We must focus on human touch

Since witnessing all the amazing things ChatGPT, an artificial intelligence (AI) chatbot, can do that too in a fraction of the time humans may take to perform these tasks, people are worried about AI replacing them. The worry is not that AI may replace humans in some riskier jobs or jobs with only mechanical skills, but replacing them across the job market, each and every job, including doctors, lawyers, judges, writers, actors, and so on. The fear is not completely irrational, the phenomenal capability of the AI to process tremendous amounts of data and learn from it is unmatched by anything humans have witnessed so far. 

AI is a formidable challenge for humans, something none of our predecessors faced before. Everyone is worried that AI may replace them everywhere, at their job and in their relationships. However, I feel that this worry or fear is not because the AI is better than humans in every aspect, but because humans are behaving like an AI in many aspects. Our writings, emotions, and responses are getting so standardized and predictable that it is possible for AI to guess accurately what will be our next action or next sentence. We are consuming data and that data is dictating our actions. There is no uniqueness, humans are behaving like herds. Anyone can guess our preferences based on information about just a few categories like our religion, political affiliation, income, and education. We are getting so predictable, as an individual as well as as a group. 

How did we reach here? The question sounds simple but the answer is very complex. Our families, society, culture, education systems, and technology, all are responsible for this. For example, we are told to write in a certain way because that's the correct way according to some experts; we are told to dress in a certain way because that's the proper way to dress; and we are told what is proper and improper based on standards decided by majority. This homogenizes our society and makes most things associated with us predictable, and we cannot beat AI in anything that is predictable based on the available data. 

Data availability is the key to AI's success, however, just data is not enough, the data needs to be accurate and big enough to make predictions accurate, and we are providing enough of that. There has been unprecedented data collection about human behavior in the last decade or so. Our patterns of behavior have never been exposed so clearly that AI can predict our shopping, food, clothing, and even friend choices. As a Democrat, we hardly interact with Republican websites or read pro-Republican articles, the same is true for Republicans. One group never bothers to know about the other group's viewpoints. Our silo chambers provide us with comfort and needed validation to feed our ego that we are the only righteous ones. These chambers are so insulated and biased that we view human tragedies also through the partisan prism. Even any mediocre or narcist politician can fool such people, forget about intelligent AI. Humans have lost their human touch. We are no more individuals with different identities but herds of people who think alike and behave alike. This is why AI scares us, it can replace each one of us as there is nothing special to us, we are replaceable just like a part of an assembly line. 

So, to fight the potential takeover by AI, we need to be unique as individuals, not by qualifications or by appearance, but by our performance. We need to bring the human touch that AI can never bring. We need to bring our own emotions and experiences that are unique to us and are not part of any data. We are not just workers but human workers. We must not forget this. We need to demand workplace changes that encourage diversity and inclusion, without diversity, humans don't stand a chance to win this battle. I don't know how many out there appreciate diversity and encourage it, but I hope most of us want humans to win this battle, if this is the case, then buckle up and work towards diversity. Diversity of emotions, diversity of views, and diversity of cultures. Human touch doesn't automatically come to anything done by humans, if humans behave mechanically and do things without any emotions and passion, the AI will definitely do a better job, as it is not only devoid of any emotion and passion it is also more accurate than any human to do such mechanical tasks. The human touch comes when we allow humans working on that project to add flavors of their own perspective. Somehow, this has been discouraged so far at every workplace. Our workplaces have become devoid of any fun and genuine emotions. People put on an act like a puppet show when they are at work, this needs to change. We need to focus on the human touch or perish. This is not a suggestion but a warning. Ignore it at your own risk. And yes, this post has not been generated by any help from any AI.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Bias affects quality of our interactions

