Our EGO: Friend, Foe or Something In-between?

The word "Ego" has garnered a lot of negative baggage over time. It’s often used to describe someone arrogant, overconfident, or condescending. In everyday language, having an ego is seen as a flaw - a serious personality defect that must be corrected or diminished. However, in reality, we all have an ego. It is an essential part of our psychological makeup, a core element of what makes us human, the ego isn’t inherently good or bad. It simply is. It plays a pivotal role in shaping our sense of self, qualities like self-respect, resilience, and confidence, originate from our ego. These qualities, so vital to our personal and professional lives, originate from a healthy ego and, in turn, nurture it. No one is free from the ego and we cannot get rid of our ego. The only difference lies in how we acknowledge it and work with it.  

Our ego is like our shadow, always present, even if not always visible. Just as a shadow shifts with the light, the ego shifts with our experiences, our emotions, and our environments. Sometimes it’s right in front of us, casting a long and unmistakable presence. Other times it fades into the background, quietly guiding our decisions and reactions. And just like our shadow, while we might not always see our own ego clearly, others often do see and feel it. Recognizing this shadow doesn’t mean we need to get rid of it. In fact, we can’t. The real challenge and opportunity lie in learning how to live with it, work with it, and even grow with it.

There are certain benefits of a healthy ego. A balanced ego serves us in countless ways. It helps us to build self-respect by establishing boundaries, advocating for ourselves, and demanding fair treatment. It gives us the courage and confidence to take risks, express our ideas, and pursue our goals. It supports us in bouncing back from setbacks, defending our worth, and continuing forward with determination thereby instilling resilience. Our ego contributes to our sense of individuality and purpose, helping us define who we are thereby building our unique identity. When nurtured mindfully, the ego becomes a reliable companion - quietly fueling our growth and helping us stand tall without stepping on others.

Of course, there are certain downsides to having an inflated ego or not having an ego at all. Having a healthy balance is key. An unchecked or inflated ego can be destructive. When ego swells beyond self-confidence, it can breed superiority and insensitivity resulting in arrogance. An oversized ego often resists feedback and fears vulnerability, limiting growth and connection. Remember, there is a very thin line between being arrogant and rigid and being confident, and people often forget this. Ego-driven pride can push others away and hinder collaboration, resulting in isolation, especially when you fail or going through tough times. Also, the complete absence of ego can be equally problematic. Without ego, we may struggle with asserting ourselves or recognizing our value resulting in the feeling of low self-worth. A diminished ego can make us insecure and overly reliant on external validation. The ego helps define identity and purpose; without it, we may feel lost or aimless. Therefore, finding the middle path is the key.

Rather than demonizing or denying the ego, we can aim to understand it and work with it. Self-awareness is the key. Recognize when your ego is helping you rise and when it might be getting in the way. Be assertive but not aggressive, understand that being polite doesn't mean being weak. Practice humility, not by diminishing yourself, but by knowing your worth without needing to prove it constantly. Ultimately, our relationship with the ego is lifelong. It's not about defeating it but learning to listen to it, challenge it, and sometimes even thank it.

Thank you for reading, and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved. Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

How to deal with a busy and chaotic mind?

Our brain is one of the most complex organs developed by nature. We are still trying to explore various ways through which our brain functions, with the help of incredible work from many scientists and other experts we could solve some mysteries about the way our mind works and we are still working to solve many others. One unique feature of our brains is that at any given moment countless thoughts compete to flood our brains. It's like an ocean of thoughts with countless waves rising and falling every second. Some of them become big storms and overwhelm us, the more we try to resist, the more they persist. Many times, it's not easy to deal with our busy mind, especially when it starts dishing out difficult emotions like fear, shame, guilt, inferiority, and anger, just to name a few. Some of us turn to medications and some to various techniques like meditation with the hope that it may help us to control our minds. Sometimes we are successful but many times we don't get any respite. How to deal with a busy and chaotic mind? Is it possible to control our thoughts? Can meditation help and is that the only or best option? If yes, how much? There are many questions like these that come to our mind whenever we get overwhelmed due to its overactivity.

Meditation can be one of the ways to deal with a busy and chaotic mind. One common perception people have about meditation is that it's all about controlling our minds and thoughts. While meditating people try really hard to resist their thoughts. We think mental peace means a thoughtless and clear mind. However, as per my experience meditation is not about controlling your flow of thoughts but about learning the skill of observing them objectively. Most of our problems are not because of the nature of thoughts that come to our mind but because of the way we react to them. We need to learn to control our reactions, thoughts are bound to come to our mind, many times, randomly, and we may or may not have any control over them. Remember, the more we resist, the more it persists. However, we can control our reactions to our thoughts, this is how I approach meditation and it helps. I suggest whoever is struggling to see any positive results from their meditation practice try this approach. I hope meditation trainers and practitioners also take into consideration the idea that one does not have to control their mind while meditating. Controlling our flow of thoughts is like trying to capture air or water in our fists, we might be able to do it for a while but it's going to slip away eventually. Our brain never stops thinking, as long as we are alive. 

The benefit of this approach is that slowly we train our minds to be objective about our own thoughts and learn to pause before taking any action based on the uncontrollable flow of thoughts. This training of the mind is the key because we cannot be in a continuous state of meditation, therefore, if we do not train our mind how to react (or not to react) then we may face the same issues once we finish our meditation session. Meditation is supposed to provide benefits beyond our meditation sessions not just during those sessions. The aim is not just to have mental peace and calmness during the meditation session but to extend that calmness to the rest of our day, therefore, during the meditation our mind needs to be engaged and not disengaged. The engagement should be passive because the aim is not to react but to observe the thought process. A peaceful mind is not a thoughtless mind, but it is a mind that is at peace in spite of many thoughts in it as it has learned how to observe them and allow these thoughts to flow without getting affected by it. It is not easy, but that's why not everyone succeeds in getting benefits from meditation, the reasons for success or failure may lie in the approach they take. Also, there are many ways and methods of meditation, we should try as many as we can and choose whichever suits our lifestyle and needs.    

Remember, meditation is not medication, it's not a pill that will show an instant effect and offer immediate relief. Meditation is like a game, you win some and lose some, but to win the game you need to play it first, if you don't play you don't win. It is also important to give our 100% and enjoy the play, then only our chances of winning increase. If we play any game for the sake of winning without enjoying the game, it won't benefit us whether we win or lose, the same is true for meditation, jump into it only when you are ready to enjoy the process, and the results will follow eventually. Also, keep in mind that medication and meditation are not mutually exclusive, they are not either-or options, one can select both and benefit from both options. Many people commit this mistake and reject the other path thinking they cannot go together. Medication is an important option, it should be on the top of our list and must be given the respect it deserves, it can do wonders and change lives, but we can ignore it only at our own peril. 

There are many ways available to deal with a busy and chaotic mind, consider all options, and choose whichever suits you best, there is no one-size-fits-all solution for our mental health. Find your path and follow it sincerely. Good mental health is not a destination but a lifelong journey, enjoy the journey without worrying about the destination because there is no destination, all the very best. 

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.