Our EGO: Friend, Foe or Something In-between?

The word "Ego" has garnered a lot of negative baggage over time. It’s often used to describe someone arrogant, overconfident, or condescending. In everyday language, having an ego is seen as a flaw - a serious personality defect that must be corrected or diminished. However, in reality, we all have an ego. It is an essential part of our psychological makeup, a core element of what makes us human, the ego isn’t inherently good or bad. It simply is. It plays a pivotal role in shaping our sense of self, qualities like self-respect, resilience, and confidence, originate from our ego. These qualities, so vital to our personal and professional lives, originate from a healthy ego and, in turn, nurture it. No one is free from the ego and we cannot get rid of our ego. The only difference lies in how we acknowledge it and work with it.  

Our ego is like our shadow, always present, even if not always visible. Just as a shadow shifts with the light, the ego shifts with our experiences, our emotions, and our environments. Sometimes it’s right in front of us, casting a long and unmistakable presence. Other times it fades into the background, quietly guiding our decisions and reactions. And just like our shadow, while we might not always see our own ego clearly, others often do see and feel it. Recognizing this shadow doesn’t mean we need to get rid of it. In fact, we can’t. The real challenge and opportunity lie in learning how to live with it, work with it, and even grow with it.

There are certain benefits of a healthy ego. A balanced ego serves us in countless ways. It helps us to build self-respect by establishing boundaries, advocating for ourselves, and demanding fair treatment. It gives us the courage and confidence to take risks, express our ideas, and pursue our goals. It supports us in bouncing back from setbacks, defending our worth, and continuing forward with determination thereby instilling resilience. Our ego contributes to our sense of individuality and purpose, helping us define who we are thereby building our unique identity. When nurtured mindfully, the ego becomes a reliable companion - quietly fueling our growth and helping us stand tall without stepping on others.

Of course, there are certain downsides to having an inflated ego or not having an ego at all. Having a healthy balance is key. An unchecked or inflated ego can be destructive. When ego swells beyond self-confidence, it can breed superiority and insensitivity resulting in arrogance. An oversized ego often resists feedback and fears vulnerability, limiting growth and connection. Remember, there is a very thin line between being arrogant and rigid and being confident, and people often forget this. Ego-driven pride can push others away and hinder collaboration, resulting in isolation, especially when you fail or going through tough times. Also, the complete absence of ego can be equally problematic. Without ego, we may struggle with asserting ourselves or recognizing our value resulting in the feeling of low self-worth. A diminished ego can make us insecure and overly reliant on external validation. The ego helps define identity and purpose; without it, we may feel lost or aimless. Therefore, finding the middle path is the key.

Rather than demonizing or denying the ego, we can aim to understand it and work with it. Self-awareness is the key. Recognize when your ego is helping you rise and when it might be getting in the way. Be assertive but not aggressive, understand that being polite doesn't mean being weak. Practice humility, not by diminishing yourself, but by knowing your worth without needing to prove it constantly. Ultimately, our relationship with the ego is lifelong. It's not about defeating it but learning to listen to it, challenge it, and sometimes even thank it.

Thank you for reading, and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved. Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Good colleges or just elite colleges?

If you ask anyone for a list of good colleges or universities, you can predict what will be on their list. Most lists include colleges featuring in the popular top-ranking systems used in various regions and most of these colleges will have extremely low acceptance rates, less than 10%, some even less than 5%, that is, these institutions reject most students that apply to them. At the same time, there are colleges that accept most people who apply to them. Recently I heard a TED talk by Cecilia M. Orphan, that was about what makes a good college. She made a very excellent point that got me thinking, why colleges reject most of the students who apply to them are considered good colleges, and colleges that accept most of the students, give the opportunity to students to get a college education that none of these so-called good colleges offer, are not included in the list of good colleges of many people. She rightly flags our skewed perception. The perception we all have developed through relentless advertising and deeply flawed college ranking systems. 

Why do we think that colleges that only select top-ranked students, the students that can go anywhere and excel or students who have resources and privilege to attend any college are considered good colleges; but colleges that give opportunities to all students that may not get an opportunity to attend a college or get a college degree unless admitted to that state or regional state university are not in the list of good colleges? Honestly, in the US, I fell in love with every educational institute I visited, the infrastructure and campus just blew me away, since then I had a dream to attend a US educational institution as a student and I fulfilled that dream when I attended UConn Law School for the JD program. Celilia's talk raises another great point about already super-rich institutions getting more grants and growing their endowments in the billions of dollars, whereas other colleges provide educational opportunities to many more deserving students struggling to balance their budgets. Most donations and grants flow to institutions that already have enough money to support their programs, this inequality gets worse over time and the result is rich colleges getting richer whereas colleges with less money keep on struggling for funds. Both, raise tuition, but the tuition raised by colleges that need funds to balance their budgets affects more students and creates a bigger uproar compared to tuition raised by rich colleges. 