We all get affected by stereotypes and biases, either our own or someone else's. Either way, we get affected. Nowadays, a vast amount of information is shared widely, without being verified for either its content or accuracy. People who receive this information use it as factual truth if it validates their bias and outright reject it if it even remotely challenges their bias, thereby making their bias even stronger. When such people interact with others around them their interactions are affected due to their prejudices and biases that are validated based on all the misinformation they received from various unverified sources. This is happening everywhere, one can see this happening in WhatsApp groups, on people's Facebook walls, and even when people interact personally during social or family functions. The spread of misinformation is so rampant that people don't even know from where they got the information they are sharing so confidently. This is why we are witnessing a highly misinformed and polarized society. We are living in a society where everyone's interactions are heavily influenced by their biases that are strongly validated by all the misinformation they consume. 

To be clear, polarization or bias is not a recent phenomenon, in the past also people used to have political disagreements and various biases, and there used to be heated debates on various sensitive topics, but rarely there used to be so much downpour of blatantly false information from both the sides. This is happening across society at each and every level, starting from top government officials to family dinner tables, thanks to the internet and social media. Surprisingly, most people who are doing this are neither aware of this nor are bothered by this. Everyone is convinced that the other person is misinformed but not them. I am amazed when people shart arguing based on unverified and blatantly false information and if someone points this out to them, they are not even surprised or apologetic about their behavior. The quality of people's interaction is so much dictated by their prejudices and biases that most people only communicate with people who agree with them, with others they just argue or don't even bother to communicate at all. This is where we are currently, everyone is siloed, living in echo chambers where they only hear their own voice, nothing else. Everyone is strongly opinionated and convinced about their opinions. Being opinionated is not a bad thing in itself, but forming those opinions only based on our prejudices and biases built on false information is a terrible mistake. I wonder why people don't try to verify the information they receive even if it validates their beliefs. I had to change so many of my beliefs when I discovered reliable and verified information contradicting them. It was tough but necessary. However, to my astonishment, there are many who still carry the same beliefs that I had to change even after the same information proving those beliefs wrong is available to them. So, this is not about the availability of information, but about willingness to challenge our own beliefs. Not many are ready to do this. Either they lack the courage to challenge their beliefs or they are not intelligent enough to understand that they are being fooled. I don't know how many after reading this blog will start verifying the truthfulness of the information on which they base their opinions. I wonder how many of them will review their own prejudices and biases to improve their interpersonal interactions. If you care about the people around you, if you want to have a supportive and loving atmosphere around you, please check your biases and be aware of them. Most of us cannot remove all our biases but at least we can be aware of them, this will definitely help us to improve the quality of our interaction with others.      

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Self-acceptance and self-improvement are not mutually exclusive

Feeling of self-doubt is not uncommon, especially in today's times where we are overexposed to other's well-curated version of life on social media. This makes us feel that we are not good enough. We tend to look back and realize that we made some mistakes. Sometimes we face a series of failures even after our best efforts. Many times we are exploited by others for being too nice. This all makes our self-esteem go down, also, many times we are too harsh and unforgiving to ourselves compared to others. We know that we have made some mistakes and need to improve on a few things to have better control of our lives, but we hesitate to accept our weaknesses and mistakes because self-acceptance doesn't come that easy. It is not easy to accept that we have weaknesses, because if we do, then the next step is to work to improve on those weaknesses. Also, for many, accepting our own flaws dents their perception of themselves. Therefore, self-acceptance doesn't come that easy. We believe that if we accept we are not good enough, then we put a hindrance in our own progress. We are made to believe that self-acceptance and self-improvement are mutually exclusive, but they are not. Rather, unless you go through the process of self-acceptance, you cannot self-improve.

