Depression is real and it hurts, let's talk about it

Recently I watched this very interesting discussion on NDTV where famous Hindi movie actress Deepika Padukone and her mom discussed the problem of depression that Deepika faced very recently. In this discussion, they touched on various topics associated with mental health, including the huge stigma or taboo associated with discussing such issues openly in many societies. The stigma associated with any type of mental issues is so huge that not only society but the families and many times people themselves who suffer from such problems refuse to accept that there is any such problem and as a result, many people suffer silently. Depression is not uncommon, it is more common than we think. Most of us have to deal with it at some stage of our lives. I think depression and anxiety are two of the most common mental health issues that almost every one of us goes through the only difference is to what extent they affect our day-to-day life. Many of us live our entire lives trying to battle with these problems, we are so scared about what people might think about us that we don't even mention these issues to anyone, not even our close ones.

I think we need to accept one thing first, mental health-related issues like depression and anxiety are common, and they affect many people, so, it is better to acknowledge this and talk about them without any reservations. Today's high-pressure, fast, and somewhat isolated lifestyle has made all of us more prone to face these issues. It is not that people from previous generations never faced any such problems but maybe they never had proper platforms to discuss and debate any such issues, fortunately, we have such platforms and we should make good use of them. When I was in India I always thought that having a mental health issue meant something very shameful and one should try as much as possible to hide these things, this is what I was taught. I have seen many families (including my own) trying to hide any such issues even from people within the family because they think that if people know about this thing their family will get a bad reputation and society might look differently to all members of their family. This fear and concern is often reaffirmed by the very negative attitude of society towards mental health-related issues.  

Without proper knowledge of any issue, it is very dangerous to react just based on some common perceptions, this is what happens all the time in this case. Mental health issues are like any other health issue, people facing such issues need the same type of attention, support, and medical care that others facing any nonmental health problem. We don't consider people having flu or cold or cancer or diabetes or high blood pressure weird and crazy, we don't socially boycott them. We don't treat them with contempt or act like something is wrong with them, so, why do many of us react differently when we see someone who is going through depression or panic attacks or some other mental health issue? First of all, we need to remove this stigma, this is the biggest hurdle in dealing with this issue. Let's accept that we all (or most of us) face some degree of mental health issues, therefore, we all need to work towards getting rid of this stigma which has done more harm than good for our society. Sooner we learn to talk about mental health-related issues without any bias or prejudice better for all of us. Mental health issues are real and people suffering from it don't need prejudice, stigmatization, or sympathy. They need everyone's support, acceptance, and unbiased medical as well as social treatment. Let's hope that we as a society can come out of our own mental weakness and learn to accept that mental health issues are like other health issues, there is nothing special or weird about them.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. 'I Felt Empty And Directionless': Deepika Padukone on Her Battle With Depression
2. Read The Heart-Wrenching Open Letter To Deepika Padukone

Hashimpura Massacre case - Justice delayed as well as denied

I read about this gruesome incident very recently when the court verdict on this case was delivered after a long agonizing wait of 27 years. The Hashimpura massacre happened on 22nd May 1987, when 42 Muslims were brutally massacred by police during communal riots. It was the Congress party government in power back then, that government and all the subsequent governments did nothing to pursue this case seriously so that the culprits are punished. Rather, they all tried each and every method to protect the culprits and the ultimate result of all this was that the court acquitted all sixteen Uttar Pradesh police officers who were accused in this case. So even after a long agonizing and painful wait for justice relatives of victims and survivors received a tight slap on their face from our judiciary, investigating agencies, and all political parties who claim to care about these victims. It seems no one killed those 42 people, that massacre happened on its own. If this is not a sad and pathetic state of affairs, then I wonder what it is? And please make no mistake of assuming that there is some particular political party that is to blame for this shameful episode, all of them are equally involved in sabotaging this investigation and protecting the culprits.

The scariest part of any riot is when police start taking sides based on the identities of the people involved in it. Police are supposed to be impartial and perform their duties of protecting citizens of their state. It is always dangerous for any state when its police force or investigating agencies become communal or racial. When they start taking sides then one side is bound to face some dire consequences irrespective of what they have done, and this is what we see in this case. Police turned their guns on those innocent people whom they were supposed to protect. The justice system should have been more diligent when one of its departments is accused of committing a serious crime like murder, but it failed miserably. Also, this is not the only case that failed to deliver justice to victims, there are quite a few cases like this some of them were not even reached to court, and they were not even reported in the media. This is such a horrible record of human rights violations. When political parties (in power as well as in opposition) and investigating agencies form an illegitimate alliance then no court can punish culprits as it won't have enough evidence to punish the culprits. In this particular case, no political party whether in power or in opposition bothered to pursue this matter seriously. Most of India was not even aware that any such massacre happened, it was ignored to that extent.

