Risks of ignoring underlying sadness and anxiety

Human emotions are complex. They are complex not because there are many, but because many times they confuse us and our conditioning doesn't allow us to acknowledge some emotions. Anxiety, stress, sadness, or feeling low in life is unavoidable. We all go through some or all of these emotions from time to time. It is not easy to embrace these emotions as they are uncomfortable feelings, and this is why we tend to avoid them. Many try to ignore them, bury them under some other emotions. Some try to dilute them with the use of drugs, alcohol, or some other addiction. Sometimes we feel that keeping ourselves busy may make them go away and we immerse ourselves in some activities. Some take shelter from work and become a workaholic, forgetting that addiction to work can also be bad. Sometimes we are so confused that we don't know how to react. Sometimes we take out all our frustrations and anger on people who we love and hurt them, damage relationships, and end friendships. One thing is clear, ignoring these emotions is not a good strategy. Rather, ignoring these emotions may be risky, especially when these emotions push us toward some addiction. Once we start walking the path of addiction, there is a slippery path of getting trapped where it is hard to come out without any professional help. It is better to embrace these emotions and deal with them, try to find out their roots, and address them rather than ignore them. 

Emotional distress or trauma is common for all of us. It's a spectrum, some of us suffer more compared to others. The words "trauma" and "distress" have so much negativity associated with them that no one wants to say that they are in emotional distress or trauma. Just acknowledging these emotions doesn't make us weak or sick, it allows us to recognize them and deal with them. It also allows us to seek help if needed, and this help can be in many ways and forms. It can be in the form of counseling, therapy, medication, meditation, or just talking with someone we trust. There are many ways to get help, provided we recognize that we need help and we figure out what we need help with. Also, once we acknowledge these emotions we can try controlling them, ignoring them only allows those emotions to control us. Ignoring them may also make us sick. Please don't ignore underlying sadness, anxiety, or any other emotion that bothers you. Seek help and begin your journey towards better emotional well-being. All the very best.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

My phone and me

I like my phone, it is the one thing I carry everywhere. By phone I do not mean the make or model that I am using, I mean the phone as an instrument, a smartphone with all its features and apps. I find it a handy gadget as it helps me in many ways, especially to get over boredom, it provides me with something to do, wherever I am and whenever I want. At the same time, I also understand the criticism directed toward the excessive usage of smartphones. I see the point, but I disagree with the sweeping criticism directed toward phone usage. In many conversations, the smartphone is projected as an evil gadget, the source of all our problems while ignoring all the benefits. I understand that like many inventions that transformed our lives the smartphone is also like a double-edged sword, it all depends on how we use it. Smartphones and the internet come with some inherent risks, but so do sugar and caffeine, didn't we learn how to use them to our advantage? Similarly, why can't we do this with our smartphones?

Today's smartphones are amazing devices, they are more powerful than the desktops that were in use just two decades back. They allow us to make calls, message our contacts, do our office work, take photos, record videos, use it as a navigation device, read books, watch movies, play games, and many other things. Just a few years back we used to have separate devices for each of these things, now we can do it all on one device that can fit into our pockets, such is the power of smartphones. Yes, occasionally we get distracted, many of us are getting addicted to it and this is bad. Just because the gadget is super cool and useful does not mean we should overuse it. Just because we can connect with anyone, anywhere using our phones we should not disengage from our immediate surroundings. I am sure we will learn how to adjust and accommodate the presence of smartphones in our lives, any resistance is futile. In the same way, resistance to the TV was futile, it did enter almost every household that can afford it. Initially, when TV was launched it was ridiculed as an "idiot box" and blamed for all the problems including weight gain to increasing violence in society. Similarly, smartphones are going through that blame phase. 