Self-acceptance is embracing our flaws, and recognizing that we are not good enough today. Self-acceptance is accepting our mistakes and weaknesses today so that we can start working on them and improve tomorrow. This helps us to get a reality check and figure out our blind spots that lead to those weaknesses and mistakes. Whereas self-improvement is about working to overcome our weaknesses, learning from our mistakes, and moving on. Knowing that we are not good enough today should not hinder our desire to be better tomorrow. Rather, it is necessary to go through this cycle of self-acceptance and self-improvement regularly if we strive to be better humans. Without self-acceptance, there is no self-improvement. Self-acceptance is not a surrender to our flaws of today, it is not a validation that our flaws are permanent, but it is a recognition that some work is needed today so that we can be better prepared for tomorrow.  

People who listen to all seld-improvement talks, and videos, or read self-improvement books try to copy or follow someone's recipes for self-improvement without realizing that humans are mentally complex animals and without deep self-analysis, no method or recipe is going to work for us in the long term. We may see some short-term benefits but unless we have self-analyzed and determined what areas we need to work on, nothing is going to help. A right prescription for a wrong diagnosis is still the wrong treatment. Therefore, self-acceptance of our own drawbacks is the first step towards self-improvement. There is still a long way to go, but as a society, we at least started discussing topics like mental and emotional health. There is professional help available in the form of counseling or wellness experts. These things were never discussed just a few years back. We should make use of these resources to initiate our journey towards self-improvement. 

No two humans are mentally the same, we all face different mental and emotional challenges, that is why we cannot base our own psychological well-being based only on someone's experiences and opinions. We need to do self-analysis to understand who we are and what are our weaknesses. This process is an ongoing process as we not only grow physically as we age we also grow emotionally and mentally. As we age our body and our mind also changes. As our body needs care and nourishment the same is true for our mind. Going through the cycles of self-acceptance and self-improvement is important for our professional and personal lives. Remember, today may suck, we may commit mistakes, and we may fail miserably, but one mistake, one failure, one bad day, or one bad month doesn't define our life or personality. It is in our hands to learn from all our experiences, good and bad, and work towards a better tomorrow.   

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Writing can help in healing

I wonder sometimes why I started writing a blog and continued it for more than a decade, that too in English which is not my first language. I tried to find the reasons, but recently I realized that the main reason for this long journey is that my writing helped me to deal with various mental turmoils that occupied my mind since my childhood. That is, writing the blog helped me to heal. It's not that I got rid of all of the trauma, but writing provided me a way to share my vulnerability and struggles with others and realize that I am not the only one who is going through this, there are many like me. Also, writing the blog was a brave act for me, it is not easy to open yourself to the public and share your thoughts and vulnerabilities. I was scared to do this but did it anyway and now I am glad that I did it. 

I have written diaries since a very young age. I still have the diaries that I wrote during my teenage years. They provide a window for me to look into my past and see how my life and the world around me have changed. That writing also helped, but it was personal writing, no one read it or provided me with any feedback. However, the blog is different, what I write here is available for anyone to read and comment. It is open to criticism and praise. I received a fair amount of criticism for some of my posts but at the same time, there was a lot of support and praise. All the support from my readers helped me to realize that there are many who feel like me, think like me, and struggle like me. This feeling of sharing emotions helped me to overcome my disappointments and frustrations. I suggest anyone who is suffering from trauma, depression, frustration, or any other personal challenges give writing a chance. Please write to yourself, to a trusted friend, or if you feel comfortable share with people around you or with the public. You will be amazed by the amount of support and encouragement. This will help to deal with part of your struggles and motivate you to seek more help if required. People used to have a pen friend and share letters with them. But with the advent of social media, the concept of having a special friend just to share handwritten letters became outdated. I still feel it was a nice concept and if you have someone like that please continue the exchange. Social media has increased our frequency and width of communication. We communicate with many and too often, but it has come at the cost of depth or personal touch in those communications. We see so much happiness or sadness around that we have started reacting automatically, we just press emojis and move on. Whether it is a happy occasion or a sad one we have a standard response, many times we don't even have to compose these responses, our phones or computers, and now AI can compose messages for us, all we have to do it to send them. 

