Rape is never the victim's fault.

Recently I saw this very realistic post on my Facebook wall shared by one of my friend which conveys a very important message "Rape is never victim's fault". We all read many posts or articles where many people accuse victim after rape or any sexual assault, they question victim's behavior, dressing, choice of friends and many other things which according to them encouraged other person to sexually assault the victim. Most these comments and objections try to put the entire blame of incident on shoulders of victim and draw some ridiculous conclusion that victim asked for it and some how she got what she deserved. Forget about insensitive nature of all these comments that's not what is important here but the attempt to put all blame on victim and indirectly sympathize with perpetrator of crime bothers me a lot. 

This picture below speaks for itself, no need to explain anything, women have total right to choose what they want to wear (same choice which most cultures and societies offer to men). There is heavy commercialization of human body in advertising world but that's true for both the genders but somehow women get criticized more for exposure compared to men, it's very clear that people (mostly men) are not very comfortable with exposed women body and they try to put blame of their weakness on women in the name of culture, tradition or religion (they use whatever which can help them in this). They are expected to cover their body and show some decency, follow some rules which are supposed to help men to control their sexual desires, so somehow they think that responsibility of keeping man's sexual desire under control lies on women.

The accusation that by dressing in particular way or by their behavior or choice of friends or partners in relationship they ask or invite sexual assault is totally baseless and ridiculous according to me. Nothing, absolutely nothing gives anybody license to sexually harass anyone based on their appearance or behavior or anything. By putting entire blame on victim these people make that victim feel inferior, guilty and worthless which is very dangerous and isolated victims sometimes push them to take extreme step of ending their life (suicide, and then same people blame them for being weak). Victim of any crime needs all support and help society can offer to him/her and victims of sexual harassment like rape need even more support because not only their body but also minds are hurt and it's not easy to heal these type of injuries without support from near and dear ones. Because of social pressure and tremendous stigma attached with such crimes sometimes even near and dear ones hesitate to support victim the way they should. We need to confront this mentality with full force, these people if allow to become successful will bring back the era of human civilization where women were forced to cover themselves (not by choice but by force) and follow all rules and regulations imposed on them by male dominated society (these rules are totally one sided and gender biased), I don't think many of us want that era back. We need to make one this clear to these people, they need to stop blaming victim, I can't say that there are no fake rape accusations or some people don't misuse sexual harassment laws to their advantage but these type of cases are not very common and we should not generalize things based on few isolated incidents.

Sexual harassment is very serious and complicated issue, treating it in such a casual way is not the proper way to handle it. People need to get educated about this issue, both men and women need to be educated about their rights and responsibilities, I know that we can not eradicate this problem completely but together at least we can help the victims to deal with their pain and tackle this problem more efficient and proper way.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright for text: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing) 

Links:

1. Elizabeth Smart: Abstinence Education Teaches Rape Victims They’re Worthless, Dirty, And Filthy

Lal Krishna Advani, always number two...

Recent high pitch drama related with resignation of senior leader from Bharatiya Janta Party (BJP) Mr. Lal Krishna Advani (LKA) and its subsequent rejection and withdrawal was in news for last few days. It seems Mr. Advani is not happy in direction his party is going and the way decisions are taken now a days (without consulting him). LKA never hid his aspiration for PM (prime minister on India) position, he always wanted to become PM but somehow destiny denied him that chance. He worked really hard to make BJP a strong political force (from just 2 seats in Loksabha in 1984 to 161 seats in 1996, and then subsequently to power in 1999). He was central figure in Ram Mandir movement which actually helped BJP to attain status of major opposition party, created vote bank for them and also helped them to win 1999 general election. But in spite of all his efforts and aggressive politics LKA always remained number two in BJP with Atal Bihari Vajpayee being more acceptable face to other coalition partners of NDA (national democratic alliance).