The point of this post is not to say that colleges that consistently feature on top in various college ranking systems are not good. They are good institutions and there are good reasons why they score high in most ranking systems, but many more colleges are doing a much more difficult job and serving a much wider student community that needs the same amount of recognition and support. Craving for a luxury brand is not a bad thing. Even in education, there are luxury brands, and parents and students do crave these brands and are willing to do whatever it takes to get into these branded institutions. However, there are many other brands that are more inclusive and diverse that need to be recognized for what they do best, which is to provide educational opportunities to many underprivileged and struggling students who may have to drop out without this opportunity. Public universities, regional public schools, and many small colleges are doing this great work, they are serving much larger and more diverse communities and as a society, we need to appreciate and value this. We all can show this appreciation by supporting them financially, by giving money where it's needed most and can have a wider effect. Let's redefine what makes a good college.      

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Education can work either way

Education is empowerment for many, it is an extraordinary tool, and it gives great power of knowledge which has been and in the future also can be used to achieve various great things for the betterment of our society. However, like any tool, its utility depends on the user and the results can vary radically based on the way the tool is used. Actually, it can work both ways, good or bad. Falsehood and evil can be taught as easily and as efficiently as the truth, kindness, and love.

Similar to atomic energy which can be used to generate electricity to improve the lives of many or can be used to destroy civilizations, education could be used in radically different ways. All the techniques and tools related to education are available to everyone to teach and propagate whatever they want, good or bad. The tool itself cannot differentiate between the contents, it will work effectively irrespective of contents as it's a very potent tool. The Internet has not only connected kind and good people but also has given a global network and platform for evil-minded people, and both groups can use it the way they want. This can be one of the reasons why we see the re-emergence of some of the divisive movements. This is one of the reasons why societies and countries all over the world are getting more polarized and divided. There is more resentment and anger. I am not arguing that disagreement or resentment among different political or social groups never existed before. It was very much there, people always argued passionately about politics, religion, or any other sensitive issues, but the level of propaganda, falsehood, and the amount of factually incorrect information shared is unprecedented in today's world. That too when almost everyone who is consuming this information can verify it easily, but they choose not to verify and believe it blindly. People are getting conditioned to listen only to what they like to listen to, only what validates their thinking, only good things about their own political party and leader, and only bad things about their opposition.

Enough of explaining what's the problem. Now, the more important stuff, what can we do about it? It is our responsibility to educate ourselves and others around us about the dangers of misinformation. We need to be conscious not only about the quality of food we eat but also about the information we consume. This is why a well-rounded education is not only necessary at colleges and universities but also inside homes. After all, we still spend considerable time in our homes. True that now even when people are in their own homes they are in front of some screen rather than talking face to face with each other, but this is a new reality and we need to accept that screens in various forms are going to be integral parts of most people's lives. We need to learn the value of dissent and opposition, and the value of criticism.

Without opposition there is no democracy, without criticism, there is no progress, and without disagreement, there is no discussion. We should learn to question not only other's ideas but our own ideas and be ready to answer questions about our political ideologies or social policies no matter how tough and uncomfortable these questions are. If not, we might start living in a bubble where we surround ourselves with people who agree with us all the time. If we care for our unity, we need to communicate with the other side. We need to listen and understand each other. If not, we will lose the battle as divisive forces will make use of the same tools better to spread their message of division and hatred and we will keep on wondering what happened. 

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic. 

We cannot become good at something by not doing it

Many of us harbor fear for many things in our personal and professional lives. Some of us fear public speaking, some about writing, some about expressing their opinions because they think they can't articulate their opinions properly or people will laugh at them, and some fear taking initiative. We can add many things to make this list more comprehensive but I think you got my point. Many of these fears are due to our failures when we tried some of those things for the first time; maybe our first presentation was a disaster, maybe when we tried to express our opinion people didn't understand it as there was no clarity, maybe some of us think that we cannot write. The problem with such fears is that we try our best to avoid doing the things that we think we are not good at. In spite of knowing that we might need those skills to progress professionally and personally, we try to avoid taking any steps to master those skills due to our fear. We somehow feel that one fine day suddenly we are going to get better and overcome those hurdles or somehow we can progress by avoiding them altogether, but this is just wishful thinking. We face many situations where we need to speak in front of the public or we are told to express our ideas. Due to a lack of preparation or a belief that we somehow could manage it, we flounder and are not happy with our performance. Such instances solidify our fears as we don't perform any better than our previous attempts as we never tried to fix the original problem problem. The only way to overcome our fears is to practice the skills that we lack or need to improve. There is no way to master anything without practicing it, we need to do the things regularly that we need to master. Regular practice is not necessary only in sports but in each and every skill which we want to master.