I try my best to maintain my individual touch in whatever I share on this blog. Many have criticized the choice of topics, the quality of English, no clear ideological inclination, or the progressive tone of my blogs, but this is how I as an individual think and speak. This blog is not written by a person who is an English major, whose first language is English, or someone who aligns himself with a certain religion or political ideology, or someone who grew up in a privileged neighborhood, hence all this will be reflected in whatever I write on this blog. The blog is about my personal experiences and opinions, and its tone and language will reflect my personality. My experience of living in a chawl in India, studying in Marathi medium, reading many Marathi books, watching movies, witnessing suppression of women, casteism, and my experiences with bullying, racism, socialism, and capitalism, and many other things are going to be reflected in my writing. My writing is the only way I can get all this out of my system. This is another reason why I stopped getting any help from AIs like ChatGPT after trying it for a couple of posts as it didn't sound like me. My blog needs to reflect my thoughts in my language. I hope this encourages others who are still debating if their English is good enough to share their ideas and thoughts. Readers relate to your emotions, language is secondary. If you are someone who has a lot to say but doesn't to how and where, start writing. You don't have to write a blog or publish your writings anywhere if you don't want to, start writing a diary and see if it helps. Find someone you trust and share your thoughts, we need to have some good listeners around us, I am trying my best to become a good listener and happy to help. My writing has helped me to heal and hopefully, it will help you too.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Men always mattered, now it is the turn of women and others

"Do you think Taylor Swift has a cultural impact equal to Michael Jackson?" My daughter asked while we were chitchatting during a commercial break of the TV show Survivor.

"Not at all, MJ has a huge cultural impact, Taylor has just started, there is no comparison," I responded immediately, without even pondering for a second.

"What about equal to Beatles?" the follow-up question came immediately. 

"Again, no, she is too young, maybe in a few years," I replied.   

"As expected, men will never accept that a young girl can be a cultural icon, such misogynistic thinking," she replied. 

Ouch, that did hurt, especially for a person who calls himself a feminist. But was she wrong? Might be a little harsh and exaggerated reply, but maybe that's what was required for me to learn more about Taylor. No matter what I call myself, I was born and raised in a misogynist culture where females were treated in a certain way, and no matter how much I deconditioned from all that cultural conditioning, I think some residues still remain in the system and show their subtle effects. Much has been written about feminism and how it is helping women to break various barriers. This has resulted in a sort of counter-attack from some people by calling feminism anti-men, starting male-matters movements, or shamelessly glorifying toxic masculinity. I personally feel pity for such attempts, but one cannot deny that all these are desperate efforts to counter feminism, counter attempts by women to claim their place in society for the first time in human history. The problem with movements like "all lives matter," "male matters", or with counter statements like "not all men," is with the timing and intent, they are started not to raise those issues but to divert attention and raise doubts about the intentions behind the movements from which they want to divert the attention. For example, feminism is not against men but it is against toxic masculinity, patriarchy, misogyny, and other prejudices against women. Fighting against these social evils also helps men as much as it helps women. Fight against sexual harassment, patriarchy, toxic masculinity, or misogyny is not a fight against men, but it is a fight against the mindset that confines men and women in certain categories and doesn't allow any freedom. Feminism is to about replacing men with women but about providing women their own space that was always occupied by men not because men were more capable but because women were never given a fair chance to fight for it. Also, people fail to notice how inclusive and pivotal feminism is. Just look at various other movements that started after feminism to assert their identities and claim their place in society, for example, the LGBTQ+ movement. It did not conflict or clash with feminism, rather, feminism has created a path and space for all such movements to start and flourish, often this aspect of feminism is ignored. Men always mattered, but they like it or not, it is the turn of women and others to also matter. And women and others are not taking men's space but they are claiming their own space and controlling their own narrative that was always controlled by men. 

