Why are we becoming so hateful to each other?

I am sure everyone must have noticed the extremely polarized environment around them. I am not just talking about people having extreme political views, but also about any other social and personal issues. We have reached so far in politicizing each and every aspect of our lives, that even being a feminist is now considered a partisan political statement. We are downgrading every personal and social issue to partisan politics, and there does not seem to be any end to this self-inflicted degradation. So, why are we becoming so hateful towards each other? Why are we behaving like we are part of some cult? What changed and why did we allow ourselves to degrade to such a low level? And ultimately, why aren't we ashamed of this degradation? I don't know if people are thinking about these questions, but I have been wondering about these things for the last few years. Maybe many of us were always this racist, casteist, and hateful, these people never dared to express this hate and rage openly as society in general was not receptive to these ideas, and now some politicians have legitimized these hateful and revengeful feelings to come out in the open, just like Hitler did in Germany. This seems to be the case in many parts of the world including democratic countries like the USA and India. People are becoming hostile to minorities, and immigrants are being treated as invaders, and social and cultural outcastes almost like a discarded commodity transferred from one part of the world to another part. I can understand politicians flaming such rhetorics for their selfish motives, but the strange and worse part is that people are buying such ridiculously outrageous narratives. We know our neighbors and other community members. We interact with each other in various places, our kids go to school together, and we share our neighborhood and other public places like parks and shopping centers. And still, we fall prey to utterly false hateful narratives manufactured by politicians and some so-called influencers who do this only to gain votes and popularity. The most tragic part is that this all is happening in an era when access to information is so easy. People are allowing themselves to get manipulated without any resistance, and this is happening across the political spectrum. Yeah, one side may be doing it better compared to the other but they all are doing it. The way conservative politicians are weaponizing their supporters is something I have never seen before. Most political parties are turning into a cult movement but the way conservatives are leading the way is astonishing and phenomenal. Conservatives who used to swear for individual freedom and fundamental rights are now at the forefront of attacking the fundamental reproductive rights of women, and freedom of immigrants without realizing the apparent hippocracy in their behaviour. The situation is so bad that people are neither bothered about their own hypocrisy nor the hypocrisy of the politicians they vote for. Perpetual cynicism is considered as a mark of wisdom and intellect and optimists are considered naive and foolish, this is where we stand currently. However, even after all this, I am an optimist. I am optimistic that people will realize that fanaticism is not going to take them anyplace nice. No matter which side they are rooting for, eliminating their opponents is not a practical option but working with them for the betterment of their society and country is the only option. The sooner we realize this better for all of us.   

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Mahatma Gandhi - Live and let live

Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated for political reasons. A cowardly terrorist who didn't agree with Gandhi's political and social views but could not fight with him ideologically or via any other democratic ways chose to murder him. However, even though Gandhi died, he became Mahatma, and now everyone, even the organizations who opposed Gandhi have to respect him and praise him, at least publicly. I think Gandhi and Dr. King are two people who are praised by politicians across party lines, but some do it out of compulsion rather than respect, they do it because not doing it will look bad. 

Gandhi's impact on people was so huge that he singlehandedly controlled the Congress party even in the presence of leaders like Nehru, Bose, Patel, Shastri, and others. He was a politician who controlled the politics of India without holding any formal political post. This was not easy, not just one city, or state, but people from the entire British-controlled India were under his influence that's why his opponents hated and detested him because they could never match his influence. Even today, people who oppose him do it with so much bitterness and anger as if Ganshi is still alive and kicking their asses. I feel pity for such people, Gandhi is not only about his personal beliefs or his ridiculous obsession with celibacy, as a human he had many shortcomings like all of us. A lot has already been written about Gandhi and his work as well as about his shortcomings including fanaticism about certain personal beliefs, and I am not going to repeat that here. According to me, Gandhi was an honest man who stuck to his principles, and he had an unshakable belief in the nonviolent freedom struggle. As a politician, he was shrewd and manipulative, but not corrupt or someone who would run away from accountability. Also, it is a strange coincidence that another staunch Gandhian (an ardent follower of Gandhi and his ideas) and India's second Prime Minister Lal Bahadur Shastri shares his birthday with Gandhi. He is pitted against Gandhi by Gandhi haters without realizing that Shastri was staunch Gandhian, so it is like arguing that some ardent Buddha follower is better than Buddha.

Gandhi did not live long enough after India's independence to comment on what could have been his impact on the independent India. Some of his ideas and principles definitely had an impact on India in its initial years, but it is hard to say what impact he could have had as a person. It is easy to either praise or criticize Gandhi, it is easy to either worship or hate him, but it is difficult to understand him. It is difficult to follow some of his great qualities, this is why people take the easier route of either worshipping him or criticizing him. For me, Gandhi will always remain a brave and honest person who had the courage to write a book like "The Story of My Experiments with Truth," and had an unshakable belief in nonviolence. I was very impressed after reading his book, his courage, and his honesty in sharing some vulnerable and embarrassing incidents of his life impressed me the most. I am sure, Gandhi will be remembered and celebrated for years to come not only in India but all over the world. Even people who don't like him or don't agree with his ideology will pay homage to him either willingly or reluctantly, such is the power of his legacy and very few world leaders have such a legacy. I really hope people try to understand him and learn the simple principle of live and let live. We need his attitude of giving space to dissent, allowing others to express their views, live, and let live. Maybe we all cannot be friends, but it is not necessary to be enemies who are trying to eliminate each other, this is what I feel was the crux of his teachings. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Misogyny, racism, and politics

As a society, we would like to believe that we have moved away from misogyny and patriarchy. We would like to believe that in today's world, at least overtly politicians would refrain from making blatantly misogynist and patriarchal comments. No. Unfortunately, we are not even close. Not only do politicians, including the mainstream and popular politicians, make misogynist and sexist remarks, but they also benefit from such remarks, That's the reality we are living in even today, some battles that their grandmothers had won, or at least we thought that they have won, the granddaughters are forced to fight them all over again. For this, we can't just blame these misogynist politicians, people who support such individuals are equally responsible for perpetuating misogyny. The truth is that even today many don't feel that misogyny and patriarchy are bad, rather there are many who used to feel bad that these things are attacked and most politicians were trying to stay away from being labeled as misogynist and sexiest, now, these people are happy that such statements not only don't harm politicians but benefit them and are being made blatantly and confidently. 

The reality is that gender equality is still a distant target. We have achieved a lot, but these achievements have also resulted in a strong pushback and resurgence of racist, sexiest, and misogynist behavior. When power acquired through gender, racial, or social dominance starts slipping away people don't take this lightly, they start making privileged arguments like meritocracy and try to label social justice as another form of racism. This is not new and we should not be surprised by such behavior. The surprising factor is that even after knowing not that distant history of racism and sexiest, people fall for it. They do not understand or maybe do not want to understand what they are risking by encouraging such a blatantly racist and misogynist agenda. It is utterly surprising to see when people who call themselves supporters of individual freedom ask for the abolition of women's reproductive rights. It is surprising when people who claim to support the free market question the existence of immigrants who work hard and most of the time earn less than minimum wage. It is surprising to see people who claim that they are not misogynists question someone's capabilities just based on their gender or biological motherhood. These things are happening in front of us right now, and there are many who are encouraging this behavior. Populism has its own place in politics, but misogyny and racism cannot be populist policies in any civilized society. I don't buy the argument of populism when misogyny and racism are part of it.

I don't care what's your political affiliation, it doesn't matter whether you are a conservative or liberal, if you are not bothered or concerned about this openly racist and misogynist behavior then you are risking whatever progress we have made so far in our fight against racism and gender discrimination. You are taking this country back to the era when racism and gender discrimination were a norm and not an exception. I hope you won't call any country with such a blatant form of discrimination great even if it's your own country. So, if you want to make America great, then, I am sure you don't want to go back to any era when racism and misogyny were more rampant than they are today. Let's move forward and to move forward we must challenge misogynists and racists, no matter which party they belong. If you put your country before your politics and political party, you will agree with me and challenge such people even if they are from the political party you support, and I hope you put your country before your politics. If not, then elections are won and lost, but the country and its values would lose every time such behavior finds mass support. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Is honesty subjective?

We hear people often using the phrases "honestly, I believed it was true," or "honestly, I did not think it would hurt anyone," and things like that. Does it mean that honesty is subjective? Does it also mean that just because we honestly think something is okay we are not subject to harsh criticisms that may follow our actions following that honest perception? These are interesting questions to ponder, especially in the current age of social media where almost everyone is either expressing their opinion or getting influenced by someone's opinion.

