Find your own Everest and try to conquer it

Everest summit is a challenging expedition for anyone and under any known standards, it's not only dangerous, but also financially, mentally, and physically very demanding process. Everyone can't dream of attempting this adventure, one needs proper training and expertise to try this, and even after this, there is no guarantee of success. This post is not about know-how about how to climb Everest successfully, but it is about the fact that we all face some challenges in our lives that are as difficult and challenging for us individually. Sometimes these challenges are so tough that metaphorically we can compare them with the Everest summit.

Is this comparison fair? I think it is. Everyone has their own Everest to climb. It doesn't have to be the actual Mount Everest for everyone, for many of us, there could be challenges that are as difficult as climbing the actual Mount Everest. I call this our personal Everest challenge. For someone, it could be learning how to speak English. or someone, it could be how to drive. For someone, it could be to switch professions or change jobs. For someone, it could be to fight discrimination or some other social challenge. Depending on the stage of our life and our individual characteristics and circumstances things can be incredibly challenging to achieve. My advice is, to find your own Everest and try to conquer it. It will take a lot of training, hard work, determination, and persistence, success may not be guaranteed, but that rewarding journey is worth all the effort. If you manage to finish the task, don't forget to celebrate the achievement, and cherish the success. It is important to enjoy the journey as well as celebrate achievements. We often undermine our own struggles and triumphs. Not everyone wins the Olympic Gold, no doubt, that's a great achievement, but so is overcoming some individual hardship and conquering something that was considered unachievable for us. Also, remember that each individual's Everest is different. Someone can speak English or Spanish easily doesn't mean it's easy for everyone. For someone it could be a dream of their life to master that language, for them, that's their Everest, the ultimate goal to achieve. For someone, it might be how to drive, for someone it might be how to fight against some disability. Find your challenge and pursue it, give it your blood, sweat, and tears, and then see how it feels when you achieve it. All the very best with your personal Everest challenge.

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Importance of healthy relationships in our lives

Humans are social animals. We prefer to live in groups, and many of our oldest institutions like religion, and marriage are the result of our need to have some sort of organized social and family structure to live as a community. As a result of this communal need, we also believe in building and cultivating relationships. This is the reason we not only cherish and value our biological relationships but we equally care and value our social or non-biological relationships as well. The fact is that no matter what type of relationship it is, it takes time, effort, honesty, and sincerity to cultivate it and make it strong. Every relationship goes through ups and downs, there can be rough patches along with smooth sailings, but there are going to be variations, and during these ups and downs our patience, persistence, and sincerity are tested. 

Each and every relationship has to be a two-way exchange. One-sided relationships don't last long, and if they do, then one person gets exploited as another person has no contribution towards nurturing that relationship. I think we all need to pay special attention to our professional and personal relationships for our own mental well-being. Both of them occupy two major spheres of our lives, one is a personal and another one is a professional sphere, both are equally important. If we tilt the balance in the favor of one at the cost of another then the ignored part is going to hurt us and the people around us in that sphere. People might think why am I giving so much importance to professional relationships? After all, work is work how can it be so important? Actually, it is very important. Not only for your survival but also for a healthy and vibrant workplace where others feel comfortable and welcomed so that the overall performance of the organization is enhanced, and not only we personally benefit, but society at large benefits. 

Developing and maintaining a healthy relationship is hard work. It demands a lot of our time and effort, but if we look at the long-term benefits of having strong bonds with people around us we won't complain about all the efforts we have to put into developing those bonds. My only suggestion is, no matter what type of relationship it is, biological or nonbiological give it a fair chance, participate wholeheartedly and honestly, keep things sorted and simple, and don't make things too complicated when they don't have to be. Enjoy the relationships and don't feel burdened by them because when we enjoy things we don't care how tough they are or how much effort they take, be happy and try to make others happy. But remember, it is important to be happy first, then only you can make others happy.  Everyone needs companionship and support, and it is not that difficult to get it, just follow the right path. Relationships are important, so treat them with the respect and importance they command. When you are respectful and committed make sure that you receive equal respect and commitment from the other side. Don't be in a one-way and exploitative relationship, no matter what the relationship is. A healthy relationship makes our journey of life more exciting, after all, we all are going to become a memory one day, so make sure that you create a good one. 

