Vidai- a cringe worthy ritual which is still practiced

Vidai (or Bidai) is a ritual performed in Indian marriages where a bride is supposed to say a final goodbye to her parental home and leave for her husband's house. The ceremony might be called with different names in different parts of India, but the intention behind the ritual is the same, to do a farewell to your father's home and announce your entry to your husband's home. It seems that it is assumed that no home is the bride's own home, she just gets passed on from one patriarch to another. It's an emotional moment with everyone crying as if someone has died, there are many hit Bollywood songs specially dedicated to this ritual. No doubt, this is a very emotional moment of life for many Indian women. I always found it odd to see people crying in the middle of a marriage ceremony that was full of joy and color until this ritual took place. I am glad to see that many brides are now questioning this ritual and going to the extent of getting rid of it, I commend their courage and support their movement to get rid of such a cringeworthy ritual.

The question is why has this ritual not been questioned so far? One of the reasons is it is so glamorized by society and the movie industry that it has become mandatory to have this ritual in every marriage video recording, even brides who don't feel like crying are made aware that they should at least display some sorrow otherwise what people will think. As I already mentioned there are hit movie songs memorizing this ritual and making it an integral part of their memory and culture, this is how it managed to survive so long. 

What's wrong with it? Almost everything. If you look at marriage, the bride and groom are getting married to each other, at least now, legally, both of them have ancestral rights to the property of their ancestors. Then why only the bride has to go through this ritual? The bride and groom, both are starting their new life together, probably, on their own with minimum or no support from their parents. Then why this ritual is applied only to the bride? The time when brides started asking this question, this ritual is standing on shaky ground and its disappearance is just a matter of time. No doubt, as it does always, patriarchy and its overt and covert supporters will argue about how this is a part of our glorious past and culture, how it has some emotional or rational or even some scientific rationale behind it. They make this style of argument almost about every ritual or tradition that gets questioned, many of these arguments are either ridiculous or laughable, but it does not stop them from making it. Hopefully, girls will see through this ploy of keeping patriarchy alive through some rituals and get rid of this ritual or at least force it to become gender-neutral.

Every society and culture undergoes transformations from time to time, this is not only natural but also essential for its survival. However, such transformations are not easy, especially when they question long-standing traditions or rituals that people have followed without question for centuries. Many marriage rituals from various parts of the world have passed their expiry date and need a major overhaul. I am glad to see that change is happening and women are leading this movement of change.

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Nine years

Today is the ninth anniversary of this blog. I can't believe that nine years have passed since I started this amazing journey. I enjoyed every bit of it, sharing my views with readers and receiving their feedback has helped me to grow as a person and learn from others' experiences. I always encourage others to share their stories, we all have unique stories and if we share them others can benefit by reading and relating to them. If you are someone who is still debating about starting a blog or writing a social media post about your story, please do it, you will be surprised to find support from some of the most unexpected quarters. My own journey on this blog is full of amazing experiences. I do not write for the sake of writing, only when I feel that there is something worth sharing, then I write a post. Also, some life changes affect our availability and time management, but this is natural, and as life gets busy it teaches us how to prioritize our tasks to utilize our time more efficiently. 

Recently, I started to reread my old posts to see if I need to update any of them and write an updated version. Many times situations change, new information emerges and our views might change or get modified based on that new information. This is a natural progression and we must be flexible enough to accept that we were wrong or some better options have emerged for our consideration. We get bombarded with so much information almost every second, and thanks to ever-updating social media content, it's not easy to process it. The way social media is designed almost every update prompts us to react to it, and it's hard not to react. This means we are expressing ourselves each time we press like or share the post, photo, tweet, or whatever. The internet is flooded with human expressions, this unique overflow of expressions is a significant cultural phenomenon and we started witnessing some social, cultural, and political repercussions of it. 