There is no point in playing the blame game here, it is a useless exercise, and it only benefits political parties. They just love to play the blame game, it happened in the 1984 riots case and the 2002 Godhra riots case both were covered widely by national and international media. Most culprits, especially state employees (policemen and politicians) accused in such cases are released for the lack of evidence. This is terribly sad and shameful but this is the bitter reality. Even after so many people get killed for no fault of theirs no one gets punished for these heinous acts. Where is the justice and where is the law? I don't think there will be huge public outrage like it was in the case of Jessica Lal murder case. Unfortunately, such massacres fail to generate widespread public sympathy as people react based on who got killed by whom. Nowadays, people choose their sides based on their own religion and this really makes me feel sick. Many also justify such killings directly or indirectly just because people who got killed didn't belong to their own religion. I hope someday we all learn to respect every human life irrespective of their age, gender, race, or religion. Until that day, we have to bear the pain and frustrations of reading about such incidents and the failure of our entire political class to do something to control such incidents. I hope families of victims and all survivors of such tragedies get some type of closure so that they can forget these horrific incidents and move on with their lives.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. क्यों हार गया हाशिमपुरा?
2. A Young Muslim's Take On Hashimpura, The Forgotten Massacre
3. Hashimpura killings: 10 of those freed still in UP Police

The importance of simplicity in my life

It is said that simplicity is a virtue, and many of us also believe that we are living a simple life. People loved the simplicity of Mahatma Gandhi, the way he dressed, the way he lived, and the way he presented himself. He is perceived as one of the icons of simplicity in real life. I am personally not a big fan of lavish or exuberant lifestyles, I prefer simplicity, but I don't do it just for the sake of showing it off but I really like it as a way of life. Let me say in the beginning that this is going to be a very personal post, I will be talking a lot about myself, so, anyone who is not interested in reading about my life should feel free not to read this post. Simplicity can be defined by different people differently and here I am discussing my interpretation of it.

I remember reading a comment about Gandhi's lifestyle, "it costs a great deal of money to keep Gandhi living in poverty." This statement may or may not be true, and I am not very sure about the intention of the person who said it. But it is also a fact that simplicity is more appreciated or noticed more when it is practiced by people who can afford to live lavish or exuberant lives. So, the simple lifestyle of celebrities or business tycoons or any famous person is appreciated more than the simple life of some common person who is not well known. The simplicity of life which poor people are forced to practice is not something we talk about as we know that they don't have any other choice. I do recognize that Gandhi really believed in simplicity and his life is a great example of that, I am also one of the people who are greatly influenced by some of his thoughts. But in today's world, it is not easy to live that type of life unless you really believe in it. I am telling this from my personal experience. In today's world of consumerism and aggressive advertisement, where markets and corporations dictate almost everything in our lives, it is not easy to escape the force of consumerism. Today we live in a world where everything is judged by perception created by many alternate realities. Aggressive and attractive advertising creates many different perceptions about many things in people's minds. People are told what it means to be happy, how to live a perfect life, what it means to be beautiful, and so on. People all over the world are literally bombarded with messages where others tell them how to live their lives. This is how we get attached to a particular brand or crave only a particular model of phone, car, or clothing. It is not easy to escape this, these advertisements are designed to be very effective and are based on a lot of research about human psychology and data based on how the human mind works and responds to different stimuli. Slowly but steadily we start believing in these ideas. We start thinking about what these institutions want us to think. Having our own car becomes a need but not a luxury, going on a family vacation is considered a basic element of a happy family life, and owning our own home becomes a social necessity it is not enough just to have a reasonable comfortable accommodation. These are just a few examples I am citing to give an idea about the point of how we are slowly brainwashed by different elements of society. Many perceptions like these become an integral part of our lives and we start judging the world around us based on these standards prescribed to us by the market. 