Now coming back to Taylor Swift, no doubt she is talented and famous. She worked really hard to earn her fame and success. Many celebrities attend football matches, but when the NFL tweets about your presence in the stadium that's not a small thing. When your concerts fill the biggest stadiums in different parts of the world, that's not a small thing. When a generation of young females look at you as their inspiration and icon, then it is not a small thing. Yes, she is a cultural icon like any other music legend in their prime days, nothing more, nothing less. I was not aware of it, but my ignorance doesn't change this fact.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Sibling rivalry

Having siblings comes with its own pros and cons. The good part is that you always have someone to talk to and someone to look for support whenever you need it. On the other hand, you have to share almost everything with your siblings up to a particular age, you have someone nagging you all the time, and there is no way to escape this person even if you want to. Hence there is a popular phrase "sibling rivalry," even though siblings are not supposed to be rivals of each other. It is true that most sibling relationships go through a very volatile phase, this phase mostly starts in their teens and continues in their twenties, and then slowly things cool off and settle to bring some normalcy to their relationship. How strong the sibling bond remains largely depends on how tremulous was that volatile phase and how long it takes to cool things off. Another thing that complicated this is that most siblings are not good communicators with each other no matter how articulative and patient they are otherwise. One can easily notice the anger and contempt for no reason when siblings are having an argument with each other, these feelings are not with malice or any other bad intentions but they are there. Too much proximity and continuous presence in each other's life generates some unwanted and unavoidable hostility towards each other. Sibling rivalry is no fun either for siblings or parents, but it is an unavoidable phase of their lives that is impossible to escape, therefore, it is better to learn some valuable lessons from it. This rivalry only results in some positive results when siblings use it for healthy competition and get motivated by each other. It does reach to this stage in many cases but not without its own struggles. 

Can parents help? Not much. Parents are not the reasons for this problem and they can do little to resolve it. Even the forceful use of parental authority that most parents use when they run out of ideas is of little use in this case. Parents can definitely help by not making things worse by comparing siblings with each other and they should make sure that things don't get out of control and get physical, but beyond that, it is the siblings themselves who can resolve whatever issues they have. Acting as a mediator can be an option but most parents don't give enough time to develop such a relationship with their child where they can have candid conversations about various issues their child is facing, hence this option is not available for most parents. As mentioned earlier, things largely depend on how and when things cool off. Arguments and friction are unavoidable, but one thing that siblings don't do with each other which they do in their other relationships like their friendships is that they don't offer the same benefit of the doubt to their siblings that they offer to their friends. 

Siblings can be a great support to each other and this relationship should not be taken for granted just because this is a family-originated bond. Siblings must put some effort and invest quality time in building this relationship as they do with any other relationship. Like any other relationship, this also goes through its own ups and downs, and if not given the attention it requires can disintegrate and get damaged beyond repair. However, there is no need for parents to panic, keep an eye and don't get involved too much, there is no need for firefighters if there is no fire. Siblings should be able to sort out all the issues on their own with little help from their parents. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Whose scorecard are you using?

Do we really need any scorecard to evaluate our lives? Not really, but we all use one. It is inevitable to review and judge our personal and professional lives using some parameters or scorecards. The problem is we all use the scorecard handed over to us by either our parents, friends, family, religion, or society. We are told what it means to be a successful person. Some common items of that scorecard are a degree from a reputable college/university, a high-paying job in a reputed company, a nice home, and a car, even better if you have a private jet, a loving family with kids (better if they are biological), regular vacations at exotic locations, and early retirement. These are just a few parameters ingrained in our minds to evaluate a successful person. The question is not whether these parameters are right or wrong, or whether we should judge our lives based on these parameters, but whether these parameters are selected by us or by someone else. There is nothing wrong with desiring things prescribed for a successful person by the media or society if that's what we want. However, the question is do we really want them? It would be really odd if everyone in any society wanted to live their life based on one standard scorecard. Humans are complex animals and it is impossible for all of us to desire the same things unless we all are brainwashed. We all should have our own scorecard to live a more balanced and fulfilled life. But the problem is we are not taught to develop our own scorecard. Neither our family nor education teaches us to do that. We are given examples of previously successful people are are told to idolize them. The result is most of us either have no clue how to develop our own scorecard or adopt a scorecard handed to us as our own and evaluate our lives. Once we fail to develop our own scorecard, we may score high on the one we are using but still feel empty or unhappy from inside and keep wondering why are we not feeling the happiness and fulfillment that we are supposed to feel. The reason may be that what we chased we never wanted in the first place, it's like running in the wrong race and after winning not being happy with the award. Everyone has to climb their own Everest, my challenges, difficulties, and limitations are different than most around me, I cannot judge my success or failure based on someone else. Similarly, everyone needs to have their own scorecard, other's scorecards can be used as a template but ultimately we need to come up with our own. Only and only a scorecard prepared by us by carefully analyzing our goals and limitations will do justice to measuring our success and failure. 