Mr. Narendra Modi is an emerging and very popular face in national politics, he already proved his power of governance and decision making as Gujarat chief minister and is now aspiring for bigger role in national politics (prime minister's post). Everyone related with Indian politics knows how much LKA want to become PM, he lost his chance to ABV in 1999, because LKA was considered as too radical or too extremist (pro-Hindu ideology, his close association with Ram mandir movement, etc.) to be a leader of coalition front which consisted of some so called secular parties such as TDP and JD(U). One can say that today NM is what LKA was few decades back but with proven track record of success he achieved as Gujarat PM, this gives him better creditability and chance to secure top position compared to LKA, but like LKA even NM has a tag of too radical Hindu extremist leader (more because of Godhra incident in 2002) and there is no doubt this label will be a major road block in his journey to achieve wider acceptance among other partners of NDA. So I think LKA is not happy with the fact that what he couldn't achieve some years back some one else with similar background and credentials can achieve so easily that too in his own party. Actually all three ABV, LKA and NM come with RSS background, they all believe in same ideology but have different approach that's why some are more acceptable compared to others.

I think by this time Mr. Advani must have realized that there is no point in fighting on the issue of Modi as future leader of BJP, LKA did whatever he can to achieve success to his party, he feels that he didn't get his due but that's how it is, in life sometimes you have to compromise and I think he realized this and that's why withdrew his resignation, BJP is definitely stringer with LKA with them than without him. Whether Modi can win this election for them or not is another big issue to discuss but right now there is lot of buzz in media about his name and he is very popular, it will be interesting to see how other partners of NDA react to selection of his name.It's good that Mr. Advani realized that there was no pint in stretching this drama any long, better to be late than never, I think he took right decision, lets see what happens next.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Camping...chance to connect with nature

Like last few years (3 years to be precise) we went for camping this year as well. It all started 3 years back when my very enthusiastic friend Vishnu threw this idea about going for camping to me, normally I am not very enthusiastic about visiting any exotic place (and there are many such places in every country, specially in US) but this idea of leaving your comfortable home for no particular reason appealed to me and we started this adventure. People who know me very well know how enthusiastic I am about traveling, I don't like to travel that much, I know it is exciting and many people just love to travel but some how I don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy many other activities (may be because of all the driving which I have to do). But even after all this I go for many trips but not just because of my interest in the places where I am go but most of the time because of people or group with whom I travel. I am particularly lucky to meet lot of amazing people in my life and they all make all these occasions special and unique for me so the rest doesn't matter much, the pleasure of traveling with amazing people takes care of other boring aspects of journey. But camping is the one thing which I enjoy just because there is a huge element of unpredictability in it, we always try go to the new campsite every year, so normally we don't know how it will be (you can get most of the information from internet but there are always surprises), we normally plan it 1-2 months in advance so whether prediction is not known (and people living in New England know what I am talking about), and during camping (with tents and sleeping bags) one can not isolate oneself from whether like one can do by staying in hotels or resorts or other places which can protect you from temperature fluctuations, rain, etc, so all these things make camping lot more interesting than other outings to me. My be this is not the best way to spend your long weekend for everyone (sometimes among rain or too cold or too hot and humid whether, surrounded by insects and some wild animals like bear) but it's definitely very unique and interesting way to spend time with your family and friends.

All these camping trips are unique experience for me in their own way, every time there are some new people in our group, most of them try this adventure for the first time in their life with us and most of them enjoy this and want to try again. Based on description I am providing I am sure that some people might think that this doesn't look like thing to do for every one or may be doesn't sound like lot of fun and I think that is true. Some times these things are physically very demanding and one starts thinking why to do it when other more comfortable options are available. Another thing which I like about these outings is I also get chance to spend time away from TV and internet during these trips, only our phone stays with me and that too for important calls, so there is lot of free time for discussion, games, arguments, walks, etc. These activities are great but now a days we struggle to find any free time to do them regularly in this era of internet and video games. I do enjoy internet and video games a lot and by staying away from these things for some time I  learn to appreciate importance of these inventions which have become integral part of our life today and it also reminds me to properly use them and there are many things which are equally wonderful.