People who criticize smartphones conveniently overlook the benefits it offers. My phone allows me to read books, and listen to podcasts, even in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, many times it helps me to sleep while listening to some music or podcasts. It keeps me engaged when I am waiting for someone, helps me to check things during travel, and I can stay connected with my kids and parents. The list is too long to mention everything. For many who need something to keep their mind engaged, a smartphone is like a boon, something that keeps our hyperactive brain in control. I am sure, there are many like me who thank their phone for this. Also, there are many who overuse smartphones so much that it starts affecting their day-to-day lives. In such cases, the user needs to be trained to monitor the use and make sure they are not overdoing it. The Internet is like an ocean, we will get lost in it if we try to navigate without any control and guidance. Please be conscious of all these things and use your smartphone to your advantage. I and my phone are going to stay together, we both benefit from each other. I love this relationship and have no plans to break up. I wish you all a rewarding and fulfilling relationship with your smartphone.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Capitalism and inequality

First a disclaimer from my side, I am a capitalist and I do believe that capitalism is the best economic system we have today, all other options like socialism and communism are much worse. However, this does not mean that I am not receptive to any criticism of capitalism. Rather, I think capitalism, in its current form, needs a lot of work and it also needs to evolve with time to suit the needs of changing socioeconomic situations. Increasing inequality is one of the most common and valid criticisms that capitalism cannot ignore. It is hard to explain, why women are paid less than men for doing the same work, and how in the same society, some people have so much that they don't know what to do with their resources, and some struggle even for the basic necessities of life. 

Inequality was common in ancient times when royals used to live a filthy rich life and many of their subjects used to struggle for basic needs. The royals benefited from the sweat and blood of their subjects and were rarely cared to elevate the social status of the working class. I believe we have moved away from those times, and I hope most readers will agree. I also know that socialism and communism, or any other system do not have answers to this problem, but I expect capitalism to do better than them and look for some solutions to tackle increasing inequality. Also, this is not a theoretical discussion for the sake of discussion. It sucks to struggle for money. I was on the other side, I have experienced what it means to live where money is scarce and the root of all your problems. The income gap is not just an economic issue, it becomes a social and law and order issue if not taken care of.

Until I moved to the USA, I lived in a poor neighborhood in India. Resources have always been scarce and demands were more. I remember that most of the arguments between my parents were about money, almost every problem could be traced to the lack of money. I did not realize back then that it was a structural problem, my parents were trying their best, and they worked really hard, but even after all their efforts, there was not enough to live comfortably. Even buying a tape recorder or a blender was not possible for us for many years. It seems we were trapped in a poverty trap, no matter what we did there was no way out. In our neighborhood, there were households where everyone worked, irrespective of their age and education. Even alcoholic adults and kids of all ages used to do some work that fetched some money, but they were still poor. Back then India was a socialist country and the government controlled almost everything, still, poverty and hunger were rampant, and socialism clearly didn't eliminate or even reduce poverty. There was neither enough wealth generation nor proper wealth distribution.

In most developed countries, income inequality is not the result of poor wealth generation, but a wealth distribution problem. Capitalism does a great job in wealth generation but seems to be failing miserably as far as wealth distribution is concerned. When I say wealth distribution, I am not talking about government handouts. I am not talking about so-called freebies by the government irrespective of any need or due diligence. Any populist scheme launched without proper data and due diligence is an invitation for an economic disaster. In any democracy is easy to launch beneficiary schemes, but it is extremely difficult to withdraw them as there are consequences like losing an election. 

Disparate wage structure is a glaring problem with capitalism. Proportional incentives at every level are not part of the existing pay structure. The short-term gain takes precedence due to high personal rewards to executives. Nonsustainable perpetual growth to increase stock prices has become a norm, and rewards of any market success are disproportionately distributed. True, the markets should decide the compensation, but where is the bargaining power with the workers to negotiate? The big fish eats the small fish leaving only a few big players that control and dictate the market. Competition is a hallmark of capitalism, but the presence of just a few big players and a tacit understanding between them hardly create any competition. The hourly rate of any CEO is orders of magnitude higher than the hourly rate of any temporary employee. Health coverage offered to lawmakers at the cost of taxpayers' money is much much better compared to the health coverage of many citizens who work as hard as these lawmakers. It is widely perceived that business and morality do not go together. Why can't we make money and also do the right things? Why can't we increase the stock prices and distribute the income fairly? Why can't there be job stability as well as income growth? Why can't a woman get the same salary as a man for the same work? These are some of the questions for which capitalism has to provide solutions, blaming everything or leaving everything to market is not enough anymore as it is clearly not working. I hope upcoming leaders will address these issues. While being profitable, they won't hesitate to do morally right things. If capitalism remains silent about these issues, then it has no right to complain if the society leans towards socialism, after all, if you don't offer any solution people are free to consider other options. It's not too late, capitalism can address the inequality issue, the only question is does it want to?

