Gender equality is as much about educating men as it is about empowering women

It is a common perception that "gender equality" is all about women's empowerment and equal rights for them. It is true, but that's not the entire truth, gender equality is also about making men aware of this changing environment and shifting of gender dynamics where there is no weaker sex anymore. This might sound trivial and obvious, and many might ask why is it hard for men to understand this simple thing about gender equality? But it seems, it's not that easy for many men to grasp and adjust to this change. Many of them sincerely want to support gender equality but fail to understand how to practice it in their private lives. Especially during those special moments like going on a date or during intimate moments like sexual encounters. A recent story about Indian American comedian Aziz Ansari is an example of one such behavior where things can go terribly wrong without malice from either side.

Why do people fail to grasp the real meaning of gender equality? Why do many societies and cultures fail to accept gender equality in its true sense? Even in developed countries that pioneered and fiercely advocated gender equality in the modern era, why do many people fail to treat their partners the way any society that believes in gender equality should treat them? All these questions point towards only one major problem, somehow men were not as involved in this moment as they should have been. Maybe the entire focus was to make women aware of their rights and encourage them to stand up against the blatant discrimination practiced against them. It was the right thing to do, but at the same time, it was also necessary to engage men in this process. After all, they are the rest of the 50% population who are equally important if as a society we aim to succeed in our efforts to develop a culture without gender discrimination. A lot of progress has been achieved towards gender equality, still, it is not perfect but it is much better than just a few decades before. As women became aware of their rights and started demanding equal treatment, men also should have been made aware of the changing dynamics of the man-woman relationship.

The concept of a male as a dominant partner in a relationship is very old. Men were supposed to take initiative, they were supposed to initiate the relationship, and were supposed to play lead roles even in sexual encounters. The concept of enthusiastic consent was alien to most couples, but now times have changed for good and every individual participating in any relationship must make sure that he or she is aware of these changed notions. There are initiatives undertaken by many Colleges and Universities in the USA to make their students aware of these things. These educational tools are useful for everyone and I think everyone willing to be in a relationship should go through these materials to learn what is proper and what is improper conduct. Old social norms won't change unless people become aware of new norms and educate themselves. I hope the Aziz Ansari incident acts as a wake-up call for all who didn't bother to educate themselves about the importance of enthusiastic consent in any relationship. Relationships are beautiful only when both partners voluntarily participate in it, one's enjoyment should not become another partner's trauma. Gender equality is as much about educating men as it is about empowering women, and without their education we will not be able to achieve true gender equality.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

Domestic Violence and Masculinity

The latest episode of 'Satyamev Jayate' (June 17th) dealt with the issue of domestic violence. We might think that in today's era of women's liberation, when there are so many feminist groups, and many women working in various sectors issue of domestic violence is not that serious. Our world is touching new heights every day in the area of science and technology, we are conquering new frontiers almost every day in many fields but there are still some areas such as our attitude towards domestic violence, the situation of women in society, cultural and traditional attitude towards them are some of the areas which need massive improvement. People normally think that the issue of violence in the family is strictly a personal matter and should not be resolved with the help of the criminal justice system, nor should it be discussed in public for the sake of the honor of that family. This thinking is very strong and still pervades today. 

Today, we have many laws that are designed to help domestic violence victims and help deliver justice in these cases, but our social and cultural norms still nurture a culture or attitude of violence against women. This violence is not always physical in nature; many times, it's mental, social, and personal suppression, which is used as a means of patriarchal control over women. In every culture or society, men have created various norms, rules, or traditions that help them to keep control over women through social, economic, and physical dominance. We have constantly ignored this very important issue, which is an integral part of our social health, in the name of protecting family structure and sanctity. Domestic violence is an under-reported crime in many societies. The causes of domestic violence include strong beliefs about masculinity and male dominance.

Many cultures and societies have some stereotypical images of men and women; they have very rigid rules about what men should do, how they should behave, what type of personality they should have, and similarly, they have a set of rules for women. Men are supposed to be masculine, full of power, dominant, expected to perform, and expected to lead, and women are supposed to be patient, obedient, kind, caring, and full of many so-called feminist qualities. Current conceptions of masculinity and femininity make it very difficult for the victims to come out of these relationships. Our society or family also doesn't make it easy for them; the whole counseling process is directed only towards the victims. We tell them to adjust, tell them to be patient, be tolerant, and put the onus of maintaining family structure on them. WHY?

Most cultures, religions, and religious scriptures (I am trying to be very lenient to say most, actually all of them) don't give equal status or rights to women. People may not accept this and may give many reasons to justify that whatever is written in those books can put very intelligent arguments in favor of them, but the fact is, when it comes to women's power and equality, they fail miserably. But why am I blaming these books that can not defend themselves or putting the blame on religion, traditions, or so-called culture? Why can't I leave them alone? These books, our culture, and traditions shape our thinking, structure our societies, and make people believe in certain patterns and rules that they think are designed by God, transferred to them from generations, and which were received directly from that superpower, so one cannot challenge them. According to men, if the superpower, the creator of this world (God), has given them the right to dominate, then who are they to change it? It's their natural right. Even in most religions, the gender of God or Godhead is male; the basic cause of this problem is religion. I know many of us won't agree with my diagnosis, but this is what I think.

What is society or culture after all? From where do we get it? It's not the product of the last few years or even a few centuries. It's the product of our existence on this planet. Many traditions we can trace thousands of years back; their foundations are very solid, so solid that even if we know that some things are wrong, we can not challenge them or change them, and we are very proud of them. Yes, many of them are good, and they teach us many good things. I won't deny that, at the same time, many are bad, totally unfair towards a particular gender or sections of society, and need to be condemned, no matter in which book they are written. Let's fight them. My friend Anand Pawar (http://www.samyakindia.org/), who was featured on this show and expressed his views very aptly, works in this area, and I am really proud of his work and efforts. Once we decide that we want to change the world around us, then we can bring about any change we want. Let's be the change that we want to bring; let's start with ourselves. 

Thanks for reading, and please share your views.

References:

1. http://www.samyakindia.org/

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)