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Seven years!

Today is the seventh anniversary of the blog. Seven amazing years of learning and sharing through this unique platform. The journey so far has been really rewarding for me and I value a lot what I learned in this process. Like any journey, there are ups and downs in this journey also, some mistakes are made, and many lessons are learned. There is no doubt that this is helping me to become a better human being and I thank all readers for their help in making this possible, especially the ones who share their views in the comments section, via emails, or on other social media platforms. 

The frequency of posts has reduced, but that's a natural consequence of many other things going on side by side. I don't intend to increase the frequency of posts but do plan to continue to write once in a while as new ideas come to my mind or if I find something worth sharing on this platform. Once again a big thank you to my all readers and please keep on sharing your views.

You are the navigator of your wellness, take control of it

We all have a tendency to blame others for our problems and miseries. We conveniently chose a suitable target to blame, some of us blame it on our busy schedule for not finding any time for exercise, some blame it on stress from our various addictions, and some blame it on the pressure to remain connected to our addiction to social media, some to family pressure, some to the boss or job-related stuff, and the list goes on like this. Most of the time, we blame it on everything except ourselves for the problems we face, especially the problems related to our wellness. It gives us a false sense of belief that we are trying our best, but the situations and people around us are making it difficult, or there is something beyond our control that is responsible for the way we live and behave. But the truth is, we are the primary beneficiary of our wellness so we should be able to navigate it and manage it better than anyone else, and we should start from ourselves first if something is not right.

Wellness is a personal issue, others can definitely help but only the concerned person holds the key to start and restart the engine which drives it to do something and gives it a direction. Also, wellness requires some simple initial steps: healthy diet choices, regular physical activity (it doesn't have to be a gym or rigorous sports, one can choose from simple walking to competing in a marathon), a regular sleep schedule, and stress management. I agree that drastic changes introduced in our lives due to tremendous technological development have made many of these things that were part of our regular lifestyle just a few decades ago extremely challenging, but this cannot be an excuse to compromise our health and wellness. The major benefit of improving our lifestyle choices could be felt in all aspects of our day-to-day lives. The extra strength and energy that we get could be used in doing things that we enjoy, staying disease-free, and being healthy also allows us to help others if they need any help. These are just a few benefits among many which can be listed.

So, what's stopping you from taking control of your wellness? Remember, you are the prime beneficiary of your wellness, so think twice before blaming it on something else for your bad lifestyle choices. Take responsibility and contribute towards having a healthy and happy society. 

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Be aware of your personal blind spots

We are taught to be aware of the blind spot during driving lessons. In the normal course of driving, it's not easy to check what's there in the area of a blind spot, and depending on what it is, it can be really dangerous for the driver or the thing that is in the blind spot. Therefore, it is very important to make sure that we have some way to make sure that there is nothing in the blind spot area before we change our lanes or direction while driving. We try to use various techniques or different rearview mirrors to look for the vehicles and objects in the blind spot range to avoid accidents and to be safe. But we are not that careful to look for blind spots in our minds in our day-to-day lives which is equally important to avoid unnecessary clashes and terrible mistakes due to our ignorance and lack of knowledge.

