The cost of being nice

We see many people around us who are successful and admired despite being nasty to people around them. We know about bosses who are admired even though it is known that they perpetuate a toxic work culture. We know politicians who are admired even though they propagate hateful politics and divisiveness. Even movies with toxic, misogynistic, and brutal central characters become blockbusters. What does all this mean? What does it say about our society and culture when people relate to such toxic characters and consider them charismatic characters?

It begs the question, is it so difficult to be nice or kind? If it is not that difficult then why aren't people nice to each other. First, why we should be nice? We should not be nice or kind only because we get something from it, that's fake and selfish behavior. Occasionally, it's okay to be nice to get something in return, but making this a habit undermines our authenticity. Niceness or kindness works best when it's genuine. Sometimes, my kids come to me frustrated and angry and ask me what they get for being nice and reasonable when no one seems to value these qualities. My answer to this question is simple, you aren't kind because someone should praise you for being kind, you are kind because you feel compassion and love, and it is not possible to be kind every time everywhere. 

While being nice can have many positives, there can be costs associated with prioritizing niceness in certain situations. It is impossible to be nice all the time, if you try to be nice all the time it comes with the cost of suppressing your true feelings, opinions, and needs. Being nice doesn't mean one should try to avoid each and every conflict, sometimes you need to be assertive to stand up for yourself and others. Suppression of authenticity is the cost you will pay if you try to be nice all the time, many times, it is not possible to win approval from everyone around you. Another common issue is boundary violations. People who try to be nice all the time fail to establish or assert their boundaries or struggle to say no to requests or demands from others. This can lead to overcommitment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of, as they may feel obligated to accommodate others at the expense of their own well-being. It is important to protect our boundaries, it is not the price we should pay for being nice. Therefore, constantly prioritizing niceness over genuine communication and self-care may contribute to feelings of resentment and stress. Sometimes being nice all the time may inadvertently enable negative behavior of others, we may come across as an insincere person or someone with a lack of assertiveness leading to misunderstandings and a lack of personal boundaries. All this can stifle our personal and professional growth. Without honest communication and feedback, we may struggle to identify the areas for improvement or opportunities for learning and development.

So, even though niceness can have many positives and is a desirable quality, it is important to recognize the potential costs and learn to strike a balance between niceness and authenticity. We must cultivate assertiveness, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care while being nice. Also, whether it is necessary to be nice depends on the context and individual values. Niceness is typically characterized by kindness, politeness, and consideration of others. It plays an important role in our social interactions, building relationships, and contributing to a harmonious community. Our small acts of kindness can brighten someone's day, alleviate stress, and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive environment. In a professional setting, it can enhance teamwork, productivity, and job satisfaction, fostering a positive organizational culture.  However, the expectation of being always nice is impractical and unreasonable as it conflicts with our authenticity. It is burdensome to suppress our feelings all the time to avoid confrontation or to maintain a facade of agreeableness. Therefore, we should be aware of situations where being nice can undermine genuine communication and hinder meaningful connections and act accordingly. It is natural to encounter moments of frustration, anger, or disagreement. Suppressing these motions can lead to internalized stress and emotional repression affecting our mental and emotional health.

Ultimately, while niceness has its merits, it is essential to strike a balance between our kindness and authenticity. This does not mean that being nice always comes at the cost of being authentic, but when it does, we should be able to judge those situations and act accordingly. Remember, genuine relationships thrive on honesty, mutual respect, and acceptance of each other's humanity, including movements of vulnerability and disagreement. By cultivating a culture of kindness while also honoring individual boundaries and authenticity, we can create a more compassionate and inclusive world. Let's work to build such a world, and let's start from our own surroundings first. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Difference between our mental health and emotional health

I have written several posts about different topics related to mental health and emotional health. Both are extremely important for improving our quality of life. People often confuse that mental health and emotional health are the same. Yes, they are related, but not the same. To have good emotional health you need to have good mental health, but just because you do not have mental health-related issues that doesn't mean your emotional health is also good. Social stigma associated with mental health still persists, we have made great progress, but we are still not where we should be as a society to appreciate the importance of mental and emotional health. This stigma hinders open and frank discussion about many topics related to trauma and personal struggles that many of us face in our day-to-day lives. 

