Marital rape is also a RAPE - these victims also need justice

While listening to a discussion on NDTV about the criminalization of marital rape, I was appalled to listen to the stories of two women who had suffered tremendous physical and mental torture at the hands of their so-called husbands. The worst part is that sexual abuse within marriage is not a criminal offense. Only the cruelty involved in it can be challenged in court. So, nonconsensual marital sex (marital rape) cannot be challenged, but if there is some physical abuse or torture then it can be challenged in court. So, rapes happening in the bedrooms of married couples are not considered a criminal offense, rather, it is considered an internal matter between husband and wife, they need to sort it out among themselves together or with the help of someone else but not the court. This might sound stupid, ironical, backward, and highly patriarchal but this is what it is, and many men and women have to deal with this legal sexual abuse and exploitation. So, if a husband forces his wife to have sex with him against her will (or vice versa) it is not considered rape, because society as well as the current law thinks that in a sacred marriage, the husband, as a man, has the right to demand sexual services from his wife, and she must provide it willingly or unwillingly. Marriage is considered sacred or holy in many societies and India is also one of them, so, everything associated with it also becomes sacred and holy, even rape, therefore, marital rape is not a criminal offense as it is sacred. What an amazing logic our lawmakers have to justify this nonsense. I think we should be happy that at least the cruelty is criminalized. These abusive partners can be booked at least for physical abuse even though conveniently sexual abuse is excluded. Surprisingly this is all happening even after the presence of staggering data to prove that marital rapes are very common. The strange thing is that no one is even denying that they don't happen, but we just can't criminalize it because it is part of the sacred marriage system.

Many people also argue that if we criminalize marital rape then that law can be misused like anti-dowry law. This objection is reasonable, as there are many cases where anti-dowry law has been misused to trouble and torture families for a variety of reasons. However, this is true with any other law, almost every law is being misused. Even well-intended laws like the Protection of civil rights act, defamation act, and Harijan Act are also misused by many people for selfish purposes. Also, many policies like reservation are misused by many people, but this doesn't mean that we should not have any laws or policies to tackle problems like dowry, social justice, or rape. The data also shows that these laws and policies also benefited many people who would not have gotten justice in the absence of such laws. So, there is no doubt that these laws had a positive effect on our societies, but at the same time, more work is needed to stop their misuse. Getting rid of them completely is not an option. Marriage does not mean that a person has the right to exploit their partner sexually, there should be freedom to say yes and no like we have in any other relationship. Marriage is a human-made institution, there is nothing sacred or holy in it. It is a legal bond between two people that can be terminated by law. Forceful sexual act against any person's consent is a rape no matter if it is within or outside the realm of marriage. 

Abuse, injustice, or suppression in the name of culture, tradition, or religion is not new in our society. Our civilization has witnessed various autocracies committed under these names for ages and the same thing is happening even today. This is why statements like "marriage is sacred in India, so marital rape does not apply in India" are being made. They show the patriarchal mindset of society, the mindset that assumes that demanding sex within marriage is the right of a man, and if he doesn't get it then he has the right to forcefully get it. 

I am glad to see that these things are at least being discussed in Indian society. Marriage is not a license for nonconsensual sex. Sex is indeed an important part of married life but rape is not part of it. If partners are not happy with their sexual life then they should go for counseling or get separated if they can not match each other's expectations. As women will get more empowered in society they are bound to demand fair treatment from the law and marital rape will be criminalized today or tomorrow. This lame justification of marriages being made in heaven or being sacred won't stand its ground for long, whatever is criminal is criminal no matter who does it, rape is rape whether in a bedroom of a married couple or on the bus it doesn't matter. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Marriage Sacred in India, So 'Marital Rape' Does Not Apply: Government
2. Marital Rape: Eyes Wide Shut?

Nagaland mob lynching: an unacceptable act of public violence

A very disturbing event happened a few days back in Nagaland. An angry mob of around 7 or 8 thousand people attacked Dimapur Central Jail, they dragged a rape accused out of jail, paraded that person naked, and then beat him to death. Many people participated and witnessed this mob lynching incident. Many were also seen recording this event or taking photos of the dead person to post on social media. This mob didn't stop after killing the accused, they displayed his body at the local clock tower supposedly to teach a lesson to all people who commit such type of crimes. Many people shared this incident with gruesome photos to justify the punishment offered to the accused and demanded that only this type of punishment deter people from committing such crimes. I have seen many people advocating punishments like public hanging or public torture till death as ways of teaching a lesson to criminals, they all feel that such punishments will serve as deterrents and stop such crimes. 