Thanks a lot to all my readers, here as well as on various social media platforms like Facebook where this blog is shared. Your comments and feedback help me a lot, all comments and feedback are welcome, keep sharing them, and don't hesitate to share even if they are critical of my post. 

Stay safe, stay healthy, and yes, keep reading. Love you all and thank you all.

Embracing our imperfections and vulnerabilities

Humans are the dominant species on this planet. Our dominance is evident in the way we control things and dictate terms on our planet. Our complex brain and ability to imagine and innovate are a few of the main reasons for our dominance. Despite all this, we have our own imperfections and vulnerabilities. One might ask how our dominance fits with our imperfections and vulnerabilities? How did we survive despite being imperfect and vulnerable? The fact is, our imperfections and vulnerabilities make us human and are the very reason for our success and dominance. However, many of us spend our entire lives worrying about our imperfections and vulnerabilities, feeling bad about them, trying to hide them from others, and assuming that expressing them might make us look weak and timid. Many leaders in various fields also try to project a rough and tough image of a leader, whereas a true leader is also imperfect and vulnerable like all of us they just know how to use them as their strength rather than considering them as a weakness.

Our society has always used difficult feelings like shame and guilt in a negative light. This is why most people hesitate or even worry when they feel these things, they hesitate to ask for any kind of help, and they prefer to keep these things to themselves which makes things worse.  We are taught to disown these feelings rather than embracing them or embracing anyone who displays these feelings. American writer and professor Brene Brown has done splendid research on this subject, her TED talk, The Power of Vulnerability is one of the most viewed TED talks. My own struggles with my vulnerabilities and imperfections have taught me many lessons that I use in my day-to-day life, this is why I don't hesitate to share stories of my own struggles. We are taught imperfect and vulnerable people cannot be good leaders, but these are just incorrect perceptions, and myths without any data to support them. On the contrary, embracing our vulnerabilities is a courageous act, and only a person with good leadership qualities can do this. Also, our struggle with these emotions is a continuous and ongoing process, we discover new vulnerabilities and imperfections as we progress in our lives, our vulnerabilities at the age of five are not the same at the age of forty. This is why embracing our vulnerabilities and imperfections is not a one-time act, but is a process that we learn and relearn every day. 

One of the reasons why people hesitate to display the courage to embrace their vulnerabilities is they lack an empathetic support system; they don't find anyone trustworthy enough to share these feelings. Even in the era of social networks where we are more connected than at any other time in human history, we struggle to find trusted people to whom we can express our difficult emotions and struggles without having a feeling of not being judged or exposed. This is a challenge for all of us, help seekers as well as help offerers, we need to step up to embrace our own vulnerabilities so that we can create an environment where others are encouraged to embrace their own. This is a challenging task, that's why it requires courage and leadership, and this is important for our mental hygiene. Once we learn to deal with fear, shame, or guilt about our imperfections and vulnerabilities many other challenges also become manageable. These feelings come to us regularly as long as we are conscious that is why it's important to learn how to deal with them and the sooner we start the better it is. Let's help each other as much as we can to spread this courage.  

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How to deal with a busy and chaotic mind?

Our brain is one of the most complex organs developed by nature. We are still trying to explore various ways through which our brain functions, with the help of incredible work from many scientists and other experts we could solve some mysteries about the way our mind works and we are still working to solve many others. One unique feature of our brains is that at any given moment countless thoughts compete to flood our brains. It's like an ocean of thoughts with countless waves rising and falling every second. Some of them become big storms and overwhelm us, the more we try to resist, the more they persist. Many times, it's not easy to deal with our busy mind, especially when it starts dishing out difficult emotions like fear, shame, guilt, inferiority, and anger, just to name a few. Some of us turn to medications and some to various techniques like meditation with the hope that it may help us to control our minds. Sometimes we are successful but many times we don't get any respite. How to deal with a busy and chaotic mind? Is it possible to control our thoughts? Can meditation help and is that the only or best option? If yes, how much? There are many questions like these that come to our mind whenever we get overwhelmed due to its overactivity.