The concept of honesty is often perceived as a fundamental principle that transcends individual beliefs and cultural norms. It seems that honesty is objective and can be verified or evaluated based on independent criteria. However, upon closer examination, one finds that honesty can be subjective, and influenced by various factors such as personal values, social and cultural norms, and situational contexts. At its core, honesty entails truthfulness, sincerity, and transparency in communication and actions. It involves adhering to verified facts and expressing oneself in a genuine and straightforward manner. While these principles may seem universal and straightforward, the interpretations and applications are not that simple, and they vary from one person to another. While truthfulness is easy, people can believe in wrong things and still claim to be honest, and there is a difference between honesty and accuracy. Whereas truthfulness is easy, sincerity and transparency are two aspects that require some work. Whenever we say or do something based on the information received without verifying that information or fact-checking with independent sources, we are not being completely honest. Just believing something to be true without verifying it and not disclosing the source of it does not make our actions honest as we are not being sincere and transparent. Sincerity is not just a mental state, it also requires some actions on our part, we must critically evaluate and verify all information on which we base our actions. Without sincerity and transparency, every rumor and conspiracy theory spreader will claim that they are being honest.

One reason for the subjectivity of honesty lies in the diversity of human experiences and perspectives. Each one of us carries a unique set of values, beliefs, and life experiences that shape our understanding. They shape our understanding of truth and falsehood. Diversity of human experiences creates a diversity of opinions, which is a healthy sign of any progressive society, at the same time, it also creates situations where what one person considers honest may not necessarily align with another's perspective, leading to differences in interpretation. Similarly, what may be considered acceptable or truthful in one culture or community may be viewed differently in another. Believing in wrong things stems from various factors such as misinformation, personal biases, cognitive distortions, or incomplete understanding of complex issues. However, in today's internet era, most of us who consume and share information have access to resources to verify and fact check, therefore, we are not being honest when we share blatantly false information and claim to be honestly believing it to be true.  

Honesty should reflect our integrity and sincerity in communication, it should reflect our commitment to be genuine and transparent in our communications. Yes, it cannot guarantee factual correctness, but it cannot be an excuse for sloppiness or a method to create alternate facts. In the end, despite the subjectivity surrounding honesty, it still remains a foundational principle in fostering trust, integrity, and meaningful relationships. While interpretations of honesty may vary, the underlying intention to uphold truthfulness, sincerity, and transparency is paramount. Recognizing the subjectivity in honesty allows for a deeper understanding of its complexities, it helps us to be empathetic and kind to each other. Striving to be honest, even in the face of conflicting perspectives or challenging circumstances, can ultimately lead to a greater understanding, respect, and authenticity in our actions with others.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

We are always a work in progress

Many of us strive for perfection. From our early childhoods, we are conditioned to be perfect, this is the reason being perfect in everything becomes a dream for many. We want to be perfect in our professional and personal lives, and if we are not, we want to create an illusion of perfectness by blaming everything around us for our imperfections. Cult following or personality worship is a syndrome resulting from the belief that just because someone is good at some of the skills they are the perfect people worthy of blind following. We are taught to hide imperfections, refuse to accept that we all make mistakes and must learn from them, and also hide our vulnerabilities, whereas, in reality, we are always work in progress. 

Humans are dynamic beings, our main characteristics are that we are constantly evolving and adapting to the ever-changing circumstances of life. Therefore, from the moment of birth to the final breath, each individual is a work in progress, shaped by our experiences, relationships, and many other factors. This perpetual state of development reflects the inherent complexity and impossibility of achieving perfection as there is always potential for transformation within any human condition. At every stage of life, humans undergo physical, emotional, and intellectual changes that contribute to their ongoing development. The speed with which these changes occur may differ from one stage of life to another, and from person to person, but one this is for sure, the change is happening, whether we like it or not. 