Whatever I wrote in this post about camping are totally my personal thoughts, people may or may not agree with them, they might think camping is bad idea, somewhat a health risk (because of allergies, risk of physical injuries, etc.) and they are totally right but there is element of risk involved in almost everything we do and it's up to us to evaluate it and decide whether we want to go for it or not. There might be better ways to connect with nature and understand our surroundings than camping but this one suits me and may nature that's why I love it, I suggest people to give it a try at least once before rejecting it as a bad idea.  

Thanks for reading and please share your views.

our temporary home

beautiful view of lake early in the morning

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing) 

Violence breeds only violence...

Recent killing of Mahendra Karma, the Chhattisgarh Congress leader in a terror attack by the Naxalites has initiated discussion about how to tackle this very complicated issue of Naxal violence in India. I am no expert in this area and I recommend readers to read some excellent articles mentioned in links section which express very balanced views about this and other related incidents. All these issues are very complicated socioeconomic and political issues for country like India, there are many people who either support or oppose either sides involved in this conflict, they all are very emotional about their beliefs but this argument about who is right and who is wrong is going on for decades without producing any result, so I think time has come to stop that argument and think over the problem all over again. We all know that 'violence only breeds violence' we have seen it many times in human history, no matter for what purpose it is used violence always results in more violence, people suffer, generations fight with each other for no reason, different communities, groups or religions hate each other without even knowing why they are doing this. This violence exists in many forms and hatred is one of them and no one can predict when this can take form of physical violence which results in actual killing of people.

I think I have mentioned this before in some of my posts but let me say this once again, we humans are very intelligent species and we very often use that intelligence to justify many of our acts which are not normal, let it be any war, murder or any other thing. There are so many examples from history or even from some holy books (scriptures) where violence on massive scale is justified or even glorified, celebrated and surprisingly many people are very much OK with it. I agree that sometimes it is impossible to avoid fight and war but to glorify it is altogether different thing. So one thing is for sure that we humans are no strangers to violence and we are very much involved in it from the beginning of our civilization. But this doesn't mean that violence is the only option available for us to settle any major dispute, I agree that it is the most used option by many communities but things are not same all the time, from time to time we always get some person or group of persons who think differently and believe that similar effect can be achieved (or major conflicts can be resolved) without using any violence. Many of these people are ridiculed for their attitude and thinking but even after all the odds against them they were successful and were able to leave their mark on history but unfortunately somehow they failed to generate very loyal supporters who can take their beliefs to next level and make sure that they become part of day to day lifestyle. I agree that it is not easy way to follow, may be that's why it failed to attract many followers. In today's world these examples are looked as kind of exceptional cases where this strategy worked somehow. Mahatma Gandhi is very good example of this, he won independence by using non violence protests but after getting that independence India is continuously battling with one violent conflict or other and now his ways to resolve conflicts are considered as outdated and non practical things to follow. Violence comes very naturally to animals, and humans are animals but at the same time we call ourselves civilized animals but many times our behavior doesn't justify the civilized tag attached to us, I think we need to work harder to call ourselves a civilized community.

Most probably this kind of conflict is a result of false propaganda (specially in case of communal riots) where some people mislead masses for their own selfish political or personal benefits or gross negligence by government (Naxal problem) where it allows knowingly or unknowingly exploitation of one class of society by other class for long time (I feel this is the major reason behind Naxalite movements in different parts of India). Both these scenarios are totally avoidable with proper planning and education. People need to be aware of their rights and all resources available to them to execute those rights, at the same time they should also be aware of their responsibilities, this is very important as a responsible citizen of that country. Rights and duties are different sides of same coin, one cannot demand only rights without fulfilling their duties, and one can not fulfill their duties completely without having those rights, so both of these work together and wherever we see any imbalance conflict is bound to emerge sooner or later. So for any society to have healthy atmosphere it needs to make its people aware about their rights and duties.