I come from a very humble background, and my parents really worked hard to keep us afloat. They immigrated from their home state to a totally new state with a different culture and language in search of a better life. They tried their best to provide us with everything and I believe they did a great job within their own limitations. They wanted their kids not to face the same struggles and problems that they faced in their lives. For us, there was no other option than living a very simple life as we couldn't afford anything more, so, for us back then, simplicity didn't seem like a virtue but it felt like a forced thing, a bad joke by destiny on us. But slowly as I read more and as I matured as an adult I realized that it can be a virtue and can be a purposely chosen way of life, since then I decided to live as simple a life as possible, simple in terms of thinking and simple in terms of living within my own limits. It was a very conscious decision which was influenced by some great people about whom I read that time. I also understand that everyone can make their own definition of simplicity. Simplicity can differ from person to person. Therefore, let me make it clear that whatever I am talking about here is my interpretation of simplicity, my own definition of what I think is simple, others can define simplicity based on their own experiences. At the same time, I must also clarify that I don't judge people by their choice of lifestyle. According to me, everyone has the right to choose how to live their own life, it is a matter of personal choice. I totally understand that everyone's needs are different and we all have the right to pursue what we think is best for us. So, my advocacy of simple life should not be taken as criticism or condemnation for any other type of lifestyle. 

As I said, it is easy to live a simple life when you don't have any choice. Back in the days when I used to tell people that I liked this simple way of living and would try to live like this even if my financial situation changed, very few people believed me. Most of them thought that I was advocating simplicity just because I was forced to live that type of life because of our financial situation. It was the same when people didn't believe me when I talked about gender equality. They all said to me that I was talking about this just because I didn't have a daughter and that my thinking would change once I had a daughter of my own. Fortunately, our first child is a daughter and I still believe in gender equality. So far, I managed to hold on to my core beliefs but the truth is things can change any time. I am writing this based on where I stand today and what I believe today, one can argue that there is no guarantee that things will remain the same in the future and I totally acknowledge this concern. But things like equality, simplicity, freedom of expression, and kindness are very important to me and I value them immensely. People around me also help me by giving their continuous feedback which keeps me on track. I love my choice and I hope everyone gets to live the type of life they want, after all, happiness and success are all about the freedom to make our own choices. Simplicity is my choice, what is yours?

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Nagaland mob lynching: an unacceptable act of public violence

A very disturbing event happened a few days back in Nagaland. An angry mob of around 7 or 8 thousand people attacked Dimapur Central Jail, they dragged a rape accused out of jail, paraded that person naked, and then beat him to death. Many people participated and witnessed this mob lynching incident. Many were also seen recording this event or taking photos of the dead person to post on social media. This mob didn't stop after killing the accused, they displayed his body at the local clock tower supposedly to teach a lesson to all people who commit such type of crimes. Many people shared this incident with gruesome photos to justify the punishment offered to the accused and demanded that only this type of punishment deter people from committing such crimes. I have seen many people advocating punishments like public hanging or public torture till death as ways of teaching a lesson to criminals, they all feel that such punishments will serve as deterrents and stop such crimes. 

Frustrated and misguided people taking the law into their own hands is always a dangerous sign for any society. A lawless society is a dangerous place to live and there are so many reasons why any society might choose to use such desperate means to deliver what they think is speedy justice. In India, the ridiculously lengthy and slow process of delivering justice in each and every case is one of the major reasons why people don't have faith in the police and judiciary. I guess everyone will agree that heinous crimes like rape and murder need speedy trials and strict punishments so that they can create fear in the minds of perpetrators of such crimes. The slow and tedious process of justice with many loopholes that allow criminals to escape the law or delay the process indefinitely puts victims in a very disadvantageous position. Victims of rape especially suffer a long and agonizing journey to get justice from such a severely impaired judiciary of India and one must include investigating agencies also in this. We all know that justice delayed means justice denied and when it becomes a chronic problem people start losing their faith in the system. The result is that people take the law into their own hands and there is a jungle raj. Unfortunately, none of the state or national governments tried to do anything substantial to correct this problem. Judicial or police reforms are not even a topic of discussion during any state or national elections. Sexual violence is such a serious issue but it hardly gets the attention it deserves in any political or social forum in India. Everyone knows that rapes happen very frequently and many rapists escape the law using muscle, power, money, or influence. This problem is not going to disappear on its own, there is no point in pushing the issue under the carpet. It is also wrong to assume that this is only a women's issue. Sexual violence is as much a men's issue as it is women's as both of them are involved either as victims or perpetrators. 

