Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shame. Show all posts

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities

Humans are the dominant species on this planet. Our dominance is evident in the way we control things and dictate terms on our planet. Our complex brain and ability to imagine and innovate are a few of the main reasons for our dominance. Despite all this, we have our own imperfections and vulnerabilities. One might ask how our dominance fits with our imperfections and vulnerabilities? How did we survive despite being imperfect and vulnerable? The fact is, our imperfections and vulnerabilities make us human and are the very reason for our success and dominance. However, many of us spend our entire lives worrying about our imperfections and vulnerabilities, feeling bad about them, trying to hide them from others, and assuming that expressing them might make us look weak and timid. Many leaders in various fields also try to project a rough and tough image of a leader, whereas a true leader is also imperfect and vulnerable like all of us they just know how to use them as their strength rather than considering them as a weakness.

Our society has always used difficult feelings like shame and guilt in a negative light. This is why most people hesitate or even worry when they feel these things, they hesitate to ask for any kind of help, and they prefer to keep these things to themselves which makes things worse.  We are taught to disown these feelings rather than embracing them or embracing anyone who displays these feelings. American writer and professor Brene Brown has done splendid research on this subject, her TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability is one of the most viewed TED talks. My own struggles with my vulnerabilities and imperfections have taught me many lessons that I use in my day-to-day life, this is why I don't hesitate to share stories of my own struggles. We are taught imperfect and vulnerable people cannot be good leaders, but these are just incorrect perceptions, and myths without any data to support them. On the contrary, embracing our vulnerabilities is a courageous act, and only a person with good leadership qualities can do this. Also, our struggle with these emotions is a continuous and ongoing process, we discover new vulnerabilities and imperfections as we progress in our lives, our vulnerabilities at the age of five are not the same at the age of forty. This is why embracing our vulnerabilities and imperfections is not a one-time act, but is a process that we learn and relearn every day. 

One of the reasons why people hesitate to display the courage to embrace their vulnerabilities is they lack an empathetic support system; they don't find anyone trustworthy enough to share these feelings. Even in the era of social networks where we are more connected than at any other time in human history, we struggle to find trusted people to whom we can express our difficult emotions and struggles without having a feeling of not being judged or exposed. This is a challenge for all of us, help seekers as well as help offerers, we need to step up to embrace our own vulnerabilities so that we can create an environment where others are encouraged to embrace their own. This is a challenging task, that's why it requires courage and leadership, and this is important for our mental hygiene. Once we learn to deal with fear, shame, or guilt about our imperfections and vulnerabilities many other challenges also become manageable. These feelings come to us regularly as long as we are conscious that is why it's important to learn how to deal with them and the sooner we start the better it is. Let's help each other as much as we can to spread this courage.  

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.  

Friday, May 22, 2015

Mr. PM, I am sorry but I never felt ashamed for being Indian in my life so far

During one of many foreign tours, Indian Prime Minister Mr. Modi said that before his government came into power Indians used to feel ashamed about their Indian nationality but now they feel proud. I really don't know why he said this and what was his intention behind it apart from scoring some brownie points against the main opposition party Congress, which ruled the country most of the time since independence or maybe he is still in election campaign mode. These types of things are said very frequently during election campaigns where various political parties try to take potshots at each other and try to score brownie points against each other. Most political leaders do this during their campaign speeches but I don't understand the purpose of saying something like this on an official foreign tour as a PM of the country. When he said this, he was not speaking as a BJP leader there but as a PM of India. Mr. Modi loves to deliver speeches with a lot of rhetoric, he loves positive responses from the audience, and as a performer, he gets encouraged by all this. We saw on multiple occasions how much he enjoys delivering his speeches with a supportive audience, he can say anything to please his audience. I think in these cases also he got carried away due to a very supportive audience. I am sure people close to him know this but no one is going to apologize for this mess up, this is not how Indian politics works, top leaders never apologize or say sorry, no matter what. 

I personally have several objections to many things happening in India. I hate casteism and discrimination against women, and corruption is still very rampant but these and many other problems are not only India specific, they can be found in various other parts of the world in various forms, one can debate about the intensity of them but they are present everywhere. But none of these issues made me feel ashamed of my nationality. This thought never came to my mind either now or in the past. I don't think anyone is ashamed of their nationality, most people love the country they come from. I proudly say that I am Indian but yes at the same time, I also acknowledge that, like many other countries my country also has some problems along with some good things. Many of my friends went back to India from the USA leaving comfortable jobs and they didn't go back just in the last year but most of them went back before this government came into power. They all went back for several reasons, some went back for personal reasons, some for professional, and some for visa problems but they all loved their country of birth and also got opportunities that matched with their interest. For all of them, it didn't matter who was the PM or which party was ruling India. I know people who even after renunciation of their Indian citizenship love India and feel proud of their Indian heritage. We all have our favorite political parties, we feel closer to some particular political ideology, and we even debate very passionately against or in favor of some political party but if our choice doesn't win the election, we don't feel ashamed of our country or hate it. People can love their country even if they may not like the government of that country. How does Mr. Modi feel if his opponents say that they are ashamed of being Indian because he is the PM of India? Wouldn't it sound disgusting and pathetic if someone said such things? This particular statement from him was totally avoidable and I hope in the future person of his stature will choose their words carefully.

As far as I see so far his government is sincerely trying to change a few things, they are really trying to improve certain sectors, only time will tell how much success they get in all these efforts but definitely such comments and many other statements made by PM or his colleagues are not helping this cause. It is too early to say anything about their performance, but I see that they are trying. They should focus on their work rather than making such stupid comments, I am sure they have a lot on their plate that they need to take care of. Taking political gibes is easy, politicians do this all the time but sometimes on some platforms it is good to show some restraint and control your emotions. There is no doubt that this was a serious lapse of judgment from the PM. He went a little too far to project a positive image of his government. He is new to this job so I think we can ignore and forgive this time but if this continues then maybe even all the good work may not save this government from escaping the perception that they are only interested in winning elections and nothing else.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]