Frustrated and misguided people taking the law into their own hands is always a dangerous sign for any society. A lawless society is a dangerous place to live and there are so many reasons why any society might choose to use such desperate means to deliver what they think is speedy justice. In India, the ridiculously lengthy and slow process of delivering justice in each and every case is one of the major reasons why people don't have faith in the police and judiciary. I guess everyone will agree that heinous crimes like rape and murder need speedy trials and strict punishments so that they can create fear in the minds of perpetrators of such crimes. The slow and tedious process of justice with many loopholes that allow criminals to escape the law or delay the process indefinitely puts victims in a very disadvantageous position. Victims of rape especially suffer a long and agonizing journey to get justice from such a severely impaired judiciary of India and one must include investigating agencies also in this. We all know that justice delayed means justice denied and when it becomes a chronic problem people start losing their faith in the system. The result is that people take the law into their own hands and there is a jungle raj. Unfortunately, none of the state or national governments tried to do anything substantial to correct this problem. Judicial or police reforms are not even a topic of discussion during any state or national elections. Sexual violence is such a serious issue but it hardly gets the attention it deserves in any political or social forum in India. Everyone knows that rapes happen very frequently and many rapists escape the law using muscle, power, money, or influence. This problem is not going to disappear on its own, there is no point in pushing the issue under the carpet. It is also wrong to assume that this is only a women's issue. Sexual violence is as much a men's issue as it is women's as both of them are involved either as victims or perpetrators. 

Any incident like this is a result of a serious failure of government machinery at various levels. I don't think that any such violent act can be justified by using any logic or reasoning, it is totally unacceptable behavior. Public lynching of any accused or convict is not a way to deliver justice in any civilized society. There is a system to deliver justice and execute punishments. I hope this acts as an eye-opener for all concerned agencies dealing with law and order in India. They need to create a sense of trust in people's minds that justice and investigating machinery are fair and efficient. They need to provide proof by their actions that these systems are working for people to solve their issues and problems not to exploit their helplessness. If victims of any crime get all the required support from all these departments they won't be at the mercy of mobs to protest and demand justice for them. Why do these departments only get active after huge protests or nationwide outrage after any rape or murder? Why do some case gets really shoddy handling which results in the acquittal of all accused just because they belong to some powerful or influential families? Such incidents create a serious dent in the credibility of all these departments and create fertile ground for violent and desperate reactions from people. Let's hope that this incident doesn't inspire people from other places to use similar methods to deliver their own justice, if this happens it will be a catastrophic situation at every level and I hope the concerned authorities are aware of it. This act of public lynching is unacceptable and so is the inability of the justice system to deliver timely resolution to heinous crimes like rape and murder.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Mob drags alleged rapist out of jail in Nagaland, thrashes him to death

Bhanwari Devi - a national icon and great inspiration

Two years ago on 16th December, a horrific incident of rape and murder happened in India's capital New Delhi. The brutality of the crime shook the entire nation, people were angry and frustrated about the regular occurrence of such crimes and the delay in delivering justice. This anger and nationwide protests forced the administration to deliver the judgment in a timely fashion in this particular case, but still, many victims are still waiting for justice for the crime that changed their lives. After going through the trauma of sexual abuse these victims have to relive that horror every time they go to court and come back without any solace. Our society and this system have to step up to end this trauma of these people. 