Our mental and emotional health are crucial components of our overall well-being, yet they include distinct aspects of our psychological and emotional functioning. Understanding the difference between these two dimensions is important for fostering resilience, coping with challenges, and promoting holistic wellness. Our mental health includes issues related to depression, anxiety, and other chronic conditions like bipolar, ADHD, etc. It includes a broad range of cognitive, emotional, and psychological aspects that influence how we think, feel, and behave. It involves factors such as our ability to process information, solve problems, manage stress, and maintain a sense of purpose and belonging in life. Mental health is not only about the absence of any mental illness but it is about recognizing and appreciating diverse types of psychological experiences and challenges that we face in our daily life.

Our emotional health includes our mental health plus social and personal interactions, that is, it depends on how we react to our relationships and surroundings. It includes our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions effectively. It involves being conscious of our feelings, expressing them appropriately, and coping with our emotional challenges constructively. it includes aspects such as self-awareness, empathy, and the quality of our interpersonal relationships. Our relationships include our personal as well as professional relationships as work is becoming an important and integral part of people's lives. So, one can say that mental health is a foundation upon which emotional health is built. A strong foundation of mental health provides the cognitive and psychological resources needed to understand and manage our emotions effectively. Conversely, nurturing our emotional health contributes to overall mental well-being by enhancing resilience, building positive relationships, and promoting psychological balance.  Both mental health and emotional health are interconnected and mutually reinforcing, we cannot neglect one and expect that the other will help us out. A disruption in one dimension can often impact the other, this is why I am highlighting the importance of both. Maintaining both, mental and emotional health is essential for overall well-being and quality of life.

Our mental and emotional health are interconnected aspects of our overall well-being. Even though they are connected, they are not synonymous. Whenever we face any emotional challenges we need to address both aspects holistically, just focussing on one may help us temporarily but we must look into both aspects for permanent benefits. There are many useful practices such as mindfulness, self-care, therapy, and healthy and active lifestyle choices that can help to promote both dimensions resulting in improved resilience, greater fulfillment, and better overall well-being. By prioritizing both, our mental and emotional health we can cultivate the psychological resources needed to thrive and lead fulfilling lives.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Subtle sexism and patriarchy

Sexism and patriarchy are widely debated issues, they are insidious forces that permeate our society, often operating under the radar and manifesting in seemingly innocuous ways. I have written a few posts related to these issues. We may want to believe that our generation has really started questioning these practices, but debates about these things have been going on for decades in some form. Also, one cannot deny the significant progress that has been made toward gender equality in the last few decades years. In many societies, the situation is much better than it was just a few years ago.  

Even after all this progress, there is a long way to go. Sexism and patriarchy now exist in a very subtle and nuanced way in many societies, including developed nations like the United States. Unlike overt forms of discrimination, which are easily identifiable and condemned, every form of discrimination now exists in its subtle form. Subtle forms of sexism and patriarchy are more difficult to recognize and address, yet their impact can be equally damaging. It is possible to be sexiest without being hostile towards women, it is possible to be sexist even if you have a mother, wife, and daughters, just having female relatives doesn't give anyone the right to downplay their sexist and misogynist behaviors. Subtle sexism refers to the subtle, often unconscious biases, stereotypes, and microaggressions that perpetuate gender inequality. It can manifest in various forms, such as the gender pay gap, double standards in behavior and appearance, or the underrepresentation of women and other genders in leadership positions. Subtle sexism praises women, but only in certain contexts or for certain qualities such as kindness, patience, or motherhood. It predefines and confines a gender only to traditional gender roles. Some examples are, men not washing their own dishes, the stereotype that women are bad drivers, the tag of gold digger only used for women, and assuming that a successful woman must have used some other means to reach there whereas a man in a similar position reached there just on merit. These are just a few examples to show how gender discrimination still exists but only has shifted its means and manners. It is now more subtle and nuanced. These subtle biases reinforce gender roles and norms, perpetuating inequality and limiting opportunities for women to fully participate and thrive in society. On one side women are encouraged to take on new challenges but on the other side, they are forced to continue with their traditional gender roles making them shoulder additional burdens. And when they struggle or fail questioning the ability of the entire class. Note that when a man fails, just that man fails, no one stands up and questions whether men are qualified to do that task. But when a woman fails, she carries a burden of their gender, as many stand up and question the ability of every woman to do that task. 