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

Depiction of intimacy and violence in Indian movies

Entertainment today is full of countless choices. The variety and amount of content are so vast that one life is not enough to consume it all. This was not the case just a couple of decades back, especially in India. As kids, we had very limited options available to us. Watching limited programs on the national TV channel and movies shown on weekends were the only entertainment available for us during our initial childhood years. Then came the VHS tapes and VCRs, few video theaters started in our neighborhood where the charge was Rs 1 per movie. Of course, they were illegal, but we didn't care about their legality, there was another option to watch movies and it soon became very popular in underprivileged neighborhoods like ours where very few could afford their own TV, forget about having your own VCR. 

I grew up in India and spent my entire childhood and part of my adult life there. The 1980s and 90s were the eras of action movies, and the angry young man Amitabh was ruling the Indian box office. As a teenager, I was a fan of these action movies. I loved the way an underprivileged hero fought against the corrupt and unfair system and won, it gave me the feeling as if I was fighting those battles. Most romance genre movies of that era had a typical rich boy and poor girl or vice versa type of storyline, except for songs and sometimes fresh faces there was nothing much to watch in those movies. As expected, violence was an integral part of all action movies. However, intimacy and romance had a minimal presence, even in the movies of the romance genre. Therefore, it seems as kids it was okay for us to watch slaps, murders, and anything in between but a kiss on the screen was a big NO. Any intimacy on the screen was forbidden for some reason, except, rape. So, kids were not allowed to watch a kiss but were okay to see a rape scene. Rape was an essential part of most action movies, especially if the hero had a sister. In most action movies the character of the sister of the hero was written to get raped and killed. Interestingly, none of them survived after being raped, rape was like a death sentence for them. The rape scene was an essential ingredient of most action movies, it was used to add fuel to the fire of revenge. The effect of all this was that even though India faced the problem of population explosion people cringed watching a kissing scene on the screen. I still wonder what was the logic behind the policy for allowing a rape scene and other violence but not a kiss. How it was okay for a child to see a man slapping a woman, but not okay to see a man kissing a woman? I wonder what was the rationale if there was any. It seems they were okay with allowing children to watch violence compared to love, they were scared that after watching a kiss on screen people may start kissing each other but after watching violence they will not have any reaction. The censor board of India is not only a joke but it is heavily influenced by the government and curtails freedom of expression as much as it can. I mean, imagine, a kiss is not okay but murder and rape are, that too in a country where overpopulation is a problem.

It's not that Indian movies never used to have any intimate scenes. Movies of the pre-independence era used to include on-screen kissing scenes. Something happened when India gained independence and this policing of movies started by establishing a censor board. However, the situation is much different now after the arrival of various OTT platforms and the lack of censorship for these platforms. Some people complain about the excessive sexual content on the OTT platform. One of the reasons is that for the first time in many decades, creators from India are feeling the freedom of expressing something like this on the screen and are flying like a free bird. I have no complaints about the depiction of violence or intimacy as long as it is a part of the storyline. I enjoy the current content compared to the rubbish that was served to us under the name of entertainment during my childhood. I hope the OTT content doesn't come under the censorship of the Indian government, otherwise, we will go back to the sanitized version of everything where two flowers kiss each other on the screen instead of two people.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Social media and our cult fetish

Social media has revolutionized the way we interact with each other. On one side, it has made the world more accessible, we can now reach almost anyone, living anywhere, anytime from the comforts of our homes. But on the other side, it has affected the way we think and behave, dependency on social media has reached the level of addiction in many cases. On the one hand, it improved our connectivity with the outside world, the world that was beyond our reach without letters and telephones, but on the other hand, it negatively affected our interactions with our immediate surroundings, we often get distracted and are not present during our one-to-one interactions. 

Validation offered by social media is one aspect that made it so powerful and popular. Many of us crave social media likes, followers, comments, and other validations that we feel define our lives. It seems social media satisfies our cult fetish. The race to increase the number of followers on various social media platforms is a testimony to this cult fetish. In general, social media does not cultivate authenticity. Once we consciously start posting things for people's approval, we perform for our audience, just like actors perform in the movies. We feel the need to entertain others so that they can like us, validate our performance, and say something nice about us. Statements, photos, controversies, and debates start looking choreographed and purposeful to grab maximum attention. Of course, there are exceptions, but the general trend is to put on a show under the name of sharing personal stories. The content has become so polished and well crafted that there are social media celebrities and influencers who seem to influence others about how to think and live life. In one way, this has democratized the celebrity sphere that was only reserved for politicians and movie personalities, but it has also brought all the toxicity and negativity that is associated with cultish behavior in the everyday lives of people. 

