Is honesty subjective?

We hear people often using the phrases "honestly, I believed it was true," or "honestly, I did not think it would hurt anyone," and things like that. Does it mean that honesty is subjective? Does it also mean that just because we honestly think something is okay we are not subject to harsh criticisms that may follow our actions following that honest perception? These are interesting questions to ponder, especially in the current age of social media where almost everyone is either expressing their opinion or getting influenced by someone's opinion.

The concept of honesty is often perceived as a fundamental principle that transcends individual beliefs and cultural norms. It seems that honesty is objective and can be verified or evaluated based on independent criteria. However, upon closer examination, one finds that honesty can be subjective, and influenced by various factors such as personal values, social and cultural norms, and situational contexts. At its core, honesty entails truthfulness, sincerity, and transparency in communication and actions. It involves adhering to verified facts and expressing oneself in a genuine and straightforward manner. While these principles may seem universal and straightforward, the interpretations and applications are not that simple, and they vary from one person to another. While truthfulness is easy, people can believe in wrong things and still claim to be honest, and there is a difference between honesty and accuracy. Whereas truthfulness is easy, sincerity and transparency are two aspects that require some work. Whenever we say or do something based on the information received without verifying that information or fact-checking with independent sources, we are not being completely honest. Just believing something to be true without verifying it and not disclosing the source of it does not make our actions honest as we are not being sincere and transparent. Sincerity is not just a mental state, it also requires some actions on our part, we must critically evaluate and verify all information on which we base our actions. Without sincerity and transparency, every rumor and conspiracy theory spreader will claim that they are being honest.

One reason for the subjectivity of honesty lies in the diversity of human experiences and perspectives. Each one of us carries a unique set of values, beliefs, and life experiences that shape our understanding. They shape our understanding of truth and falsehood. Diversity of human experiences creates a diversity of opinions, which is a healthy sign of any progressive society, at the same time, it also creates situations where what one person considers honest may not necessarily align with another's perspective, leading to differences in interpretation. Similarly, what may be considered acceptable or truthful in one culture or community may be viewed differently in another. Believing in wrong things stems from various factors such as misinformation, personal biases, cognitive distortions, or incomplete understanding of complex issues. However, in today's internet era, most of us who consume and share information have access to resources to verify and fact check, therefore, we are not being honest when we share blatantly false information and claim to be honestly believing it to be true.  

Honesty should reflect our integrity and sincerity in communication, it should reflect our commitment to be genuine and transparent in our communications. Yes, it cannot guarantee factual correctness, but it cannot be an excuse for sloppiness or a method to create alternate facts. In the end, despite the subjectivity surrounding honesty, it still remains a foundational principle in fostering trust, integrity, and meaningful relationships. While interpretations of honesty may vary, the underlying intention to uphold truthfulness, sincerity, and transparency is paramount. Recognizing the subjectivity in honesty allows for a deeper understanding of its complexities, it helps us to be empathetic and kind to each other. Striving to be honest, even in the face of conflicting perspectives or challenging circumstances, can ultimately lead to a greater understanding, respect, and authenticity in our actions with others.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

We are always a work in progress

Many of us strive for perfection. From our early childhoods, we are conditioned to be perfect, this is the reason being perfect in everything becomes a dream for many. We want to be perfect in our professional and personal lives, and if we are not, we want to create an illusion of perfectness by blaming everything around us for our imperfections. Cult following or personality worship is a syndrome resulting from the belief that just because someone is good at some of the skills they are the perfect people worthy of blind following. We are taught to hide imperfections, refuse to accept that we all make mistakes and must learn from them, and also hide our vulnerabilities, whereas, in reality, we are always work in progress. 