Gender discrimination, misogyny, and sexism are legacies of patriarchy. Patriarchy refers to a social system in which men hold primary power and dominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege, and control of property. While one may think that patriarchy is an outdated concept in today's progressive societies, its influence persists in subtle ways, shaping social structures, institutions, and cultural norms. On common example of the manifestation of patriarchy is the expectation that men should be assertive and dominant, while women should be nurturing and accommodating. Any man showing accomodating behaviors, especially towards women becomes a target of gossip and criticism even today. Patriarchy can also be seen in the disproportionate representation of men in positions of power and influence, such as corporate boardrooms, government offices, and media outlets. These subtle manifestations reinforce gender hierarchies and perpetuate inequality.

Addressing subtle sexism and patriarchy requires a collective effort to challenge ingrained biases, and sexist and misogynist cultural and religious practices, dismantle oppressive systems, and promote gender equality. This involves raising awareness of unconscious biases, advocating for policies that promote diversity and inclusion, and creating spaces where individuals of all genders, races, nationalities, or any other diversities can thrive and succeed on equal footing. We must recognize and confront subtle sexism and patriarchy, or for that matter any form of discrimination in all its forms. We must work towards building a more equitable and just society where everyone, regardless of gender or any other identity, has the opportunity to reach their full potential. It's a journey that requires ongoing reflection, education, and action to create meaningful chances. I am ready for this journey, are you ready?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

My Nani and feminism

Patriarchy is a default setting for all of us. We all are born in patriarchy, it is the system that has been prevalent in all cultures, societies, and countries for centuries. Generations have lived and are still living in social constructs dictated by patriarchy and there is a strong social, cultural, and religious culture that propagates it in various ways. We don't have to do anything special to propagate patriarchy, it exists around us, and we all become part of it as that's the culture we inherit in all societies. Individual families sometimes may differ somewhat and try to get rid of some regressive patriarchal traditions, but even those families live in societies that are patriarchal. The patriarchal mindset has been challenged by the gender equality movement, also called feminism, but this battle is still in its initial stages and there is a long way to go. Feminism has challenged gender discrimination at every level and in this process, it has also affected the dynamics of male-female relationships.  

I am a proud feminist. There are many instances that guided my path to becoming a feminist, the life of my Nani (maternal grandmother) is one of the major forces that made me a feminist. I have written a blog about her, it was written as a response to the comments I received for another blog about some objectionable phrases from a famous Gita translation. My nani lived her entire life in a small village named Rajapur in Uttar Pradesh, the most populated state in India. As it was a common practice back then she got married at a very early age, child marriage was a norm and it still exists in India no matter what are the laws against it. She became a widow within a few years of her marriage. Her husband (my Nana) died in a tragic boat accident in the river Ganga, this happened immediately after the birth of my mom, hence my mom is the only child of my Nani. This one unfortunate incident changed her entire life, it made her life colorless and companionless. She was not allowed to wear a colorful saree or have any makeup or any jewelry that a married woman was allowed to wear. No one even bothered to think that she should be given a second chance to restart her life with someone else and enjoy the simple pleasures of life that any married woman around her was enjoying. Rather, the entire society was okay with depriving her of all the simple pleasures of human life at such a young age. Nani was a brave lady, she survived, lived her life with grit and dignity, she created her own identity and raised my mom with the help of the joint family. People respected her and took care of her needs like food, clothes, and shelter, but no one went beyond that. As a grandson, I received tremendous love and pampering from her, she used to treat me and my two younger brothers like kings. Whenever we visited her, she was happy and ran after us making sure that we didn't face any troubles, as long as we stayed with her her entire life revolved around us. I have a retreat in my life that I could not reciprocate her love, she passed away in 1991 when I was just a teenager. I wish she could have survived to see me graduate from college and especially get my PhD, whenever I think about this I feel sad that she didn't live to see any of this. However, her life did make me realize unfair and brutal religious, social, and cultural practices that only targeted women. It made me realize how women are purposely suppressed so that society can exploit them. It is true that in Hinduism there are many female deities like Durga, Lakshmi, and Sarasvati, but just because society worships female gods does not mean it also respects females and treats them as equals. Just because her husband died my Nani couldn't live the life of her choice, she was not offered any choice, her choices went away with my Nana's death, but her presence in my life made me a feminist to make sure at least no one in my family will face a similar fate. As long as there are traces of patriarchy in our society, we need feminism, as long as there is a single woman whose choices are taken away due to misogynist religious and cultural practices, we need feminism. My Nani unknowingly made me a feminist. I am a proud feminist, are you?  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Have you built your own door for an opportunity to knock on it?