If we start arguing who is right and who is wrong then it will become topic of endless discussion, people from both sides can argue very passionately to justify their approach but ultimately we only see lot of emotions, passion and drama but no real solution. We need healthy discussion or dialogue not argument about this issue, and one should keep emotions in control during any discussion otherwise it turns onto argument and defeats the whole purpose.  Ultimately common people suffer in all this, so they need to take control of the situation, and once they realize that they are being used by both sides as prawns to ply power game I think they will look for solution, until this happens this bloody game will continue.

Thanks for reading and please share your views about this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Links:
1. The continuing tragedy of the adivasis- Ramachandra Guha
2. दन्तेवाड़ा की जड़ें- सुनील

Gods and their books...

While reading many scriptures or holy books (like Bhagvad Gita, Qur'an, Bible, Ramayan, etc.) I always wonder why these books are considered or called as holy or sacred? Most of these books which claim to dictate message of some particular God which is also supposed to be the creator of this universe in most cases (Allah in case of Qur'an, Krishna in case of Bhagvad Gita, some other God in case of Bible and so on). Surprisingly all these books are not written by the person (or God) whose message it claims to deliver, I wonder why these super powerful entities didn't bother write these books themselves if that message was so important and necessary for human species which these books claim they created, after all if you can create a complex living being like humans and whole universe how much effort it takes to create a book? These books are not also written immediately after these people delivered that message so that if these great entities can't create book on their own at least they can verify the content and attest it as a 'true copy', rather they came into print after many years the reported divine incident in all these books happened (where someone received that message). Followers of these books (and sometimes some books themselves) claim to deliver (or I should say dictate) 'absolute knowledge' for mankind. In today's world most of these books are property of some organized religion or other and they are used as manuals for framing rules and regulations (dos and don'ts) for that particular religion anything mentioned in those books becomes sacred or divine for its followers and anyone challenging them is evil or atheist or danger to them.

As such just as a literature all these books about which I am talking are good to read, they are quite entertaining and full of nice stories, they try to teach many good things via these stories, the only problem is they are written in some ancient language (the original text) which are either no more in use or are spoken in very few regions of the world but then the good part is there are many reliable translations easily available and one can read them in his/her won language if one wants, most of them are reasonably prized (or even sometimes free) and easily available. I read many of them and they make a very good read if one read them just as books (keeping aside divine or sacred aspect of them), they teach some very good things (as most of books which we read do) and also help to understand other faiths and religions apart from your own (in which we are born). But things are totally different when people or organizations take these books and form societies (called as religions) based on them, they make their own concept of super almighty God which is supposed to be a ruler of this world. They form their own definitions of many things (like marriage, role of women in society, etc.), they have their own rules about many things like how to pray, whom to pray, what to pray, what to eat, what to wear, etc. These rules are preached nicely in the beginning and once they gather enough strength, power and become dominant then these rules are forced on people in the name of religion (or God and its commands) and people who don't follow them or challenge them are considered as outliers and face discrimination and many other problems, even death.

So I think people need to ask themselves, why to give so much importance to these books? after all these are just books like many other useful books written by some intelligent people or group of people who wanted to share their knowledge and wisdom. Any single book can not contain everything required to know, it can not teach everything required to live human life, every human is different and they can have different needs. I agree that they can be great in some subjects like philosophy, religion or history but there is huge amount of knowledge outside the scope of these books which is equally important and equally relevant. Actually source of knowledge or information doesn't matter much but its relevance and contents do matter a lot, it doesn't matter who said  but it matters what is said and how relevant the content is. Good and relevant information is good and useful no matter from where it comes and bad, outdated or wrong concepts are useless no matter from which book or which person they come, it's as simple as that. I hope that people will understand this simple fact and at least stop fighting based on what is written in some book and what is not, we humans are much more than just a book, we should learn to read and respect each other then only any book can teach us something, as long as we lack some of these basic human qualities like love and respect for each other no matter which book we read or follow it's not going to make us better person.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Junk food marketing to kids...a very serious issue..