Humans are dynamic beings, our main characteristics are that we are constantly evolving and adapting to the ever-changing circumstances of life. Therefore, from the moment of birth to the final breath, each individual is a work in progress, shaped by our experiences, relationships, and many other factors. This perpetual state of development reflects the inherent complexity and impossibility of achieving perfection as there is always potential for transformation within any human condition. At every stage of life, humans undergo physical, emotional, and intellectual changes that contribute to their ongoing development. The speed with which these changes occur may differ from one stage of life to another, and from person to person, but one this is for sure, the change is happening, whether we like it or not. 

Childhood is a stage of rapid growth and discovery. We learn many new things and acquire essential skills, values, and beliefs. Adolescence brings the challenges of identity formation and self-discovery, we may question certain values and beliefs that we acquired during childhood, and this journey of self-discovery can be a challenging and rewarding experience as we transition from childhood to adulthood. Even in adulthood, the journey of self-improvement and personal evolution continues. We strive to pursue our passions and aspirations, and we face many obstacles and try to overcome them. Whether through education (this is not just academic learning but overall education), career advancements, or personal relationships, we constantly seek opportunities for learning, growth, and self-realization. This process of growth and development extends beyond the individual to encompass the collective human experience, each one of us is an element of society that drives this world. As societies progress and evolve, our values, norms, and institutions shape our behavior and expectations, they influence our interactions with each other, and our survival and progress depend on this evolution. Cultural, technological, and social changes influence the way individuals perceive themselves and their place in the world, prompting continual innovation and adaptation. This concept of humans as a work in progress emphasizes the potential for positive change and transformation for every individual no matter what age, gender, race, or ethnicity they belong. While each of us may face challenges, moments of uncertainty, failures, and setbacks, we also possess the capacity for resilience, creativity, and sell; improvement. Through introspection, reflection, and intentional action, we can cultivate our strengths, address our weaknesses, and strive to become improved versions of ourselves every day. We are also a work in progress as we are continuously learning the importance of empathy, compassion, and understanding our interactions with others. Recognizing that everyone is on their own journey of personal growth and development encourages patience, tolerance, and support for one another's struggles and successes. 

The notion that we are always a work in progress speaks to the inherent dynamism, resilience, and potential for growth within every individual at every stage of their life. Our improvement and evolution are not limited to any particular stage of our lives, rather they are continuous and end only when the individual life comes to a full stop. Embracing this perspective provides us with a sense of optimism, curiosity, and openness to our ongoing journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us embrace the process of growth and change with humility and a commitment to continual learning and improvement. All the very best! 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Movies, diaries, and books

Suppose anyone asks me apart from many amazing people who helped me during various stages of my life so far, what are the other three things that kept me motivated and helped me to go through rough phases of life, the answer is unequivocally movies, diaries, and books. Here, movies include movie songs, especially Hindi movie songs. As a kid growing up in a pre-internet and cable TV era, movies, books, radio, and tape recorders were the only available modes of entertainment and I cherished all of them. 

For me, movies and music are integrated as I grew up watching movies with multiple songs. I do not understand and follow classical Indian music, I do not think classical music even tried to penetrate certain economic classes in India, it was never catered to people like me and I never bothered about it. Music was film songs for me, Hindi and Marathi film songs. Radio was the primary medium on which I listened to songs for most of my childhood, there used to be some programs like Chitrahar, Chhayageet, and Rangoli on the Indian National TV channel Doordarshan, but they were weekly programs and only 30 minutes long with 6-7 songs, so, radio, especially "Vividh Bharati" was my primary source of music. We could buy a second-hand tape recorder when I was in high school and that was one of the happiest moments of my life as this gave me the ability to listen to songs of my choice whenever I wanted. With radio, you are at the mercy of radio programs and have to listen to whatever songs they play during their programs which follow a specific time schedule. But radio played a huge role as their collection of songs was much bigger than the audio cassettes I could buy. Many movie songs that I listened to during that period are still my favorite songs, I still listen to them and feel the same emotions.