Meditation can be one of the ways to deal with a busy and chaotic mind. One common perception people have about meditation is that it's all about controlling our minds and thoughts. While meditating people try really hard to resist their thoughts. We think mental peace means a thoughtless and clear mind. However, as per my experience meditation is not about controlling your flow of thoughts but about learning the skill of observing them objectively. Most of our problems are not because of the nature of thoughts that come to our mind but because of the way we react to them. We need to learn to control our reactions, thoughts are bound to come to our mind, many times, randomly, and we may or may not have any control over them. Remember, the more we resist, the more it persists. However, we can control our reactions to our thoughts, this is how I approach meditation and it helps. I suggest whoever is struggling to see any positive results from their meditation practice try this approach. I hope meditation trainers and practitioners also take into consideration the idea that one does not have to control their mind while meditating. Controlling our flow of thoughts is like trying to capture air or water in our fists, we might be able to do it for a while but it's going to slip away eventually. Our brain never stops thinking, as long as we are alive. 

The benefit of this approach is that slowly we train our minds to be objective about our own thoughts and learn to pause before taking any action based on the uncontrollable flow of thoughts. This training of the mind is the key because we cannot be in a continuous state of meditation, therefore, if we do not train our mind how to react (or not to react) then we may face the same issues once we finish our meditation session. Meditation is supposed to provide benefits beyond our meditation sessions not just during those sessions. The aim is not just to have mental peace and calmness during the meditation session but to extend that calmness to the rest of our day, therefore, during the meditation our mind needs to be engaged and not disengaged. The engagement should be passive because the aim is not to react but to observe the thought process. A peaceful mind is not a thoughtless mind, but it is a mind that is at peace in spite of many thoughts in it as it has learned how to observe them and allow these thoughts to flow without getting affected by it. It is not easy, but that's why not everyone succeeds in getting benefits from meditation, the reasons for success or failure may lie in the approach they take. Also, there are many ways and methods of meditation, we should try as many as we can and choose whichever suits our lifestyle and needs.    

Remember, meditation is not medication, it's not a pill that will show an instant effect and offer immediate relief. Meditation is like a game, you win some and lose some, but to win the game you need to play it first, if you don't play you don't win. It is also important to give our 100% and enjoy the play, then only our chances of winning increase. If we play any game for the sake of winning without enjoying the game, it won't benefit us whether we win or lose, the same is true for meditation, jump into it only when you are ready to enjoy the process, and the results will follow eventually. Also, keep in mind that medication and meditation are not mutually exclusive, they are not either-or options, one can select both and benefit from both options. Many people commit this mistake and reject the other path thinking they cannot go together. Medication is an important option, it should be on the top of our list and must be given the respect it deserves, it can do wonders and change lives, but we can ignore it only at our own peril. 

There are many ways available to deal with a busy and chaotic mind, consider all options, and choose whichever suits you best, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for our mental health. Find your path and follow it sincerely. Good mental health is not a destination but a lifelong journey, enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination because there is no destination, all the very best. 

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My marriage - A love story

Reena and I got married almost 23 years back. It was a classic arranged marriage and a non-classic love story. I call it a nonclassic love story because there was no love at first sight, there was no dating, we did not go to the same school or college, we did not even live in the same state of India. Our marriage was fixed before we even knew each other as a person. The story began when a marriage proposal was brought by an acquaintance, when my parents found that the proposal made sense to them, the information was shared with me, and when I approved, things were finalized. There was just one deviation from the standard protocol of arranged marriage, I put one condition that I wanted to meet the girl before we finalized the date. I wanted to make sure that she was OK with all this as I knew that if she was not then she wouldn't say so under the pressure of hurting her parents, whereas I had the male privilege to say no and I was willing to use that privilege if there was anything which she didn't like in this proposed relationship, and meeting her was the only way to find this. I also wanted to give her an idea about what is she signing up for. I was not a typical groom which she would have expected with a stable job and set career path. I was still doing my Ph.D. and there was no way to predict which way my career might go, I wanted her to know all these things. Our meeting went very well, mostly I talked, but I was convinced that there was no pressure on her to marry me. It might be shocking to some readers to know that in India people divide marriage between love and arranged marriage, this means that they really believe that there can be a marriage without any love between the two individuals who are getting married. Love is not a precondition for an arranged marriage in India, it's hard to believe, but that's how it is.