I suggest one approach to overcome such fears: make a list of things that you want to learn or improve, prioritize that list as per your need or preference, and then start acting on one item at a time. It is not advisable to start working on each and every item from the list at the same time unless you have enough stamina and time to devote to each of them. Choose the platform and community where you are most comfortable, this is very important as you will need a very encouraging atmosphere at least in the beginning. The journey of personal development is not easy, it requires a hard push as well as a cushion of support. If you have some other responsibilities, like work or study, it is advisable to practice at your own comfort level so that you can handle everything without getting overwhelmed. The journey should be fun and challenging at the same time. It should not be burdensome and affect other parts of your life negatively. Of course, this approach will require an honest effort and sincere commitment from our side, it will test our patience as there will be many challenges and failures, but remember persistence helps and there are no shortcuts to achieving amazing things. If you want to improve on something start working on it, this is the only way to improve. We cannot become good at something by not doing it. All the very best.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

The difficulty of being GOOD.

The Difficulty of Being Good is the title of a book by Gurcharan Das. It is a philosophical book that discusses various moral issues humans face with reference to the characters from Mahabharat. I read this book a few years back and found it very engaging. The topic of the difficulty of being good, came to my mind while chatting with one of my friends on the issue of gender discrimination which is present in every religion. I was trying to convey the point that, we all have our own biases and prejudices, many times we don't even realize that, but we all need to introspect and analyze our own thinking to get rid of these things, and it is a very difficult process. It is not that easy to be good at all times. We all speak passionately about the issues or problems that we care about. We all speak in favor of some political figure or celebrity who we love, and against some who we don't like. However, many of us change our stance instantly if we come across the views from the other side. We are normally not that welcoming of the criticism directed toward people we love and we are not that welcoming of the alternate views about the issues about which we care. I am not saying that we need to agree with all those things that opponents say, but many of us get mad to see that people can even think like that. One ideal example is when Hilary supporters can't understand how anyone can support Mr. Trump and Trump supporters can't tolerate the fact that people are supporting Mrs. Clinton.  This is one simple example to demonstrate the point that I am trying to make, the difficulty of understanding the other side's point of view.

By "good" I don't mean nice or not mean or tolerant. I am using this term for being impartial or reasonable or someone who can recognize the differences and still try to look for commonality. I mean someone who can agree to disagree, someone who can see and appreciate that every issue can have two sides and sometimes there is no right or wrong. Someone who can appreciate the ambiguity and uncertainty of life. Someone who can understand the point of view of an atheist as well as a theist. I understand that I am asking for an ideal behavior, but we don't want to give this title of "good person" for doing trivial things, right? There should be some challenges associated with reaching the point where we can call ourselves "a good person."

It is not that easy to be an unbiased person and criticize or praise everything objectively. It's not easy not to belong to any group. If we don't belong to any group, we don't get protection from any camp. When we don't belong to any herd where there are people who think like us and agree with us without any arguments and disagreements, this is not a very comfortable situation to be in. To avoid this discomfort and insecurity, we choose our sides, we either love or hate some political leader, or we get associated with a certain political party. We try to show that our religion or country is the best in the world and others are not that good. The drawbacks of our own religion are trivial, but other religions have terrible shortcomings. We expect others not to offend us, but we should be allowed to say whatever we want. When in a majority, we think that the minority should respect the majority's views and behave accordingly (a beef ban in India is an ideal example of this), but the same if group when in a minority, expects that their ideas and values should be protected and respected by the majority. I observed this last behavior among many Indians living in the USA. Many Indian Americans supported overwhelmingly Mr. Modi and his call for nationalism and majoritarianism during the last general elections of India but got very apprehensive about Mr. Trump when he said very similar things. These people feared that because of their minority status in the US, they might come under attack or suffer some angry reactions from the majority, but the same group was totally dismissive of similar fears expressed by the minorities of India. I am not trying to say that after Mr. Modi's victory in India minority is in a very perilous state or they are suffering at the hands of the majority, but his tone during the election campaign was not that different than Mr. Trump's tone, and I can see the different response by the same group of people, just because of their different strength in that society.

The desire to be good is very common and natural, but the willingness to make conscious efforts to become good is not that common. We all want to be good without making efforts to become good, and that is why it is very difficult to be good. It is tough, but we all can try to achieve it. I hope readers of this blog will try their best to be a "good person." We need more good people in this world, I don't think anyone will disagree with this statement. Let's first recognize the difficulty of being good and then try to overcome those very sincerely. I am trying my best, are you?

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]