As far as books are concerned, I was fortunate to be born in a city with free or very cheap libraries with a great collection of Marathi books. These books opened new horizons for my heavily conditioned mind. Books allowed me to meet with people who were beyond my personal and social reach, they exposed me to new ideas and questions, they challenged my beliefs, and faith, and exposed me to struggles others faced and how they overcame it. It was through books I learned about independent women who challenged patriarchal and misogynist values. Books provided me the courage and conviction that I lacked due to the lack of any suitable idols around me to challenge regressive traditions and culture. Books provided me with the conviction that my doubts and questions were not wrong or crazy, they helped me to find answers to my questions and then, posed new questions for me, some of which I am still trying to find an answer to. Books allowed me to chart my own path, they provided me tools to think but I never considered any book as the ultimate gospel of truth. Books taught me that everything can be questioned, and I never stopped questioning since then.

I started writing a diary during my teenage years. Some of those diaries I still have and I lost some of them. But whatever I have is good enough to provide glimpses of my past. My diaries allow me to look at my old self and see how things changed. They show me how my thinking has evolved and as a result of that how I evolved as a person. They tell me about my dreams, concerns, and insecurities at different stages of life. They provide me an opportunity to revisit certain parts of my life, sometimes I read them and that era unfolds in front of my eyes like a movie. I don't think it would have been possible without my diaries.

My love affair with movies, books, and my diaries still continues, they add unique flavor and dimensions to my life and personality. My house is full of books, many of which I plan to read and I keep on adding to that collection, it doesn't matter whether I read them all or not, but having them around me fills me with hope and desire to know more. My diaries provide me a unique window into my past, they show me my state of mind, remind me about different people I met at different junctures of my life, and provide me perspective of some of the incidents that shaped me. And finally, movies and movie songs still entertain and educate me. I hope everyone finds some anchors like this that help them to self-educate, entertain, and add new dimensions to their lives. There is nothing better than challenging our own views and ideas and correcting them if they are found to be wrong and outdated. Stagnant ideas and cultures get contaminated and eventually stink like stagnant water, so, keep on updating your knowledge. There is no single book or movie that has all the knowledge or entertainment, you need multiple sources and keep on updating continuously as knowledge continuously changes and improves. I found my way to keep myself updated through books and movies, I hope you will find yours. All the very best.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Can money buy happiness?

Money is important for everyone. This is not because money has certain inherent health benefits like some vitamins or other essential dietary components that we need, but because of the way our society is structured. We have decided to make money not only a currency but an essential commodity for survival in society. Even though everyone agrees that money is important, this one question is difficult to answer: Can money buy happiness?

My answer is "maybe," it all depends on what that person wants from their life. The relationship between money and happiness is complex and that's why it is often debated. Money can definitely contribute to certain aspects of happiness, such as financial security, physical comfort, and most importantly access to power and resources, however, its ability to directly buy happiness is limited and conditional and it varies from person to person. 

On one hand, having an adequate income can alleviate financial stress, provide for basic needs and other desires, and offer avenues for personal and social enjoyment and fulfillment. It can also enable individuals to pursue their passions, indulge in experiences, and enjoy certain standards of living that enhance their overall well-being. Also, financial stability can contribute to peace of mind, reduce anxiety and uncertainty about the future, and enable a person to help others. However, the pursuit of wealth has its own pitfalls and comes with its own problems. The pursuit of wealth and material possessions as a means to happiness can come at the cost of personal time, resulting in strained relationships, added stress and anxiety, and total dependency on that source of money. The research has shown that beyond a certain threshold, additional money does not necessarily lead to a proportional increase in happiness. This threshold can differ from person to person, but once basic needs are met, factors such as social connections, purposeful work, and personal growth become more significant determinants of happiness and financial wealth alone. Sometimes, the relentless pursuit of money can lead to a sense of emptiness, as individuals may find themselves trapped in a cycle of consumption and comparison, always chasing after the next possession or achievement in search of fulfillment. Unless inherited, wealth needs to be earned, and this pursuit of wealth can come at the expense of other important aspects of life such as health, leisure time, and quality relationships. Many people already complain about the long working hours they spend to accumulate wealth which leads to stress and burnout and neglect of one's physical and emotional wellbeing. The problem is even after knowing all this, people can't stop chasing money as they are trapped in the cycle of consumption and comparison.  