Childhood is a stage of rapid growth and discovery. We learn many new things and acquire essential skills, values, and beliefs. Adolescence brings the challenges of identity formation and self-discovery, we may question certain values and beliefs that we acquired during childhood, and this journey of self-discovery can be a challenging and rewarding experience as we transition from childhood to adulthood. Even in adulthood, the journey of self-improvement and personal evolution continues. We strive to pursue our passions and aspirations, and we face many obstacles and try to overcome them. Whether through education (this is not just academic learning but overall education), career advancements, or personal relationships, we constantly seek opportunities for learning, growth, and self-realization. This process of growth and development extends beyond the individual to encompass the collective human experience, each one of us is an element of society that drives this world. As societies progress and evolve, our values, norms, and institutions shape our behavior and expectations, they influence our interactions with each other, and our survival and progress depend on this evolution. Cultural, technological, and social changes influence the way individuals perceive themselves and their place in the world, prompting continual innovation and adaptation. This concept of humans as a work in progress emphasizes the potential for positive change and transformation for every individual no matter what age, gender, race, or ethnicity they belong. While each of us may face challenges, moments of uncertainty, failures, and setbacks, we also possess the capacity for resilience, creativity, and sell; improvement. Through introspection, reflection, and intentional action, we can cultivate our strengths, address our weaknesses, and strive to become improved versions of ourselves every day. We are also a work in progress as we are continuously learning the importance of empathy, compassion, and understanding our interactions with others. Recognizing that everyone is on their own journey of personal growth and development encourages patience, tolerance, and support for one another's struggles and successes. 

The notion that we are always a work in progress speaks to the inherent dynamism, resilience, and potential for growth within every individual at every stage of their life. Our improvement and evolution are not limited to any particular stage of our lives, rather they are continuous and end only when the individual life comes to a full stop. Embracing this perspective provides us with a sense of optimism, curiosity, and openness to our ongoing journey of self-discovery and personal evolution. As we navigate the complexities of life, let us embrace the process of growth and change with humility and a commitment to continual learning and improvement. All the very best! 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Movies, diaries, and books

Suppose anyone asks me apart from many amazing people who helped me during various stages of my life so far, what are the other three things that kept me motivated and helped me to go through rough phases of life, the answer is unequivocally movies, diaries, and books. Here, movies include movie songs, especially Hindi movie songs. As a kid growing up in a pre-internet and cable TV era, movies, books, radio, and tape recorders were the only available modes of entertainment and I cherished all of them. 

For me, movies and music are integrated as I grew up watching movies with multiple songs. I do not understand and follow classical Indian music, I do not think classical music even tried to penetrate certain economic classes in India, it was never catered to people like me and I never bothered about it. Music was film songs for me, Hindi and Marathi film songs. Radio was the primary medium on which I listened to songs for most of my childhood, there used to be some programs like Chitrahar, Chhayageet, and Rangoli on the Indian National TV channel Doordarshan, but they were weekly programs and only 30 minutes long with 6-7 songs, so, radio, especially "Vividh Bharati" was my primary source of music. We could buy a second-hand tape recorder when I was in high school and that was one of the happiest moments of my life as this gave me the ability to listen to songs of my choice whenever I wanted. With radio, you are at the mercy of radio programs and have to listen to whatever songs they play during their programs which follow a specific time schedule. But radio played a huge role as their collection of songs was much bigger than the audio cassettes I could buy. Many movie songs that I listened to during that period are still my favorite songs, I still listen to them and feel the same emotions.

As far as books are concerned, I was fortunate to be born in a city with free or very cheap libraries with a great collection of Marathi books. These books opened new horizons for my heavily conditioned mind. Books allowed me to meet with people who were beyond my personal and social reach, they exposed me to new ideas and questions, they challenged my beliefs, and faith, and exposed me to struggles others faced and how they overcame it. It was through books I learned about independent women who challenged patriarchal and misogynist values. Books provided me the courage and conviction that I lacked due to the lack of any suitable idols around me to challenge regressive traditions and culture. Books provided me with the conviction that my doubts and questions were not wrong or crazy, they helped me to find answers to my questions and then, posed new questions for me, some of which I am still trying to find an answer to. Books allowed me to chart my own path, they provided me tools to think but I never considered any book as the ultimate gospel of truth. Books taught me that everything can be questioned, and I never stopped questioning since then.

I started writing a diary during my teenage years. Some of those diaries I still have and I lost some of them. But whatever I have is good enough to provide glimpses of my past. My diaries allow me to look at my old self and see how things changed. They show me how my thinking has evolved and as a result of that how I evolved as a person. They tell me about my dreams, concerns, and insecurities at different stages of life. They provide me an opportunity to revisit certain parts of my life, sometimes I read them and that era unfolds in front of my eyes like a movie. I don't think it would have been possible without my diaries.

