Our worry chambers

We all worry. It is common for humans to worry about various things. No one teaches us how and why to worry, we pick up this habit from our surroundings and make it our own. It is also true that as we age, we start worrying more, you will hardly see a kid worrying about what will happen tomorrow, but we can see many grownups, including teenagers who worry a lot about the future. Even though uncertainty is an inherent aspect of our lives and there is nothing much we can do about it, we worry about the uncertainty in our lives. Worrying is so pervasive and addictive that we also start worrying about why we worry so much. In reality, there is no escape from worrying after we cross a certain age, we create our own worry chambers and go there more often than we should. The key is not how to stop worrying, because we just can't, the key is how we make use of our worrying habit to our advantage. We must use our worry chambers to caution us rather than cripple us, the exercise is tricky, but we must learn to use our worry chambers as precautionary stops, this is the only way to use our worry chambers rather than getting stuck in them forever.

The actual problem is not that we worry, worrying itself is not bad, it helps us to be cautious, and it makes us collect more information before making any decision, so, in a way it helps us to mitigate potential risks. The problem is when we can't stop worrying and it cripples us, we can't take any action because we are stuck in our worry chambers. "Stop worrying" is useless advice to offer others and to receive it from someone. Everyone knows we should stop worrying, but we can't do it as it is ingrained in our thinking process. Telling someone to stop worrying is like telling them to stop thinking, it is not going to happen as long as their mind is in an active state. So, one thing is clear, worrying is here to stay with us as long as we can think. One solution to this is to make worrying our strength and not our weakness. If you know that you can't get rid of worrying, learn to walk with your worries, and make them your advisor friend, a friend who will tell you about dangers and pitfalls. But don't allow that friend to dictate and control every step, allow it to walk with you, but not for you. Allow it to offer advice, but don't allow it to dictate your path. Allow it to walk behind you, not ahead of you. Allow it to take part in your inner conversations, but don't allow it to dominate those conversations. Allow it to be with you, but don't allow it to be you. This way, we can make good use of our worrying instinct, it can help us rather than cripple us. I know it is easier said than done, but it is worth a shot. We need to devise our own methods to deal with our worries, what works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. But one thing is clear, in the current era of junk information (same as junk food), we need to take care of worry chambers and make sure that we don't get stuck in them. We should use our worries to get the information and move on. Remember, thinking is only the first step, if we want to achieve our goals we also need to take action, worrying is part of the thinking process not part of our action, let our worries stand by our side while we move on by taking action and making things happen. All the very best.  

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

It is not difficult to be happy

We are made to believe that the ultimate goal of our life is to be happy. No doubt, there is merit in this message. Happiness is a formidable aim to have, a happy world is also a healthy word. However, the definition of happiness is different for different people. The problem is once we are convinced about the message of the pursuit of happiness, we are taught how to be happy, we are almost brainwashed to instill a definition of happiness in our media from different sources. Some common definitions of happiness include having a dream job, a big home, a loving and beautiful life partner, obedient and successful kids, social status, vacations at exotic locations, and whatever other luxuries the market has to offer us. It is hard to resist these impulses, the projected picture is very tempting, ultimately most of us get drawn into this thinking about manufactured happiness and start chasing it. Let me be clear that there is nothing wrong with chasing these things if you really want them and enjoy them. However, I see many people who chased these things and achieved most of them and still were not happy. Based on this I concluded that it's not easy to be happy, especially if you don't know what you are chasing will make you happy or if you are borrowing someone's idea of happiness rather than searching for your own desires.

The next question is, whether it is easy to realize what we really want or where our own happiness lies? The simple answer is, no, it's not. This is why it's easier to accept whatever definitions and ideas of happiness are offered to us by media or movies rather than dwelling on a difficult quest to find our own calling. Media houses and movie makers have their own commercial interests, both are very expensive enterprises to run and need a lot of cash flow to sustain their operations. Therefore, many businesses and commercial enterprises use these mediums to serve their purpose, and who are their targets? Of course, common people like you and me. We are consumers of content delivered by these platforms, in a way we need these things to fill our need for entertainment or fulfill our intellectual or social needs. In this process, we get bombarded by various messages that subtly try to tell us what it means to be happy. Most of these ideas involve chasing something grand, something valuable, simplicity is not deemed as a virtue but a sign of boredom. The end result, we live in a consumerist society. There is nothing wrong with being a consumer, actually, whether we want or not we are going to consume something. The problem is we are not being consumers but are being designed in a particular way to consume certain things. It is not easy to resist these temptations. The main reason why it is not easy to resist is that the advertisements and other messages are prepared after a lot of research about human psychology and behavior. We feed a lot of data from our side into this system to make it better and stronger day by day. 

