offering them unsolicited advice. People start reminding them about their own greatness, about the duties and qualities they should possess as a part of their womanhood (like kindness, compassion, forgiveness). People start saying they need to be pious and this and that, but forget the basic fact that they are also humans just like men. Women also have some good and bad qualities like men, they are not very different, they have the same basic needs and must be given the same rights and freedom. Nothing more, nothing less.

Some time back I read one poem written by a woman student in Delhi which was quoted by Hilary Clinton in one of her speeches in India, "When a woman gives her love, as most do generously, it is accepted. When a woman shares her thoughts, as some women do, graciously, it is allowed. When a woman fights for power, as all women would like to do, quietly or loudly, it is questioned. Yes, there must be freedom, if we are to speak. And yes, there must be power, if we are to be heard. And when we have both, let us not be misunderstood." As long as women are kind, submissive, supportive, and do what everyone supposes them to do, everything is fine, the time they ask for their rights and exercise them, there is a problem. They are accused of overstepping their limits. Very recently I read a post about one foreign student's horrible experience with sexual harassment in India. The post was very heart-wrenching and disturbing. I fail to understand why some people always look at women as physical objects? Why can't they consider them just as another person like them? A person who deserves equal respect and dignified treatment which they expect for themselves.

How many more horrific examples like this do we need to show that there is some kind of sickness present in society when women are treated like this? And let me make one thing very clear here, I am not just talking about India, it's very sad these things happen in a country where female goddesses are worshiped, but this problem more or less persists everywhere. I agree that this is a major problem in India. Eve teasing is one such issue many women and girls have to face every day. But just because I shared the link where a victim shared her horrible experience in India it should not give an impression to readers that these types of things happen only in India, in fact, they happen all over the world, every society is facing this problem.

I think one of the reasons this is still happening is because many men and even some women are still not willing to accept the equal status of women in society. They still look at them just as objects to satisfy their sexual desires and other needs, nothing more. Men think that women are not equal to them just because they are physically weak compared to them, many proponents of patriarchy always cite this difference to show inequality between two genders. They still believe that mere physical strength gives men a fundamental right to dominate women in all areas and call them the weaker sex. They still want to believe that women are less capable compared to them, even though there are ample examples around us to prove that this is far from the truth. I always wonder how hard it can be to understand the simple fact that women deserve equal respect and rights. Women have already proven their strength and capabilities in all areas beyond any doubt wherever they had opportunities. They successfully challenged restrictions forcibly enforced on them by society and culture which thought they were fit only for particular jobs. It seems the demand for equality from women is a bit too much to handle for some people, they can't imagine women breaking free of the shackles put on them by patriarchy and misogyny and flying high. These people expect men and women to behave only in a particular way. They fail to understand that both are humans with equal rights and responsibilities, more importantly, they forget that women are also humans with needs and desires. Women deserve equal status and opportunities in society, nothing more or less but equal. I don't think this is an unreasonable demand at all, today or tomorrow everyone in our society has to agree to this, whether they like it or not this is going to happen.   

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Links:
1. India: the Story You Never Wanted to Hear
2. To an American girl, an apology from India
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eve_teasing
4. India & A Blonde Tourist: An alternate account
5. Manal al-Sharif: A Saudi woman who dared to drive

[Copyright : Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]