This post is not about that incident but about a brave woman Bhanwari Devi who not only survived one such assault but also fought against the culprits, against the system that failed to deliver justice to her. She is still bravely fighting her battle and waiting for justice to be delivered. Nandita Das's movie Bawander is based on the story of her life, it is worth a watch if anyone wants to know her story. She faced many hurdles during her fight for justice, not only the criminals who committed this act were from the upper caste but they were also politically very powerful which helped them to manipulate the police as well as the judiciary. But this brave lady didn't lose her courage and hope, she didn't even leave the village no matter how much they taunted her and tortured her family with social boycotts. Her argument was, if she didn't do any wrong why should she be the one to suffer. It was not she who did anything shameful so why she should leave the village, why she should feel guilty? All who know how the caste system in villages works and the various roles it plays in politics can understand how much courage and conviction are required to fight against these things. In many villages, women are not even allowed to step outside the home or village unless it is for some work or medical treatment, so one can imagine how much resistance Bhanwari Devi must have faced to even register a case against the culprits who raped her. People like her don't get much national attention or recognition as their stories carry very limited use for media and politicians. No political party is interested in taking up such issues as caste dynamics is an integral part of the politics for all parties. They don't look at criminals just as criminals but their religion or caste also becomes very important as it can mess up their political equations depending on which religion or caste the victim belongs and which religion or caste the perpetrator belongs. So, each political party bases its reactions based on its political calculations related to caste and religion. This is disgusting but it happens all the time and so far no political party tried to break away from this pattern. Unfortunately, the victims of such heinous crimes have to face the brunt of all this mess. First, they suffer at the hands of criminals who commit the crime, and then at the hands of the system which fails to deliver justice to them.

I don't know how long Bhanwari Devi and people like her have to wait to get justice from this system. I am glad to see that she still has faith in this system and waiting patiently for it to deliver what it promises to every Indian (speedy and fair justice). She is a great example of courage and determination. She showed that if you are not at fault no need to feel any guilt or shame or run away avoid taunts or be scared of social torture. But not everyone who goes through this has courage and patience like her, for them, the system needs to step up. The story of her fight is a great inspiration for all of us. Bhanwari Devi is definitely a national icon, our politicians and justice systems need to learn something from her.  

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:

1. 'I have to hide my face in public, the man who raped me roams free'

2. http://selfrealization-vinay.blogspot.com/2012/12/yes-we-all-are-guilty.html

Why is this collective silence?

Very disturbing news of gang rape and murder of two sisters after almost one and half years of Damini incident has made me realize that nothing has changed so far. I wrote a post after Damini's case (Nirbhaya, these are not her real names to protect her identity). Now, I am writing another post after this incident. I am as disturbed as I was after reading the news about the brutal rape and murder of Nirbhaya. Yes, the first incident was in Delhi this is in some small village of UP, the chief ministers of both states are different, and they belong to different political parties; in the center also that time there was the government of UPA now it is NDA but apart from that nothing has changed. Then also a few fanatic men brutally raped and killed a girl this time two innocent girls were brutally raped and killed. WHY? What was their mistake? Why does our administration consistently fail to protect its citizens and act swiftly when any such crime happens? There was a huge uproar and widespread protests to support Nirbhaya and her fight for justice, why there is collective silence about this case?

Now as this news is reported in the media, few arrests will be made, few policemen will be suspended for lack of swift action, the blame game will start, the center govt will blame the state govt, the state will blame the police, and political parties will criticize each other to take political mileage from this heinous incident. A usual circus will be performed. This circus will go on for a few days like a ritual which they do after every such incident. Then people, government, and political parties will forget about this incident as if it never happened. Administration and government will become complacent until the next incident when this circus will happen once again. During Nirbhaya's case, there was widespread protest all over the country, and this forced the administration to take some steps not only to solve that case but also to reduce the suffering and humiliation of rape victims. Amir Khan's TV show Satyamev Jayate telecasted one episode related to this issue which offered many good suggestions to deal with this issue. How many of those suggestions were implemented or even seriously discussed? What is the reason for this collective silence? Is the frequent occurrence of such incidents numbed our sensitivities so much that now any such news doesn't surprise or shock us anymore? Have we become immune to such incidents? Many questions like this come to my mind when I see the insensitivity of current and past administrations toward such incidents. 

I can understand that there is a new government at the center and for the past few days there was celebration time for BJP and its allies for their impressive victory in general elections. Because of all this media has many more things to report. They are trying to report each and every step the new government is taking, which is good, people should be informed about the actions and plans of their government but was this news not important enough? Doesn't such incidents indicate the ugly reality of our society that needs urgent attention? How many more boys and girls need to die like this until this issue becomes as important as Article 370 or reservations or educational qualification of some minister? I don't know what will it take to make sexual violence a major national issue? Does the place of incident matter in such cases? Whether it's Delhi or Badaun the seriousness and cruelty of crime are the same, so they should get the same response and same treatment from administration and people. 

