Parenting is a tough job. Ask any parent living in a nuclear family, and they will attest to how demanding this job is. Not only it's a 24/7 responsibility, but it is also a job where you yourself may become the biggest critic of your own performance. The job has become more challenging as families have become nuclear. In joint families, due to the presence of extra human power, there was more help and advice available for parents. It not only made their job physically less demanding but also reduced anxiety related to making mistakes as there used to be an ample dose of unsolicited parental advice. However, this is not to comment that joint families are any better than nuclear families or vice versa. Whether people want to live with their parents or siblings is entirely a personal choice, there are pros and cons for both arrangements, but the reality is that the world is moving towards a nuclear family structure.
Another important aspect of today's parenting is increased gender equality compared to the parenting methods of the past. Even though it is true that our society is still heavily influenced by patriarchy, we have made tremendous progress toward gender equality, and today's parents practice a much more gender-neutral parenting approach compared to the parents of my generation. This has added challenges for parents like me who have to play a balancing act of challenging our own parent's values and beliefs while defending our gender-balanced approach to parenting. Let me accept that gender-equal parenting is not easy, especially when you come from a heavily gender-biased and patriarchal culture. People around you not only question your methods but also question your intelligence and sanity. It would have been fine if the questioning stopped at you, but it doesn't. These people question your kids, comment on their behavior, and taunt them for living a life with a different set of values than what the gender-biased society commands. In the beginning, this is worrisome and it puts a lot of pressure on parents. They question their own judgments. It is easier to subscribe to traditions and cultures than to question them, that's why most don't try to question them. Parents who dare to take a different path face a lot of uncertainty as there is no example within their own family or community that can assure them that their approach will work. Such parents often ask themselves, whether it is worth putting their kids through this and expect that the kids will be able to defend their values and remain committed to gender equality or cave into the pressures of patriarchy and family pressure.
Despite all these anxieties and challenges, I feel gender-balanced or gender-neutral parenting is worth a shot. I don't regret it. Yes, the challenges are there, but the satisfaction that you did not become a hurdle in the life of your own child because of their gender trumps all challenges and uncertainties. Also, in this process, your own children teach you a lot about subtle gender discrimination that still remains within us. It is not always a pleasant experience to get exposed to our own biases and prejudices, especially, when we try hard to eliminate them, but it is necessary if you want to improve as a human being. If you are thinking about challenging gender stereotypes within your own family, culture, or society, please go for it, you may face many hurdles, but you won't regret your efforts.
Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.
©Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com
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