Women's march done - Now, what next?

Last week, there were quite a few protests that created a lot of buzz on social media as well as in mainstream media. Depending on their liberal or conservative inclination various media houses either reported these events aggressively or totally ignored them as if they didn't happen. I was a little confused about the protests on the day of Mr. Trump's inauguration. He won a democratically contested election, the same system of the electoral college which declared Mr. Bush, Mr. Obama, and all other previous Presidents winners declared him the next President of the USA, people need to acknowledge it and accept the reality. This is the beauty of democracy, it would be hypocrisy to praise the democratic process only when it works in your favor. The Constitution gave Mr. Trump the right to contest the election and he won it, he has a constitutional right to serve as the President of the USA. I didn't understand the main intention behind the protest on inauguration day. If it was just to oppose Mr. Trump's victory because some people didn't like him personally then it sets a dangerous precedence for everyone. Oppose his policies if you don't agree, challenge his decisions if you feel they are wrong, criticize his statements, and demand an apology, but don't try to question his rights. It is dangerous to question someone's fundamental rights because tomorrow someone might question your rights also.

But, I do understand the intentions behind the women's march. Some of the comments made by Mr. Trump about women are derogatory, his so-called locker room talk was disgusting. The excuses and the apology offered by him for some of these things are lame and inadequate. So, the women's march had a valid reason. It was good to see so many women coming together and marching to protect their rights and challenge misogynist views. The culture of patriarchy still exists in some form or other in all parts of the world and the USA is not an exception. It shows its ugly face in the form of sexist jokes, discriminatory rants, prejudiced statements, or so-called locker room talks. Such things need to be challenged. Many people might feel that this is a very hypersensitive reaction, or protestors are cherry-picking things just for the sake of making a big deal out of nothing. But, the truth is that things like patriarchy are so deeply rooted in the psyche of our culture that it will need a lot of mental cleaning to get rid of it completely. Women need to be vigilant about any behavior that even remotely tries to propagate such a mindset because they are the main victims of such a mindset. Sexual harassment is still a huge problem both for men and women, but women are disproportionately victimized and that's why this protest was necessary.

Based on news reports it seems that the women's march was a huge success, not only in the US but in many other countries it was noticed. Now, what next? Just conducting one huge march or registering a protest once is not going to solve these problems. This huge protest should not be the end, but the beginning of a new movement. Marches or protests are good methods to highlight any issue or spread awareness about the problem. But efforts should not end with a one-time protest or one march. People (both men, women, and other genders) should resist any attempts to demean any group by anyone. It is going to be a long march to achieve equality and I hope that everyone in support of equality is willing to walk that long.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

The journey of Reena - from a shy village girl to an independent woman

Reena and I got married 18 years back and ours was an arranged marriage, full of all the uncertainties and concerns that any arranged marriage brings along with it. The journey was not an easy ride, we had our ups and downs and went through our own struggles to understand each other and adjust to each other. I learned a lot from her and I am sure she feels the same. I lived most of my life in a patriarchal society in India, where the status of women was not equal to men. I must also mention that in the USA situation is much better, but still, a lot of work is needed even in the USA so one can imagine the situation in India. I was raised in an environment of male superiority, but fortunately, it had the opposite effect on me. Patriarchy and rampant misogyny around me made me a feminist. I realized the importance of making a woman an equal partner in any relationship. I realized that in the modern world women are an equal stakeholder and they need to to treated like that.

Reena lived in a small village in Uttar Pradesh until her sixth grade and then she moved to Varanasi. Varanasi is one of the biggest cities of UP, but the situation of women is not that different compared to other parts of UP. Definitely, it is better than many villages, but the difference is not that much. So, when we got married, my first task was to make my wife independent of me. She came from a culture where the husband had the status of a demigod - the provider for her needs, the protector of her honor and dignity, and the controller of her life and destiny. I needed to break all these myths. This was not an easy task for me as well as for her. It was confusing for her and very complicated for me. There was no easy way for both of us to maneuver through the maze of cultural mess that arranged marriage and patriarchal culture brought into our lives. When I told her that she is an equal partner in our relationship, which means she has equal rights and has to share an equal responsibility. The second part was more confusing and complicated for her (about the responsibilities). I stressed both, rights and responsibilities because rights without responsibility is a useless endeavor. But I must say that she responded with a lot of courage and perseverance. She took on this challenge head-on after initial hesitation. Initially, she thought her responsibilities were limited to traditional household work which women were expected to perform, this was the way she was raised. But when she realized that her scope of duty involved many tasks that she never thought were women's jobs, she was a little hesitant. There was a struggle, and I witnessed that struggle. I refused to help on many occasions, but that was necessary for her to realize her own potential. She overcame many obstacles on her own, with no or very little help from anyone around her. I was just her companion, once she decided to take on this challenge, she did things on her own, and she deserves the credit for all her successes.

