Stop being offended

Many people get offended for very small, small reasons. They get offended during discussions, after reading a book, an article, or listening to someone's speech. You criticize or question their religion, they get offended; you criticize their political party or leader, they feel offended; you question their beliefs, they feel offended; the list can go on, the point I am trying to make is that people get offended because of many reasons. Such people develop a tendency to get offended, their tolerance level decreases, and their feelings get hurt very easily. Hurt feelings are one of the main reasons to feel offended. Whenever these people see that the next person doesn't agree with their logic and raises questions it, they don't like this. Many of them feel offended just because of disagreement with others with their views. Many try to convince others in various ways like discussion, debate, and argument but if nothing works and if the other person is still critical and disagrees with them, they feel offended. Some have a tendency to feel offended even by a small objection to some of their core beliefs, somehow they feel that everyone should believe in what they believe. Once people feel offended their behavior changes, and their tone, and language become different. This is not a very ideal situation for any discussion, that's why I try to avoid as much as possible any discussion with people who have a tendency to get offended. Once they feel offended they lose their sense of logic and then it's all about emotions without any sound logic or rationale. Even if someone feels offended, they should engage in discussion rather than trying to shut off another person. I can understand we can't control when and how we get offended, but we can definitely control what we do once we get offended. 

Some people mistakenly think that the feeling of being offended is directly linked with their self-respect, that is, they have self-respect that's why they feel offended. This is so wrong, there is absolutely no link between self-respect and feeling offended. This feeling of offense is actually a sign of frustration. Frustration because of inability to convince others. Frustration because of people questioning their views or rejecting them. This frustration then leads to the feeling of offense. No one can attack or diminish your self-respect in any discussion as long as you don't allow them to do so. Discussions and debates are not places to do any personal attacks on anyone. I personally don't feel offended by any remarks against my posts or views. Sometimes people call me names even use nasty words and get very personal in criticism during discussions or arguments but I don't mind all this because it displays their state of mind, not mine. During any discussion, my aim is always to share my views and get to know others. If there is any difference of opinion then it can be resolved via discussion in a polite and civilized way or we can always agree to disagree with each other. If everyone follows this policy then imagine how nice every debate or discussion will become. People won't be shouting top of their voices just to convey their message, they won't make any personal attacks while discussing ideologies and policies, and no one will get offended. Discussions or debates will sound like some civilized exchange of thoughts, not some street fight or bar brawl.

I hope people try to make efforts to increase their tolerance level and stop being offended. Imagine a world where people don't feel offended, it will have less anger, less violence, less hatred, and less grudge. Sounds amazing. Right? Let's try to bring that into reality. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Self-discipline is the best discipline

Most of us struggle to bring some discipline into our day-to-day life. Few people can manage to live a very disciplined life, but most of us struggle. We all want to exercise regularly, but find some excuse not to do it, want to read books, but watch more TV, we want to eat healthy food, but can't resist the temptation of junk food. We try to get some motivation to bring this much-needed discipline which can make our lives better. Some find a remedy somewhere to overcome this problem, but most just keep on struggling for that much-needed discipline.

I feel the major problem here is that we always look for solutions outside as if the problem is imposed on us because of some external force. The actual problem is that I indulge in all these not-so-good (or bad) habits myself no one forces me to do these things. I prefer to eat unhealthy food, and I choose to watch TV instead of doing exercise so it should be me who need to believe that this is wrong and should be changed rather than someone else telling me to do this. As long as I feel that I am a victim of these bad habits and not the perpetrator who is doing this I will always blame those habits but not myself for whatever effect they have on me. Smoking, eating a lot of sugar, and watching a lot of TV can have a bad effect on health (sedentary lifestyle), we all know this. So, why do we still do these things? I agree that some of these things are really addictive and sometimes it's really difficult to control but the truth is we all know the bad effects of these habits and still, we do it. There are many articles, research papers, and books that explain the side (or bad) effects of these things on our health, most of us read about them, and we are aware of these things but still fail to act accordingly. Rarely any of us is forced into these habits, we all choose them ourselves. Aggressive marketing by food companies and heavy advertising affect our minds and influence our choices but I feel all this happens mainly because lack of self-discipline.