Why do we need to be aware that there are blind spots when we drive our thought process? Very simple, because then only we will make some efforts to eliminate them. If we are not aware of our personal blind spots, we are not going to make any efforts to overcome this problem, and then the problem will become chronic. Ignorance or lack of knowledge can be cured by learning and acquiring knowledge. In today's era, we have so many resources available literally at our fingertips. Yes, I am talking about the world of the internet, which we can access from our phones or any stationary or mobile device connected to the internet connection. The internet has created a level field by allowing access to a variety of websites where you can learn about many things and gain useful information. One can access diverse resources to collect vast amounts of information to learn about almost anything. We can self-educate ourselves. Please spend some quality time learning about the issues that affect you, and about the things that you care about before getting into a debate with anyone. This will not only help you to get well-informed but also help the next person to have a very informative and constructive discussion. Being well-informed is also necessary for being a responsible citizen of any country. It helps to form a well-informed public opinion. So, take the first step and start by taking some positive steps in a direction to eliminate the personal blind spots of your thinking. All the very best.

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The saga of RaGa

I think most people in India know what NaMo and RaGa mean. These are the brand names of two of the most famous national political figures Narendra Modi and Rahul Gandhi. Unprecedented branding of political figures started in India with the rise of Narendra Modi. Mr. Modi and his team aggressively developed his brand just like any other product, this started during his tenure as a chief minister of Gujarat. When that strategy worked superbly, every party started doing the same thing, no one could match the fire and force of the BJP for quite some time, but all are still trying and the RaGa brand is Indian National Congress's answer to BJP's NaMo brand. 

Rahul Gandhi belongs to the Nehru-Gandhi family. There is no doubt that one of the major reasons behind where he is today is the family to which he belongs. He recognizes it, acknowledges it and I don't think there is any doubt about the role his last name played in his political existence. But dynasty is not an uncommon thing, it is prevalent in many parts of the world and India is not an exception. It is common to see dynasties in Indian politics, business, or any other field where there is a scope to have a dynasty. In the Indian film industry, some dynasties are in their third or fourth generation, big corporations are run by families where top management consistently comes from the same family, and Indian mythological stories are full of dynasties. It is difficult to ignore the presence of dynasties in various fields including business, media, film, and politics. Dynasties are present in most political parties in India, the level and positions they occupy might be different in different parties, but they are there. This all is not to justify the rule of the dynasty but to show that the Nehru-Gandhi family is not the only dynasty in India, but it is the most famous one. I think Rahul got into politics out of compulsion rather than his own choice. His father, Late Rajiv Gandhi also got dragged into politics after the untimely death of his brother Sanjay and then the death of his mother Mrs. Indira Gandhi. Somehow the Indian National Congress feels the perpetual need to have someone from the Nehru-Gandhi family at the helm. Somehow the party and its workers feel safe and secure under their leadership. Many senior leaders acknowledge this thing and they feel it keeps the party united. This reasoning never made any sense to me, but this is what it is. 

Rahul didn't have a conventional upbringing, his uncle, grandmother, and father all died unnatural deaths. Two of them (grandma and father) were assassinated brutally by terrorists. He was very young when his grandma and father were assassinated. His mother was forced to enter politics and then he had to follow her. In the beginning, he was not even considered as a viable option. He was visibly uncomfortable during his political appearances. Congress party suffered humiliating loss after loss at the hands of BJP and other parties, and Rahul was projected as one of the reasons for these debacles. He was attacked for who he was (a Gandhi dynast), he was ridiculed as "Pappu," his lack of stage confidence, and fumbles during interviews were highlighted, his comments were edited so that they sounded utterly stupid, and eventually it was unimaginable for people to even compare Modi and Rahul. But, somehow he survived all these attacks from outside. The main reason was that no one within his party asked for his resignation due to all those failures. This is the advantage one gets when your position within the party is secure. There was absolutely no challenge to his position within his own party. He became president of the Congress party even though the party was not performing well in election after election. Recent victories in some state elections might justify his promotion and may turn his party's fortunes in another direction, and people might see him now as a national leader who can challenge Mr. Modi. But, this is too early to predict any such thing, and Rahul has a lot to prove before he can present himself as a serious contender for the prime minister's position. Actually, the BJP helped him a lot by constantly attacking him and ridiculing him, they always kept him relevant for some reason, they used him as a punching bag and it seems that the punching bag punched them back really bad. In the same way, the Congress party helped Mr. Modi to gain prominence on the national stage by attacking him relentlessly. I am not judging Rahul's political acumen and capabilities, he needs more time to prove himself. I was purely drawn to his story because of his unique background and his roller-coaster political journey. As I already mentioned there is no doubt that he got many privileges and advantages just because he was born in a particular family, but for the same reason, his life took many unexpected turns and presented him with unique challenges. It will be interesting to see his future progression. 