My love affair with movies, books, and my diaries still continues, they add unique flavor and dimensions to my life and personality. My house is full of books, many of which I plan to read and I keep on adding to that collection, it doesn't matter whether I read them all or not, but having them around me fills me with hope and desire to know more. My diaries provide me a unique window into my past, they show me my state of mind, remind me about different people I met at different junctures of my life, and provide me perspective of some of the incidents that shaped me. And finally, movies and movie songs still entertain and educate me. I hope everyone finds some anchors like this that help them to self-educate, entertain, and add new dimensions to their lives. There is nothing better than challenging our own views and ideas and correcting them if they are found to be wrong and outdated. Stagnant ideas and cultures get contaminated and eventually stink like stagnant water, so, keep on updating your knowledge. There is no single book or movie that has all the knowledge or entertainment, you need multiple sources and keep on updating continuously as knowledge continuously changes and improves. I found my way to keep myself updated through books and movies, I hope you will find yours. All the very best.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com   

Can money buy happiness?

Money is important for everyone. This is not because money has certain inherent health benefits like some vitamins or other essential dietary components that we need, but because of the way our society is structured. We have decided to make money not only a currency but an essential commodity for survival in society. Even though everyone agrees that money is important, this one question is difficult to answer: Can money buy happiness?

My answer is "maybe," it all depends on what that person wants from their life. The relationship between money and happiness is complex and that's why it is often debated. Money can definitely contribute to certain aspects of happiness, such as financial security, physical comfort, and most importantly access to power and resources, however, its ability to directly buy happiness is limited and conditional and it varies from person to person. 

On one hand, having an adequate income can alleviate financial stress, provide for basic needs and other desires, and offer avenues for personal and social enjoyment and fulfillment. It can also enable individuals to pursue their passions, indulge in experiences, and enjoy certain standards of living that enhance their overall well-being. Also, financial stability can contribute to peace of mind, reduce anxiety and uncertainty about the future, and enable a person to help others. However, the pursuit of wealth has its own pitfalls and comes with its own problems. The pursuit of wealth and material possessions as a means to happiness can come at the cost of personal time, resulting in strained relationships, added stress and anxiety, and total dependency on that source of money. The research has shown that beyond a certain threshold, additional money does not necessarily lead to a proportional increase in happiness. This threshold can differ from person to person, but once basic needs are met, factors such as social connections, purposeful work, and personal growth become more significant determinants of happiness and financial wealth alone. Sometimes, the relentless pursuit of money can lead to a sense of emptiness, as individuals may find themselves trapped in a cycle of consumption and comparison, always chasing after the next possession or achievement in search of fulfillment. Unless inherited, wealth needs to be earned, and this pursuit of wealth can come at the expense of other important aspects of life such as health, leisure time, and quality relationships. Many people already complain about the long working hours they spend to accumulate wealth which leads to stress and burnout and neglect of one's physical and emotional wellbeing. The problem is even after knowing all this, people can't stop chasing money as they are trapped in the cycle of consumption and comparison.  

So, the point is, money can do a lot of things for you and it really depends on an individual and their priorities and situations if money can buy happiness for them or not. There was a time in my life when every issue and problem was related to money and I used to think only money could resolve all the issues, this was true for that particular phase, but not every phase of life is the same, our questions change and so the answers also change. Money can contribute to certain aspects of happiness, but true well-being and fulfillment stem from a multifaceted approach that encompasses various dimensions of life including the money dimension. Apart from money, cultivating meaningful relationships, pursuing passions and interests, contributing to the community, spreading kindness and love, and nurturing a sense of purpose are all essential components of a fulfilling life. True happiness arises from a holistic approach and money can be an integral part of this approach. One needs to decide how much and to what extent money is important for them and act accordingly. As individuals, we need to strike a balance between our financial well-being and the pursuit of happiness in a broader sense. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Mistakes and failures

Mistakes and failures are the two things that no one can avoid, they are intrinsic aspects of human experience. No matter how hard we try, we are going to have a fair share of our mistakes and failures, they are unavoidable in the journey of growth, learning, and achievement. They play a vital role in shaping our character, refining our skills, and pushing us towards success. The problem is not that we commit mistakes and face failures, but when we fail to learn lessons from them. Every setback is an opportunity to learn, and every failure is an opportunity to restart with a fresh mindset and energy. However, most of the time we fail to capitalize on these opportunities because we don't consider them as opportunities.