The initial part of our life is often spent under some adult supervision, they protect us, they also try to introduce some discipline in our lives. This external force imposes some rules and regulations on us. Most of us learn many good habits while going through this process. Once their control on our lives gets reduced (college days and life after that) we are free to do whatever we want. This is where self-discipline becomes really important. Self-discipline is very necessary when there is no external control. When there is no external force or pressure that can stop you from doing something (right or wrong) then self-discipline plays a major role. It's only our own mind which has ultimate authority, it controls our reactions to every stimulus from our environment. There are many laws, rules, and regulations but still, people commit crimes and break laws, that's why I feel self-discipline is a must for everyone as external constraints can only help so much. Self-discipline teaches us how to behave, and what is proper or improper under given circumstances. Patience, tolerance, and humility are some of the qualities that are becoming rare and rare. External force or pressure works only up to a certain extent, no one can force anyone to be humble or respect others' opinions. This has to come from that person's mind. Any number of rules or laws can not eradicate all corruption or discrimination from our society, only self-consciousness and self-discipline can do this, that's why self-discipline is the best discipline.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Thank you Kalki

When I watched the video by Indian actress Kalki Koechlin, it left me speechless. I was amazed by the way Kalki presented such a complicated and sensitive subject in an effective manner. Actually, I saw not only one but two amazing videos on that day second one was by Tracey Spicer. I suggest readers watch both of them, they deal with totally different subjects but believe me you won't regret watching them. The first one was more special because this was the first time I saw an Indian actress commenting so boldly about issues related to gender discrimination in our society. She touched on almost every area related to this issue (religion, politics). It's not the first time that I have seen or heard talk like this, there are many videos like this on the internet but mostly by some non-Indian celebrities or some feminist activists. Normally, Indian movie celebrities are very conscious and careful about their image. They don't want to comment on any sensitive issue that can become controversial or hurt someone's religious or political feelings. Somehow these religious and political feelings of many people get hurt by almost anything. They can get hurt by a book, a movie, a stage play, a painting, or even some cartoon. But surprisingly these feelings don't get hurt by communal riots, inflammatory speeches, fatwas, forceful religious conversions, discriminatory practices, or rituals. Somehow they get hurt only by some criticism directed to them in any form. I applaud the courage of Kalki, she dared to do something that no other Indian actor or actress dared to do in the beginning stages of their career. Maybe she will be branded as an atheist or feminist who is painting a negative picture of our society, maybe she will lose some of her fans because of some comments she made about religion and society but I think she cares little about all this. Actually, I read this monologue a few days before, but it was not that effective because it was too lengthy to read and it didn't have the same effect that it had when I watched it. The video is much more impactful, maybe because of the way she presented it. I have seen some plays like this in Marathi but this was the first act by some mainstream Bollywood actress. Please watch the video, and understand the message it wants to convey. Thank you very much Kalki for this, I hope you become a prominent voice against any type of discrimination in India.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. An intense piece about the truths of womanhood kalki performance
2. AIB: It's Your Fault
3. The lady stripped bare: Tracey Spicer at TEDxSouthBankWomen

Is there life after death?

"Is there any life after death?" this question has been debated for centuries and still we don't have any conclusive answer. There are many speculations from different groups who believe in after-death, they also speculate about what might happen to a person after their death. Some of the descriptions sound very interesting, but at the same time, they sound more like fiction stories than reality. I never bothered about this question because it really never caught my attention. But recently I heard a few wonderful lectures by Professor Kagan from Yale University where the topic of death was discussed in somewhat detail and while listening to some of those lectures this issue came to my mind. I thought blog readers might be interested in this topic as it's closely related to most religions. Many religions talk very interesting things about life after death. I also see many people are worried about this, sometimes they worry about this more than their life before death. The curiosity of people in this subject prompted me to do some more reading in this area. Personally, I am not that much interested in this subject but as this subject is very closely related to organized religion I think it's worth discussing it here.