There are many opportunity knock quotes. It seems opportunity knocks on everyone's door and we are not supposed to miss that chance to respond to that knock as sometimes the opportunity knocks only once. Whether any opportunity knocks once, twice, or multiple times, it is important to have a door on which an opportunity can knock, so, the first task is to build our own door first so that an opportunity can knock on that door. 

What do I mean by building a door for an opportunity to knock? Creating an opportunity often involves more than just waiting for it to appear - it requires initiative, creativity, resilience, hard work, and determination to carve out paths to create an opportunity that eventually leads to success. Building our own door for opportunity to knock is about taking proactive steps to create the circumstances that enable growth, boosting our morale to continue our efforts despite failures, and seeking fulfillment is our journey to success as sometimes the journey is long and full of uncertainty. Waiting passively for opportunities to present themselves may yield limited or no results. Instead, seizing control of our destiny by focusing on our own strengths and efforts involves seeking out opportunities. One way to achieve this is by leveraging our strengths and pursuing our passion with purpose and determination. It also required identifying our goals, assessing our skills and resources, improving on them as needed, and seeking strategic action to create pathways for progress. If we strive for continuous progress, success will eventually come. Building our own door for the opportunity also means stepping outside of our comfort zones, embracing uncertainty, and taking calculated risks in pursuit of our aspirations. It is not enough just to have aspirations and dreams, we need to strategically pursue them, otherwise, they always remain our dreams and aspirations. Active pursuit may involve networking, seeking mentorship, updating our skills, and acquiring new knowledge to position ourselves for success in our chosen field. It also requires resilience in the face of setbacks and failures, adaptability in response to changing circumstances, and perseverance. Building our own door for opportunity is also about fostering a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. Rather than waiting for opportunities to come to us, we should actively seek out ways to create value, make meaningful contributions, and establish ourselves as a force for positive change in our personal and professional lives. By being entrepreneurial in our efforts and embracing our creativity and determination, we can generate new opportunities and open doors that may have previously seemed closed. 

Building our own door for opportunity is a proactive approach to personal and professional growth. Rather than waiting we want to take the initiative. This approach empowers us to take ownership of our own destiny, helps us to overcome obstacles, encourages us to seek help and offer help to others, and forge our path to success. By embracing initiative, resilience, and a willingness to take calculated risks, we can create a future filled with endless possibilities for personal and professional growth, fulfillment, and achievements with standards and milestones decided by us and not someone else. So, don't wait for an opportunity to knock - build your own door and invite in. All the very best!

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

How do you want to earn respect?

Humans are social animals. We live in groups, interact regularly, and seek continuous validation from each other. These interactions and feelings of community help us to maintain our mental and social health. Our perpetual need to seek validation from others is the major reason for the tremendous success of social media. We want our family, friends, and society to recognize and respect us. Earning respect and validation are fundamental aspects of human interaction. We find various avenues to seek this respect and validation. Power and wealth have become universal tools to command respect in every society. It is important to note that to respect power (wealth is also a form of power), is no different than what animals do, they also respect power, the might is right is the rule of the jungle. Knowingly (or unknowingly) we are following the same rule. Why are we inclined to respect power and wealth so much? Even after all these years of learning and progress why are we okay with obnoxious displays of wealth and power? Why do love, compassion, humor, and kindness not generate as much respect as wealth and power generate? I wonder if people ask these questions in today's fast-paced life.