We got married after almost a year since we first met. During that year, we did talk with each other on the phone (those were days of long-distance STD calls from a phone booth) and exchanged a few or maybe just one letter. This didn't help much to move our relationship further in any meaningful way. There was no face-to-face interaction with each other until we saw each other on the day of our marriage. Our marriage was held in Varanasi, it was a routine affair, like any other arranged marriage with all the rituals and extravaganza. A couple of days after our marriage, Reena moved with me to Pune, my birthplace in the state of Maharashtra in India. When I met with Reena and during our phone conversations I realized that we were different from each other, we did not even speak the same language. I spoke Marathi at home and English/Marathi at my lab. I knew Hindi because of Bollywood and the basics of Bhojpuri which I picked up so that I can communicate with my grandmothers, and other relatives whenever I visited my ancestral village in Uttar Pradesh. Reena and I began our conversations in Hindi. When we started living with each other we really realized how different we were from each other. We almost had nothing in common, two lost individuals brought together by the randomness of life. 

Our journey together began in a joint family where we lived with my parents and two brothers. Reena needed to adjust to a much smaller house, a much-crowded place, and with a husband who was mostly away from home working in a lab for his Ph.D. It was not easy for both of us. For her to move hundreds of miles away from her hometown and live in a completely new place with strangers with a different culture and language. For me to deal with the pressures of Ph.D. work and the ups and downs of a graduate student's life along with dealing with this new person in my life. In the beginning, we both were confused, and not sure how this thing would work. Maybe living in a joint family helped a little bit. Slowly we started understanding each other, we recognized our differences, they were huge, but we found a way to deal with them. We decided that we were not going to try to change each other against the other's will, this helped a lot. Our differences, no matter how big, never came in between us and I think that's the biggest reason why our marriage worked. We never forced each other to follow each other's beliefs and convictions. When I moved away from religion Reena didn't make a big deal about it, she continued on with her journey following her religion and beliefs without me being an active participant with her. Her patience and determination to deal with some unpleasant situations, especially, to manage confrontations within my own family due to my confrontational behavior is very impressive. Most importantly, we both became the biggest cheerleaders for each other. It's not that we succeeded in whatever we tried, but we did not discourage each other from taking risks or following an unchartered path. The arrival of our kids added another dimension to our relationship. Reena and the kids joined me in the USA when my daughter, Sara was 4, and my son, Yash was 1. Parenting our kids in a new country and embarking on an unknown journey brought us closer than ever before. Our appreciation for each other's role, and ability to offer emotional and moral support, increased day by day since then. In the US I saw a completely new personality of Reena, more independent, more forthcoming, and much more vocal. In Pune her identity was Vinay's wife or so and so's daughter-in-law, however, in the US in most social circles I am known as Reena's husband and I am extremely proud of this identity. We genuinely have mutual admiration for each other's abilities and qualities. Also, we do not hesitate to point out where each of us needs to improve. The frankness of our relationship allows us to be open and comfortable while praising or criticizing each other. It's not that we didn't have any arguments or ups and downs in our journey, we had and still have our own share of challenges. However, none of it made us drift apart from each other, rather, every such occasion helped both of us to understand each other better and brought us closer.

