Guddu and Vinay

Having a nickname used to be a common thing in our neighborhood. Rarely anyone was addressed by their actual or official name, that is, the name of their school certificate. I also had a nickname "Guddu." My entire neighborhood, my family, and other relatives knew me by this name, many of these people didn't even know my real name, Vinay. Many of these people still know and address me as Guddu. But in my school, college, and beyond life, I am known as Vinay, very few from this circle even know my nickname. When I look back, I find it interesting how Guddu and Vinay were two different versions of the same person and how I struggled to find any common ground between these versions. Somehow Guddu was more like a boy from the hood, living in an underprivileged neighborhood, a chawl, roaming and playing with kids that belonged to the same underprivileged socio-economic background, and who was very comfortable in clothes like lungi and banyan, I even used to play cricket wearing a lungi. On the other hand, Vinay was more like a school-going, intelligent, studious guy, whose college friends never or rarely visited the place where he lived. I think I consciously tried to shield my neighborhood and nickname from my more privileged friends for many years until I realized that my own insecurities and self-doubts were the reasons behind it, most of my friends never cared about where I came from or what was my nickname. Since then, my identities merged, Guddu is no more different than Vinay, and I don't mind which name people use to refer to me, for my chawl, I am still Guddu, and the rest of the world knows me as Vinay. This may not be a very interesting topic for many, but I decided to write about it as I know that there might be many like me who struggle with their identities when they enter into a more privileged world. If you are one such person, please remember that people who really love you and care about you, do this for who you are, this is irrespective of your background, social and economic status, or your name. If they don't want to associate with you because of where you come then it is better to stay away from such people. Embrace your identity and be proud of yourself for what you are, we don't need any borrowed or concealed identity to get accepted. Let's create our own space with our own terms and conditions, this is a simple message I want to convey in this short post. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Reminiscing and overthinking

Who doesn't like to make a well-informed decision? Since the internet invaded our lives, we have most of the information we need available on our phones and laptops. This has its own pros and cons. Because of all the information at our disposal, we are more prone to ruminate (or reminisce) and overthink more than our ancestors used to do. Reminiscing and overthinking are two different mental processes that often get confused with each other because both involve thinking about past events, but they differ significantly in their purpose, focus, and impact on our mental health.

While reminiscing, we recall and reflect on past experiences or relationships. We try to analyze them and gain some perspective from our past experiences. Often, this is a healthy and normal process that helps us to make sense of our behavior and lives, gain some perspective, and derive meaning from our past experiences. Reminiscing if done occasionally, is typically a positive and nostalgic experience that can bring us joy, comfort, and a sense of connection to our past. It can be triggered by various stimuli, such as a song, a smell, a photo, a letter, a thing (souvenir), or a conversation. It can lead to positive emotions such as happiness, gratitude, and contentment. At the same time, if we ruminate only about negative experiences like trauma or tragedy, it can also increase our anxiety and deteriorate our mental health. Depending on what is the trigger, reminiscing can be an extremely rewarding or frustrating experience.

On the other hand, overthinking refers to the tendency to obsessively ruminate on past events or worry excessively about the future. It is a negative and counterproductive process that can lead to anxiety, stress, and even depression. Overthinking rarely involves any positive thoughts, it often involves dwelling on negative thoughts or feelings, such as deep regrets, mistakes, fears, loss, or uncertainties. It can lead to a cycle of self-doubt, second guesses about decisions already made, and can lead to a cycle of self-doubt and self-criticism. It can also be triggered by various factors such as a traumatic event, difficult decisions, buyer's remorse, or any other challenging situation. It can result in negative emotions such as sadness, guilt, self-doubt, and shame.

So, how to differentiate between them. Overthinking and reminiscing both involve ruminating about past events. One way to differentiate between them is to look at their purpose and focus. While reminiscing is focused on gaining insights, wisdom, and positive emotions from our past experiences; overthinking is focused on avoiding or fixing negative outcomes and is often driven by fear of failure, rejection, or loss. Reminiscing helps us to appreciate the good things that have happened in our lives and learn from the challenges we face. In contrast, overthinking leads to a cycle of worry and self-doubt that can be hard to break. Another way to differentiate them is to look at their impact on our mental health. Reminiscing is generally a positive and beneficial process that can improve mood, boost our self-esteem, make us feel good and nostalgic about the past, and enhance our social and personal connections. It can also help us to cope with stress, anxiety, and depression by providing us a sense of continuity and stability in our lives. In contrast, overthinking is generally a negative and harmful process that can worsen our mood, lower our self-esteem, increase self-doubt, and damage our relationships. It can also lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, insomnia, and fatigue. Reminiscing is focused on appreciation and learning, whereas overthinking is focused on avoidance and fixing. These are two distinct mental processes that we confuse, but it is important to differentiate them as they differ in their purpose, focus, and impact on our mental health.

