Guddu and Vinay

Having a nickname used to be a common thing in our neighborhood. Rarely anyone was addressed by their actual or official name, that is, the name of their school certificate. I also had a nickname "Guddu." My entire neighborhood, my family, and other relatives knew me by this name, many of these people didn't even know my real name, Vinay. Many of these people still know and address me as Guddu. But in my school, college, and beyond life, I am known as Vinay, very few from this circle even know my nickname. When I look back, I find it interesting how Guddu and Vinay were two different versions of the same person and how I struggled to find any common ground between these versions. Somehow Guddu was more like a boy from the hood, living in an underprivileged neighborhood, a chawl, roaming and playing with kids that belonged to the same underprivileged socio-economic background, and who was very comfortable in clothes like lungi and banyan, I even used to play cricket wearing a lungi. On the other hand, Vinay was more like a school-going, intelligent, studious guy, whose college friends never or rarely visited the place where he lived. I think I consciously tried to shield my neighborhood and nickname from my more privileged friends for many years until I realized that my own insecurities and self-doubts were the reasons behind it, most of my friends never cared about where I came from or what was my nickname. Since then, my identities merged, Guddu is no more different than Vinay, and I don't mind which name people use to refer to me, for my chawl, I am still Guddu, and the rest of the world knows me as Vinay. This may not be a very interesting topic for many, but I decided to write about it as I know that there might be many like me who struggle with their identities when they enter into a more privileged world. If you are one such person, please remember that people who really love you and care about you, do this for who you are, this is irrespective of your background, social and economic status, or your name. If they don't want to associate with you because of where you come then it is better to stay away from such people. Embrace your identity and be proud of yourself for what you are, we don't need any borrowed or concealed identity to get accepted. Let's create our own space with our own terms and conditions, this is a simple message I want to convey in this short post. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Why Olympics are special

Olympic 2020 recently concluded in Tokyo, Japan. The Olympics (summer, winter, and Paralympics) are the most recognized and celebrated sports events in the world. This is not just because of tradition and glamour, but because of the aspirational aspect associated with it. It is the struggles of Olympic participants and their stories that make this event special. Winning an Olympic medal is a dream of every sportsperson (if it's an Olympic sport), but this is just one part, when people reach that stage and share with the world their struggles to reach there inspires millions. Every participant nation expects to win a medal, no matter whether it's a Gold, Silver, or Bronze, an Olympic medal has a special place and recognition. Winners, as well as non-winners, get famous, sometimes participants miss a medal by a whisker, by 1/10th of a second. Some participants become overnight stars, or some stars take bold steps to highlight issues that people hesitate to discuss, for example, mental health or discrimination.

Every participant comes with his or her unique story to the Olympics, some of them are stories about incredible inspirational journeys. For example, Allyson Felix's comeback journey after her daughter's birth to become the most decorated athlete of the USA, Hidilyn Diaz of the Philipines winning the first Gold for the Philipines, or Neeraj Chopra from India winning India's first-ever track and field gold, even they all won a Gold medal their stories are different and unique. The Olympic medal also offers instant fame to the winners, for example, Neeraj Chopra from India was already doing great in the javelin throw, he was undefeated since 2018 in all the events he participated in, and he topped the qualifying round, but his country only noticed his talent when he won India's first-ever track and field Gold, this is the power of an Olympic medal. Winning is not as important as participating is, some participants even after getting injured or being in the last position complete their event, not for any medal or record but to fulfill their dream of being an Olympian who finished the event. 

I enjoy watching the Olympics just because of these stories, they inspire me, and they give me hope. Many sports like track and field or swimming I don't follow at all, I only watch them during the Olympics and enjoy the drama and action. This year's Olympics were more special as they happened when the world was facing a pandemic crisis. The event got delayed by a year, even though it happened in 2o21, it was called Tokyo 2020, or Olympic 2020. The event is over, it gave the world a lot to look forward to, some athletes like Simone Biles took an unprecedented and brave step to withdraw from some of the events to focus on their mental health. I am sure each one of us looks at the Olympics from a different lens and may have something to share. Like most previous Olympics this Olympics also didn't disappoint, thank you Japan, thank you Tokyo for giving us a chance to witness this amazing spectacle of sports.

Thank you for reading and please share your opinion about this topic. 

Embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities

Humans are the dominant species on this planet. Our dominance is evident in the way we control things and dictate terms on our planet. Our complex brain and ability to imagine and innovate are a few of the main reasons for our dominance. Despite all this, we have our own imperfections and vulnerabilities. One might ask how our dominance fits with our imperfections and vulnerabilities? How did we survive despite being imperfect and vulnerable? The fact is, our imperfections and vulnerabilities make us human and are the very reason for our success and dominance. However, many of us spend our entire lives worrying about our imperfections and vulnerabilities, feeling bad about them, trying to hide them from others, and assuming that expressing them might make us look weak and timid. Many leaders in various fields also try to project a rough and tough image of a leader, whereas a true leader is also imperfect and vulnerable like all of us they just know how to use them as their strength rather than considering them as a weakness.

Our society has always used difficult feelings like shame and guilt in a negative light. This is why most people hesitate or even worry when they feel these things, they hesitate to ask for any kind of help, and they prefer to keep these things to themselves which makes things worse.  We are taught to disown these feelings rather than embracing them or embracing anyone who displays these feelings. American writer and professor Brene Brown has done splendid research on this subject, her TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability is one of the most viewed TED talks. My own struggles with my vulnerabilities and imperfections have taught me many lessons that I use in my day-to-day life, this is why I don't hesitate to share stories of my own struggles. We are taught imperfect and vulnerable people cannot be good leaders, but these are just incorrect perceptions, and myths without any data to support them. On the contrary, embracing our vulnerabilities is a courageous act, and only a person with good leadership qualities can do this. Also, our struggle with these emotions is a continuous and ongoing process, we discover new vulnerabilities and imperfections as we progress in our lives, our vulnerabilities at the age of five are not the same at the age of forty. This is why embracing our vulnerabilities and imperfections is not a one-time act, but is a process that we learn and relearn every day. 

One of the reasons why people hesitate to display the courage to embrace their vulnerabilities is they lack an empathetic support system; they don't find anyone trustworthy enough to share these feelings. Even in the era of social networks where we are more connected than at any other time in human history, we struggle to find trusted people to whom we can express our difficult emotions and struggles without having a feeling of not being judged or exposed. This is a challenge for all of us, help seekers as well as help offerers, we need to step up to embrace our own vulnerabilities so that we can create an environment where others are encouraged to embrace their own. This is a challenging task, that's why it requires courage and leadership, and this is important for our mental hygiene. Once we learn to deal with fear, shame, or guilt about our imperfections and vulnerabilities many other challenges also become manageable. These feelings come to us regularly as long as we are conscious that is why it's important to learn how to deal with them and the sooner we start the better it is. Let's help each other as much as we can to spread this courage.  

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.  

You will be fine

"You will be fine," is a simple and short sentence, but it can have a profound effect on your mental state if you hear these words at the right time. Many times, we go through a rough phase in our lives. We struggle or face challenges that seem difficult to overcome in our personal or professional lives. Some obstacles look too big to overcome. Some tasks look too onerous to finish. Sometimes we feel drained because of our efforts just to stay afloat. Sometimes we do not know whether we are moving in the right direction or not. Sometimes there is too much uncertainty in life, or we get overwhelmed by so many things on our plate. Under these situations, we really want someone to say "You will be fine."

One day I was walking to my work, sad and dejected because of the sad news of someone close passing away, having no clue about whether I would survive in a new field where I was trying to establish myself, in general feeling very low, and I read "you will be fine" written on a wall while my way to work. It really helped. I smiled after reading it, it instantly made me feel hopeful and optimistic. Someone saying that we will be fine is not going to reduce the intensity of our struggle or the difficulty of our challenges but it will have a positive effect on us. It makes us more optimistic that we can go through that phase successfully. My wife Reena is a great support for me, she is my eternal "you will be fine" person, as she believes that I can do anything and always encourages me to chase my dreams. Reena is not scared to walk with me on a path that is different than the path that others around us take. I really admire her courage and many times derive my strength from her support. I am lucky to have such a person around me. However, our loved ones can't be with us everywhere, sometimes you need some extra support from people around you,  and that's when such assurance from someone else can help. For me, it was the writing on a wall by some artist, for someone it can be a coworker, a friend, a book, a quote, or some other person. We all should try to be supportive of people around us as we do not know from what phase of life they are going. They might be feeling really low and that one encouraging gesture from us might be enough for them to gather the strength that they need to overcome that obstacle, to survive that vulnerable moment.