We all have our outer success, based on the parameters that society, our family, and other people around us value, and our inner success, this what we feel based on our own desires and passions. Most of us care a lot about outer success because that's what we are made to believe to be a universal parameter to measure success. However, only we know what defines and matters for our inner success, it may or may not include all or any of the parameters set by others defining everyone's outer success, this is why I am emphasizing preparing our own scorecard and evaluating our life based on that not based on some standard template. So, whenever you feel frustrated, feel that you are a failure, or going through a low phase in your life, don't forget to ask, whose scorecard are you using?    

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Don't overuse of guilt in parenting

"This is what I get for all my hard work and sacrifices." "you are lucky to have food on your plate, many kids are sleeping hungry as we talk now." "You should be grateful that you don't have to walk barefoot like me to school, you at least have shoes, stop whining about that branded shoe." "I am working my ass off so that you can go to college and all you do is stay on your phone and party." We have heard someone saying some of these things or said some of these things ourselves to our children. Language and the wording may differ, but the gist remains the same, parents want their kids to realize how lucky their kids are compared to many other kids. Almost every parent gets frustrated at some point and uses such language in an attempt to make aware their kids of their privileges. 

Parenting can be frustrating and inducing a feeling of guilt often finds its way into parenting. Parents want their kids to be aware of how much hard work they are putting in as a parent. Parents want their kids to see what's at stake, and consciously and unconsciously they induce the feeling in their kids that kids are not doing enough. The intention of parents is to motivate their kids to work harder and be more focused. Parents feel this will help kids to become successful and avoid failures. However, this method backfires most of the time. Apart from guilt, kids start feeling shame and feel that their parent's love is conditional on them being successful. It is a not good feeling for any kid to know that their parents love them more when they are successful. Even though this is not what most parents intend, this is what their behavior conveys to their kids. And once our behavior speaks for itself, it really doesn't matter what our intent is or what we said if these things don't match with our behavior.

Even though it is important to make our kids aware of the various privileges they have so that they value them and act with compassion toward others who don't have the same privileges. It is not productive to make them feel inferior by inducing a feeling of guilt by their own parents. There is a difference between encouragement and bully parenting. Parents do have expectations from their kids. Many parents see their kids as a way to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. Many try to push their kids on career paths that they feel are safe and rewarding without checking what their kids may want to do. Most of the time this so-called guidance starts so early in life that many kids don't even develop any ability to think about what they want. The result is that many parents express their frustration to their kids from time to time for not fulfilling their expectations. Parent's concerns towards their kids are valid and well-intended. However, trying to guilt them is not the way to develop a healthy relationship with them. It is important to make kids realize their privileges, and it is important to provide them relevant information to make informed decisions. However, this does not mean making decisions for them, choosing careers for them, or spoon-feeding them so much that they can't think independently. And being a parent does not definitely mean creating a photocopy of ourselves. Our kids are independent entities, they need to have their own dreams and values, and as parents, we should be prepared to accept their independence and freedom to choose. 