Any incident like this is a result of a serious failure of government machinery at various levels. I don't think that any such violent act can be justified by using any logic or reasoning, it is totally unacceptable behavior. Public lynching of any accused or convict is not a way to deliver justice in any civilized society. There is a system to deliver justice and execute punishments. I hope this acts as an eye-opener for all concerned agencies dealing with law and order in India. They need to create a sense of trust in people's minds that justice and investigating machinery are fair and efficient. They need to provide proof by their actions that these systems are working for people to solve their issues and problems not to exploit their helplessness. If victims of any crime get all the required support from all these departments they won't be at the mercy of mobs to protest and demand justice for them. Why do these departments only get active after huge protests or nationwide outrage after any rape or murder? Why do some case gets really shoddy handling which results in the acquittal of all accused just because they belong to some powerful or influential families? Such incidents create a serious dent in the credibility of all these departments and create fertile ground for violent and desperate reactions from people. Let's hope that this incident doesn't inspire people from other places to use similar methods to deliver their own justice, if this happens it will be a catastrophic situation at every level and I hope the concerned authorities are aware of it. This act of public lynching is unacceptable and so is the inability of the justice system to deliver timely resolution to heinous crimes like rape and murder.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Mob drags alleged rapist out of jail in Nagaland, thrashes him to death

We should also practice emotional hygiene

A few days back, I came across this amazing talk by Dr. Guy Winch on TED based on practicing emotional hygiene like we practice physical hygiene. I loved the way he presented this great idea of the need to practice emotional hygiene. We all pay a lot of attention to our physical hygiene, we try to keep our body and surroundings as clean as possible because we know that if we don't do this, then it might cause some kind of illness. But we rarely pay that much attention to our emotional hygiene. We all go through different types of emotions every day of our lives, some of them are good some of them are bad for us. Some of them make us happy and encourage us to do better but some of them make us sad and might affect us negatively. We all also consciously or unconsciously develop our own methods to deal with all these emotions that affect us. We all know that happiness and sadness are part of our lives, no feeling or situation is permanent but still, sometimes we struggle to deal with some negative thoughts and feel overwhelmed by some situations. A cluttered mind can always cause some problems and that is why I think the suggestions offered in Dr. Winch's talk are so relevant.

No matter what we do most of us can't avoid getting affected by different emotions, even while watching a movie or reading some book we get affected by situations presented in them and get emotionally attached to the characters of the story. Humans are emotional, actually, all animals are emotional to some extent but humans know how to display it in a much better way and that's why we get affected by it more than any other species around us. This is why it becomes extremely important to practice emotional hygiene. Lingering on with any emotion doesn't help. The only thing that is constant in life is change and we all know it but most of us struggle to practice this in real life. I have a very bad habit of thinking too much about small things and I am constantly working towards getting rid of this habit. I know it is not easy to get rid of some habits, but we must, especially if it is affecting our day-to-day behavior. I personally understand the importance of practicing emotional hygiene and that is why this talk impressed me so much. In this talk, Dr. Winch explains the importance of emotional hygiene by citing some examples from his own life that's why I encourage readers to listen to this talk. We all should understand that emotions are not going to go anywhere, they are going to be integral parts of our lives so we need to get better at dealing with all types of emotions. Many times, we have no control over the situations in life that we face (like the loss of some near and dear ones), but we can control the way we react to these situations and this is where our capacity to practice emotional hygiene comes into play. I know that it is not easy, but it is necessary. The wrong way of dealing with emotions can land us in serious psychological issues and they can affect our personal and professional lives considerably. So, it is better to be aware of these things rather than being ignorant and suffer without even knowing why are we suffering. I feel this talk will give people some insight into their own emotional health and being aware of emotional hygiene is better than not knowing about it. Please listen to this talk and start working on your emotional hygiene.

 Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. http://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene

"India's Daughter" is not an insult to India but an eye opener

I managed to watch BBC's documentary film 'India's Daughter' as it might be soon withdrawn from YouTube as the Indian government has raised objections over this film and wants to ban its telecast all over the world. They are trying their best to pull this film from the internet so that no one can watch it because they think it is a conspiracy by some foreigners to defame India all over the world. Somehow the current central government of India thinks that this documentary shows India and Indians in a bad light, and they drew these conclusions without even watching the documentary. Actually, this documentary doesn't reveal anything which is not already known to many people around the world. Also, it would be wrong to assume that this documentary is only representative of the mindset which only prevails in Indian society, some things might be India specific but in general it should be seen as a harsh reality of gender bias prevalent in most parts of the world. This bias might manifest in different ways, and the methods and techniques might differ but I don't think that anyone can deny that gender bias still exists in many parts of the world and is a serious social issue even today. 