When we moved to the USA, it opened many more new doors for her. She was free from all the social and familial constraints that were present in India. This made her embark on an exciting and rewarding journey. Today, I live with a totally transformed person, she is a much more confident and independent person. We both support each other, and our relationship is more balanced now compared to what it was at the time of our marriage. She is a very confident person and an independent woman who doesn't need her husband's support for her survival, and I am glad to see that she can manage her life on her own. She is a pillar of strength and support for me along with the rest of my family and friends. We both complement each other as husband and wife rather than having a typical husband-dominated marital relationship. It is not easy to write about your partner or parents or for that matter any person in just one blog post, but I want my readers to get the idea that it doesn't matter who we are or from where we come, if we decide and get enough support we all can achieve many things which may look impossible.

Reena's journey so far is not only a success story in its own way but also a source of inspiration for me. She still has many more challenges and many more obstacles to cross, but now she can do these things on her own. There are many successful people around us, but we fail to notice them. Normally we only recognize success or failure based on media reports and very often ignore many inspiring stories of people around us. Many times, no one bothers to tell stories of common people like us. Many times, we fail to notice some inspirational struggle or success story happening right in front of our eyes. We ignore that just because these people don't become celebrities or they don't end up making millions of dollars. I am fortunate to notice and appreciate many such success stories around me. My family members, friends, and colleagues faced many challenges and fought hard to overcome them. For me, all these struggles and triumphs are very inspiring. All these stories along with many others provide me the required self-confidence and optimistic outlook towards life. Reena's journey is one such story. We all have someone around us who is making progress day by day and if we learn to recognize that struggle and draw inspiration from their struggle, life will be beautiful. My life is more beautiful because of Reena and I hope she feels the same.

Thanks for reading.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

The real meaning of American citizenship

Citizenship of any country can be obtained either by birth or by being a resident of that country for a certain period mentioned in its citizenship act. This policy is an important aspect of many immigrant-friendly countries like the USA, where many immigrants choose to become citizens, mainly to avail of benefits that these countries offer to their citizens. For me, citizenship has a much deeper meaning apart from just a legal status, especially when someone chooses to abandon one citizenship and accept another. Citizenship by birth is a right, but citizenship by naturalization is somewhat different. To choose to become a citizen of any country is a conscious decision. It should be done after a lot of deliberation and serious thinking. Because citizenship is not only a privilege or right offered by the constitution of that country but also a big responsibility. Any person gets attached to his or her place of birth emotionally for various reasons, that place always remains special to him/her. But, if someone acquires citizenship by naturalization, he or she has to develop a similar love, concern, and sense of belonging to that new country. If this doesn't happen then the benefit is one way, like it happens in an extremely selfish relationship, where one side gets all the perks without giving any commitment or loyalty in return.

According to me, the USA is one of the best places to live, it offers the best set of civil rights in the world among countries. American citizenship comes with many benefits, but at the same time, it also comes with some duties. One of the major duties is to give up loyalty to your previous country of citizenship and be loyal to the USA. I have seen that some naturalized citizens fail to understand the importance of this duty. They feel that being a US citizen means having the right to avail of all the benefits, but loyalty to the US is an optional requirement. This loyalty does not only mean supporting the country when it's under attack by outsiders but also being loyal to its constitution, and its values. Being American doesn't mean only possessing an American passport but also understanding and promulgating American values and culture. If more and more people fail to understand these things then I feel the gap between various sections of this society will keep on increasing and this is not a good sign for the health of this great country.

The USA is an extremely tolerant country. It has accommodated various cultures and values gracefully. When I say one needs to respect American values I don't mean a certain set of rigid rules, I mean the spirit of respecting individual liberty and the right to choose. These two are the most prominent features of American society which helped this country to achieve the status of superpower. The real meaning of being an American is not just to hold an American passport but to understand American values. Understand the reason behind the phenomenal success of this country, which it managed to achieve in such a short span of time. Each and every citizen must continue to work towards making this country better than before. Being a citizen doesn't at all mean surrendering all your previous values or beliefs, this country gives a right of freedom of expression to every resident. Constructive criticism, political activism, opposition to the government and its policies, demonstrations, and protests all are part of efforts to achieve this progress. The sense of duty to protect American values is important and I hope all current and future citizens as well as residents of America realize this. This country is unique and one of the best places to live on earth and let's keep it that way. The real meaning of being an American citizen is not only to be eligible to enjoy the benefits but also to perform all the duties expected of its citizens.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Is it possible to be politically independent in today's world?

The current political environment in most countries is very polarized. I can speak about the USA and India as I follow political scenarios in these two countries more than any other country in the world. Both these countries are democracies, but the current political atmosphere is so charged and polarized it is almost impossible to remain independent and try to have a balanced and rational political discussion with any political party supporter. Most supporters of any party or leader are so passionate and blindly in love with their leader that they are not willing to hear anything even remotely against their leader. These people are very eager to brand their opponents anti-nationals, communal, secular (the term secular used in a derogatory way), racist, Islamophobic, misogynist, or by any other tag they can think of.  Because of these two things have happened, political discussions have become either like fist fights, where two parties fight against each other blow by blow without having any fruitful exchange of thoughts or it has become almost devotee like the singing of praise of their demigod leader, where every good thing happening around is attributed to some action taken by that leader.