Please don't overuse guilt. It is not the fault of your kids that they are more privileged than you. It is necessary to make them aware of their privileges but don't make them feel ashamed about it. It is okay to talk about your onw struggles as a child but harping about it every time doesn't help at all. Trust your child's judgment, they are not as naive as you think. It is not enough as a parent just to love your kids but it is also important accept them for who they are and what they want to be. And finally, don't make your love appear conditional on them being successful. The truth is that it is hard to find unconditional love, even parents' love is conditional, but at least don't make it so obvious. Happy parenting.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

How to deal with our fears

Fear is not something people like to discuss. It is a taboo subject for a public conversation. Most people prefer to project themselves as a fearless person. Even with social media where people share so much, people do not want to accept that they have fears, comfortable in sharing their vulnerabilities, and discuss how to deal with them. It seems to have any fear is considered a sign of weakness and strong people must be devoid of any fears. So, is it really so bad to have any fear, and if you do have any fear or fears then what to do? 

I have no hesitation in accepting that I am not a fearless person. I have some fears that I cannot get rid of, no matter how much I try. According to me, fear is an emotion like any other emotion and it is one of the reasons for our existence on this planet. Our ancestors were fearful of many things and that's why they survived many hostile and dangerous situations that many fearless creatures didn't. So, it is natural and humane to be fearful. There is a reason why our evolution didn't get rid of this emotion. However, it is not good to be overburdened by our fears all the time. This overburdening of fearfulness can either debilitate us or affect our personal and professional lives in a bad way. However, if we use our fears as energy, then it can fuel our actions to deal with them. I can't get rid of all my fears as it is impossible for me to do it. The more I try the more they persist. To avoid this consuming and tiring exercise of getting rid of all my fears, I try to walk with my fears that I cannot get rid of and use them as checkpoints or motivators to do something better. I have some fears that accompany me, but none of them hinder my day-to-day life, many of them protect me from doing things that may hurt me. By being aware of my fears, I do not allow them to walk ahead of me but let them walk behind me and use them to fuel my actions. I try to use them as a shield rather than treating them as my enemies. For example, when I am fearful of making a decision I do extra scrutiny and try to get more information before taking that decision; when I am fearful of my prejudices, I check my statements and behavior more often to make sure I am not falling to prey to propaganda; and when I am fearful of failure or committing a mistake, I tell myself that failures and mistakes are part of our lives and it is important to learn our lesson from them and move on.

Even though people prefer to project themselves as a fearless person one can see that they are actually fearful inside. Especially, in today's world we can see people's fears even when they try to mask them cleverly. Hate politics is one such example. All these so-called tough and fearless people openly use fear to fuel hate among their supporters. These leaders create fictitious enemies to cultivate feelings of fear and use this fear to instill hate. This is an ideal example of the misuse of fear for political rewards. It is true, that fear and the resulting hate have been a potent political weapon for years that's why I am not talking just about today's polarized political climate but I am talking about the politics of hate in general. 

Having fear does not make us weak, similarly, being fearless doesn't make us strong. Having fear is not bad, allow your fear to come in, remember, the more you resist the more it persists. Allow your fear to come in, but do not allow it to lead, keep it as a companion. Fear is a form of energy that we can use either for our benefit or detriment, the choice is ours. We can allow them to walk behind or with us as our companions and use them whenever necessary to take some protective steps or we can allow them to overpower us and dictate our every action. The choice is ours because the fear is ours.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

How to become a perfect parent?