So, the point is, money can do a lot of things for you and it really depends on an individual and their priorities and situations if money can buy happiness for them or not. There was a time in my life when every issue and problem was related to money and I used to think only money could resolve all the issues, this was true for that particular phase, but not every phase of life is the same, our questions change and so the answers also change. Money can contribute to certain aspects of happiness, but true well-being and fulfillment stem from a multifaceted approach that encompasses various dimensions of life including the money dimension. Apart from money, cultivating meaningful relationships, pursuing passions and interests, contributing to the community, spreading kindness and love, and nurturing a sense of purpose are all essential components of a fulfilling life. True happiness arises from a holistic approach and money can be an integral part of this approach. One needs to decide how much and to what extent money is important for them and act accordingly. As individuals, we need to strike a balance between our financial well-being and the pursuit of happiness in a broader sense. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Mistakes and failures

Mistakes and failures are the two things that no one can avoid, they are intrinsic aspects of human experience. No matter how hard we try, we are going to have a fair share of our mistakes and failures, they are unavoidable in the journey of growth, learning, and achievement. They play a vital role in shaping our character, refining our skills, and pushing us towards success. The problem is not that we commit mistakes and face failures, but when we fail to learn lessons from them. Every setback is an opportunity to learn, and every failure is an opportunity to restart with a fresh mindset and energy. However, most of the time we fail to capitalize on these opportunities because we don't consider them as opportunities.

Mistakes are unavoidable for so many reasons, but mainly due to errors in judgment, lapses in attention, or simply due to the unpredictability and randomness of life itself. From minor mishaps to more significant blunders, mistakes provide opportunities for reflection, correction, and improvement. Mistakes can serve as valuable teachers, offering lessons in humility, resilience, and adaptability. They may also provide us with some regrets that can help us to become better human beings. Embracing mistakes and learning lessons from them is a part of the learning process that allows us to approach challenges with curiosity and openness, rather than fear of failure.

Failures also are an inevitable part of the human experience. They represent setbacks, disappointments, or shortcomings in our endeavors and pursuits. Sometimes, mistakes may result in failure, but this is not required, we may fail for so many reasons and without committing any mistake. Whether it is failing short of a goal, experiencing rejection, or facing adversity, failure can be a painful and humbling experience. However, like mistakes, it also offers valuable insights into our strengths, weaknesses, and areas of growth. By reframing failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block, we can harness its transformative power to fuel perseverance, innovation, and personal development. As a scientist, I know how important it is to learn from failures and capitalize on every failed experiment. 

Both mistakes and failures remind us of our humanity and inherent fallibility, and our capacity for resilience. They challenge us to confront our limitations and push past our comfort zones and strive for our goals despite hurdles and setbacks. More importantly, they foster empathy and compassion, as we recognize that everyone experiences missteps and setbacks on their journey to their success. To use them constructively we need to learn to embrace mistakes and failures not as signs of inadequacy, but as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. We also should not hesitate to seek help if we feel unsettled by them. With self-help or external help, we can reframe our perspective and adopt a growth mindset that can help to approach challenges with courage, persistence, and optimism. Rather than fearing them, we can view them as necessary stepping stones on the path to realizing our full potential.

Any culture or institution that only punishes mistakes and failures and only rewards success hinders personal growth. Mistakes and failures are as important as success in our lives. By embracing all of them with humility and resilience, we can transform setbacks into opportunities and valuable lessons. Let us embrace mistakes and failures as catalysts for personal and professional growth, recognizing their essential role in shaping our journey toward fulfillment and exploring our full potential.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

The cost of being nice

We see many people around us who are successful and admired despite being nasty to people around them. We know about bosses who are admired even though it is known that they perpetuate a toxic work culture. We know politicians who are admired even though they propagate hateful politics and divisiveness. Even movies with toxic, misogynistic, and brutal central characters become blockbusters. What does all this mean? What does it say about our society and culture when people relate to such toxic characters and consider them charismatic characters?