It seems that many ministers from the current central government of India are unhappy after watching only some parts of this documentary. They are especially upset to know that there is an interview with convicted rapist where he expresses his views about rape and is seen blaming the victims for whatever happens to them. No doubt that these things are disgusting to watch but the ugly truth is that there are many who think like this, I have heard similar statements made by many people I know, and each time I feel disgusted but the bitter reality is that even today some people think like this. Views similar to that rapist are echoed by some politicians of India and also in other parts of the world. Gender bias is a stark reality. The documentary tries to show a mirror to our society but it seems when some people don't like what they see in the mirror they want to break the mirror rather than try to work on changing the image. This is an escapist mindset that likes to live in continuous denial mode by either denying the reality or shooting the messenger when a bitter truth is revealed. Such people like to push inconvinient or sensitive issues under the carpet, they want to ignore it purposely and expect that people may forget or get used to the problem. Unless we courageously admit that the problem exists and we all are responsible for it we are not going to move an inch in the direction of solving it. One can have differences of opinion about the contents of the documentary, and one can question why rapist interview is there. One can definitely ask such questions or even disagree with the message that this film wants to propagate, but it is necessary to face the bitter truth that this documentary conveys.

As far as banning the documentary is concerned it is another pathetic decision to ban something without even watching it or having any reasonable discussion over it. According to me, only people who even remotely think like the rapist in the documentary will demand to ban it. Only people who sympathize with that rapist's mindset will feel threatened that they will get exposed and that's why demand a ban on it. Only people who don't want to expose filthy mindset of some people about women would like to ban it. Only those who want to live in denial mode as if these things don't happen around us will worry more about tourism in India rather than worrying about sexual assault incidents which happen on a daily basis. There is nothing anti-India in this documentary, actually, the documentary is not at all about India it is about the issue of sexual harassment and the attitude of some men towards women in our society. People are free to like or dislike it, it is their choice. Rape or sexual harassment is a global problem, if any incident in India or any protest in India is helping to highlight this issue or helping to create awareness about this problem why would anyone have an objection to that? Anyone who cares about this issue should watch this film. If anyhow you find that you sympathize with any of the thoughts expressed by some misogynist men in this documentary, then it's time to ban those thoughts from your mind not this documentary.

 Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUvlwmIfyx0

The blog is now three years old

Wow, I can't believe that it is already three years since I started this amazing journey of sharing my thoughts with all of you. In the beginning, I didn't know what will be the path and how long will I manage to do this as I had no prior experience of writing. But there is no doubt this journey is a very rewarding and fulfilling experience for me. During this journey, encouragement and feedback from my readers helped me a lot to grow as a person. I wrote on many social, political, and personal issues, and I tried to cover almost each and every subject that felt relevant to me. A few old posts still keep on getting more comments and discussion is still going on some of those topics, especially topics related to Chanakya's controversial views about women and the issue of taboo associated with menstruation generated a lot of attention. I am glad that more and more people are becoming interested in these important topics and they are feeling confident in sharing their opinions about these issues. Most of the issues that we debate or discuss on this blog are quite complicated, many of them have been persistent in our societies for ages. We all know that there is no easy and quick solution for these things. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try. It is not the task of any one individual to solve these problems or create awareness about these things, we all need to do this work collectively then only we can expect to see any change. Expressing our opinion or raising our objections whenever we see some unjustified bias or injustice is very important for all of us. The technological revolution of the 21st century has provided us with many easily available platforms to raise our voices and share our opinions, we all need to make good use of this opportunity to tackle major social, personal, or political issues.

This year the frequency of posts might reduce a little bit, because of many other important things that need my personal attention. I know that the blog anniversary is not that of a big deal, it is like any other day and I am not a person who believes in celebrating birthdays or anniversaries, but this journey is very unique and rewarding for me and that is why I want to acknowledge the support of all my readers on this occasion. I am sure that we all will continue to work towards solving many of these social problems to the best of our capacity. I am extremely thankful for all your comments, whether positive or negative all comments encouraged me to continue my blogging journey and I thank you all for that from the bottom of my heart. Please keep on sharing your opinions, and remember that speaking up and raising questions is very important. Happy reading and keep asking questions.

 Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]