Incidents like this are not only about rape or murder, they are about caste, the attitude of the administration towards their citizens, efficiency, and accountability of the administration, and society's views towards such crimes. These issues involve many such aspects and at each level, we have some serious problems, that is the reason these incidents happen so frequently. The major problem is society's attitude towards women. Men who feel they are superior to women as well as women who think they are inferior to men need to realize basic faults in their thinking, they both need to understand the concept of gender equality. I hope talk of equality and women empowerment doesn't only remain on paper or in discussion forums, political parties and ruling governments show will and courage to implement policies that can make this happen in reality. We must raise our voices from whatever forum we can, blogs, FB, Twitter, protests, or whatever. Make the government realize that we are serious about such crimes and need very swift and appropriate action from the government. Criminals need to get punishment at least to show that no one can get away from crimes like these. Legal action will be the first step in this direction and then we also need many social and political reforms to remove gender bias which still exists in our society. I hope that I don't have to write another post on any such incident again. It's not easy to read about these things. Silence is not an option. Let's not wait for another Nirbhaya to die or another Badaun to happen, let's raise our voices against any such incident no matter where it happens and who is the victim.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:

1. Sisters Killed After Alleged Gang-Rape In UP

2. Outrage over gang rape, murder of cousins in U.P. village

3. Yes, We all are guilty..

Is there any way to reduce rape and sexual abuse incidents?

The recent brutal rape case of a young girl in the Indian capital New Delhi has sparked huge debate and discussions in social media, the Indian parliament, and newspapers. People from various sections of society offered many suggestions about how to put a brake on these types of crimes, what type of punishment might help to prevent these types of incidents, and how to deal with the criminals who commit such heinous crimes. Suggestions cover a very wide spectrum. Some say capital punishment is the only right punishment for such crimes; some say hang them in public so that others won't dare to commit such crimes; some say no trial directly hang them or shoot them; some say castrate these males so that they won't be able to engage in any such acts in future even if they want to; some say women should be more careful with what they wear, where they go and how they conduct themselves. There are many suggestions like this. By just surfing the net and one can find many passionate posts that are very critical about India's law and order situation, politicians, government and blame them for this situation and crimes.

No doubt that it's the government's responsibility to protect its citizens from antisocial elements and make them feel safe to carry out their day-to-day activities without any fear. These types of incidents definitely shake the confidence of the residents in their government's ability to protect their interests. Unfortunately what we are seeing this time from the government's side is not very promising. They are trying to play the blame game. They are trying to suppress protests and are not willing to take any substantial steps toward finding a solution for these types of problems. This is very sad but this is what is happening. Another issue is as a society what are we doing to protect our people? How are we training women and men to tackle these types of issues? What do they think about each other? How women are projected in mainstream media and movies? How are they treated in their families? All these are very important questions and somehow directly or indirectly related to the question that why these types of crimes happen in our society?

Rape is not only about sex. If it is only a question of sexual desire then there are so many ways to satisfy that desire legally, without harming any person, or at least by using means which won't involve any violence. Then why do people choose this route? Rape does involve sexual acts but it's not a voluntary sexual encounter between two people. Sex is an integral part of love between adult couples but rape is pure violence, it involves violence, not sex. It's not only about lust or sexual desire but it's like hunting, damaging, or crushing a person physically and mentally. It's a very brutal act and that's why it demands very strict punishment. There is no age limit for rape victims they range from young kids to old women, it can happen in homes, bedrooms, moving buses, cars, and almost anywhere. It seems no place is a safe place nowadays.  The people who commit rape are definitely not normal people, for sure they have some psychological issues. They are not fit to roam in society freely, and they need treatment, as well as punishment.

I don't think capital punishment or hanging these rapists in public will reduce this crime. Already these types of punishments are practiced in some countries, and the situation of women is really pathetic in most of these countries. There is capital punishment for murder but that doesn't stop many from committing a murder. Rather this approach of capital punishment for all rapes might backfire and might increase incidents of  murder of rape victims. Many rapists kill their victims in the hope that they won't be caught because there won't be any evidence, so, I think that capital punishment may not be a very efficient way to stop this crime. Hanging rapists in public or torturing them in front of the public are very gruesome and inhuman acts for any democratic country and most probably these punishments will produce the same result as normal capital punishment. In most of sexual abuse cases, the offender is male or group of males (in case of gang rape), then why not make them incapable of committing this type of crime again and keep them imprisoned? We have modern medical techniques and methods available to do this, so why not use them? It will be a less gruesome and more effective punishment and there is a very high possibility that this fear of losing their so-called manhood might deter others from committing this crime.