The term "followers" has a cultish connotation. Everyone is looking for followers, they are not looking for readers, like-minded people, colleagues, collaborators, or group members, but followers. Followers who can like, praise, and validate their existence on social media. Even social media platforms like Facebook which started as a friendship-oriented platform have the option of following someone without being friends. I don't know whether it was an intentional result or an unintentional byproduct, but social media has started countless mini-cults. Cults where people live in their own echo chambers, they are siloed from the rest of the world, where they only hear what they like, create their own facts and truths, and validate them for each other. There is no need to have any emotional relationship to be a follower having a common enemy is enough to be in that cult. These cults hate each other, each thinks that the other is an enemy of humanity and only their own cult can save this planet from moral destruction. Such cults mainly exist based on religion, political ideologies, political leaders, and racial, social, and personal beliefs. One can see the increasing polarization in all societies due to this cultish culture that is becoming dominant. People are eager to criticize, but not ready to face criticism, eager to point out flaws, but not willing to accept their own flaws, and eager to destroy the existing systems, but do not know what they want to substitute them with. If you are on social media, but free from this cult fetish, then you are lucky and among the very few who can make good use of social media without getting affected by its negative side effects, be vigilant, protect your independence, and save yourself from this cult fetish.     

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Is our work becoming the new religion?

Religion is still one of the biggest institutions. It is still relevant because it gives many the group identity that humans crave so desperately. It gives people the feeling of belonging and offers social and emotional support to a group that is bound by common beliefs. However, recent trends and surveys indicate that more and more people are moving away from organized religion. There can be many reasons to move away from organized religion, and society's intellectual and economic progress is one of them. But the need for that group identity still remains, and it seems our jobs are filling that void. If we look carefully, for most of us, our careers define our identities, we are known as doctors, scientists, actors, lawyers, diplomats, teachers, nurses, coders, or whatever job we are doing. This identity is no longer limited to our workplace, this is how people know us even outside our work circle. This begs a question, is our work becoming the new religion?

This question is a more hypothetical one at this stage, but I find it very intriguing. When we start deriving our friend circle, social life, thinking patterns, and other aspects of life from our work, our work becomes the most dominant part of our lives. It is no longer just an economic support vehicle, it also becomes our social and intellectual support system. This can have its pros and cons. One of the pros is that life will be structured as our work is going to be in the center, everything will be dictated by the demands and concessions of the work. But the flip side is that work controls everything, our family and social life. Almost every work, especially if it is a high-paying job involves stress, anxiety, and deadlines, this stress and anxiety going to spill over into our personal lives. This is why I think there is a lot of talk about work-life balance, as if when we work there is no life in it, life only exists outside of our work. 

Are we giving too much importance to our jobs? Are we dependent on our source of income so much that it controls every aspect of our lives? Yes, that's where we are as a society at this juncture. For most, our jobs and income control the quality of our lives. I agree that money is a necessity, and being poor sucks. But we have been brainwashed about our needs. Most of the time desires are presented as needs to live a happy life. This is where our income attains paramount importance. There is nothing wrong in chasing our desires and working hard to fulfill them. But when desires are presented as a basic tenant for happiness, and we all buy this logic, we are in a continuous mode of chasing. As desires are endless, the chase becomes endless. As the chase is endless our want for money becomes endless. As our job provides that money, it becomes the central and most controlling factor in our lives. Once we are trapped in this it is hard to come out as it is an endless cycle of a race with constantly shifting goalposts. As long as this phenomenon persists, I can safely say that our job has become the new religion. To come out of this cycle one needs to perform an objective evaluation of their priorities and create an independent space for other key aspects like family, friends, social work, and other hobbies along with the job. 

Job is important, but it is not everything. Do your job with the utmost sincerity and honesty. Work hard when at work. But also set boundaries and respect them. Go on that backpacking trip you always wanted to go, visit your friends and relatives whose company you enjoy and cherish, write that blog you were planning to write for many years, read the book you wanted to read, binge-watch the web series whose first episode you loved and can't wait, and spend some quality time to decondition yourself and unlearn that brainwashing. In short, do the stuff that makes you happy. Once religion ruled every aspect of human life and we all know how that turned out for most of society, let's not make the same mistake again with our jobs.    