In a world driven by materialistic pursuits and instant gratification, the quest for respect is often overshadowed by desires for wealth and power. Wealth and power are not bad things per se, it depends how a person uses them. Most, if not all rich, follow a typical lifestyle, some common elements are, living in lavish homes, having unique preferences about schools, colleges, and jobs, and noticeable use of luxury brands. Nothing wrong with any of these things. The problem is when these things become the hallmarks of earning respect and things like integrity, compassion, love, and authenticity are forgotten. In striving for respect, it is essential to acknowledge the pitfalls of a materialistic mindset. Material possessions are necessary and they do provide instant gratification, however, a life solely focused on wealth and power can lead to emptiness and a lack of fulfillment, and ultimately may fail to garner genuine respect. Also, it can foster superficial relationships based on what one has rather than who one is. Therefore, prioritizing material wealth and power as the only means to earn respect can be ultimately futile and shallow.

Another way to earn respect can stem from material wealth and power coupled with the choices we make and the values we uphold. Integrity, for instance, is one of the cornerstones of respect. Being honest, reliable, and principled in our actions establishes ourselves as individuals of character and cultivates trust and admiration from others. Compassion is another powerful quality that is becoming rare as people are getting more aggressively opinionated. Showing empathy and kindness towards others not only enriches their lives but also reflects positively on our own morals and character. When we teach others with dignity and understanding, we foster meaningful connections built on mutual respect and empathy. Many people forget this simple aspect of human interaction, especially on social media or while discussing sensitive issues, this is why we see so polarized society. Authenticity is one of the most important qualities to earn respect. Nowadays, we are so used to seeing the well-curated lives of others on social media that we forget the real colors and flavors of our own personal and social lives. Embracing our true selves, flaws, and all, demonstrates courage and vulnerability. Understanding that courage and vulnerability are two sides of the same coin is very important. Our authenticity invited others to see us for who we are, fostering genuine connections based on acceptance and mutual understanding. Authenticity deeply resonates with others because it acknowledges our humanity and allows for genuine relationships to flourish. Any relationship that is based on mutual respect and compassion helps us to form strong bonds that survive the east of time.

In essence, earning respect goes beyond the accumulation of material wealth, power, or superficial achievements. These things do have their own place in our lives, but they are not replacements for honesty, compassion, kindness, love, and authenticity. By living a life of making conscious choices aligned with these values, we not only earn the respect of others but also cultivate a sense of self-worth and fulfillment that transcends materialism. As we navigate life's complexities and our own challenges, let's strive not only for success but also for respect grounded in the richness of our character and the authenticity of our actions. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Fragile morality and ethics

You won't find anyone who claims not to have any ethical or moral values. Even hate-mongering leaders, ruthless dictators, mass murderers, criminals, and psychopaths claim to have moral standards and ethics. Rather, hate-mongering politicians and other people regularly use morality and ethics to propagate hate and animosity between different groups. Some people try to justify wars and genocides under the name of self-defense and/or for upholding moral principles like peace and harmony. Some people justify communal riots under the name of upholding the honor of religion or protecting that religion. I wonder when everyone believes in moral and ethical principles like love, kindness, harmony, and peace, then who are the people who are responsible for so much hatred and violence that is going on around the world. Difference of opinion is a healthy sign for any society, but who are the people who are polarizing the society? What happens to these widely publicized ethical and moral values when any country attacks another country brutally killing innocent civilians who never did anything to hurt that country? Are these moral and ethical principles so fragile that they crumble when we face any conflict and pressure? Are these moral and ethical principles so fragile that we remember them only when we are at the receiving end of hate and violence? Unfortunately, the answer is yes.

It is easy to preach peace, kindness, and love when there is no conflict and when nothing is at stake, but the time we face any threat or conflict we hang these principles out of the door and engage in all kinds of unethical and immoral acts under the name of self-defense. Yes, self-defense is necessary, responding to any violent attack is necessary, and protecting territorial interests is necessary. But it is also necessary to keep in mind the scale and proportionality of our response, to keep in mind that innocent civilians are not enemy targets but are also enemy victims. This is something we must debate as a society if at all we are serious about strong moral and ethical values. In the past and even today people all over the world remained mute spectators to the carnage of innocent civilians. We cannot allow this to continue without being labeled as hypocrites who only care about moral and ethical values only when it suits us. Currently, these values are very fragile, they break even when a little external pressure is applied to them. It is up to us to decide if we are okay with such a fragile value system or society or if we really want to practice what we preach. The choice is ours and as we judge historical events, future generations will judge us for our conveniently fragile morality and ethics.      