Politically independent people, who can throw light on both sides of the issue, or can debate over the good and bad aspects of the same policy, political party, or leader have disappeared from these discussions. I understand why they don't want to participate in any such political arguments. But, these debates are so predictable and boring because of an absence of any sane voice among all political devotees. Such devotees are required, and all political leaders and parties survive and thrive due to the presence of such devoted supporters. However, the presence of such supporters only makes that party gain or lose elections, it doesn't help in moving political discourse any forward. In such a politically charged atmosphere, very often there is a possibility of political deadlock, where both sides try to block even good policies from each other just to display their political muscle power. The interest of the country or its people takes a back seat and that leader's ego or interest of that party's core voters becomes the most prominent factor. These things used to happen in the past also, but now it is happening even after an increase in the education level of people and an increase in accessibility of information due to the rapid spread of the internet.

I am a politically independent person. I don't support a single political party or a leader. In an election, of course, I have to choose one from the list, and I make my decision based on the important issues of that time and solutions presented by different parties, but at the same time, I know the weaknesses and drawbacks of my choice. I am willing to accept that the party for which I voted might have some terrible policies about certain economic and social issues, but in an election, you can vote only for one party, and not voting is not an option for me. If the party I voted for wins the election, then I should be ready to oppose any policy they try to implement that is either not on their agenda or is obviously harmful to a certain section of society. I am not obliged to support whatever they do, just because I voted for him. This is how I deal with politics. I don't think political parties would like to have voters like me, but this is how I protect my political independence. I am not bound by their core ideologies or their leader's demigod-like status. Current politics has become so personality-centric that it has become like a war between two cults.

Whenever I discuss politics in any group, I can see the desperation of people to defend their choices at any cost and their frustration when someone exposes weaknesses of their side or starts asking some uncomfortable questions. I am a republican sympathizer in a democrat group and vice versa. I play a similar role in India among BJP or Congress supporters. Politics is supposed to be there for the benefit of people. It is supposed to create healthy debates and discussions where something better for the nation comes out from such debates. It was not supposed to create a war-like situation within a country or a deadlock where the nation is stuck in policy paralysis, where nothing moves forward except vicious verbal attacks on each other. None of these things are healthy for any nation. Political differences and strong opposition should exist and no government should get an absolute right to do whatever they want. Every democratic country needs to have some checks and balances to curtail absolute power. The presence of a single ideology is dangerous no matter how good or rational that ideology sounds. I hope people understand the value and importance of dissent. I hope they understand that expressing dissent against the government doesn't mean that they are against the country. If a country needs to progress all of its people need to contribute, and political opponents need to have space for ideological or policy-based differences. Political opponents should not behave like enemies of each other and their existence should not be mutually exclusive. Politics needs healthy and efficient dialogue between different stakeholders. It doesn't benefit from monotonous, and vitriolic monologs.

I cherish my political independence and I am really proud of it. It is becoming a very rare trait day by day. I hope people understand the importance of constructive criticism and healthy dialog, until that this drama will continue and people like me won't find any difference between some news channels and channels that telecast dramatic soap operas. Protect your political independence if you can, and even if you become a supporter of some political party become a sensible supporter, not a blind devotee. Politics is not a place to be a devotee, for this religion is enough. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

My fear of needles and my blood donation experience

I am not that comfortable with needles. I dislike the feeling of getting a flu shot or whenever they draw blood for testing. I am sure many people don't like to get poked by a needle, especially during a medical exam. Some don't like it because of some past bad experiences, some due to pain, and some are just not comfortable with that feeling of being poked with the needle. For me, it's not about the pain, because it doesn't hurt that much, many other injuries hurt way more than the pain that I feel because of needles, and normally the encounter with the needles is just a matter of a few seconds. I am also not scared of needles in general as I use them in the lab almost every day to transfer or add a variety of reagents to my chemical reactions. I just don't like that feeling, but it won't be wrong to say that I fear needles, this is why going for a blood donation was a big challenge for me. I donated blood for the first time in India when I was in college. I don't recollect that I was worried or scared of needles at that time, maybe the presence of friends, a very young age, or some other emotion took care of this fear. Since I came to the USA, I wanted to donate blood but didn't get a chance to because the Red Cross doesn't accept blood at least for one year if you visit any country like India. For the last few years, I have visited India almost every year, so I was not qualified to donate blood.