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Our choices and their consequences

"Choice" is a very loaded word, we use it in many contexts. In our lives, we need to make many choices, almost every moment offers us a choice, and even in instances where we feel there is no choice, we do make a choice, knowingly or unknowingly. Apart from genetics and a few other things we need to make some choices daily, and our choices have consequences. The choice can be as simple as how many spoons of sugar to have to as complicated as who to marry or which job offer to select among the multiple options. Based on the results (consequences) of our choice, we decide whether it was a good or a bad choice. That is, most of us grade our choices based on their consequences, as it is always easy to connect the dots backward. 

However, I feel that there are some choices where you may experience unfavorable or bad consequences, but are still worthy to make, not because of the consequences we face but because of the stand we take and the impact it may have. Being right or being nice and saying no to various requests from our dear ones are two of the choices many of us hate to make. It is easy to say no to a stranger, but it is not easy to say no to friends and family or even to colleagues. We always struggle to value our own time and say yes to many things we don't want to do just not to hurt the feelings of our dear ones. We hesitate to reject requests that demand our time, attention, and resources, even for the right reasons. But, the ability to say no is very important for our well-being and personal growth. And if people really care for us, they should understand the reason behind our refusal, after all, what type of relationship it is if it cannot offer personal space to each other and the ability to say no. Similarly, it is not easy to decide which battle to pursue and where to yield, especially when we deal with our family members or when someone we know is being a bigot or racist and needs a reality check. It is easy to question or stand up against racism or discrimination when someone we don't know is doing it. It is easy to advocate for change in someone else's life and target some big and powerful organizations or celebrities for their objectionable behavior. But we hesitate or ignore the same behavior when the person is someone close or known to us, for example, our parents, friends, or partners. We try to downplay such incidents or find some reason to justify them as harmless acts. This makes us a hypocrite person, a person with double standards, but we are more comfortable being a hypocrite than being uncomfortable. Again, this is a choice we make. Being a hypocrite, bigot or racist is a choice and we do these things not only by doing such acts but by ignoring or supporting them.

It is easy to have principles and propagate them, but it is hard to live by them. It is easy to have standards, but it is hard to apply those standards to ourselves and evaluate our own behavior. It is easy to advocate for change, but it is hard to be the change. It is easy to criticize others, but it is hard to be a self-critic. Some choices are hard, but are necessary, especially if you have some principles and believe in them. If you believe in gender equality, you need to stand up if you witness gender discrimination. If you are against racism, speak up against racist behavior. It might sound easy to stand up against wrong things, after all, who doesn't want to do this, but it is not always that simple, especially when no one else is doing anything. People may hesitate to speak due to fear of losing a job, a relationship, or any other loss. If you choose to stand up, the chances are that you may find yourself standing alone. Being alone sucks, it is not easy to challenge institutionalized things like discrimination alone, and even standing against a powerful person or your own family and friends is not easy. There are consequences, loneliness is one of them, and that's a choice we need to make. Do we have our values just for display, or they are also for practice? Do our principles mean anything to us, or they are just topics of debate and discussion? If they do really mean something to us, then we should choose accordingly. Of course, consequences will follow, but then that's the choice we make.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Politics and compassion: Can they go together?

Social media has offered us a platform to share many things. People share their views and opinions freely on social media, so much so that everything seems to be a politically sensitive subject. Starting from a movie to the election result, many things generate politically colored comments from people. While becoming overtly political, are we losing our empathy and compassion toward each other? I feel that each one of us should ask this question ourselves. It is perfectly okay to be vocal about our political views, criticize our opponents, and argue against policies and regulations that we disagree with. But is it necessary to get personal while doing this? Is it necessary to bring politics into every issue we discuss? Is it necessary to ridicule others for what gender they identify with, what pronouns they use, what economic system they support, or what state or country they come from? Nowadays, I see people doing this regularly, even benign social media interactions end with some politically overloaded remarks. Some tasteless and crass jokes are made to make fun of gender or sexual preference about which people don't bother to educate themselves. People comment without having a basic understanding of a subject, just because we have a mouthpiece does not mean that we need to shout whatever comes to our mind. This shows how much anger and ignorance are out there. Yes, both anger and ignorance are required when you troll or ridicule someone without even knowing about them. Opposing something does not always mean showing contempt, there is a subtle difference between the two, and nowadays, people cross that line all the time. It also shows how much empathy and compassion are lost just because there is some disagreement. 