I had very high expectations from Mr. Modi's government. After all, the BJP secured a single-party majority under his leadership and this government had a golden opportunity to introduce some reforms which only a single-party majority government could implement in a country like India. However, instead of focusing on that, he focused all his attention on conquering all states of India. Let's see how RaGa compares to NaMo as far as delivering reformative governance is concerned. I am happy to see that at least Rahul is not talking about eliminating BJP from India. The presence of strong opposition is necessary for any democracy to be vibrant and functioning. I wish both brands RaGa and NaMo deliver what they claim, and people hold them accountable for their promises and not get blinded by their glitter and glamor. If this doesn't happen, then the same old musical chair circus will continue without much change in governance, RaGa and NaMo brands might become successful, but brand India will fail and I don't think any right-minded Indian would like to see this happen.

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Me Too - easy to mock, but difficult to understand

Sexual harassment is a serious issue. This is a widespread problem in each and every country around the world. It would be really naive to assume that it is more prevalent in developed countries where women participate more in the workforce compared to developing or undeveloped countries. Also, this problem is more prevalent than one can imagine. We underestimate it because traditionally many behaviors were not recognized as harassing, for many centuries societies around the world ignored such harassing behaviors or accepted them under some lame justifications like "boys will be boys."  Patriarchy and chauvinism not only sheltered such behavior but also legitimized it and generations were raised believing that this was a part of social male-female interaction in a male-dominated society.  Now, before anyone points it out, let me make it clear that this is not a gender-specific problem, men also get sexually harassed, but women are at the receiving end of this type of harassment in disproportionately high numbers and one can confirm this by checking the data.

When the "Me Too" movement started and many women started openly talking about the sexual harassment they faced, societies got rattled. It was totally unexpected and not a very comfortable situation for them to see the elephant in the room being addressed so openly and directly. I am sure most women knew that this problem existed but somehow we accepted it as a part of the day-to-day ordeal of being a woman. Many famous and not-so-famous people got exposed for their predatory and harassing behavior, this is how it caught the media's attention. The "Me Too" movement became viral on the internet and was in the news all over the world. Now, like any other movement, some will try to misuse it, but this problem is not unique to Me Too, that's the nature of our society. Any law or popular movement is always misused by a few people, and I don't think Me Too will be an exception. Misuse by a few people cannot be a reason to question the legitimacy of any social transformation. But the way this movement got ridiculed from its start, especially in India was not a very good sign. I was tired of reading so many messages on WhatsApp making fun of Me Too and questioning the motives of women who chose to come forward with these allegations. The messages were so many that it was not easy to ignore them, for a few weeks it seemed like it became a favorite time pass on WhatsApp, especially for men. 

First of all, it takes immense courage to share any such thing publicly knowing that nothing might come out of this except ridicule, humiliation, and character assassination. Second, the kind of publicity you get after coming out is not always desirable, one can look at the way most of the victims were treated. Would any of us like to be in that situation? And lastly, for all people who ask the question, why now? Why not when it happened? Please try to understand the vulnerability, and social and personal situation of the victim before passing any judgments. Many harassment or discrimination incidents are exposed much later than the time when they actually happen. The main reason for this is that normally the victims are suppressed and not in a position to raise their voices when they face such incidents, they fear serious repercussions for their personal and professional lives and prefer to keep quiet. Normally the victim and their harasser have disproportionately different professional standings and harassers take advantage of it. This is not a failure to report by the victim but as a society, it is our failure to provide them with an atmosphere where they feel comfortable in reporting such incidents. 