Can we avoid overthinking and just stick to the positive aspects of reminiscing? No, it is not possible, otherwise, our brain would have adapted to do that to avoid self-harm. All we can do is understand the difference between them and try to cultivate a healthier and more balanced relationship with both processes. It will help us to improve our focus on our past by learning to focus on the positive and let go of the negative. It's not easy as we often fall into the trap of overthinking, and as I already mentioned, we are more prone now as we have so much information fed to us. Nowadays, even the simple process of booking an airline ticket or a hotel reservation can be mind-boggling. Try to reminisce about good memories of the past and avoid falling into the trap of overthinking. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Gender equality and parenting

Parenting is a tough job. Ask any parent living in a nuclear family, and they will attest to how demanding this job is. Not only it's a 24/7 responsibility, but it is also a job where you yourself may become the biggest critic of your own performance. The job has become more challenging as families have become nuclear. In joint families, due to the presence of extra human power, there was more help and advice available for parents. It not only made their job physically less demanding but also reduced anxiety related to making mistakes as there used to be an ample dose of unsolicited parental advice. However, this is not to comment that joint families are any better than nuclear families or vice versa. Whether people want to live with their parents or siblings is entirely a personal choice, there are pros and cons for both arrangements, but the reality is that the world is moving towards a nuclear family structure. 

Another important aspect of today's parenting is increased gender equality compared to the parenting methods of the past. Even though it is true that our society is still heavily influenced by patriarchy, we have made tremendous progress toward gender equality, and today's parents practice a much more gender-neutral parenting approach compared to the parents of my generation. This has added challenges for parents like me who have to play a balancing act of challenging our own parent's values and beliefs while defending our gender-balanced approach to parenting. Let me accept that gender-equal parenting is not easy, especially when you come from a heavily gender-biased and patriarchal culture. People around you not only question your methods but also question your intelligence and sanity. It would have been fine if the questioning stopped at you, but it doesn't. These people question your kids, comment on their behavior, and taunt them for living a life with a different set of values than what the gender-biased society commands. In the beginning, this is worrisome and it puts a lot of pressure on parents. They question their own judgments. It is easier to subscribe to traditions and cultures than to question them, that's why most don't try to question them. Parents who dare to take a different path face a lot of uncertainty as there is no example within their own family or community that can assure them that their approach will work. Such parents often ask themselves, whether it is worth putting their kids through this and expect that the kids will be able to defend their values and remain committed to gender equality or cave into the pressures of patriarchy and family pressure. 

Despite all these anxieties and challenges, I feel gender-balanced or gender-neutral parenting is worth a shot. I don't regret it. Yes, the challenges are there, but the satisfaction that you did not become a hurdle in the life of your own child because of their gender trumps all challenges and uncertainties. Also, in this process, your own children teach you a lot about subtle gender discrimination that still remains within us. It is not always a pleasant experience to get exposed to our own biases and prejudices, especially, when we try hard to eliminate them, but it is necessary if you want to improve as a human being. If you are thinking about challenging gender stereotypes within your own family, culture, or society, please go for it, you may face many hurdles, but you won't regret your efforts.      

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

©Vinay Thakur,  Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Old and beautiful

Getting old is a privilege. Not everyone gets an opportunity to get old and live a fulfilling life. Of course, aging causes many changes to our bodies and minds. Our looks change, we don't look the same as we used to during our younger age, and our health also starts getting affected depending on how much attention we pay to it. We may become more fragile and forgetful, and no matter how careful we are our health may not be the same as it was in our twenties, and we may suffer some personal losses as older people around us die. This may make us more aware of our mortality. While this can be a very daunting realization, it can also act as a powerful motivator to do things that we like and live our lives to the fullest. Our increasing age can encourage us to take more risks and pursue our dreams, knowing that time is precious and not to be wasted.

Getting old offers some more privileges. We have a chance to use our acquired knowledge and wisdom for the benefit of our society. Through a lifetime of experience, we learn valuable lessons about how to navigate the world, and we can share this with others so that they benefit from our experience. If we keep our minds open, we develop a better and deeper understanding of ourselves and others and become better equipped to handle life's challenges. Passing on this wisdom to our younger generation can be a great source of satisfaction and fulfillment.  Many of us spend our younger years rushing from one thing to another, working like crazy to establish ourselves, always striving for success and accomplishment. Depending on our social and family background our struggles take very different paths, and many of us have to charter unknown paths to establish ourselves. But as we age, we learn to appreciate simple things in life and spend some quality time with our loved ones. As we age, we can also try to give back to our communities by volunteering, mentoring young people, or working toward causes we care about. For many, the realization that simple things in life can bring the greatest possible joy can be the biggest privilege of getting old. This sense of purpose and self-realization can be incredibly rewarding and can help us stay engaged and connected to others.

Old age also comes with different looks. Actually, we are supposed to look different at every stage of life, that's a natural process. As we grow old, we are supposed to become more comfortable in our skin. However, with constant brainwashing and stereotyping, most of us have been convinced that looking old is not cool. Most of us are convinced that we should consistently look younger than our age until we die, and looking old means looking sick or weak or whatever but not beautiful. This taboo associated with looking old has forced many to conceal their old-age looks. Especially, women are targeted for aging-related medical or cosmetic procedures. Because of all this, people go for cosmetic surgery or use medications to look younger than their actual age. I am not against using makeup or the desire to look beautiful, but I am against the notion that old is not beautiful and only the young can be beautiful. If this is not stereotyping age-related looks then I wonder what it is. People don't hesitate to display their wealth, knowledge, or heritage but they shy away from showing their age when there is nothing as natural as aging. So, be old and beautiful, and be comfortable about your own age and looks, after all, the world is moving towards more natural food, a natural way of living, then, why not more natural looks. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Take a break

We all struggle to find free time in today's fast-paced world. Now with the added dimension of the work-from-home option in our professional life, it is easy to fall into the trap of constant productivity and busyness. With the advent of social media, everyone seems to be happy and rich. We often feel pressure to work long hours, take on additional work, and always be available to others so that others are happy with us and we keep our good professional standing as many things in our life depend on it. In all this, we neglect one thing, "taking a break," even though we all know that it is necessary to take a break regularly for our overall well-being and productivity. 

Many of us know that taking a break is necessary for us to recharge and renew our energy, but we fail to practice this in our daily lives. When we are constantly working or doing anything without a break (like binge-watching TV shows), our physical and mental energy levels get depleted. This can lead to burnout, stress, and even physical health problems such as fatigue, anxiety, headaches, and insomnia. Energy drinks, tea, coffee, or any other stimulants can help a little but they can add their own complexity and it is best to avoid getting dependent on any stimulant. A regular break from our routine work gives our bodies and minds a chance to rest and recover, it allows us to return to work with renewed energy and focus. 

Taking a break can improve our creativity and problem-solving abilities. It may sound like a stretch, but think about it. When we are constantly working on any given task, our minds can become stagnant and saturated, making it difficult to come up with new ideas or solutions thus hampering our creativity. A simple occasional break allows us to step back from the problem and approach it from a different angle, a fresh mind can lead to fresh insights and creative solutions. There is another unintended benefit of taking a break, it can improve our relationships with others. When we are constantly working, or are busy with some personal stuff, we may unintentionally ignore and neglect our relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. Taking a break allows us to spend time with our loved ones. It allows us to participate in more social activities, catch up with the lives of others, and build stronger and mutually rewarding relationships with those around us. This can lead to a sense of connection, belonging, and fulfillment that can improve our overall well-being. I don't think everyone appreciates this aspect of taking a break, but I feel this is one of the important benefits that is often ignored.

Taking a break also improves our overall productivity and well-being. While it may seem counterintuitive, taking regular breaks can actually help us to get more done in less time. Working continuously for long periods is not always the most efficient way to finish a task, it often leads to fatigue and stagnation. By taking regular breaks, we can avoid burnout, maintain our energy levels, and maintain our creativity. This often leads to a more productive outcome by increasing our focus and allowing us to accomplish more in less time. Therefore, taking regular breaks is essential for our overall well-being and productivity. Please take a break. Allow yourself to rest and recharge. This will improve your physical as well as mental health. It will also improve your creativity and strengthen your relationships. Take a break. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com