Stress and anxiety are an integral part of modern-day life, we all need to deal with it and many times solutions to the big problems are through small steps. If we can help each other by being genuinely supportive then why not do it. Remember, having a healthy atmosphere around us will also make us more happy and healthy, it will also motivate us and if one day we need some support we will have an ecosystem around us that is capable of offering that support. We all should try to build such an ecosystem and as we all know any good work should start with us. We should initiate by being supportive and encouraging. Please be supportive and encouraging. It is okay to push people and motivate them to do their best. It is okay to demand high standards and performance. At the same time, when people feel low, it is necessary to offer them support and motivation that can help them overcome failures, stress, and worries. Give it a try, believe me, you will be fine.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

The war from within - struggle of women to break internal barriers

I wrote quite a few posts about gender discrimination against women happening in various societies and cultures. This discrimination can be in many forms, it can be in the form of some rituals or customs, it can be in the form of some religious beliefs that put some restrictions on women just because of their gender, or it can be in the form of some laws which prohibits women from doing something just because they are women (like driving in Saudi Arabia). All these examples are just a few among many, if readers are interested they can find more information about these things on the web. Women all over the world are trying to fight against many of these discriminatory practices. They along with all feminist movements managed to achieve a lot of progress in this area but still, a lot of work needs to be done. When I wrote a few posts related to this subject I came across a few comments where women commented in favor of some of the very common prejudices against them (like women are inferior to men or less capable than men). All these women were educated and working women. I was a little surprised by this but not shocked because I have seen in my personal life many women who somehow believe that they are not as capable as men just because they are women. Years of male-dominated society and patriarchal culture have made them believe this. Many of them also believe that they need the support of some man in their life to be safe and survive in this world. Many also think that when you live in society, whether you like it or not you need to follow all these social norms. One of the norms of patriarchal society is that women are inferior to men and this thought is propagated directly or indirectly. The idea that women are born to serve men is propagated in various ways in different cultures. There are also many discriminative traditions or rituals. Even some stories that are part of great epics or holy books try to propagate these types of views either directly or indirectly. Social norms that encourage any form of discrimination either directly or indirectly should be challenged and questioned no matter from where they come and how old they are.

These views have been propagated for centuries and slowly they have become part of our society's mindset. Many people think that this is our culture and tradition. They think this needs to be preserved at any cost because these things were designed by our ancestors for the betterment of our society so why should we change them? The strong influence of this type of patriarchal culture has resulted in many internal barriers and self-doubts in women's minds. I would like to quote from the book Lean In where author Sheryl Sandberg writes about the barriers women face from within "In addition to the external barriers erected by society, women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives—the messages that say it’s wrong to be outspoken, aggressive, more powerful than men. We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve."

Years of brainwashing and suppression have created an element of self-doubt not only in the minds of many women but also in the minds of many other suppressed communities. These internal barriers created by self-doubt are not that easy to break as they are supported by traditions that reinforce them from generation to generation. Maybe there was a need for some of these traditions back then for the safety of women, but we live in a totally different world today and many of these barriers need to go. In today's world, every gender and section of society should be given equal opportunity to explore their potential. Why it's always a woman who has to choose between family and career? Why this unfair dilemma is only forced on them? As a society what are we doing so that women don't have to face this dilemma (most men don't face it, right)? Even though all these questions are relevant it is also true that first women need to overcome their own internal barriers. Society and culture's attitude is so hostile towards them, with these internal barriers they cannot expect any special favors from society. If they fail to break these barriers then it will be very difficult for them to break the external barriers set by society and culture. They first need to win the war from within to win this war against gender discrimination. Once they overcome internal barriers then it will be just a matter of time before they break external barriers.

I would like to end this post with another quote from the book Lean In, "Internal obstacles are rarely discussed and often underplayed. Throughout my life, I was told over and over about inequalities in the workplace and how hard it would be to have a career and a family. I rarely heard anything, however, about the ways I might hold myself back. These internal obstacles deserve a lot more attention, in part because they are under our own control. We can dismantle the hurdles in ourselves today. We can start this very moment."

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]