Mistakes are unavoidable for so many reasons, but mainly due to errors in judgment, lapses in attention, or simply due to the unpredictability and randomness of life itself. From minor mishaps to more significant blunders, mistakes provide opportunities for reflection, correction, and improvement. Mistakes can serve as valuable teachers, offering lessons in humility, resilience, and adaptability. They may also provide us with some regrets that can help us to become better human beings. Embracing mistakes and learning lessons from them is a part of the learning process that allows us to approach challenges with curiosity and openness, rather than fear of failure.

Failures also are an inevitable part of the human experience. They represent setbacks, disappointments, or shortcomings in our endeavors and pursuits. Sometimes, mistakes may result in failure, but this is not required, we may fail for so many reasons and without committing any mistake. Whether it is failing short of a goal, experiencing rejection, or facing adversity, failure can be a painful and humbling experience. However, like mistakes, it also offers valuable insights into our strengths, weaknesses, and areas of growth. By reframing failure as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block, we can harness its transformative power to fuel perseverance, innovation, and personal development. As a scientist, I know how important it is to learn from failures and capitalize on every failed experiment. 

Both mistakes and failures remind us of our humanity and inherent fallibility, and our capacity for resilience. They challenge us to confront our limitations and push past our comfort zones and strive for our goals despite hurdles and setbacks. More importantly, they foster empathy and compassion, as we recognize that everyone experiences missteps and setbacks on their journey to their success. To use them constructively we need to learn to embrace mistakes and failures not as signs of inadequacy, but as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. We also should not hesitate to seek help if we feel unsettled by them. With self-help or external help, we can reframe our perspective and adopt a growth mindset that can help to approach challenges with courage, persistence, and optimism. Rather than fearing them, we can view them as necessary stepping stones on the path to realizing our full potential.

Any culture or institution that only punishes mistakes and failures and only rewards success hinders personal growth. Mistakes and failures are as important as success in our lives. By embracing all of them with humility and resilience, we can transform setbacks into opportunities and valuable lessons. Let us embrace mistakes and failures as catalysts for personal and professional growth, recognizing their essential role in shaping our journey toward fulfillment and exploring our full potential.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

The cost of being nice

We see many people around us who are successful and admired despite being nasty to people around them. We know about bosses who are admired even though it is known that they perpetuate a toxic work culture. We know politicians who are admired even though they propagate hateful politics and divisiveness. Even movies with toxic, misogynistic, and brutal central characters become blockbusters. What does all this mean? What does it say about our society and culture when people relate to such toxic characters and consider them charismatic characters?

It begs the question, is it so difficult to be nice or kind? If it is not that difficult then why aren't people nice to each other. First, why we should be nice? We should not be nice or kind only because we get something from it, that's fake and selfish behavior. Occasionally, it's okay to be nice to get something in return, but making this a habit undermines our authenticity. Niceness or kindness works best when it's genuine. Sometimes, my kids come to me frustrated and angry and ask me what they get for being nice and reasonable when no one seems to value these qualities. My answer to this question is simple, you aren't kind because someone should praise you for being kind, you are kind because you feel compassion and love, and it is not possible to be kind every time everywhere. 

While being nice can have many positives, there can be costs associated with prioritizing niceness in certain situations. It is impossible to be nice all the time, if you try to be nice all the time it comes with the cost of suppressing your true feelings, opinions, and needs. Being nice doesn't mean one should try to avoid each and every conflict, sometimes you need to be assertive to stand up for yourself and others. Suppression of authenticity is the cost you will pay if you try to be nice all the time, many times, it is not possible to win approval from everyone around you. Another common issue is boundary violations. People who try to be nice all the time fail to establish or assert their boundaries or struggle to say no to requests or demands from others. This can lead to overcommitment, burnout, and a sense of being taken advantage of, as they may feel obligated to accommodate others at the expense of their own well-being. It is important to protect our boundaries, it is not the price we should pay for being nice. Therefore, constantly prioritizing niceness over genuine communication and self-care may contribute to feelings of resentment and stress. Sometimes being nice all the time may inadvertently enable negative behavior of others, we may come across as an insincere person or someone with a lack of assertiveness leading to misunderstandings and a lack of personal boundaries. All this can stifle our personal and professional growth. Without honest communication and feedback, we may struggle to identify the areas for improvement or opportunities for learning and development.