It begs the question, is it so difficult to be nice or kind? If it is not that difficult then why aren't people nice to each other. First, why we should be nice? We should not be nice or kind only because we get something from it, that's fake and selfish behavior. Occasionally, it's okay to be nice to get something in return, but making this a habit undermines our authenticity. Niceness or kindness works best when it's genuine. Sometimes, my kids come to me frustrated and angry and ask me what they get for being nice and reasonable when no one seems to value these qualities. My answer to this question is simple, you aren't kind because someone should praise you for being kind, you are kind because you feel compassion and love, and it is not possible to be kind every time everywhere. 

While being nice can have many positives, there can be costs associated with prioritizing niceness in certain situations. It is impossible to be nice all the time, if you try to be nice all the time it comes with the cost of suppressing your true feelings, opinions, and needs. Being nice doesn't mean one should try to avoid each and every conflict, sometimes you need to be assertive to stand up for yourself and others. Suppression of authenticity is the cost you will pay if you try to be nice all the time, many times, it is not possible to win approval from everyone around you. Another common issue is boundary violations. People who try to be nice all the time fail to establish or assert their boundaries or struggle to say no to requests or demands from others. This can lead to overcommitment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of, as they may feel obligated to accommodate others at the expense of their own well-being. It is important to protect our boundaries, it is not the price we should pay for being nice. Therefore, constantly prioritizing niceness over genuine communication and self-care may contribute to feelings of resentment and stress. Sometimes being nice all the time may inadvertently enable negative behavior of others, we may come across as an insincere person or someone with a lack of assertiveness leading to misunderstandings and a lack of personal boundaries. All this can stifle our personal and professional growth. Without honest communication and feedback, we may struggle to identify the areas for improvement or opportunities for learning and development.

So, even though niceness can have many positives and is a desirable quality, it is important to recognize the potential costs and learn to strike a balance between niceness and authenticity. We must cultivate assertiveness, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care while being nice. Also, whether it is necessary to be nice depends on the context and individual values. Niceness is typically characterized by kindness, politeness, and consideration of others. It plays an important role in our social interactions, building relationships, and contributing to a harmonious community. Our small acts of kindness can brighten someone's day, alleviate stress, and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive environment. In a professional setting, it can enhance teamwork, productivity, and job satisfaction, fostering a positive organizational culture.  However, the expectation of being always nice is impractical and unreasonable as it conflicts with our authenticity. It is burdensome to suppress our feelings all the time to avoid confrontation or to maintain a facade of agreeableness. Therefore, we should be aware of situations where being nice can undermine genuine communication and hinder meaningful connections and act accordingly. It is natural to encounter moments of frustration, anger, or disagreement. Suppressing these motions can lead to internalized stress and emotional repression affecting our mental and emotional health.

Ultimately, while niceness has its merits, it is essential to strike a balance between our kindness and authenticity. This does not mean that being nice always comes at the cost of being authentic, but when it does, we should be able to judge those situations and act accordingly. Remember, genuine relationships thrive on honesty, mutual respect, and acceptance of each other's humanity, including movements of vulnerability and disagreement. By cultivating a culture of kindness while also honoring individual boundaries and authenticity, we can create a more compassionate and inclusive world. Let's work to build such a world, and let's start from our own surroundings first. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Difference between our mental health and emotional health

I have written several posts about different topics related to mental health and emotional health. Both are extremely important for improving our quality of life. People often confuse that mental health and emotional health are the same. Yes, they are related, but not the same. To have good emotional health you need to have good mental health, but just because you do not have mental health-related issues that doesn't mean your emotional health is also good. Social stigma associated with mental health still persists, we have made great progress, but we are still not where we should be as a society to appreciate the importance of mental and emotional health. This stigma hinders open and frank discussion about many topics related to trauma and personal struggles that many of us face in our day-to-day lives. 

Our mental and emotional health are crucial components of our overall well-being, yet they include distinct aspects of our psychological and emotional functioning. Understanding the difference between these two dimensions is important for fostering resilience, coping with challenges, and promoting holistic wellness. Our mental health includes issues related to depression, anxiety, and other chronic conditions like bipolar, ADHD, etc. It includes a broad range of cognitive, emotional, and psychological aspects that influence how we think, feel, and behave. It involves factors such as our ability to process information, solve problems, manage stress, and maintain a sense of purpose and belonging in life. Mental health is not only about the absence of any mental illness but it is about recognizing and appreciating diverse types of psychological experiences and challenges that we face in our daily life.

Our emotional health includes our mental health plus social and personal interactions, that is, it depends on how we react to our relationships and surroundings. It includes our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions effectively. It involves being conscious of our feelings, expressing them appropriately, and coping with our emotional challenges constructively. it includes aspects such as self-awareness, empathy, and the quality of our interpersonal relationships. Our relationships include our personal as well as professional relationships as work is becoming an important and integral part of people's lives. So, one can say that mental health is a foundation upon which emotional health is built. A strong foundation of mental health provides the cognitive and psychological resources needed to understand and manage our emotions effectively. Conversely, nurturing our emotional health contributes to overall mental well-being by enhancing resilience, building positive relationships, and promoting psychological balance.  Both mental health and emotional health are interconnected and mutually reinforcing, we cannot neglect one and expect that the other will help us out. A disruption in one dimension can often impact the other, this is why I am highlighting the importance of both. Maintaining both, mental and emotional health is essential for overall well-being and quality of life.

Our mental and emotional health are interconnected aspects of our overall well-being. Even though they are connected, they are not synonymous. Whenever we face any emotional challenges we need to address both aspects holistically, just focussing on one may help us temporarily but we must look into both aspects for permanent benefits. There are many useful practices such as mindfulness, self-care, therapy, and healthy and active lifestyle choices that can help to promote both dimensions resulting in improved resilience, greater fulfillment, and better overall well-being. By prioritizing both, our mental and emotional health we can cultivate the psychological resources needed to thrive and lead fulfilling lives.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Subtle sexism and patriarchy

Sexism and patriarchy are widely debated issues, they are insidious forces that permeate our society, often operating under the radar and manifesting in seemingly innocuous ways. I have written a few posts related to these issues. We may want to believe that our generation has really started questioning these practices, but debates about these things have been going on for decades in some form. Also, one cannot deny the significant progress that has been made toward gender equality in the last few decades years. In many societies, the situation is much better than it was just a few years ago.  

Even after all this progress, there is a long way to go. Sexism and patriarchy now exist in a very subtle and nuanced way in many societies, including developed nations like the United States. Unlike overt forms of discrimination, which are easily identifiable and condemned, every form of discrimination now exists in its subtle form. Subtle forms of sexism and patriarchy are more difficult to recognize and address, yet their impact can be equally damaging. It is possible to be sexiest without being hostile towards women, it is possible to be sexist even if you have a mother, wife, and daughters, just having female relatives doesn't give anyone the right to downplay their sexist and misogynist behaviors. Subtle sexism refers to the subtle, often unconscious biases, stereotypes, and microaggressions that perpetuate gender inequality. It can manifest in various forms, such as the gender pay gap, double standards in behavior and appearance, or the underrepresentation of women and other genders in leadership positions. Subtle sexism praises women, but only in certain contexts or for certain qualities such as kindness, patience, or motherhood. It predefines and confines a gender only to traditional gender roles. Some examples are, men not washing their own dishes, the stereotype that women are bad drivers, the tag of gold digger only used for women, and assuming that a successful woman must have used some other means to reach there whereas a man in a similar position reached there just on merit. These are just a few examples to show how gender discrimination still exists but only has shifted its means and manners. It is now more subtle and nuanced. These subtle biases reinforce gender roles and norms, perpetuating inequality and limiting opportunities for women to fully participate and thrive in society. On one side women are encouraged to take on new challenges but on the other side, they are forced to continue with their traditional gender roles making them shoulder additional burdens. And when they struggle or fail questioning the ability of the entire class. Note that when a man fails, just that man fails, no one stands up and questions whether men are qualified to do that task. But when a woman fails, she carries a burden of their gender, as many stand up and question the ability of every woman to do that task. 