Our love story is not a conventional love story where a boy meets a girl and they fall in love. We randomly met with each other via this crazy system of arranged marriage and gradually realized that even though we have very little in common we complement each other very well and love blossomed. Our ability to give each other space, our ability to understand the fact that we do not have to agree on each and every issue, and do not have to share the same political and religious beliefs to love each other has been a major reason why our love and relationship survived each and every challenge that we faced. We do make our own mistakes and learn from them, some mistakes we realized on our own, and some our kids made us realize, no matter when and how we realize our mistakes we always try to learn and correct our course. There is no blame game, we both get the credit as well as the blame. Our ability to adapt to new information and accommodate it in our lives helped us a lot. Whenever we learn something new we tell each other and talk about it. We discuss with each other a lot, sometimes we talk for hours on some subject, this helps us to understand what both of us are thinking. 

Our journey has been amazing so far, every day is exciting, our discussions are animated and rewarding, and we spend so much time together and still don't get bored of each other. We cherish each other's company and at the same time realize we need to give space to each other. Fortunately, we do not feel the need to hide anything from each other, we are not scared of each other. Neither do I have to make an excuse to go out and spend time with my friends, nor does she have to justify why she is going out alone, what else one can ask for in a marriage. My marriage is a love story that I love to tell. I hope this journey continues like this with the same excitement and foolishness.

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Age is just a number, but it's an important number

The phrase "age is just a number" is used to appreciate an act or some adventure, performed by an older person whose age group is generally not expected to take up these types of challenges. The phrase is normally not used when someone of a very young age does something great which is not common for that age (child prodigy). Of course, age is just a number like any other number. However, it's a very important number, not only it indicates how old we are but it also indicates unique challenges we might face due to the phase of life we are passing through. Someone at 80 going back to college is at least as commendable as someone at 12 finishing his/her college. People of different ages face different challenges and that's why their age needs to be mentioned while citing their achievement. If one looks at the phrase "age is just a number" it's hard not to get the impression that the phrase is coined to trivialize the importance of age, especially for older people. One of the aims is also to encourage people not to think of their age as a barrier while deciding to take up new challenges. Whenever we read this phrase, we immediately understand that it is being used to appreciate something extraordinary done by an older person, we immediately notice the age and appreciate that particular achievement just because of the age of that person.     

There is nothing wrong with mentioning the age of a person to highlight the kind of difficulties and challenges they might have faced due to their age. Depending on how old we are we face different personal, social, and familial obstacles. Even our mental health gets affected as we get old. Also, each person has a set of their own problems which may or may not become worse with their age. Older age does have its own advantages but it also comes with its own challenges. It is impossible to ignore a person's age while looking at what they have achieved. If it is something that is not common at that age people tend to appreciate that achievement more compared to something that is considered as a norm for that age. Therefore, it is important to take into consideration our age, but just to devise our plan, not to decide whether we should take up the challenge or not. Our plan or route might differ to achieve some task due to our age, but our attitude shouldn't. Keep your age in mind, not as a warning but as a reminder that you may need to try harder compared to others, this should motivate us to work hard because the sense of achievement will be much bigger. Be ready and dive in, remember, age is just a number. 

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Happy new year

2020 was not an ordinary year. The entire world faced the unprecedented challenge of dealing with a pandemic that we wrongly assumed would never hit us again. We spent most of 2020 dealing with a variety of challenges thrown at us by the Covid-19 pandemic. There are stories of immense loss and personal tragedies, at the same time there are also stories of immense courage, determination, and resilience from all over the world. We got confused, scared, and even misled by people who were supposed to guide us, we became anxious about this added uncertainty in our lives, some of us lost some near and dear ones, and some of us faced personal and professional setbacks. However, after the initial chaos, we adjusted, adapted, and tried our best to deal with whatever challenges came our way, the response was not perfect, but there was a response and there was always hope. Humanity has survived many such challenges and will survive many more if they come our way.

