Learning From Our children

As parents, we often see ourselves as teachers, guiding our children through life with the knowledge and wisdom we’ve gathered over the years. And while that responsibility is real, it’s only half the story. The truth is, our children have just as much to teach us if we’re willing to pause, listen, and learn.

Most of us grew up in a very different world. The environment, the values, and the social norms of our era shaped how we think, behave, and judge right from wrong. But the world isn’t static. It evolves constantly, sometimes slowly over generations, and other times so rapidly that a few short years bring transformative change. As parents, it’s worth asking ourselves: are we preparing our children for the world as it is, or for a world that only exists in our memories?

This is where our children become our teachers.

I can speak from personal experience about the power of listening to my kids. My kids have taught me more than I could have imagined. Sometimes their words have challenged long-held beliefs, other times they’ve helped me evolve in ways I never thought possible. And none of it would have happened had I not chosen to listen.

Listening doesn’t mean agreeing blindly. In our home, discussions often turn into intense debates. My kids don’t hold back, and they attack weak arguments with full force. At times, the exchanges get heated. But when the dust settles, I walk away with plenty to reflect upon. I believe they do the same.

Through these conversations, my perspectives have shifted on issues like mental health, gender, feminism, racism, and much more. If I had dismissed their views simply because they are younger, I would have missed invaluable lessons.

It’s a mistake to believe that a child’s silence is a sign of respect. Somehow, in many cultures, including Indian culture, not speaking in front of elders, especially not questioning or arguing with them, is considered a sign of respect, and doing otherwise is considered a sign of disrespect or arrogance. More often, silence signals fear, or worse, the belief that engaging with you is pointless. That silence doesn’t build love or trust; it builds walls and resentment.

As parents, it’s our job to initiate meaningful conversations and to create a space where children feel safe enough to challenge us. If they can debate with friends or teachers but remain silent at home, we’re not raising honest communicators; we’re raising hypocrites. And the world already has enough of those.

Values are important, but no value is immune to becoming outdated. Outdated values need updating. What worked decades ago may not serve our children in the present, or prepare them for the future, no matter which book, religion, or prophet has said those words, values, and beliefs get outdated, and they need constant updates. By listening to our kids, we gain access to fresh perspectives that can refine, update, or even replace the values we once held tightly.

Our children are not blank slates waiting to be filled; they are thinking, questioning, evolving individuals with a lot to say. If we give them patience, attention, and the respect they deserve, they can teach us how to grow alongside them.

So don’t close the door on learning just because you’re the parent. Keep the conversations open, even when they’re uncomfortable. Challenge them and let them challenge you. In doing so, you’ll not only raise responsible, empathetic citizens, but you’ll also become a better version of yourself. Remember, as parents, it is our job to initiate the discussion, we need the learning, and we must be proactive to initiate this process. 

Learning from your kids is free. And it will transform your relationship with them, for good. 

Thank you for reading, and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved. Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

We are always a work in progress

Many of us strive for perfection. From our early childhoods, we are conditioned to be perfect, this is the reason being perfect in everything becomes a dream for many. We want to be perfect in our professional and personal lives, and if we are not, we want to create an illusion of perfectness by blaming everything around us for our imperfections. Cult following or personality worship is a syndrome resulting from the belief that just because someone is good at some of the skills they are the perfect people worthy of blind following. We are taught to hide imperfections, refuse to accept that we all make mistakes and must learn from them, and also hide our vulnerabilities, whereas, in reality, we are always work in progress. 

Humans are dynamic beings, our main characteristics are that we are constantly evolving and adapting to the ever-changing circumstances of life. Therefore, from the moment of birth to the final breath, each individual is a work in progress, shaped by our experiences, relationships, and many other factors. This perpetual state of development reflects the inherent complexity and impossibility of achieving perfection as there is always potential for transformation within any human condition. At every stage of life, humans undergo physical, emotional, and intellectual changes that contribute to their ongoing development. The speed with which these changes occur may differ from one stage of life to another, and from person to person, but one this is for sure, the change is happening, whether we like it or not. 