This issue was mentioned to me by my friend Vishnu couple of years back, that time he was working in the area which specifically dealt with this issue when he told me about this I didn't think it was that serious or major issue. I used to think that after all most of parents decide what they want to buy and what not for their kids so as long as parents are aware of these things it should not be a big problem, but I was wrong things are not that simple. There is a nice TED talk on this issue by Anna Lappe, I encourage everyone reading this to listen to this talk, it's really educating, she nicely explains from her personal experience how these big food (or junk food) firms strategically target kids to sell their products and develop a brand loyalty. They got their mantra right "catch them young" and once you develop a passion and likeness about your brand among kids you have a loyal customer who will promote and use your product no matter what. Sounds like great marketing strategy of 21st century but somehow I feel that this great marketing mantra which all big corporates are following is invented long long ago by people who wanted to spread their religion or cult movements, these organizations know how well it works so everyone is using this formula to their advantage.

All these big corporates who want to substitute everything on your dining table with products produced by them are pretty successful in doing this, they have already established their brand value and all these brands have huge fan following and loyal customers. We can clearly see that more and more people eat out, don't like to cook their meal in home and amazingly even naturally available, free drink water is substituted by variety of soft drinks, energy drinks and there are so many zero calorie flavored water products sold in market. Because of all this heavy marketing in today's world people prefer to pay money to buy water rather than drinking freely available, easy to purify tap water. Many terms like zero calorie soft drinks (like diet Coke and Pepsi) or chemical free products (I wonder what they mean by this, because even pure water is a chemical) or 100% natural, etc. are used as marketing tricks to attract and mislead customers. These terms are used to make people feel that they are consuming very healthy stuff which is good for their body. There is no limit to what extend these advertisements can go to target their customers and they also use all those popular cartoon characters and very attractive packaging to attract kids to their product. I am not against marketing, they have total right to promote their product and market it to potential customers in fair and legal way but if they purposely target customers who are not in a position to evaluate their product and judge their claims (kids and in some cases teenagers) then it's unfair to target them so aggressively. Even many educated adults also fell prey to many marketing gimmicks then just imagine about kids who don't even know that they are being targeted as potential customers and have no idea about the product which they demand. Once they fall in this trap then it's very difficult to come out of it, this is some sort of addiction, a very bad one but done by using legal means so that no one can question this.

Till now there was no public awareness about what can be the result of this targeted marketing on our society but now we can clearly see the effect of these things on world population, health issues resulting from poor diet choices and sudden change in lifestyle are putting enormous pressure on public health system in various countries (obesity, heart diseases, diabetics are some of examples). For the first time in human history there is a possibility that life expectancy of next generation might be less than their previous generation, and all this because choices they make in their diet and lifestyle, this aggressive advertising has huge influence on choices they make. The issue is serious enough that it should get wide public attention, it should be discussed at every level as population of all ages is going to get affected because of this. Public debate is required and some solid policy making is also required before it becomes too big problem to handle. It's all about our own health and health of our future generations if we don't talk about this then I wonder who will.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Links:
1. TED talk by Anna Lappe
2. Amount of sugar in some average sized bottles.
3. http://www.sugarstacks.com/

Why so much emphasis on biological motherhood?

The post is not only about biological motherhood but in general about biological parenthood, I specifically mentioned motherhood in the title as it gets more highlighted everywhere and is more glorified term compared to fatherhood. So, this is the topic about which I want to discus today, do we over glorify or give so much importance to biological parenthood? No doubt that parenthood (becoming mother or father) is one of the most beautiful thing in this world but why we give so much importance to biological part of it? Any capable adult can become parent either by biological means or legal means (adoption), but our society puts so much emphasis on biological parenthood that all other forms of parenthood are given secondary status and have become kind of social taboo and even some of modern techniques (like in vitro fertilization, test tube baby, surrogate mother, etc.) are subject of heavy criticism by various conservative religious organization because they think some of these techniques directly interfere in the area (reproduction of humans) which their God has total control or exclusive right.