Gender discrimination, misogyny, and sexism are legacies of patriarchy. Patriarchy refers to a social system in which men hold primary power and dominate in roles of political leadership, moral authority, social privilege, and control of property. While one may think that patriarchy is an outdated concept in today's progressive societies, its influence persists in subtle ways, shaping social structures, institutions, and cultural norms. On common example of the manifestation of patriarchy is the expectation that men should be assertive and dominant, while women should be nurturing and accommodating. Any man showing accomodating behaviors, especially towards women becomes a target of gossip and criticism even today. Patriarchy can also be seen in the disproportionate representation of men in positions of power and influence, such as corporate boardrooms, government offices, and media outlets. These subtle manifestations reinforce gender hierarchies and perpetuate inequality.

Addressing subtle sexism and patriarchy requires a collective effort to challenge ingrained biases, and sexist and misogynist cultural and religious practices, dismantle oppressive systems, and promote gender equality. This involves raising awareness of unconscious biases, advocating for policies that promote diversity and inclusion, and creating spaces where individuals of all genders, races, nationalities, or any other diversities can thrive and succeed on equal footing. We must recognize and confront subtle sexism and patriarchy, or for that matter any form of discrimination in all its forms. We must work towards building a more equitable and just society where everyone, regardless of gender or any other identity, has the opportunity to reach their full potential. It's a journey that requires ongoing reflection, education, and action to create meaningful chances. I am ready for this journey, are you ready?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

My Nani and feminism

Patriarchy is a default setting for all of us. We all are born in patriarchy, it is the system that has been prevalent in all cultures, societies, and countries for centuries. Generations have lived and are still living in social constructs dictated by patriarchy and there is a strong social, cultural, and religious culture that propagates it in various ways. We don't have to do anything special to propagate patriarchy, it exists around us, and we all become part of it as that's the culture we inherit in all societies. Individual families sometimes may differ somewhat and try to get rid of some regressive patriarchal traditions, but even those families live in societies that are patriarchal. The patriarchal mindset has been challenged by the gender equality movement, also called feminism, but this battle is still in its initial stages and there is a long way to go. Feminism has challenged gender discrimination at every level and in this process, it has also affected the dynamics of male-female relationships.  