I just have one request, before being judgemental about any victim of any harassment or discrimination please try to understand their situation at the time the incident happened with them. If you can, I am sure you will be empathetic towards their plight and offer them all the support and help they need. At the same time, we must acknowledge that it is everyone's right to express their opinion, no matter what it is. No one should be penalized just for expressing their opinion no matter how offensive we might feel that opinion is. It is important to offer criticism whenever we see anyone misusing any movement or law, this is necessary to keep the legitimacy of such social movements intact. Mocking any social movement like Me Too without understanding it is very easy, the difficult part is to try to understand the intricacies of such a movement and relate to the victim's plight. The choice is always ours.

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Simple doesn't mean it's easy

Being a responsible citizen is simple. Minding our own business and not interfering with others' private matters is simple. Being conscious of the difference between our needs and desires is simple. Respecting each other is simple. Not discriminating against people based on their gender, race, or any other characteristic is simple. The list of such simple things is very big, but the problem is many people struggle with these things. Being simple doesn't mean it's easy. There are many things that are straightforward and we all understand them clearly still we fail to follow them even if they can be really helpful for our and our society's good. We ignore the fact that simple things also might require a lot of effort, dedication, and commitment to bring them into practice. This careless attitude is the reason for the fact that even after acknowledging the relevance and importance of many of the above-mentioned things we fail to make them a habit.

Please recognize one truth, "just because something is simple doesn't mean it's easy." Once we understand this our mind should be prepared to make all the necessary efforts with all seriousness to take all the necessary steps required to inculcate many of those "simple" habits in our day-to-day life. These things are simple because they are easy to do, you don't need any specialized degree or strenuous physical work to practice them, they are simple not because they are easy to achieve. They do require the presence of common sense, a rational and balanced mind, and sincere efforts. If we lack any one of these or take them too casually we will be left wondering why and how we failed to learn such simple habits. 

First of all, why should we bother about such simple things? The answer is also very simple because those are the things that make our lives and the lives of others around us better and happier. These simple things show we care for each other and respect despite so many differences among us. These things make happy and progressive societies where all individuals are respected and free to pursue their goals. So, the takeaway from this post is, please don't take things lightly just because they look and sound simple, and please remember that "simple doesn't mean easy," you need to work hard to learn many simple things. 

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Do you monitor your psychological diet?

Most of us are very conscious of the food we consume and try to monitor our diet based on our age, health goals, or doctor's recommendations. We know that the type of food we consume has a direct effect on our physical health. The origin of many serious diseases can be traced to our dietary habits, this forces us to be a responsible consumer of food. But how many of us pay equal attention to our psychological diet? How many of us are even conscious about the type of food we feed to our minds? It should not come as a shock to anyone that the type of content we feed to our brain directly affects our thinking and in turn affects our behavior. Our personal and social life is affected by what we think and hence our psychological diet matters a lot in determining our social health. So, why don't we pay attention to our psychological diet, and if we want how we can monitor our psychological diet?

The first problem is that we can't see or feel thoughts like we feel other tangible things like the food we consume or gadgets we buy. When we eat food we can smell it, feel it, taste it and these factors can dictate whether we like that food or not. It is true that information also comes in different flavors, we do reject or accept some information or thoughts just based on their source, but such behavior is normally associated with some strong religious or cultural emotions. But in today's era, we are bombarded with information, it is continuously fed to us through different outlets like social media, online news, and other traditional sources (like books and print media). We hardly get any time to scrutinize them before consuming them as we receive them on our newly "acquired organ" called a cellphone. This is where lies the rub. On one hand, it is great that if we want we can receive a lot of information from different sources, but at the same time, these platforms guess our habits, likes, and dislikes and can channel only particular types of information toward us (welcome to the world of Artificial Intelligence). Most of the information we receive, especially on social networks, we have no clue from where it is coming or how authentic it is.