It will be interesting to see how we define death? Normally end of life is considered death. Whenever anything stops working completely (for whatever reason) and can not be revived under any circumstances we pronounce it as dead. Basically, death is considered the end of life, so how there can be life after the end of life? The question itself doesn't make much sense, it sounds very contradictory. According to Professor Kagan, this is like asking if is there any food on my plate after I finish my food or if is there any movie after the end of the movie or something like that? Either you have not finished your food (so it means it is still there) or you finished it (it's not there). Similarly,  either you are alive or you are dead. These two events are separate from each other, they are two ends of one linear thread. But many people still believe that there can be a life after the end of life, they don't see any contradiction in this belief. This means either definition of death as the end of life is wrong or no one really dies (as according to them life continues after death). For many people and religions, it is not a full stop (end) but a comma (intermission). Some religions (like Hinduism) believe in many cycles of life and death but in this case also there is no very clear definition of life and death. For many other religions, death is the end of life on this planet and there are no life-death cycles. According to them after death, there is an evaluation of our personal performance (about what you did in your life on this planet).  Based on your report card you get a reward or a punishment. So there are quite a few different theories about life, death, and what happens after death. They all try to tell us what happens after a person's death. Many of them also believe that there is something called soul, which continues to exist even after our death.

It will be also interesting to know how we understand the presence of life? On what basis do we say that particular person or thing is alive? We normally use certain parameters (like pulse rate and heartbeats), check for certain signs, and then based on them we can say whether that person is alive or not. Can we use similar tests to check the presence of life after death? The answer is "No."

According to most religions that believe in after-death events all these post-death events happen with our soul (because our physical body is destroyed after death). There is no scientific (direct or indirect) evidence about any of these theories no matter from which religion or scripture they come. These theories exist because people believe them blindly. There are some news reports and even published books that talk about the near-death experiences of some people. Based on these accounts authors of these books try to claim that their scriptures give accurate descriptions about heaven or hell. These books or interviews are often cited as proof of that religion's claim about the existence of after-death life or some extra-terrestrial world where the Gods live. But the truth is that there is no scientific evidence for any of these theories and claims. Even though some of these books are written by professional medical doctors, they lack unbiased verifiable scientific data about their claims. These types of books don't serve any real purpose other than making people believe in concepts like heaven and hell. So far, I haven't found any reliable evidence that confirms the presence of heaven, hell, or life after death. I think this is more of a philosophical debate rather than a scientific one. The concept of life after death offers people some solace in the event of death of loved ones. It also helps them to overcome the fear of their own death. This gives them a ray of hope that not everything is lost after the death of their dear ones, they are somewhere safe and sound, and one day they will reunite with them. This thought of after-death life is a very beautiful and comforting concept for many, and that's why people want to believe in it. This thinking or belief helps to take away some pain and suffering from tragic events like death, that's why I think it's very popular.

The purpose of this post is not to hurt anyone's feelings but just to have some discussion about this age-old question. I personally feel that whatever good or bad exists, it exists here on our planet. We live our entire life on this planet, our life begins here and ends here. We all, as an individual or as a group, create all good or bad things around us. Most of us face the consequences of our own actions. Our actions produce favorable or unfavorable results for us. I think that if people want to find they can find their own heaven (things that make them happy) or hell (things that make them terribly sad) on this planet itself, no need to look somewhere else. I feel we need to worry more about our lives before death than about any life after death.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Black, white or brown all are beautiful...