Is there a way out or we are trapped to the point of no return? There is definitely a way out. We must be conscious of our actions, and always ask a few questions like, why I am doing this, do I really want this, is there any better way I can spend my time, am I going to be happy after doing this, if yes, how long? Questions like these won't guarantee that you won't fall for any temptations but they will minimize the chances. It is true that it's not easy to be happy, but it's also true that by taking some simple steps it's easy not to get tricked into getting trapped in a vicious cycle of chasing that ever-elusive happiness that never comes. Once we remove all the noise around us we can focus on the real signals from our mind and embrace what we really want without being influenced by what markets or society wants us to do for being perceived as happy. The choice is ours, whether we want to be actually happy or want to be perceived by others as happy. It's not difficult to be happy if we search for that happiness within ourselves rather than somewhere else.

Thank you for reading and please share your opinion about this topic. 

How to deal with the onslaught of the cult of positivity?

Who doesn't like to be positive, right? However, is it possible to remain positive in each and every situation of one's life? Is it even normal to try to be positive all the time? Definitely not. There are bound to be ups and downs in everyone's life. We are going to feel the highs and lows in our personal and professional lives. If we check, we can find thousands of videos on various platforms of social media that only talk about how to be positive, and how to be happy. There are very few that discuss how to deal with every kind of emotion: positive, negative, neutral, everything. Many of these videos are good and they can help a person overcome frustration or get motivated to take up new challenges, but at the same time, they are creating what I call "a cult of positivity." These so-called motivational gurus intentionally or unintentionally group human emotions into two categories: good and bad. Positivity, optimism, love, etc. all are good, and anger, frustration, anxiety, fear, discomfort, etc. are all in the negative bucket.  

This cult of positivity has become so strong and dominant that even when you try to talk about the possibility of a different outcome than a person desires, they label you as a pessimist or a negative person. People are not willing to listen or even consider that there might be another possibility that needs some consideration. Don't get me wrong, there is no problem with being positive, it helps in many ways, but at the same time other emotions are as natural, and many times they are very much required to have a proper understanding of the world around us.  People do feel angry, frustrated, anxious, or depressed and such people are not pessimistic or people filled only with negative emotions. Such people can also have equal zeal and love for life. These so-called motivational leaders talk as if a person should always be high on adrenaline and willing to jump a cliff no matter what, and if we show a slight hesitation or reluctance, then we are a failure or should be ashamed of ourselves.  However, this is not how real life is, we can feel apprehension, doubt, fear, feelings of being lost, lonely, sad, rejected, stressed, remorseful, angry, and jealous. These are just a few and there are many emotions to add to this list, and all these emotions are as natural as feeling positive. 

We need to feel optimistic and positive, no one can deny that. At the same time, too much of anything is bad, as it is said: "The dose makes the poison." Too much of any emotion is bad, if our stress, anxiety, or depression becomes chronic, we should get professional help. Demonizing these feelings doesn't help. Many people are reluctant to accept that they feel these so-called negative emotions just because they are worried that they will be judged if they speak about these emotions. We need to learn how to deal with this cult of positivity. I notice that people smitten by this cult are scared of anything that has a connotation of negativity or vulnerability. People prefer to shield themselves in a false sense of security and do not want to be perceived as vulnerable, they feel being vulnerable means being weak, and this is not natural. We need to equip ourselves with a proper emotional balance so that we can understand when this dose of positivity or any other emotion is reaching the level of being toxic. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for this, as everyone's capacity to deal with a particular emotion is different. This is why, we should not hesitate to talk about all emotions, not just the ones which people appreciate (so-called positive ones). This will allow each emotion to get its due recognition and will remove the guilt factor from people who feel the emotions that normally don't get any space in day-to-day discussions (so-called negative ones).  

The human mind is a very complex thing and just one emotion cannot define its good or bad health. We need to strike the emotional balance and the path to striking that balance demands to recognize and accept the presence and need of every emotion. 

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic.