We see many people around us who are successful and admired despite being nasty to people around them. We know about bosses who are admired even though it is known that they perpetuate a toxic work culture. We know politicians who are admired even though they propagate hateful politics and divisiveness. Even movies with toxic, misogynistic, and brutal central characters become blockbusters. What does all this mean? What does it say about our society and culture when people relate to such toxic characters and consider them charismatic characters?
It begs the question, is it so difficult to be nice or kind? If it is not that difficult then why aren't people nice to each other. First, why we should be nice? We should not be nice or kind only because we get something from it, that's fake and selfish behavior. Occasionally, it's okay to be nice to get something in return, but making this a habit undermines our authenticity. Niceness or kindness works best when it's genuine. Sometimes, my kids come to me frustrated and angry and ask me what they get for being nice and reasonable when no one seems to value these qualities. My answer to this question is simple, you aren't kind because someone should praise you for being kind, you are kind because you feel compassion and love, and it is not possible to be kind every time everywhere.
While being nice can have many positives, there can be costs associated with prioritizing niceness in certain situations. It is impossible to be nice all the time, if you try to be nice all the time it comes with the cost of suppressing your true feelings, opinions, and needs. Being nice doesn't mean one should try to avoid each and every conflict, sometimes you need to be assertive to stand up for yourself and others. Suppression of authenticity is the cost you will pay if you try to be nice all the time, many times, it is not possible to win approval from everyone around you. Another common issue is boundary violations. People who try to be nice all the time fail to establish or assert their boundaries or struggle to say no to requests or demands from others. This can lead to overcommitment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of, as they may feel obligated to accommodate others at the expense of their own well-being. It is important to protect our boundaries, it is not the price we should pay for being nice. Therefore, constantly prioritizing niceness over genuine communication and self-care may contribute to feelings of resentment and stress. Sometimes being nice all the time may inadvertently enable negative behavior of others, we may come across as an insincere person or someone with a lack of assertiveness leading to misunderstandings and a lack of personal boundaries. All this can stifle our personal and professional growth. Without honest communication and feedback, we may struggle to identify the areas for improvement or opportunities for learning and development.
So, even though niceness can have many positives and is a desirable quality, it is important to recognize the potential costs and learn to strike a balance between niceness and authenticity. We must cultivate assertiveness, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care while being nice. Also, whether it is necessary to be nice depends on the context and individual values. Niceness is typically characterized by kindness, politeness, and consideration of others. It plays an important role in our social interactions, building relationships, and contributing to a harmonious community. Our small acts of kindness can brighten someone's day, alleviate stress, and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive environment. In a professional setting, it can enhance teamwork, productivity, and job satisfaction, fostering a positive organizational culture. However, the expectation of being always nice is impractical and unreasonable as it conflicts with our authenticity. It is burdensome to suppress our feelings all the time to avoid confrontation or to maintain a facade of agreeableness. Therefore, we should be aware of situations where being nice can undermine genuine communication and hinder meaningful connections and act accordingly. It is natural to encounter moments of frustration, anger, or disagreement. Suppressing these motions can lead to internalized stress and emotional repression affecting our mental and emotional health.
Ultimately, while niceness has its merits, it is essential to strike a balance between our kindness and authenticity. This does not mean that being nice always comes at the cost of being authentic, but when it does, we should be able to judge those situations and act accordingly. Remember, genuine relationships thrive on honesty, mutual respect, and acceptance of each other's humanity, including movements of vulnerability and disagreement. By cultivating a culture of kindness while also honoring individual boundaries and authenticity, we can create a more compassionate and inclusive world. Let's work to build such a world, and let's start from our own surroundings first. All the very best.
Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.
© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com
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