This year I was qualified as I didn't visit India. I went for the blood donation and passed all their initial screening tests. Then the time came to go for actual donation. I was worried it was not going to be very easy for me to tolerate a needle in my arm for so long time. The needle was going to stay in my vein for at least 20-30 minutes if not more, and it was not a very comforting thought for me. The lab technician found the vein from which she wanted to draw the blood easily, but when she inserted the needle somehow she missed it and then she tried to search for it by moving the needle. It was a really uncomfortable feeling, it lasted for 1-2 minutes, but that process was the worst part of the entire blood donation. Eventually, they did find the vein and I could donate the blood successfully.

The nurse turned out to be a Trump supporter, she voted for Mr. Trump and initially, she was hesitant to talk more about that. But when I told her that it was her right to choose the candidate, which she thought was suitable for the job and she should not be hesitant to talk about it just because she is living in a Democratic state. We discussed quite a bit about the election and I told her my point of view about this presidential election. I clearly told her that I also liked some of Mr. Trump's proposed policy measures, and from the beginning, I thought that he was a dark horse in the presidential race. I even wrote a blog post about him a few months back. But for me that so-called 'locker room' conversation was a deal breaker. She agreed with me that it was bad, but said that Hillary is also not that clean, she had her own mistakes which made her an equally bad person. She also said that all these people have some skeletons in their closets. It was a fair counterargument, and she did say ultimately that she was okay with women being President, but she was not okay with Hillary. Actually, many people have used this argument to justify their choice after this election even though I fail to understand the real rationale behind it, but it is their right to choose the candidate they like. This conversation was very helpful to me as it diverted my attention away from the pain of that inserted needle in my hand. We ended our conversation on a very positive note and I told her that I am looking forward to the presidency of her candidate. I hope that Mr. Trump will honestly try to implement his policies for the benefit of the citizens of this country. She gave me a thumbs up for this as well as for successfully completing my blood donation.

I felt a big sense of achievement after finishing the process of blood donation, that feeling was not just because I donated the blood, I know that many people donate regularly, but because I overcame my fear of needles and survived those 30-40 minutes without having a panic attack that too when no one who I know personally was around me. I did this by my own choice. I was not compelled to do this for any other reason other than my own desire to do it. The feeling of not allowing my personal fear or phobia to control my desire to do something good was great, and I think we all are capable of overcoming such fears or mental blocks. We all or most of us have some sort of fear or mental block, that forbids us from doing many things which we all can do for the benefit of society or people around us. If we try to take one small step at a time to overcome those fears, we all can conquer them. I understand that it is not going to be easy, but it is not impossible. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

My parent's and I

Our parents (or guardians or caretakers if not biological parents) are the first individuals who cast some influence on our lives. Our first social and intellectual interaction starts with them. They teach us how to walk, talk, eat, and many other relevant physical and social skills. Parents normally have a significant influence on their child's life and they can shape the thinking of the child. I think this is the reason why we see the continuation of the same religious and political beliefs running through generations in the same family. Like everyone's parents, my parents are special to me and their influence on my life is significant. First of all, I am thankful to them for bringing me into this world. I know that my birth was not any divine incident. It was just a biological phenomenon like every other birth of that time, born out of physical attraction between a male and a female, one similar interaction resulted in my birth.  

My parents migrated from Uttar Pradesh to Maharashtra a few years before my birth. My father came to Pune (a city in the state of Maharastra) to work in a factory. It was a new place, a new culture, and a completely new language. It was especially difficult for my mom to adjust to these new surroundings as she came from a very protected environment to this new world where she had to take care of her family, learn a new language, and adjust to totally unfamiliar surroundings. There was a social and economic struggle, but they managed to tackle all these problems. As far as I remember I always saw my dad working very hard. I never saw this man resting or relaxing, even today he never feels comfortable sitting at home. Now his body can't cope with his enthusiasm to work, but still, he goes out and contributes as much as he can. He worked as a machine operator in a gas cylinder valve manufacturing company (Vanaz). When his company gave him an option, he took a voluntary retirement in 1989 and started his own business. I was in high school when he took this bold step, with three kids to feed, this guy took this brave step to invest all his retirement money into a dairy and sweet shop business. He established this business from scratch. He used to do all the work, he was the owner as well as the helper in the shop kitchen, whatever work was required he did it without any complaint. We never even had a two-wheeler at that time, he used to go on a bicycle to bring milk every day and also to market to procure other stuff. I know the reason why he suffers from knee pain, he pushed his body beyond its physical limits for many years. When I look back to those days, I can't stop myself from being impressed by the amount of hard work my father did to support our family. This all would not have been possible without the support of my mother, they both really worked hard, and seldom had any time to enjoy. We never used to have any spare money to go to a restaurant or watch a movie. The only movie we watched as a family was Sunny Deol's debutant movie "Betab," this movie has a special place in my heart just because of this reason. Going to our native place during summer vacation used to be our only picnic. They both dedicated their lives to establishing their family in a new place. They worked really hard and established their business, built their own house in Pune, and paid for the education of their three kids.