So, even though niceness can have many positives and is a desirable quality, it is important to recognize the potential costs and learn to strike a balance between niceness and authenticity. We must cultivate assertiveness, set healthy boundaries, and prioritize self-care while being nice. Also, whether it is necessary to be nice depends on the context and individual values. Niceness is typically characterized by kindness, politeness, and consideration of others. It plays an important role in our social interactions, building relationships, and contributing to a harmonious community. Our small acts of kindness can brighten someone's day, alleviate stress, and contribute to a more inclusive and supportive environment. In a professional setting, it can enhance teamwork, productivity, and job satisfaction, fostering a positive organizational culture.  However, the expectation of being always nice is impractical and unreasonable as it conflicts with our authenticity. It is burdensome to suppress our feelings all the time to avoid confrontation or to maintain a facade of agreeableness. Therefore, we should be aware of situations where being nice can undermine genuine communication and hinder meaningful connections and act accordingly. It is natural to encounter moments of frustration, anger, or disagreement. Suppressing these motions can lead to internalized stress and emotional repression affecting our mental and emotional health.

Ultimately, while niceness has its merits, it is essential to strike a balance between our kindness and authenticity. This does not mean that being nice always comes at the cost of being authentic, but when it does, we should be able to judge those situations and act accordingly. Remember, genuine relationships thrive on honesty, mutual respect, and acceptance of each other's humanity, including movements of vulnerability and disagreement. By cultivating a culture of kindness while also honoring individual boundaries and authenticity, we can create a more compassionate and inclusive world. Let's work to build such a world, and let's start from our own surroundings first. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Difference between our mental health and emotional health

I have written several posts about different topics related to mental health and emotional health. Both are extremely important for improving our quality of life. People often confuse that mental health and emotional health are the same. Yes, they are related, but not the same. To have good emotional health you need to have good mental health, but just because you do not have mental health-related issues that doesn't mean your emotional health is also good. Social stigma associated with mental health still persists, we have made great progress, but we are still not where we should be as a society to appreciate the importance of mental and emotional health. This stigma hinders open and frank discussion about many topics related to trauma and personal struggles that many of us face in our day-to-day lives. 

Our mental and emotional health are crucial components of our overall well-being, yet they include distinct aspects of our psychological and emotional functioning. Understanding the difference between these two dimensions is important for fostering resilience, coping with challenges, and promoting holistic wellness. Our mental health includes issues related to depression, anxiety, and other chronic conditions like bipolar, ADHD, etc. It includes a broad range of cognitive, emotional, and psychological aspects that influence how we think, feel, and behave. It involves factors such as our ability to process information, solve problems, manage stress, and maintain a sense of purpose and belonging in life. Mental health is not only about the absence of any mental illness but it is about recognizing and appreciating diverse types of psychological experiences and challenges that we face in our daily life.

Our emotional health includes our mental health plus social and personal interactions, that is, it depends on how we react to our relationships and surroundings. It includes our ability to recognize, understand, and manage our emotions effectively. It involves being conscious of our feelings, expressing them appropriately, and coping with our emotional challenges constructively. it includes aspects such as self-awareness, empathy, and the quality of our interpersonal relationships. Our relationships include our personal as well as professional relationships as work is becoming an important and integral part of people's lives. So, one can say that mental health is a foundation upon which emotional health is built. A strong foundation of mental health provides the cognitive and psychological resources needed to understand and manage our emotions effectively. Conversely, nurturing our emotional health contributes to overall mental well-being by enhancing resilience, building positive relationships, and promoting psychological balance.  Both mental health and emotional health are interconnected and mutually reinforcing, we cannot neglect one and expect that the other will help us out. A disruption in one dimension can often impact the other, this is why I am highlighting the importance of both. Maintaining both, mental and emotional health is essential for overall well-being and quality of life.

Our mental and emotional health are interconnected aspects of our overall well-being. Even though they are connected, they are not synonymous. Whenever we face any emotional challenges we need to address both aspects holistically, just focussing on one may help us temporarily but we must look into both aspects for permanent benefits. There are many useful practices such as mindfulness, self-care, therapy, and healthy and active lifestyle choices that can help to promote both dimensions resulting in improved resilience, greater fulfillment, and better overall well-being. By prioritizing both, our mental and emotional health we can cultivate the psychological resources needed to thrive and lead fulfilling lives.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

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