Along with this punishment social and economic independence of women is very important. They should get equal respect and fair treatment in their own families. Boys and girls should be treated equally. Girls should not be considered soft targets for sexual abuse. We need to start sex education so young kids know what is proper and improper contact, what can be considered sexual harassment, and what is not. This type of education and training should be an integral part of the high school curriculum and this training should be mandatory at all workplaces. The solution to this problem is not so straightforward, the problem is very complicated so it should be tackled at multiple levels. We should utilize all the resources that we have in our hands to tackle this issue. It might take a long time but we should start working towards it as soon as possible. We already waited too long and should not delay any longer.

Let's start by changing our attitude towards women and let's start this change from ourselves, from our own families. If we can at least change our family's attitude then only we can dream of changing society or the whole world. The government also needs to step up, they have a very important role to play in this whole process. Lawmakers should show the courage to take the necessary steps to tackle these issues. Huge protests and widespread public outcry clearly show that people are fed up with just hollow words and fake promises they need some solid actions. People need a responsible and accountable administration that can respond to their demands and understand their needs and I don't think this is too much to ask from any government in any democratic country.

Thanks for reading and please share your views about this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)  

Stop bullying - it's a social evil

Recently, Amanda Todd, a Canadian girl committed suicide after relentless bullying on the internet and in her schools. A life lost for no reason. She was just 16 years old and this is not the first death, that resulted because of bullying. How serious is this issue of bullying? How to deal with it? As parents, what role we can play in helping our kids deal with bullying? There are many questions like this and this recent tragedy has brought the issue of bullying in the limelight and there is a lot of discussion going on about this topic in the media and online forums. Because of the widespread use of the internet, there is this big issue of cyberbullying. Physical as well as mental bullying (especially via the internet) both are very dangerous and affect many kids (or even adults), shattering their confidence, making them feel unwanted, and in extreme cases life is lost. 

The first thing we can do is wherever we see bullying we should speak up and try our best to stop it. Often people try to ignore it because they feel it's not their business to interfere in others' personal matters. But bullying is not a personal matter. It's a crime and we should not hesitate to tackle it wherever we come across it. It's a social evil and just because most kids are involved in this it should not be taken lightly. Many think that it's part of student life and to some extent it's true but the question is if students don't realize when they cross the limit and something like suicide results because of this then there is some big problem for sure. This problem has been there for years and keeps on coming up for debates and discussions whenever some tragedy like this happens but it never really got seriously addressed. In some form or other, it always persisted. People can get bullied for so many reasons, their looks, the way they dress, religion, race, color, sexual orientation, etc. Some people make some mistakes in their lives and bullies try to take advantage of those mistakes to bully them (blackmailing is also a type of bullying).

We need to educate kids on how to handle any form of bullying, they need to be emotionally strong and confident to confront bullies. We need to discuss these issues regularly with them and provide all emotional support. People make mistakes in their life, some time mess up big time but everyone needs a second chance. There are rules and laws to punish criminals but no one has the right to trouble or torture anyone for some of their mistakes or just because they are different than the majority, that's wrong. Both kids who bully others and get bullied need training and counseling. We should make them understand that people have different tastes and choices and we need to respect each other and give space. We need to be more tolerant towards each other. These are simple and very basic things that we can teach our kids to make them better citizens of this world. We try to teach them many things to make them devoted Christians or Muslims or Hindus but don't make much effort to make them better and responsible citizens of this world, we need to start doing this. Parents and teachers need to play a key role to solve this type of problem, it's our collective responsibility. We all need to spread the message of love, which is the greatest quality of human beings. Hate and violence only spread negative energy and emotions. I hope people try to understand each other before judging and feel love and kindness towards each other rather than hate. We need to realize that we all are different but still can live together and this is the fun part of being human, this understanding will alone help us to fight this monster of hate and violence.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing) 

Further reading:

1. Mom and Dad -- Do You Have Five Minutes?