They both taught me the value of hard work. Our many problems were related to money, and this made me realize the importance of money very early in my life. I am thankful to my parents for countless things, but, I am most thankful to them for not insisting their beliefs and values on me. They never forced me to follow their religious or political beliefs, this allowed me to develop my own independent views about these things. I am really grateful to them for this. I am their son, but I am very different than them in all these aspects and I thank them for making this possible. I can see the amount of influence parents try to put on their kids as far as their religious, social, and political beliefs are concerned. Fortunately, my parents never did that. They taught me all the necessary values like respecting people around you, working hard, being honest and sincere, the importance of education, and many other things. Apart from education and some social etiquette, nothing else was forced. We were not allowed to play cards as gambling was very rampant in our neighborhood. My dad never had a drink in front of us, even though many of his friends used to drink regularly in their homes and even tell their kids to fetch the bottle from the neighborhood wine shop. They were really strict about some of these things and I really applaud them for this. These rules protected us from the bad influences of our neighborhood. I don't know the exact number of kids going to school with me at that time (must be around thirty), but only three or four successfully graduated from college, and two of them were from our family. These numbers say a lot about their efforts.

They both couldn't go to college, but they made sure that each of their kid got a chance to enter college. My education and freedom to think are the two biggest gifts to me from them. Their support was very pivotal during my education. Their decision not to allow their kids to enter the workforce to support their family was very important, this allowed me to complete my college and then my Ph.D. Many of my friends started working at a very young age and couldn't finish their college. My education changed my life completely. It allowed me to question many things which I would never have done without the power of knowledge. Their reaction to many of my objections and protests is also admirable. I never expected that they would take my objections so sportingly. Not only did they listen to my outrageous (according to them) views patiently, but even changed their views on certain topics after having a lengthy chat with me on those matters. It is not that we don't argue, we do it a lot. My concept of respect is not absolute obedience, no matter who the person is. I challenge their actions wherever I feel I have to and we argue, sometimes we agree and many times we don't, and this is what life is. Our disagreements so far haven't put any cracks in our bond, it is as strong as ever. Our journey so far is really enjoyable, with some ups and downs for sure, but I do share a special bond with them and over the years that bond has become only stronger. Actually, one post is not enough to say everything about our parents, but I wanted to share something about them with my readers. We all love and respect our parents, but rarely share our feelings with them. I think it is better to express our feelings, I learned this after coming to the US, in India rarely people express their feelings to each other in some relationships, especially son-father or daughter-father relationships. It is a personal choice, but I feel it is better to express them and have a very friendly relationship with our parents, it is a very rewarding experience.

Thank you मम्मि (mom), thank you पप्पा (dad) for everything, love you.

Thanks for reading.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Burqa and mini skirt - Symbols of liberation or oppression?

Symbolism is of great importance for any civilization. Various symbols can convey messages about our culture, habits, traditions, and values. The clothes we wear are one such symbol. A society where people are free to wear whatever they want based on their own needs and tastes can claim to be a free and tolerant place. Societies, where the dress code is strictly implemented against the wish of people, and they are forced to wear a certain type of clothing cannot claim to be a free society. Our clothing is a type of self-expression. Many of us try to express ourselves using the way we dress, actually, this is one of the reasons why we wear different dresses for different occasions. I am not a supporter of a dress code. Note that school uniforms are a different ball game, it has a special educational purpose. I like to wear clothes in which I feel comfortable. I hate the idea of being forced to wear a certain type of clothing against my wish. Social pressure or peer pressure can be considered as the other two important factors that force people to follow certain clothing habits.

Many times Burqua (or a veil) is propagated as a sign of oppression of women. It is true that forcing women or for that matter anyone to wear a certain type of clothing against their wish is wrong. However, what if they are doing it out of their own choice? Can then we call it a freedom to choose or do we need to look deeper? I think it is not that straightforward. We must ask, under what circumstances that choice is offered? Is there any indirect pressure to dress or appear in a certain way to satisfy social norms? Is there peer pressure or fear of serious social and professional repercussions if they don't dress in a certain way? These questions might help us to understand the situation in a better way, rather than concluding anything only based on the dress. I have seen women wearing dark burqas on extremely hot summer days and mini skirts and high heels on extremely cold days. In both conditions, the clothing totally defied the needs dictated by the weather conditions. I always wondered which one of them can be considered that she was free to choose her dress? Maybe none of them. Just because someone is wearing a burqa doesn't mean that person is living in an oppressed culture and just because someone is wearing a mini skirt doesn't mean they are living in a free society. Real freedom means people make informed choices. They choose what they want based on their own needs and requirements, not based on what society expects from them. One lady mentioned to me that it is not easy to be a woman even in developed countries as there are very high expectations about the way they should look and dress. She told me that most people think that women should not have any body hair except on the head, eyelids, and eyelashes. I was shocked to know about these expectations. It is very natural to have body hair, it is a natural part of being a living organism, but to force someone to get rid of it just because of some ridiculous beauty standard is ridiculous, but it seems there is such an unreasonable expectation and most women have to do this. If they don't then the social and professional penalties are severe. 