Biological part of parenthood seems so important that if for some reason couples who can not conceive the child naturally (even after medical treatment) feel very depressed (which is natural) but then they start thinking that they lost something big in their life, start running to temples and so many so called Gurus to get biological child, but some how many of them don't think about other options available to them to become a parent. The main reason they feel hesitant to consider other options is the stigma associated with those methods as well as lack of knowledge. They also think that it (other type of parenthood) can not be as rewarding (socially and personally) as natural parenthood, then they eventually start feeling that something is wrong with their life, people or relatives start feeling bad for them, people feel sympathy for them (even if they don't want that sympathy it is offered to them). Those women are labelled as barren (like a barren land which cannot produce anything) and many times face problems and emotional trauma, sometimes these women are not invited to some social functions as they are considered as bad omen.

Generally the entire blame of couple's infertility is put on woman (specially in non developed countries or conservative societies), I have seen this happening in India (and I am sure it happens in many other countries also), and most of the time this happens without even doing any proper medical check up. If a couple can not conceive 1-2 years after marriage then in most cases blame is automatically  put on wife but not on husband. In many societies for men to have some medical problem related with infertility is something very shameful,  something which questions their manhood. They are called impotent or so many other names (most of them are insulting or derogatory terms), because of this many of them don't even like to go for any medical check up for this type of problems, they try to avoid this issue or try to hide these type of problems, so much is the social stigma associated with these things in some societies. Actually there are so many reasons for male infertility or female infertility and there is nothing shameful in either of them, many are treatable medical conditions, it is entirely a personal matter and no one should be judged or treated based on their medical history. I think just because our society gives so much importance to biological parenthood somehow the act of becoming parent is considered as a proof to confirm one's manhood or womanhood and failing to do so is considered as something shameful or case of incomplete personality.

In many societies still women's main duty is considered as giving birth to kids after marriage (specially a male child as heir to family), if they fail to do so then they face many problems. Even if for whatever reasons (like career, personal unwillingness, financial or anything else) they don't want to have a child they are pressurized in various ways, reminded very often about 'their most important duty' and 'obligation' as a wife or daughter-in-law, this pressure is so huge that most women (educated or uneducated doesn't matter) surrender to it and few who don't budge under this pressure face many problems and survive only when they have total support of their partner. I wonder why so much importance is given to biological parenthood in many societies and cultures? If we look at ancient stories or some famous mythological characters (like Krishna, Jesus, etc.) many of them have unknown biological origins or lived with adopted parents and still lead very normal and successful life. We like their stories, recite them again and again, love these characters, but even after all this some how believe that life is not complete without having 'our own' kids, biological heir to family is must for many, why?

Many people make a big mess of beautiful concepts like parenthood  by overemphasizing on biological aspect of it (another good example of this is marriage), parenthood is a beautiful thing, very rewarding for both, child and its parents but parenthood is parenthood no matter what, whether it's via adoption or child birth or any other means, any adult can become a great parent if he or she wants, all parents can enjoy this process equally well and if there are some who are not interested in this process, then also it's perfectly fine no need to bother them, they can live complete lives as they choose with or without kids, we should respect their choice. We have already stereotyped many things let's keep at least this out of it, many children need parents and many people need a child to fulfill their desire of parenthood, we all can help them by removing social stigma associated with other forms of parenthood. I salute to all parents who adopt the child even though they can have child by biological means, not everyone can or is capable to do this but people who do this are according to me great social reformers. I believe that there is definitely more in life apart from biological parenthood, I am not trying to diminish its importance but really I feel that sometimes people give way too much importance to this, so lets keep it simple.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright : Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infertility
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surrogacy