I do have my opinions on various topics, and I disagree with many around me about my political and social views. Sometimes these discussions and arguments get passionate and heated, but I never try to make them personal. I prefer to limit my arguments to the topic and take care not to make it about the person with whom I am arguing. I understand that it is difficult not to get personal in heated arguments, and it is difficult not to target personally anyone who is opposing our beliefs, especially when those beliefs are related to politics or religion. We see this happening on TV channels all the time. But just because somebody behaves like a jerk and insensitive person on public television does not mean that we should also do the same. It is better to move away from the discussion with a jerk than to compete to show who is the bigger jerk. 

Politicians talk about compassion and collaboration all the time, but in reality, rarely practice these things. Demonizing their opponents, pitching one group against another, and polarizing opinions so much that people hate each other are some of the common tactics used by politicians all over the world. Hate politics is not new and works very well in most countries. Politicians are to be blamed for this, but why do people fall for these things. Why do people don't realize the "divide and rule" ply which has been used for centuries to divert attention from the real issues and keep citizens engaged with each other so that no one asks tough questions? This also begs the question, can politics and compassion go together? According to me, yes, they can. It is up to us, the people, to make them go together. Our political adversaries are not enemies, they are our rival teams, we fight for the same trophy, that is, the opportunity to dictate and implement policies that we feel are right for our society. We are not there to eliminate each other, we are there to make each other better, to raise the level of competition, and to make our country and society a better place. If anyone does not understand these basic things they are not qualified to be called decent human beings. Let's show some compassion towards our opponents and compete with grace and dignity. After all, we are humans, we claim to be more civilized than animals, let's not put a question mark on this.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

Why do I write?

Someone asked me a few years back, why do I write? I am not a professional writer and do not have a huge subscription base, still, I am writing this blog for more than 10 years. I understand that these questions are not out of any malicious intent, they are out of plain curiosity. People wonder, what I get by writing a blog or social media posts where I share my ideas and thoughts on various subjects ranging from personal stories, science, mental health, politics, and religion. I have a straightforward answer, I write for myself. I write because I enjoy the process, any outcome is a bonus. 

Sharing our thoughts and ideas with others may have a powerful impact on some that we may never know. When we share our experiences and stories with others with honesty and sincerity, we expose our vulnerability to them. This is a powerful experience. This can inspire them to embrace their own vulnerabilities or understand the meaning behind something they are feeling but do not know what it is. Vulnerability is a unique emotion. Many people are not comfortable with being vulnerable as they equate vulnerability with weakness. On the contrary, sharing our vulnerability is a brave act. However, it is also true that sharing anything on a public platform can also result in some backlash or trolling, but that is the risk we take in this process. I feel the rewards outweigh the risks in this case, at least for me. 

I do not write to get more readers, or for praise or criticism, these are the byproducts of the writing process, not its aim. For me writing a blog, my diary, or any social media post is an activity I enjoy and find very rewarding. I only write when I want to, there are neither any deadlines that I need to meet nor any projects I need to finish. I do not mean to say that writing with deadlines or for any specific project is bad or not honest writing, I want to highlight that writing can be done just for pleasure. Also, it can be therapeutic, writing down our thoughts and emotions can relieve stress and anxiety. I share my writing with others with the intention that it may help someone to cope with their journey as the writings by others helped me to do the same. I read many books, blogs, and social media posts. My readings have influenced me a lot, but I don't think most authors of those writings have any idea about this as I never had any chance to communicate with most of them. Similarly, I am sure there are some who read my post and find something useful in them, they may or may not be able to convey that to me but I am happy to think that this is a possibility. So, if you are someone who is debating whether to share your stories or not, and want someone to encourage you to take that leap, I hope my experience helps you to take that leap. Do share our stories, storytelling is a powerful tool, and let's use it to help each other. Happy storytelling.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com  