I am a proud feminist. There are many instances that guided my path to becoming a feminist, the life of my Nani (maternal grandmother) is one of the major forces that made me a feminist. I have written a blog about her, it was written as a response to the comments I received for another blog about some objectionable phrases from a famous Gita translation. My nani lived her entire life in a small village named Rajapur in Uttar Pradesh, the most populated state in India. As it was a common practice back then she got married at a very early age, child marriage was a norm and it still exists in India no matter what are the laws against it. She became a widow within a few years of her marriage. Her husband (my Nana) died in a tragic boat accident in the river Ganga, this happened immediately after the birth of my mom, hence my mom is the only child of my Nani. This one unfortunate incident changed her entire life, it made her life colorless and companionless. She was not allowed to wear a colorful saree or have any makeup or any jewelry that a married woman was allowed to wear. No one even bothered to think that she should be given a second chance to restart her life with someone else and enjoy the simple pleasures of life that any married woman around her was enjoying. Rather, the entire society was okay with depriving her of all the simple pleasures of human life at such a young age. Nani was a brave lady, she survived, lived her life with grit and dignity, she created her own identity and raised my mom with the help of the joint family. People respected her and took care of her needs like food, clothes, and shelter, but no one went beyond that. As a grandson, I received tremendous love and pampering from her, she used to treat me and my two younger brothers like kings. Whenever we visited her, she was happy and ran after us making sure that we didn't face any troubles, as long as we stayed with her her entire life revolved around us. I have a retreat in my life that I could not reciprocate her love, she passed away in 1991 when I was just a teenager. I wish she could have survived to see me graduate from college and especially get my PhD, whenever I think about this I feel sad that she didn't live to see any of this. However, her life did make me realize unfair and brutal religious, social, and cultural practices that only targeted women. It made me realize how women are purposely suppressed so that society can exploit them. It is true that in Hinduism there are many female deities like Durga, Lakshmi, and Sarasvati, but just because society worships female gods does not mean it also respects females and treats them as equals. Just because her husband died my Nani couldn't live the life of her choice, she was not offered any choice, her choices went away with my Nana's death, but her presence in my life made me a feminist to make sure at least no one in my family will face a similar fate. As long as there are traces of patriarchy in our society, we need feminism, as long as there is a single woman whose choices are taken away due to misogynist religious and cultural practices, we need feminism. My Nani unknowingly made me a feminist. I am a proud feminist, are you?  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Have you built your own door for an opportunity to knock on it?

There are many opportunity knock quotes. It seems opportunity knocks on everyone's door and we are not supposed to miss that chance to respond to that knock as sometimes the opportunity knocks only once. Whether any opportunity knocks once, twice, or multiple times, it is important to have a door on which an opportunity can knock, so, the first task is to build our own door first so that an opportunity can knock on that door. 

What do I mean by building a door for an opportunity to knock? Creating an opportunity often involves more than just waiting for it to appear - it requires initiative, creativity, resilience, hard work, and determination to carve out paths to create an opportunity that eventually leads to success. Building our own door for opportunity to knock is about taking proactive steps to create the circumstances that enable growth, boosting our morale to continue our efforts despite failures, and seeking fulfillment is our journey to success as sometimes the journey is long and full of uncertainty. Waiting passively for opportunities to present themselves may yield limited or no results. Instead, seizing control of our destiny by focusing on our own strengths and efforts involves seeking out opportunities. One way to achieve this is by leveraging our strengths and pursuing our passion with purpose and determination. It also required identifying our goals, assessing our skills and resources, improving on them as needed, and seeking strategic action to create pathways for progress. If we strive for continuous progress, success will eventually come. Building our own door for the opportunity also means stepping outside of our comfort zones, embracing uncertainty, and taking calculated risks in pursuit of our aspirations. It is not enough just to have aspirations and dreams, we need to strategically pursue them, otherwise, they always remain our dreams and aspirations. Active pursuit may involve networking, seeking mentorship, updating our skills, and acquiring new knowledge to position ourselves for success in our chosen field. It also requires resilience in the face of setbacks and failures, adaptability in response to changing circumstances, and perseverance. Building our own door for opportunity is also about fostering a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. Rather than waiting for opportunities to come to us, we should actively seek out ways to create value, make meaningful contributions, and establish ourselves as a force for positive change in our personal and professional lives. By being entrepreneurial in our efforts and embracing our creativity and determination, we can generate new opportunities and open doors that may have previously seemed closed. 

Building our own door for opportunity is a proactive approach to personal and professional growth. Rather than waiting we want to take the initiative. This approach empowers us to take ownership of our own destiny, helps us to overcome obstacles, encourages us to seek help and offer help to others, and forge our path to success. By embracing initiative, resilience, and a willingness to take calculated risks, we can create a future filled with endless possibilities for personal and professional growth, fulfillment, and achievements with standards and milestones decided by us and not someone else. So, don't wait for an opportunity to knock - build your own door and invite in. All the very best!

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com