When we know that the type of information we consume shapes our thinking shouldn't we be more careful to verify the content or check the reliability of the source of that information before allowing it to become part of our intellect and sharing it with others? Getting to know every side of any issue is necessary and getting information from different sources may help us to look at the same issue with many different angles. But unfortunately, this is not what people are doing. These social media networks and groups are designed in such a way that people receive the same type of information from many unverified and unreliable sources. When this information gets validated by their idols (politicians, celebrities) who also get that information from the same unverified sources, it becomes a fact for that group. So, the lies not only get perpetuated openly but also go unchecked and get consumed as facts. It seems every group, political leader, or political party has its own set of facts, the same way as every religion has their own set of facts about its own book or messiahs. This is not a very healthy situation for any society.

When people stop caring about the quality of their personal diet society suffers from a serious public health crisis. In the same way, when people are careless about their psychological diet society starts suffering from various social and intellectual issues like political and racial polarization. If you are interested in preserving the good psychological health of your community, monitor the quality of your psychological diet, verify the information before you consume it, and see the effect. Our mental health is as important as our physical health. Remember, responsibility always starts with us, be responsible and share the information responsibly.    

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Guilt is an effective weapon used against women for centuries

A feeling of guilt is not a good feeling. It makes us feel bad for whatever we did or failed to do in the past. It makes us feel responsible for whatever bad is happening around us. This feeling is necessary many times to make us realize our mistakes and take corrective actions, but this feeling can also hurt our progress if we feel guilty for no reason, or for doing things that we were supposed to do but which were against the established social norms of that time. The feeling of guilt has been used against women for centuries to make them fulfill stereotyped roles. Overcoming this imposed feeling of guilt is an integral part of every woman's struggle to break the shackles of unreasonable stereotyped restrictions. Women are successful to overcome this feeling and achieve substantial progress to prove that they are no less capable of achieving success in every field, but even after all these years, I read posts on social media where a woman feels guilty for not doing enough for their families by prioritizing their careers. They feel or are made feel guilty for not paying enough attention to their in-laws or kids at the cost of their flourishing careers. They are blamed more for neglecting their familial duties compared to their male counterparts. In contrast, I rarely see any such posts by men, where they regret focussing on their professional lives at the cost of not paying enough attention to their family members, especially young kids.

So, why career-oriented women are selectively targeted for not being involved enough with their families? Because many times this strategy works, many times society becomes successful in imposing that feeling of guilt in women's minds. This weapon of guilt has been used for centuries against women and it is still one of the most potent weapons used against them. Victim shaming also comes in the same category where the motive and behavior of the victim of sexual crime is criticized instead of a blatant act of harassment or assault by the perpetrator. It is not easy to deal with such attacks. As human beings, we are sensitive to our surroundings and have a tendency to fit in. Both women and men are targetted by outdated and rigid social norms to fill in certain types of roles and whenever they try to break those boundaries they are targetted for not being real men or women. We as a society need to fight this mentality if we want each and every member of the community to contribute to the welfare of our society to the best of their capabilities. In an era where a lot of professional help and care is available, it is unreasonable to expect only a particular gender to fulfill particular responsibilities. There is nothing wrong with being a career-oriented person for a man or a woman. Partners can help each other to fulfill their career aspirations and achieve professional as well as personal success. Without support from each other, men and women will fail to achieve their aims no matter what those aims are. 

Hilary Moore, a lawyer who decided to leave law to look after her family wrote in her article, "A real freedom is freedom from condemnation, no matter what choices we make. A woman's place is where she pleases. In a truly egalitarian society, a woman's value will not be measured by her ability to reach the traditional male definition of success." Make your own choices, go through the struggles and hardships that come with it, and reap the rewards. If the imposed feeling of guilt is only used to deter you from breaking stereotyped roles, just ignore it, we need to diffuse this weapon as it has been used for quite some time to frustrate the efforts of brave women. 

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