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

There is my truth and your truth, where is our truth?

In this era of information explosion, one may expect that people have the resources and capabilities to decipher the information and separate the facts from the fiction. Tragically, this is not what's happening. Spread of false information and propaganda is at its peak. The Internet has provided a platform to spread the good, the bad, the ugly, the dangerous, and all other types of information. People are carving out only what suits their ideology and argument. They selectively and intelligently use that carved-out information and data to validate their preconceived notions. People don't bother to verify whether the information or data they are using is reliable and verifiable, if it suits their arguments, they assume that the information is true, if it doesn't suit they discard the information as unreliable. In both cases, there is no verification for the information used or rejected. So, there is my truth and there is your truth, but there is no our truth. Our respective truths depend on which religion we follow, which gender we belong to, which country we live in, which age group we belong to, which political party or leader we support, and various other subjective parameters. As the parameters used are so subjective, the truth is also becoming subjective, and this is the biggest tragedy of this era, even after having access to so much information we are crippled with unreliable and subjective propaganda, we are so trapped in our siloes that we don't even care that we are being manipulated and brainwashed.

Also, this information tsunami is not uniting people, it's not making people more knowledgeable and flexible, but it is making people more rigid and siloed. It is making people more polarized and convinced only about their own views, and it is making people more hostile to any alternate views and ideas. People are more interested in validating the ideas of their tribe than interested in knowing the truth. They seek data and information, but only if it validates their own beliefs, the rest is either termed inaccurate or propaganda. This is where we stand today. I don't think anyone expected that we would be heading in this direction when this all started, but that is where we stand today, and unless we all appreciate our own tendencies to fall for misinformation directed at us, we will be heading to a more siloed and polarized world. People are so scared of being wrong that they aggressively reject everything that could even remotely question their ideology and beliefs. This type of behavior used to be seen only in cults, but it seems now everyone is behaving as if they are part of some cult. This cult could be their political party or leader, their ideology, or whatever group they want to be associated with. It seems people have lost their ability to offer and receive constructive criticism. The only way to deal with this hostile environment is to be patient. Listen to others, as there are more speakers than listeners, everyone has something to say but there are very few who are willing to listen. Let this outrage pass, let people vent their feelings and then let's hope that these people are willing to listen. If we cannot do this, then we will be in perpetual shouting mode, where everyone is broadcasting, but no one is listening, there will be a lot of noise but no sanity. There is my truth and there is your truth, we need to look for our truth, and we can find that only if we look together. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Unbelieving

We all have some beliefs or values. No matter how refined or rational we believe we are, we harbor some core beliefs. These beliefs are the results of our upbringing. Our family values, the religion that we are forced to accept without our informed consent, and our social and economic environment (our upbringing) all add various beliefs that shape our personality and thinking. The problem with these beliefs is that we adopt them first and then try to find every possible way to justify and defend them. That is, these beliefs or values are not well vetted, they are not evaluated before ingraining them into our system. Most of us, get them as a legacy from our environment and stick with them for the rest of our lives. If you don't believe me, just look around. How many people do you know changed the religion in which they were born? How many do you see who question the party or a leader they voted for? How many people do you see condemn the questionable behavior of their loved ones, especially their parents? How many people you see accept that they were wrong and are ready to correct (especially in politics)? Very few or none, right? It is interesting to note that people do this not because they are bad or weak, but because it is extremely difficult to unbelieve something you believe. 