I already wrote a couple of posts that are somewhat related to this topic which I want to discuss today (please see the links below). The topic is about skin color and the perception or definition of beauty. I was born in a society obsessed with fair skin. I think India is the world leader in the sale of fair skin products (products like Fair and Lovely or Fair and Handsome are very popular brands in India). I have dark skin. I guess I have the darkest skin complexion among all three siblings in my family. As a kid, I always used to get consolation that even though my skin was dark it was not very dark, so I should be happy that it was a little bit fairer than some cousin in the family or neighbor who was cited as an example for being darker than me. I was also consoled that as I am a boy it won't be much of a problem for my marriage as my gender itself gives me the upper hand in the marriage bazaar. Just because I am a male I can easily demand or choose a fair-skinned bride to strike a balance in the next generation. This might sound ridiculous or crazy but this was how it was, but luckily for me I never felt any inferiority complex at any time in my life because of my skin color or physical appearance. I never bothered much about anybody's physical appearance, maybe because of the influence of books I read or maybe because of my "I don't give it a damn" attitude towards these types of comments about physical looks. I can't say exactly what was the reason but I never felt guilty or inferior because of my skin color or any other aspect of my body, rather more people commented more proud I felt about it.

I know that skin color doesn't matter at all. No one should feel bad about their skin color. Black, brown, white, or anything else all are beautiful and unique in their own way. This is now easy for me to say, but back then when I was a kid it was not that easy. I saw many people feeling depressed or inferior just because of their skin color. It is not easy to ignore when people around you comment about your skin color negatively every time discussing about you. It is not easy when your skin color is used to tease you or humiliate you. Due to such negative comments, people start thinking that something is wrong with them that's why I totally understand the situation when I read news about girls going into depression because of their dark complexion, or people's desperate efforts to make their skin fairer to look beautiful by using whatever means are available to them. This all happens because of tremendous social and psychological pressure created on these individuals by the hypocritical behavior of society. We need to diffuse this pressure, as it's not easy for everyone to understand that skin color really doesn't matter. The advertisements of fairness creams are derogatory and are examples of pathetic attempts to earn money by demeaning and insulting dark-skinned people. As some of these products are endorsed by some famous celebrities more people start believing in these ads and get trapped in an inferiority complex.

I still remember when my mother used to put a lot of white talcum powder (the only cosmetic product that we could afford) on my face so that I look a little fairer during any photo shoot or social function (like a marriage ceremony or festival celebrations). I know that she did all these things out of concern about me. She was worried that someone might comment about my dark complexion. She didn't want someone to call her son ugly because of his skin color. This worry was instigated in her by the society around her. That's why I feel campaigns like 'Dark is beautiful' or people like Lupita talking about their experience related to the stigma associated with skin color are very important. This post is also a small effort in that direction. There are many issues in the world about which we need to worry but our skin color should not be one of them. No matter what these advertisements say every skin color is beautiful. We need to question and challenge these prejudices about skin color which still exist in our society. These prejudices are propagated by many advertisements, and some programs on TV. Even today, in many comedy shows in India they always make fun of dark-skinned or overweight people. Now whenever someone tries to console me for my dark skin, I tell them not to worry about my skin color as I am really proud of my skin color. I make it very clear to them that I don't need their consoling or sympathy about my skin color. I love my skin color and I advise everyone to love theirs. Let it be black, white, brown, fair, dark, or whatever all colors are equally beautiful. Let's kick this prejudice out of our minds which is largely the result of some selfish marketing of some beauty products and enjoy this colorful world. Remember "we all are beautiful."

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Oscar Winner Lupita Nyong'o's Speech On Beauty
2. What is real beauty?
3. We all are beautiful.
4. http://darkisbeautiful.blogspot.com/

We live in amazing times - let's appreciate it

When I read this blog by Adam Frank thoughts expressed in it immediately resonated with me. I always used to wonder why people complain so much about small things when there are so many amazing things happening around us? Why do some people get upset over minor things when there are many big issues that deserve our attention? Actually, we all are witnessing the most advanced era of our civilization. We have the best possible physical comfort and problem-solving tools which were not available to any of our previous generations. I agree that we still have many social and economic issues that need our attention but at the same time, there are so many amazing things that are going on around us. We miss appreciating them while busy complaining about things we are still trying to fix.

If we look around us there are a lot of amazing things happening. Some amazing things have been discovered in the last few decades; for example, air travel is very common now and very safe compared to 100 years ago, sea travel is also exciting and full of fun (just look at cruise ships), and we have eradicated many life-threatening diseases due to amazing progress in various branches of science. If you look at some amazing and cool inventions in many areas then you will understand what I am talking about. There is an explosion of inventions in the areas of information technology, medicine, health care, travel, crop production, food processing, etc. Some of these inventions we misuse and create problems for ourselves but the inventions as such are really great. Internet and social media have opened a new universe for all of us. There are so many things to do that even one lifetime seems very short to experience all these amazing things. The most wonderful part is many of these inventions are easily accessible and affordable to all of us, they are not restricted to very few rich and famous. We all can experience them and appreciate them. I still feel amazed whenever I travel via airplane or use a touchscreen device. Wireless internet thrilled me when I used it for the first time. We used to queue up to check our emails on common computers and used to use department email IDs, not individual email IDs. Can you believe today sharing an email with the entire department where you work? I was so happy and thrilled when I opened my first email account on Yahoo, it was a huge improvement from the telnet account that I was using.

Whenever I fly on a plane I still can't stop wondering how such a heavy object, carrying so many people and cargo can fly so high in the sky. I still wonder how satellites transfer wireless signals so fast. How do people live in space? As a scientist, I understand all the technical aspects but still, these wonders fascinate me. I feel lucky and fortunate that I live in such amazing times where so many wonders are happening every day, I enjoy every bit of it. I agree that there are many problems to fix, and many issues to address. We all have to work hard to solve these problems but all these things don't stop me from appreciating amazing things around me. We witness these miracles every day but still somehow fail to appreciate them. So let's appreciate the happiness around us, let's enjoy the roller coaster ride rather than complaining about the turbulence.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Everything's Amazing And Nobody's Happy- Adam Frank
2. Everything's+Amazing+ +Nobody's+Happy-Youtube link

On the occasion of second anniversary of the blog

Today is the second anniversary of the blog. Two years have passed since I started this amazing journey. I enjoyed every bit of it and I hope all readers also had a similar experience. I started writing this blog to share and express my views on various issues that affect our personal and social lives. I tried to share my opinion about various topics like women empowerment, discrimination, sexual abuse, politics, and religion. All these topics are linked with many social issues, and many problems that we face today are directly or indirectly linked with at least one of these. All these areas affect everyone's life either directly or indirectly, therefore we need to be aware of several issues related to these topics. We need to educate ourselves on various aspects of these topics and that is why I discuss them on my blog. Only through discussion, we can solve problems that our society is facing today. This blog has also taught me many things; one of them is I now appreciate and enjoy good articles and books even more, because I know personally how difficult it is to express your thoughts in a way that people can connect to it. I read a variety of books on various subjects. I read articles, and listen to many talks, discussions, and debates. I enjoy reading, it's been my hobby since I was a teenager. Amongst all the things around me, I can vouch that this hobby has resulted in tremendous changes in my personality and thinking. This blog also taught me the importance of expressing my own thoughts and concerns and sharing them with others. It also taught me the importance of debates and how to deal with hostile commentators who can go to any extent to criticize you personally just because you don't agree with their point of view.

Topics like women empowerment, discrimination in name of gender, religion, race, caste, sexual orientation, or any other thing, malpractices of organized religion or cult movements, and politics were some of the subjects that were mainly discussed on the blog so far. Politics was a new entrant last year as I feel it is a very important subject. Political parties that come into power affect our lives directly or indirectly, that's why I chose to discuss some political topics last year and will try to continue to do this in the future too. I also tried to update the blog very regularly by posting at least six to eight posts every month not as a rule but to keep a steady flow so that readers have something interesting and thought-provoking to read every time they visit the blog. The journey for me has been eventful in its own way. There were some intense arguments about some topics, and some heated debates too, but they all taught me something, they all taught me how difficult the struggle to bring any change is and how difficult it is to change age-old systems and beliefs. The battle against the system whose ill effects have become traditions and many people are so used to them that they endorse it in the name of tradition. It is not going to be easy to change these things in a short time. It is very tough to challenge these discriminatory traditions or even get rid of superstitions. One is always going to get abused or criticized by some section of society for doing this. Any activist or reformer who tries to do so goes through this phase. I expected many of these comments. I am not trying to claim here that I am any activist or reformer. I am just a simple person trying to do his bit to make our society a better place, but it was definitely very interesting to see to what extent some brainwashed people can go to defend discriminatory practices.