I am sure you found the title of this post interesting, and the title might be the only reason you are reading this. I am a parent of two kids who are now in their twenties. I can tell you from experience that parenting is a tough job. No parent knows that frustration and failures would be an integral part of this job before becoming a parent. They struggle, find it hard to deal with their kids, and try to seek advice from various places thinking that others must have figured this out. Many parents of young kids come to me and my wife for parenting advice and they think we must have figured this thing out. Let me clear one misunderstanding first, there is nothing like a perfect parent, they don't exist. Every parent makes mistakes and they struggle a lot. As a parent, we lose our patience, yell at our kids, get frustrated, say things we don't really mean, and regret later on, get too busy, and miss some school functions or meetings, the list can go on but I think you get my point. So, even though there is nothing like a perfect parent, each parent can improve based on their interactions with their kids and can try to be a better parent. As there is no perfect parent, there is also no perfect kid. Both, parents and kids, are learning from each other. This is the key to parenting, learning from each of our mistakes, and learning from our kids. Our kids tell us something valuable during each argument, each unpleasant or pleasant interaction, and don't miss that lesson.

Restarting the conversation is one essential technique every parent must know. Especially, after having a heated argument it is not easy to restart the conversation on a positive or normal note. A very common mistake parents make is to restart in a condescending manner. They want to tell their child how fortunate the kids are compared to them to have all the privileges and freedom. Once you start on the wrong foot, it really doesn't matter what you say afterward, your child is not going to tune in to that conversation and your good intentions really don't matter at this point. In most cases, the next generation has more privileges and freedoms compared to the previous generation. So, our kids having the same is not a big deal, it's not their fault, and as a parent, we should not use this against them, especially, when they are most vulnerable. A parent must restart the conversation on a positive note treating their child as an equal, condescending tone is not going to help at all. Also remember that as a parent we always have an upper hand as kids depend on us, we should not use this advantage as an opportunity to preach on every occasion. Of course, they will listen, not because they want to, but because they have to. This is the one thing that has helped me the most, after every argument, I always go back and talk to my kids. I don't wait for them to come to me, I go to them. I want to understand their side, if they are not willing to talk at that moment, I come back later, but I never avoid an opportunity to listen to them. My doors are open whenever they are ready. Restarting while addressing unresolved issues is not easy that's why most parents avoid it, they pretend nothing happened. As a parent we try our best, we put our child's interests before us, at least that's what we feel we are doing, therefore, it is not easy to apologize to our child or to digest when our child calls us the worst parent of the world or says some other nasty thing. It is easy not to talk about such incidents or act as if nothing happened, but this doesn't help much. As parents, we need to acknowledge our mistakes explain our side to our children, and also try to understand their side and acknowledge their difficulties and struggles. Believe me, kids don't have an easy life, their struggles are as difficult as ours and are more complicated. As a parent, we should not be adding to their difficulties but try to help them to navigate through their difficulties. 

Another common mistake most parents make is that based on their own life experiences they think they know better than their kids. This may be true in certain situations but in most cases, our experience is useless for our kids. The generation gap is a real thing, and every parent needs to be aware of that gap. Our experiences belong to a certain time and era, and the lessons might be relevant, but our kids face completely different situations and challenges, and parents must try to understand these situations before going into their preaching mode. Don't be under foolish arrogance that just because you are older you are wiser than your kids, this is not going to help you in building a strong bond with your child. Your child will think that you are a jerk. So, be mindful when you undermine your child's views just because according to you they are young and immature. 

Parenting is tough but so is growing up. When we struggle as a parent to keep up with our children, our children also struggle to keep up with us. Parents should not undermine the struggles of their children just because they are finding it hard to juggle their own responsibilities. As a parent, if you need help, your kids can be a good source for that help, provided you sincerely seek that help. The parent's job is not only to love their child but also to trust them and give them freedom of choice. Give your kids a chance to help you and believe me you won't be disappointed. We can't become perfect parents, but we definitely can become better parents compared to yesterday. To become a better parent we need honest and unfiltered feedback and there is no better person than our child to get this feedback. Remember, every child acknowledges their parent's contributions at some point, they may even call us the best parents in the world, we better earn that praise rather than our child saying it just because everyone says it. Happy parenting.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com