Domestic violence and masculinity

The latest episode of 'Satyamev Jayate' (June 17th) dealt with the issue of domestic violence. We might think that in today's era of women's liberation when there are so many feminist groups, and many women working in various sectors issue of domestic violence is not that serious. Our world is touching new heights every day in the area of science and technology, we are conquering new frontiers almost every day in many fields but there are still some areas such as our attitude towards domestic violence, the situation of women in society, cultural and traditional attitude towards them are some of the areas which need massive improvement. People normally think that the issue of violence in the family is strictly a personal matter and should not be resolved with the help of the criminal justice system or should not be discussed in public for the sake of the honor of that family. This thinking is very strong and still pervades today. 

Today we have many laws that are designed to help domestic violence victims and help deliver justice in these cases but our social and cultural norms still nurture culture or attitude of violence against women. This violence is not always physical in nature, many times it's mental, social, and personal suppression, it's used as a means of patriarchal control over women. In every culture or society, men have created various norms, rules, or traditions that help them to keep control over women through social, economic, and physical dominance. We have constantly ignored this very important issue which is an integral part of our social health in the name of protecting family structure and sanctity. Domestic violence is an under-reported crime in many societies. The causes of domestic violence include strong beliefs about masculinity and male dominance.

Many cultures and societies have some stereotypical images of men and women, they have very rigid rules about what men should do, how they should behave, what type of personality they should have and similarly, they have a set of rules for women. Men are supposed to be masculine, full of power, dominant, expected to perform, and expected to lead and women are supposed to be patient, obedient, kind, caring, and full of many so-called feminist qualities. Current conceptions of masculinity and femininity make it very difficult for the victims to come out of these relationships. Our society or family also doesn't make it easy for them, strangely the whole counseling is directed only towards victims. We tell them to adjust, tell them to be patient, be tolerant, and put the onus of maintaining family structure on them. WHY?

Most cultures, religions, and religious scriptures (I am trying to be very lenient to say most actually all of them) don't give equal status or rights to women. People may not accept this and may give many reasons to justify that whatever is written in those books can put very intelligent arguments in favor of them but the fact is when it comes to women's power and equality they fail miserably. But why I am blaming these books who can not defend themselves or putting the blame on religion or traditions or so-called culture. Why can't I leave them alone? These books, our culture, and traditions shape our thinking, structure our societies, and make people believe in certain patterns, and rules that they think are designed by God, transferred to them from generations, and which was received directly from that superpower so one cannot challenge them. According to men, if the superpower, the creator of this world (God) has given them the right to dominate then who are they to change it, it's their natural right. Even in most religions, the gender of God or Godhead is male, the basic cause of this problem is religion. I know many of us won't agree with my diagnosis but this is what I think.

What is society or culture after all, from where we get it? It's not the product of the last few years or even a few centuries. It's the product of our existence on this planet. Many traditions we can trace thousands of years back, their foundations are very solid, so solid that even if we know that some things are wrong we can not challenge them or change them and we are very proud of them. Yes, many of them are good, and they teach us many good things I won't deny that, at the same time many are bad, totally unfair towards particular gender or sections of society, and need to be condemned no matter in which book they are written. Let's fight them. My friend Anand Pawar (http://www.samyakindia.org/) who was featured on this show and expressed his views very aptly works in this area and I am really proud of his work and efforts. Once we decide that we want to change the world around us, then we can bring any change that we want. Let's be the change that we want to bring, let's start with ourselves. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views.

References:

1. http://www.samyakindia.org/

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing at vvt1974@gmail.com)