Childhood is a stage of rapid growth and discovery. We learn many new things and acquire essential skills, values, and beliefs. Adolescence brings the challenges of identity formation and self-discovery, we may question certain values and beliefs that we acquired during childhood, and this journey of self-discovery can be a challenging and rewarding experience as we transition from childhood to adulthood. Even in adulthood, the journey of self-improvement and personal evolution continues. We strive to pursue our passions and aspirations, and we face many obstacles and try to overcome them. Whether through education (this is not just academic learning but overall education), career advancements, or personal relationships, we constantly seek opportunities for learning, growth, and self-realization. This process of growth and development extends beyond the individual to encompass the collective human experience, each one of us is an element of society that drives this world. As societies progress and evolve, our values, norms, and institutions shape our behavior and expectations, they influence our interactions with each other, and our survival and progress depend on this evolution. Cultural, technological, and social changes influence the way individuals perceive themselves and their place in the world, prompting continual innovation and adaptation. This concept of humans as a work in progress emphasizes the potential for positive change and transformation for every individual no matter what age, gender, race, or ethnicity they belong. While each of us may face challenges, moments of uncertainty, failures, and setbacks, we also possess the capacity for resilience, creativity, and sell; improvement. Through introspection, reflection, and intentional action, we can cultivate our strengths, address our weaknesses, and strive to become improved versions of ourselves every day. We are also a work in progress as we are continuously learning the importance of empathy, compassion, and understanding our interactions with others. Recognizing that everyone is on their own journey of personal growth and development encourages patience, tolerance, and support for one another's struggles and successes. 

The notion that we are always a work in progress speaks to the inherent dynamism, resilience, and potential for growth within every individual at every stage of their life. Our improvement and evolution are not limited to any particular stage of our lives, rather they are continuous and end only when the individual life comes to a full stop. Embracing this perspective provides us with a sense of optimism, curiosity, and openness to our ongoing journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us embrace the process of growth and change with humility and a commitment to continual learning and improvement. All the very best! 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Parents are always under training

Parenting is a tough job. If it's not the toughest, it should be ranked among one of the toughest jobs in the world. It is tough not just because of the onerous requirements of time commitment or physical effort, but also because of the other complexities involved with parenting. Even though there are various manuals and books on parenting, most of them are pretty useless except for the initial months when you only need to feed and clean your baby. Once a child develops its own personality, there cannot be any pre-written manual for that child as that child never ever existed before and every human is unique in the way they think and behave unless they are forced to think and behave only in a certain way, for example, if they are brainwashed or emotionally abused. Parenting is also tough because of the uncertainties involved in it. As I said, as every child is unique there is no way to assume that what worked for one child will work for sure for another child also. I am writing all this with the assumption that parents want their children to develop their own unique identity and personality and don't expect their children to follow some standardized behavioral pattern like a robot. 

I understand that nowadays many parents rely on experts and self-help books to help them with parenting. However, the problem of following any manual for child upbringing is that we unintentionally force them to fit into a mold. No matter how well-intentioned, when parents try to mold their child into a person that they believe to be an ideal person, they are basically trying to replicate that ideal person, this experiment is risky and most probably a sure failure. The child may not only not want to be like that ideal person but also may lose his/her ability to figure out his/her own identity. This is where most parenting mistakes happen, when parents try to charter a safe path for their child, thinking that they are doing this for the good of their child without giving that child a chance to decide. This is one of the reasons no matter how careful we are, all parents make mistakes, many mistakes. This is why I say that parents are and must be always under training. Parents need to continuously learn from their children and adapt accordingly. The biggest mistake parents make is that they always think that their job is only to teach their children and not to learn anything from them. As I said, every child is supposed to be unique, so the parents need to observe, learn, and then develop a unique way to raise each child. Children give many hints expressly or indirectly and as a parent it is our job to try to catch most of them. No doubt, we are going to miss some of them, but the aim should be to catch more hints and miss only a few. The general assumption that kids don't understand anything and are too immature to decide for themselves allows parents to dismiss most complaints and suggestions from their kids on important matters related to that kid. There is no harm in listening to your kid patiently, considering what's their point, and giving serious thought about what they say rather than reacting based on a pure parental impulse. As our children grow we also need to grow as parents. Parents not only need to be aware of their children's material needs but also of their physical and emotional needs. Some conversations might be awkward or difficult depending on the society and culture from where parents come, but the research shows that these conversations are necessary and parents should not shy away from them. Remember, if we don't talk with our kids about these things, someone else will, they will get this information from some source and that source could be unreliable or misleading, so, it is better that we become that source and provide them with reliable and authentic information. Children not only need someone who can feed and protect them, but they also need someone who can understand them and allow them to be themselves, and there is no one better than parents who can do this job best, please don't miss this opportunity. Yes, often it will be frustrating and annoying, but remember you are under training and your kids are also learning as much as you are. Please learn from your child, I learned a lot from my children and it only helped me to become a better parent.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com