My turbulent teenage years

Teenage years are not easy, even though they are one of the best and most interesting phases of our lives, the journey through these years can be rocky and bumpy. Those were turbulent times for me and the lack of access to information did not make it easy. People of my generation love to roast today's generation about internet addiction and social media dependence, but they fail to recognize that there is a huge positive side to this connectivity, it allows one to access useful information. I could not access the information that I needed as there were no resources available for me. Concepts like personal choice, passion, feminism, equality, justice, and privacy were neither part of my vocabulary nor did anyone around me care about these things. Also, I grew up in a sexually suppressed society, even a benign kiss or a hug on the screen was taboo. The interaction with the opposite sex was neither encouraged nor easily possible. Even in my college days, my interaction with girls was very awkward and I tried to avoid it as much as I could, not because I didn't want to interact, I just didn't know how to interact. I was confused from the inside but acted confident from the outside. Turbulent from the inside, but calm from the outside. Angry but did not know why and on whom. With many questions but with no way to find any answers.

As a teenager, I was also very confused about things happening around me. I did not understand why we struggled for money even after my parents really worked hard and did not have any conventional bad habits like drinking or gambling. I struggled to understand why females were treated differently than males. I and my brothers were expected to do good in school, but there was no such expectation from any of my sisters. It is not that these things started happening around me when I entered my teenage. They have been happening around me since I was born, but I started getting affected by them only during my teenage. As a male, I was conditioned to think and behave in a certain way, even in the poor neighborhood, I had many privileges just because of my gender. Females were looked at and treated in a certain way, almost like some object. There were strict boundaries for them that they were not supposed to cross, and if they crossed, there were serious consequences. Even their own families did not spare them if they dared to cross those boundaries. 

Education for me was only a key to coming out of poverty, nothing more than that. I was desperate to get out of poverty and education was the only option available to me. I did not go to school and college because I loved it or enjoyed it, but because I had to as it was my ticket to the outside world. The world that I saw around me but didn't belong to. I desperately wanted to be rich, rich enough so that I didn't have to think about how to get things that I needed. During my high school and college days, I started reading books outside my study books. Reading was not my hobby of choice, but it just happened that it was the only option available once my other friends went their own ways pursuing different options that economically underprivileged neighborhoods offered. It was sad to part ways, but it was also unavoidable. As I did not have much to do, I started reading newspapers beyond sports and film portions, and from there I got introduced to politics, religion, and other subjects. I wanted to know more and this is how I started borrowing books from libraries around me. This is when my life changed. 

My family thinks that I am a feminist or have liberal social values because I came to America, but this is not true. I was like this even when I was living in Pune but I did not talk about it much. I also never used to stay much at home and at home, I never used to talk much. For example, my daughter is named Sara, which is not a name considered for a girl in Hindu families, not because I visited America or knew anything about America, but because I wanted her to understand that people may judge you just based on your name and she should not the one doing this. It was this simple, I was not looking for anything else. I learned this from the book I read about Dr. Shriram Lagoo, a famous Marathi, and Hindi movie/stage actor. I read so many books that I don't even remember their names or authors. I just remember what I read not who wrote it or where I read it. I just read whatever came into my hands, even at the cost of my academic performance. The education system in which I studied never encouraged any outside reading, rather it was considered a waste of time. I am sure my academic performance would have been much better if I had not listened to Hindi movie songs or read as much as I did. I might have become an engineer, a doctor, or even a government officer that my parents desperately wanted me to become, but definitely would not have learned about feminism, casteism, gender discrimination, communalism, socialism, communism, capitalism, hate politics, secularism, and many other things. I do not regret wasting my time in reading at all, it provided some answers to the questions that I had but did not who to ask. Books saved me from being a narrow-minded, patriarchal, casteist, communal male, they made me a better person than I was. All the books I read and the Hindi film music made my teenage years less bumpy and turbulent than they could have been. It also saved me from various addictions that were common in my neighborhood. I was so addicted to reading books, watching movies, and buying audio cassettes that I had no money left for cigarettes, alcohol, or gutkha (a chewing tobacco product that was a craze during my college days).  

I hope at least some of the readers will relate to my teenage years. These years are years of internal and external changes. Along with our body and hormone levels, our understanding of our surroundings also evolves. It is good to find some channel or mechanism to cope with this change. I found that channel in movies, music, and books. Some may find it in performing arts or sports. Some may find it in writing or cooking. Find that channel that will make your ride less bumpy and turbulent. It will be still shaky, but not as much to knock you off the road or throw you off the cliff. You will be fine, just find the channel that works for you. These are our formative years, if my experience helps you to find some solace and guidance, I am happy. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com