Women need to fight this stereotype on their own, this is one way of subjugating them by putting the burden of unreasonable expectations about their external appearance. Forcing a burqa is as bad as forcing a miniskirt, there is no difference. Wearing a bikini or jeans doesn't make you a forward or liberal, at the same time wearing a burqa doesn't make you a backward or oppressed. A person's character should not be decided by the type of clothes they wear. Our clothes should be one of the ways to express ourselves, they should reflect our choices and should be based on our own decisions and needs. Our dress is the true reflection of our personality only when it is our choice, based on free will. A burqa or miniskirt can be a symbol of oppression or freedom depending on under what circumstances people wear it.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Woman president - no thanks

Like many, the result of the US presidential election was surprising for me. It was not shocking as the contest was very tight, but the result definitely surprised me. Politically, I consider myself an independent. I don't subscribe to any political ideology as I find some good, bad, and terrible policies from both political parties. I support some of Mr. Trump's policies, but that "locker room talk" was too much for me to take. He literally sounded like a sexual predator in that video, it was horrifying to watch a presidential nominee talking like that. Whether it was locker room talk or not, it displayed a demeaning attitude towards women. Now, I know the difference between dirty talk and sexual assault. The released conversation was not just dirty talk; he could do as much dirty talk as he wanted, but this sounded like a confession of a sexual assault, and there is a huge difference between these two things. 

The two choices presented by both parties were not perfect. Hillary's CV was much stronger for that job, but just having a strong CV doesn't guarantee you any job, the interview panel should like you and then only the job is guaranteed. Hillary failed to impress the interview panel, the voters. There can be several reasons for election defeat, but this election was special. The question is, how much her gender played a role in her defeat? According to some polls and opinions, Americans don't mind having a woman president, but so far this amazing country where women are so talented, qualified, and hard-working, couldn't find a single qualified woman fit for that job. The path to the White House for women is so hard that this was the first time a woman made it through primaries to get a major political party's nomination. It took more than 200 years to find a black person to lead the country, and no one knows how many years it might take to find a qualified woman to lead this country. 

So, why do I think that Hillary's gender played a role in this election? Was she judged with stricter standards just because she was a woman? To understand this, I want readers to imagine a hypothetical scenario by switching the gender of candidates. Imagine Hillary as a successful business person with undisclosed tax returns and an extremely lavish and flamboyant lifestyle. Imagine the release of her "locker room talk" video, where she is bragging about her attempts to sexually harass men and how she loves kissing young men, grabbing their crotch and she can do whatever she wants because she is rich, powerful, and famous. Do you think she would have had any chance to win an election or even get a nomination? If your answer is "no chance," then you know what I mean when I say that her gender played a major role in her defeat. Yes, emails mattered, the FBI director's sudden statement mattered, her image mattered, Bill Clinton mattered, her time in the government mattered, but her gender played a BIG role. This is what disappointed me. I was not sad that a Democrat lost or a Republican won, I hardly cared about their party affiliation. I was not sad that Hillary lost, as I am not her fan, I was sad that ultimately once again gender bias won.

To explain why this loss was more bothersome, let me give an example of India's parliament election of 2014. Here also Mr. Modi, with a questionable attitude towards his own wife won the election with an impressive majority, but his victory was not unexpected as his opponents were really weak. He at least looked like the most competent person among all who were competing for that job. His total disregard towards his wife was not even an issue. No one bothered to think that if a prime minister could treat his wife like this, then what about other citizens? He didn't even bother to give her a divorce, just ignored her as if she didn't exist. It showed society's total disregard for women's rights, but I hardly expected that Indian voters would even think about this issue, and as expected they didn't. So, it was not an unexpected result, but I didn't expect something similar to happen here in the USA. I know that resentment against immigrants or minorities is a very strong feeling and I wrote a post regarding this issue just a few days before the election. In that post I mentioned that the use of resentment against immigrants can result in huge political dividends, it happened in India so there was no reason why it couldn't happen in the US. It seems Hillary could have lost the election to any other Republican candidate as Mr. Trump won even after the release of that video. This is surprising to me and it puts a question mark in my mind about society's attitude towards women, and I hope I am wrong about this.

Women played a significant role in Mr. Trump's victory. It seems the majority of white women voted for him. Obviously, race was not a factor as both candidates were from the same race. So, most probably, gender might have been the determining factor. The effect of patriarchy is so strong that even women think that men are most suitable for any leadership position. This thinking is inculcated since childhood and each tradition or custom is designed to validate this thinking. It becomes so embedded in our minds that we don't even realize that most of us become proponents of patriarchy. The glass ceiling about which many women leaders talk is not just created by men or patriarchy, but women are equal contributors to make sure that ceiling remains intact. Such incidents have happened many times before and may happen in the future. But that doesn't mean women should stop trying. Indeed, it's not easy to break that glass ceiling, but definitely, efforts of all these years made it crack a little, and now it is up to us to break it. It is not going to be easy, but it is possible, let's give one last punch to break this glass ceiling.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing.]

Resentment against immigrants - Why?

I have lived my life as a part of an immigrant family in India and I am an immigrant in the USA. I have experienced a build-up of resentment against immigrants, but so far I never suffered any harm because of it. This problem is very real and I want to share my perspective on it. My family migrated from one state of India to another in search of better opportunities (from Uttar Pradesh to Maharashtra). In India, each state is like a different country, with its own language and culture. It is not that easy to adjust, especially, if the native language is totally alien to you. One can cook their own food or eat whatever is available, but it takes quite a bit of time and some effort to learn a new language and get to know a new culture. My parents went through this struggle and I witnessed that. The good part of this struggle was, that they never forced any of their kids to learn their own native language (Bhojpuri). I and my brothers learned to speak Marathi instead of Hindi or Bhojpuri. I give total credit for this to my parents. I don't know if they did it on purpose, but this is how it happened. We used to speak three languages simultaneously in our home, Bhojpuri, Hindi, and Marathi. Until recently my parents used to speak with us in Hindi or Bhojpuri and we used to answer in Marathi. It happens even now, but not that much, because now they are very comfortable with Marathi also. This arrangement worked very flawlessly, it was so smooth that we didn't even realize that we were using three languages simultaneously. The point here is, that they didn't stop us from learning the local culture, language, or customs. They allowed us to mingle with our surroundings, form friendships, and do whatever other kids from the neighborhood were doing. As a kid, I never felt that my family came to Maharashtra from some other state. Maharashtra is my home state and Marathi is my mother tongue. We grew up and became a proud Maharashtrians in a family that migrated from UP. This does not mean that we were totally disconnected from our native place, Uttar Pradesh. We can speak Bhojpuri quite well, love food from that region, and visit there whenever possible. I feel lucky that I belong to two states in India. Maharashtra now has a sizable population coming from northern states like UP and Bihar. As normally happens, some resentment got built against these people among native Maharashtrians, and some parties tried to encash these feelings. This feeling is so strong that some political parties and leaders owe their existence to it. Who supports political parties that spread hatred against migrants or immigrants and why? Why this feeling of resentment against fellow residents, which is almost like hatred becomes such a powerful political weapon? It is a powerful weapon that even in a developed country like the USA, this issue is one of the major issues of the presidential election and it is one of the major reasons for Mr. Trump's popularity.

Why do immigrants go through this phase in any society? Why doesn't it happen when they start immigrating, but only when they become a sizable minority group, and their presence can be seen and felt by the majority? I tried to get answers to these questions based on my own experience. Maharashtra and the USA are very cultured and civilized societies, these places are not alien to the presence of immigrants or migrants. Why a country like the US, which is known to be very friendly towards immigrants is facing this problem?

There is no doubt that the cultural clash is one of the reasons for this problem. When immigrants become a sizable minority, they start registering their presence on various platforms and this disturbs some native people. At the same time, current residents (including the original natives and immigrants who moved in before the current immigrants) start feeling that their culture is under attack or threat, as immigrants start asserting their own culture and traditions. The native population starts feeling that one day their own traditions will disappear. Now, no one cares or bothers to think whether these concerns are real or not, they don't bother to check their validity, but these fears start creating a feeling of resentment in some of the native population. This fear slowly builds up. A bad economy or poor employment rate fuels more insecurity among people and these feelings start showing their ugly effect in some stray incidents, where some immigrant gets attacked for no reason. Some political leaders take advantage of this fear and make it a hot political issue. This is what happened in Maharashtra and this is what is happening in the USA, and unfortunately, I am a witness to both.

Who is right and who is wrong? Who should be blamed for this situation? Are immigrants responsible for not adapting to their new place and appreciating the new culture and values which has given them so much? Are native people responsible for not being flexible enough and accommodating to include new values and cultural norms in their existing culture? I think the problem is from both sides. Remember, it takes two to tango. If you wanted to create another UP in Maharashtra then why did you migrate from UP? If you wanted to create another India in the USA, why not live in India itself. After all, the original is always better than the duplicate, right? What's the point in creating another Mexico in the USA? On the other hand, why not welcome and adapt some great values from all these cultures into the US culture and make it more diverse? Why can't we respect each other without threatening the existence of each other?

All people who think that this resentment against immigrants is unreal or is a totally misplaced feeling, are themselves living in a denial mode. A presidential candidate like Mr. Trump or a leader like Mr. Thackerey doesn't get support for no reason. People may feel that these leaders are not qualified to hold any public office, but they should not make the mistake of ignoring them or the issues they use for their political gain. They all are not deplorable people, labeling such a big part of the population stupid won't help. If any mainstream politician don't address their concerns, they will choose someone who they think is best to handle their issues, and then we really can't complain, it will be too late. I don't think Mr. Trump is their solution for their problems, but he is their answer to the political class for ignoring their concerns, for ridiculing their fear. Now they see someone who can speak for them, he is far from perfect, but at least he is recognizing their problems, and this is enough for most of them. The current political class is trapped in too much political correctness, they prefer ignoring difficult issues. They prefer to wait and watch rather than tackle the problems head-on. The point is, that someone should listen to these concerns and try to find solutions, ignoring or ridiculing is not going to help.

I am not here to judge whether this feeling of resentment is justified or not, one can debate about it. Maybe they really feel threatened about their culture or employment. Maybe they are really concerned they will become a minority and their kids will face problems. Maybe all this fear is totally misplaced, but someone needs to discuss these things. These people should feel that their concerns are also being considered as mainstream problems. The country is not only facing problems related to guns, abortion, terrorism, and unemployment; but illegal immigration is a serious problem and should be discussed. If not, then someone will take advantage of this anger. Today it's Trump, tomorrow it may be someone else, and please don't make the mistake of thinking that elections can't be won or lost on such polarizing issues. I have seen it happening in India and it can very much happen in the US. Discussing such sensitive issues openly is good for both sides, especially political opponents of Mr. Trump. After all, everyone living here loves this country. It is already a great country and let's make sure that it remains one.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

The difficulty of being GOOD.

The Difficulty of Being Good is the title of a book by Gurcharan Das. It is a philosophical book that discusses various moral issues humans face with reference to the characters from Mahabharat. I read this book a few years back and found it very engaging. The topic of the difficulty of being good, came to my mind while chatting with one of my friends on the issue of gender discrimination which is present in every religion. I was trying to convey the point that, we all have our own biases and prejudices, many times we don't even realize that, but we all need to introspect and analyze our own thinking to get rid of these things, and it is a very difficult process. It is not that easy to be good at all times. We all speak passionately about the issues or problems that we care about. We all speak in favor of some political figure or celebrity who we love, and against some who we don't like. However, many of us change our stance instantly if we come across the views from the other side. We are normally not that welcoming of the criticism directed toward people we love and we are not that welcoming of the alternate views about the issues about which we care. I am not saying that we need to agree with all those things that opponents say, but many of us get mad to see that people can even think like that. One ideal example is when Hilary supporters can't understand how anyone can support Mr. Trump and Trump supporters can't tolerate the fact that people are supporting Mrs. Clinton.  This is one simple example to demonstrate the point that I am trying to make, the difficulty of understanding the other side's point of view.

By "good" I don't mean nice or not mean or tolerant. I am using this term for being impartial or reasonable or someone who can recognize the differences and still try to look for commonality. I mean someone who can agree to disagree, someone who can see and appreciate that every issue can have two sides and sometimes there is no right or wrong. Someone who can appreciate the ambiguity and uncertainty of life. Someone who can understand the point of view of an atheist as well as a theist. I understand that I am asking for an ideal behavior, but we don't want to give this title of "good person" for doing trivial things, right? There should be some challenges associated with reaching the point where we can call ourselves "a good person."

It is not that easy to be an unbiased person and criticize or praise everything objectively. It's not easy not to belong to any group. If we don't belong to any group, we don't get protection from any camp. When we don't belong to any herd where there are people who think like us and agree with us without any arguments and disagreements, this is not a very comfortable situation to be in. To avoid this discomfort and insecurity, we choose our sides, we either love or hate some political leader, or we get associated with a certain political party. We try to show that our religion or country is the best in the world and others are not that good. The drawbacks of our own religion are trivial, but other religions have terrible shortcomings. We expect others not to offend us, but we should be allowed to say whatever we want. When in a majority, we think that the minority should respect the majority's views and behave accordingly (a beef ban in India is an ideal example of this), but the same if group when in a minority, expects that their ideas and values should be protected and respected by the majority. I observed this last behavior among many Indians living in the USA. Many Indian Americans supported overwhelmingly Mr. Modi and his call for nationalism and majoritarianism during the last general elections of India but got very apprehensive about Mr. Trump when he said very similar things. These people feared that because of their minority status in the US, they might come under attack or suffer some angry reactions from the majority, but the same group was totally dismissive of similar fears expressed by the minorities of India. I am not trying to say that after Mr. Modi's victory in India minority is in a very perilous state or they are suffering at the hands of the majority, but his tone during the election campaign was not that different than Mr. Trump's tone, and I can see the different response by the same group of people, just because of their different strength in that society.

The desire to be good is very common and natural, but the willingness to make conscious efforts to become good is not that common. We all want to be good without making efforts to become good, and that is why it is very difficult to be good. It is tough, but we all can try to achieve it. I hope readers of this blog will try their best to be a "good person." We need more good people in this world, I don't think anyone will disagree with this statement. Let's first recognize the difficulty of being good and then try to overcome those very sincerely. I am trying my best, are you?

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]