Soon, we will get over this pandemic and life will come back to its new normal. I am calling it a new normal because life not necessarily going to be the same as it was before. Things are bound to change. Along with throwing many surprises, this pandemic has taught us many things, both, in a personal and professional capacity. Many companies and other institutions realized that working remotely is not a bad option to provide to employees who want it, we do have technological capabilities to support online traffic for a large workforce. We also realized that we can increase the frequency of our interpersonal interactions by supplementing them with technological platforms that are being invented almost every day. Of course, some interactions are always better if they can be done in person, but many times, some constraints stop us from being physically present, during those times, we can make use of technology and still be a part of these special moments. We also learned the importance of supporting each other, listening to each other, and the importance of being in touch. There are many such lessons we learned as a society, family, and also as an individual. These lessons are going to stay with us. Years like 2020, teach us a lot and transform us internally as well as externally. We will see some of these changes which we were forced to adapt as becoming a new norm.

Personally, for me, 2020 was not bad at all. I finished law school and passed two bar exams, I am working at a firm where I wanted to work. I also managed to remain physically active in the way I wanted. I adapted to the changes in circumstances and devised ways to be physically active while working from home. My interactions with my family increased a lot as we all had to spend so much time together, we learned quite a few things about each other which we could not have done without these changed circumstances.

We already entered the new year, 2021. No doubt, we are starting this year with a lot of hope and enthusiasm. We are going to win our battle with this pandemic and move on. We all are looking forward to getting rid of many restrictions due to this pandemic, especially related to international travel. Let's keep doing all the good things that we learned during these unprecedented times, let's continue to focus on our health and overall well-being. Let's be happy and try to spread happiness. Let's begin this year with a resolve that no matter what challenges come our way we will deal with them to the best of our capabilities. Wishing you all a happy new year.

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How to remain physically active during the pandemic

I don't think anyone imagined that 2020 would turn out to be the way it has been so far. None of us expected that a pandemic would grip us so hard that the entire world, even after 1 year since its discovery, is still trying to figure out how to deal with it and there is no definite timeline about when we can go back to our pre-pandemic lives. One of the many challenges we face is how to remain physically active when many regions place restrictions on public movements, gyms are closed, the outdoor options are heavily limited, we are shopping mostly online, and many of us are working from home. Regular physical activity is supposed to be an integral part of our lives and it is also important to remain healthy, more so in the age where we can spend endless hours in front of a screen without exhausting our options. We don't need an excuse not to move, we have many, rather, we need an incentive to get away from screens, and the pandemic made things more difficult for us.

Like many, I also faced the same challenge, more so when winter arrived as I don't enjoy the cold weather and refrain from going out in the bitter cold. So, the challenge is how to remain active with all these obstacles. One solution I found worked for me very well is to set hourly or bi-hourly targets rather than daily targets. There are a couple of advantages to this approach. First, the hourly targets are not that huge, a target of 15,000 steps per day looks like a tough target and requires planning the entire day carefully, and if we are at 7k steps by 7 PM we may give up and not try to score the remaining 8k steps as it looks too much to achieve in a short time. However, 1000 steps per hour is a comparatively small number, even if we score 500 in that hour it's not that difficult to make up the remaining 500 in the next hour. Also, planning an hour looks easy compared to planning the entire day. Second, as these targets are relatively small we can choose to perform them while watching some show or talking with someone on the phone. This allows us to multitask, we do not have to set up a separate time to exercise, and we can talk to someone while we walk or watch our favorite show or movie while doing some cardio. Finally, achieving our target every hour keeps us well on track to achieve that bigger number at the end of the day or even exceeding it rather than losing our motivation and giving up as we lag behind the task because we planned an exercise slot which we miss every now and then due to some excuse. 