Unbelieving is not easy and not many even think about it, it is that hard and uncommon. Also, note that unbelieving is not the same as unlearning. Unbelieving is scary, whereas unlearning is not. We unlearn something when we want to change our habits. Some of our beliefs could contribute to some of our habits, but it is not necessary, we harbor many beliefs that control our opinions and views without affecting our habits. To leave something we believed for long or accept that it was wrong sounds scary as many people think that changing their beliefs and values demolishes their core identity. No doubt, our beliefs and values constitute a core part of our identities, but this is why it is important to review and update them from time to time. I understand this because I have to go through a lot of unbelieving. I grew up in a very casteist, patriarchal, misogynist, and communal society. There were so many values associated with these ancient cultural aspects that were ingrained in my mind. I used to think in a particular way, used to look at people from different castes and religions in a particular way and had a very backward view about different genders. All this was challenged and tested when I read more, met with people from different regions and cultures, and finally when I immigrated to the US. It was not very comfortable to learn that I was wrong about so many things. I could have stuck with those dated values considering them as a part of my culture and tradition, many people offer this justification, so, this was an option available for me. However, when I saw that these things were wrong, no matter how old or from where I learned, I couldn't continue with them, I needed to unbeliever them and replace them with a secular and gender-unbiased set of values. These values are not also permanent, I need to test and evaluate them from time to time to confirm that they meet the high standards of humanity set by me. This is an ongoing and continuous process, that's what I call a personal evolution, it is a slow but continuous process. The first step in this process is to unbelieve everything that is outdated and biased, unbelieve everything that teaches us hate and discrimination. The Sooner we start this process, the better for us, as I said this is not easy, it is going to take time, so start as soon as you can if you have not already done so, and repeat this process regularly. We update our furniture and wardrobe regularly, so why not do the same with our values and beliefs.    

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Social media and freedom of speech

Freedom of speech is one of the coveted fundamental rights available in most developed countries, and even most developing countries claim to offer this right to their residents. Since the advent of social media, this right has been a subject of discussion, mainly due to the use of social media to spread misinformation and propaganda related to hate and social disharmony. The main issue is whether governments should regulate social media to control its contents or whether social media should be treated like we treat the individual right to freedom of speech where anonymous speech is protected? As we all know very well now, currently, social media is used by various groups and countries to spread propaganda by using anonymous accounts, especially during election times to influence the outcome of that election. No doubt, this is a serious issue. However, is it serious enough to curb one of the most valued personal rights, the right of freedom of expression? Of course, governments will argue that it is important to control social media, but as people, do we want our governments to control what we can and cannot say on social media? These are some of the questions this issue raises. Also, note that there is no absolute right to freedom of speech anywhere, there are minimum reasonable restrictions, but it seems at least on social media, these restrictions are not enough to curb the harmful effects of free speech.

Whether the government likes it or not, the reality is that social media is the new platform where most interpersonal communication happens. Nowadays, most people communicate through their devices, mainly through their phones. Even during face-to-face meetings, people are busy either posting on social media or browsing the contents of social media. People derive most of their news and other information from the internet, and mostly from social media posts. So, social media dominates our medium of expression, and this is the reason governments are interested in controlling it. Also, I agree that social media is used to spread propaganda and misinformation. People are so siloed in their information chambers either by their own choice or by algorithm manipulation that feeds them only with content that validates their ideas and opinions, it is easy to condition their minds. This is one of the main reasons why social polarization is on the rise. People treat their ideological opponents as enemies, they don't just disagree, but they also hate with whom they disagree. Why? Because they are more convinced than ever that the other side is not only wrong but that their presence is also bad for their society. This is the extent of polarization. There is also a rise in cult-like worshipping of political leaders and celebrities, there are not just followers, these followers think and behave like devotees. They do not want to hear anything critical about their demagogue. If anyone says anything critical, these devotees attack viciously. Also, countering bad speech by putting in a lot of good speech is not working that well. People with access to resources dominate any conversation by using paid or fake accounts where people post the same or similar content propagating certain views to dominate the discourse. This is where we are currently, and it is predicted to get worse from here. However, even after all the risks and drawbacks associated with social media, I don't think the government should control free speech on social media and put more restrictions than what we already have. Why? Just because once the right to free speech is compromised, it rarely returns to its original form. Imagine, how much power any government will have if they can control the biggest communication platform used by the current generation. The risks of giving control to the government outweigh the benefits. If at all they want to propose some additional reasonable restrictions, let them propose them first so that people to review and evaluate them. This is not a partisan issue, everyone's right to freedom of speech, irrespective of their party affiliation, is on the line, hence we all need to think carefully. The idea of having some order and reliability is appealing, but not at the cost of our fundamental right of freedom of speech. Let's protect our fundamental rights first, social media can take care of itself as its users mature and become aware of its strengths and weaknesses, let's give this platform some more time, it is still too early to call for any government help.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com