The blog will continue as always. I want to sincerely thank all readers for their time and especially to all those, who took efforts to share their opinions and concerns with their comments. Your comments are very important and they contributed something to my knowledge, thanks again for that. I also received a lot of encouragement from many readers whom I also want to thank from the bottom of my heart for their kind words. Sharing and discussing each other's ideas is a very important aspect of a liberal, civilized, and progressive society. Tolerance towards each other's views and the ability to discuss any disagreements in a civilized manner is very important and this blog is a small effort towards that direction, I welcome all disagreement and criticism, these things help me to grow and perform better, so please keep reading and sharing your views. Together we can make this world a better place for all.

Thanks for reading.

Links:
Some popular posts on the blog,
1. Chanakya and his views about women
2. Does Religion Divide or Unite People?
3. Worshiping while Menstruating- What's wrong with it?
4. Where was God when I was raped and murdered?

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

* Thanks to Mr. Chandrashekhar Vairale for suggesting corrections.

Stereotyping - the effect of listening to a single story

When I heard this TED talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I was impressed by the way she explained the phenomena of stereotyping in very simple terms by giving relevant examples from her own life. I wanted to write about stereotyping for a long time and this talk gave me an opportunity to discuss this issue. I remembered many instances from my own life where I knew only a single story about certain people, religions, or cultures and I formed my opinions about them even before completely understanding those people or places. I am sure this happens to many people. We read or hear about popular beliefs, social customs, myths, and stories. All these things create a certain image about many things in our mind and then we start giving some labels to those things. We stereotype them, knowingly or unknowingly we judge them or express our opinions about them based on that stereotype which was created in our mind based on some incomplete and inaccurate information. I still remember when I was surprised to meet an atheist Muslim who used to follow many things from his religion or culture but didn't believe in god. I was surprised to see a female bus driver for first the time in the US because I had never seen any women driving a bus or truck in India, somehow, I was under the impression that women can't drive these big vehicles. There a are few more things that I can include in this list but the post is not about how many stereotypes I used to believe in but why I believed in them and how that belief was formed? All stereotypes may not be wrong but they definitely don't tell the entire truth.

As Chimamanda nicely explains in her talk, these stereotypes or misconceptions were formed because I only knew single stories about those things. I only saw women working at home and rarely saw them stepping outside the house. I saw them doing only certain types of jobs that women were supposed to do. Therefore I never imagined that they could drive a bus or can also become pilots. I was only told stories about fanatic Muslims and their strong religious beliefs, I was informed that they are anti-Hindu. I never thought that there could be an atheist or a progressive Muslim who respects all other religions. These are just a few examples from my own life to illustrate the effect of listening to single stories and believing in them. Since some of the stereotypes which I believed turned out to be completely wrong I started questioning every stereotype I came across, and believe me, I found each of them based on wrong or incomplete information. There might be some element of truth in them but certainly, they don't represent the true picture. That's why we need to question and challenge every stereotype we come across. They create a wrong image of people, communities, or countries in our minds.

I stopped believing in any stereotype long back. I question all of them, may it be about any gender, race, religion, community, or country. This approach changed my outlook towards looking at things drastically. It helped me a lot to overcome my inhibitions and misconceptions. I am always interested in the other side of the story or want to know more before forming any opinion about anything. I always want to do my own research to explore all angles of any topic before forming my opinion about anything that I hear, see, or read. I am also willing to change those opinions as I get to know about new information. According to me, change is the only constant factor in life. When people stereotype anything then they give some permanent label to those things, attribute certain set of characteristics to them, and believe that those things don't change. They start believing that there are some common qualities for that particular community or gender. Stereotyping is wrong, so let's stop doing this, this will definitely help to make our society a better and more inclusive place. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: The danger of a single story