I understand that this approach may not work for all, and some of us need to find our own method to remain physically active. The point is we all need to be mindful of the changes unique to us and adapt accordingly. Also, our home design, immediate surroundings, type of work, familial situations, and even the weather might present their own challenges and we need to maneuver around them. For example, I live on the ground floor, and to achieve my target of climbing 10 floors per day I need to climb to the first floor of our apartment complex. I am sure that in the beginning, upstairs neighbors must have been wondering why they heard footsteps every now and then without anyone showing up. We need to invent new ways to adapt, innovate new ways to remain active indoors, and make use of technology to achieve our tastes more efficiently. No doubt this pandemic has presented unique challenges for us, but we are more than capable of dealing with these challenges. We know the challenges, some are personal and some are social. We all need to invent and adapt. Be creative and be supportive of the people around you. Remember, our individual challenges are unique and so will be our solutions.

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A tale of two bar exams

This year has been a crazy year for me not only because of Covid-19 but also because of the bar exams which I have to give. I gave two bar exams in a single month (October). First was the Connecticut State Bar exam, the first-ever online CT Bar exam, and the second one was the Patent Bar exam, the one which applicants have to pass to practice before the USPTO (the United States Patent and Trademark Office). Both exams are considered extremely complicated and tough. Normally they recommend 500-600 hours of study for the state bar exams and 150-200 hours of study for the Patent Bar, that too with very expensive bar prep courses. The point is they are not easy, and the applicant's professional career depends on passing those exams. 

The Patent Bar exam is a multiple-choice exam with 100 questions and the applicant needs to get 70 of them right to pass the exam. The exam is given at designated exam centers. The applicant has to book an appointment in advance within the USPTO's provided deadline (90 days from the day the application is accepted). Due to the pandemic, the USPTO was kind enough to make the deadline flexible as many exam centers were closed, and it was not known when they would open. When the centers finally opened, applicants were required to wear masks for the entire duration of the exam (6 hrs, two sessions of 3 hr each). The only issue some applicants face is the speed of a computer and the quality of MPEP (it's an open book exam, MPEP is the book on which the exam is based). When we are giving a high-pressure exam where time is critical, a delay of even a few seconds adds to the pressure. At some exam centers, the resolution of the pdf file of MPEP is not that great. Apart from this the exam is well designed and tests your ability to remember things from MPEP and search MPEP for required information quickly and accurately.

It was an altogether different story for the state bar exam. Normally, the state bar exams are conducted in person, and they are conducted over two days. However, this year due to the pandemic the state bar examination committees of various states including the Connecticut Bar Examining Committee decided to conduct a remote bar exam, the first remote bar exam in the history of the bar exam. By any standards, it was not an easy endeavor to take. In some states, thousands of applicants take the bar exam, and conducting a proctored exam using artificial intelligence proctoring was not an easy task. Plus there were other concerns like the security of question papers, internet connectivity, AI's bias in proctoring, computer availability with proper specifications to give the exam, and many more. There were multiple townhouse-type meetings conducted by the CT Bar Examining Committee members to listen to student grievances and to their credit they tried to answer each and every concern raised by the students. First, they eliminated the requirement of an internet connection during the exam, this was a big relief for applicants like me. My apartment does not have uninterrupted wireless connectivity and I am sure there are many who have the same problem as me. I was worried that if my internet connection gets interrupted I might be disqualified from the exam for no fault of mine. It was a big relief for me to know that an internet connection was not required during the exam. Applicants could download the exam up to 3 days before the exam and have time to submit their exam up to 3 days after the exam. They also waived the computer registration fee which is collected even during the in-person exam and also offered to pay for the hotel room accommodation for applicants who did not have a private space to take the exam. According to me, this was a great gesture by the Examining Committee as this was a genuine problem for many applicants as many live in apartments or houses where there is no secluded spot where they can take a lengthy exam without any interruption. The exam happened without many issues, it was a tremendous effort on many levels. Definitely, it was not easy for applicants as well as the examining committees to go through this process, but all of us did. I applaud the efforts of all candidates who passed and also those who didn't, they all put in their best efforts, some it worked, and for some, it will work next time, but we all were witnesses to a historical event.

This experience was unique. The preparation process even with the help of prep courses was very rigorous and demanding. It required a lot of commitment and discipline from my side. I could not have done this without the support of my family, friends, my law firm, and my mentors. They all played a crucial role in motivating me and encouraging me to take up this challenge. Of course, our age, stage of life, familial, and situations create their own challenges, these challenges are different for different people, and that's why our struggles, as well as our achievements, are unique. I am glad to be done with these exams and I hope anyone reading this will derive some inspiration that will help them to go through this rigorous and challenging process. 

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Commingling is India's strength

For the last few years, there has been an ongoing debate about India becoming an intolerant country, especially because of certain reported incidents against minorities and the growing popularity of the Hindutva ideology which propagates a homogeneous identity for all Indians. This perception may or may not be true, but they made me dig deeper into the question, was India a tolerant country in the first place? India has a history of casteism, and communal riots, and was the ideal place to implement the famous strategy used by British rulers called "divide and rule." How does tolerance fit into all these, what is the reason for the perception that India is a tolerant country? The reason is India's diversity, the presence of almost each and every religion or sect, and much more. Most of India's provinces have different languages, food habits, dress, festivals, literature, and cultural attributes, and some of them have their own movie industry that can even compete with Bollywood. Of course, there are many commonalities, Hinduism is a majority religion, and skin color and visual appearances are similar except for the northeast region which gets ignored in each and every aspect. All these aspects make India a very interesting case to analyze. Many places in the world are diverse, the US or Europe does have a diverse population where different people from different parts of the world coexist. However, there is one major difference between India and other places. India is neither like a melting pot where people from different places come together and begin to mix and form one homogeneous identity, nor it is a place where individuality or privacy is valued to give separate space to each and every identity so that they can thrive without being threatened by the majority.

Indian society either intentionally or unintentionally allowed the comingling of different religions and cultures, that is why I said that there are many differences as well as similarities. Different states of India despite being different borrowed food habits from each other, and their languages have common origins, even the most popular organized religions like Judaism, Christianity, or Islam the way they are practiced in India is different compared to the rest of the world. This comingling did not threaten the existence of any religion, they all exist and occupy their own space in Indian society so far. Britishers took advantage of this diversity by using the tactic of "divide and rule," either by creating the perception that the majority is threatened by the minorities or the minorities are under attack by the majority. The strategy worked and even after independence is used by different political parties at different times to reap political dividends. 

India survived all such attacks so far, especially because of the uniqueness of India where diversity was considered as its strength, not a weakness. However, in today's world that mostly thrives on a unique identity this obscure, not-so-uniform, multireligious, and multicultural identity is projected as something weak or nonindigenous, and not unique. This perception is solidified by the rise of Hindutva ideology where being Indian means something homogeneous, definite, and deeply rooted in traditions of Hinduism. This narrative fits with most of the neighboring countries of India which are mostly homogeneous societies with a single religion dominating, social, political, cultural, and legal space. India was unique among all these countries specifically because of the reason that there was no easy way to define its identity. It was not a Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian, Buddhist, or any other religious or non-religious identity that defined India, it was at the same time all of these and none of these. I never understood this uniqueness until I left India and I don't think many Indians understand the value of this even today, that is why most of them agree with the propaganda that such a hybrid identity needs to be transformed into something definite and uniform. That's why I now feel that tolerance was not India's uniqueness but commingling was, this is because comingling is a step further than tolerance. Tolerance is when we tolerate our differences and decide to coexist despite those differences. Whereas commingling is where we not only tolerate the differences and coexist but despite our differences exchange and borrow each other's practices and incorporate them into each other's traditions and culture as our own, and still maintain our identity without being threatened by the presence of another. 

This is not to say that tolerance is any better than commingling, or vice versa. I am aware that my impressions could be completely wrong and someone can offer a better explanation than what I offered above, I tried to articulate what my current understanding is about this issue.

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.