My mom and I

My mom, I call her mummy, and I share a unique bond. It's the same and at the same time different than any other mother-son relationship. I am her first child, so, I got an edge over my other two brothers because I got an early start.😉 My mom and I share a unique bond, it's hard to describe. As a person, we are poles apart, there are very few things common between us. Whatever characteristics and features I received from her genetically are there, but apart from that, we are completely different, still very close. I oppose most of her beliefs and many times, criticize them in the harshest possible words, but strongly support her right to practice them. She wonders why I am like this and I also wonder the same about her. This all sounds complicated, but it's not.

There is one thing for which I really give her credit and thank her, she never forced me to do anything against my wishes. This might sound an obvious thing to many, but it's a big deal and I don't know how did she manage to resist the pressure of making your kid follow all your religious and cultural values. I can't thank her enough for doing this, I am sure she must have regretted it whenever I revolted against most of the so-called traditions and rituals, but for me, this was the best thing that she did. This is still quite common in most societies, parents want their kids to inculcate all their values, religious, social, political, personal, and even professional. It was especially prevalent in the neighborhood where I grew up, most kids even ended up doing the same or similar job that their parents did. Like many, I also had a roller coaster teenage and college years. I wondered about things around me, had a lot of unanswered questions, and had no clue where I was heading in my life. My mom supported me, she didn't know what was going on, what did MSc or Ph.D. meant, or why my son was not doing a "normal" job like others, but she stood behind most of my choices. She also didn't force me to get married early which was again a common tradition in the community back then. I am sure all this was not easy for her, but she did it and it worked in my favor.

Mom lost her dad when she was a few months old, and this has created a deep impact on her mind. She has seen struggles of my grandmom as a single mom, and always gets emotional while talking about her. She had a comfortable childhood as her uncle and grandparents took care of her in the absence of her dad. She could only manage to complete her middle school at most as educating girls was not a priority back then. She got married at a very young age, she was around 13 or 14 years young. She migrated to Pune, a city in the Indian state of Maharashtra after marrying my dad. When she arrived in Pune she didn't know a single word of Marathi, it was very tough for her to adjust to this new place with a new culture and totally alien language. I still remember an incident about which told me when she got lost one evening while returning from an errand back to the rented room and couldn't ask anyone for directions as she didn't know the address as well as the local language. It seems one of my dad's friends found her stranded and brought her back to the room, she was petrified by this. She also went through all the struggles and troubles that a migrant family goes through while trying to establish themselves in a new place. Lack of proper education didn't make it easy for her, life was emotionally and physically challenging for her during her initial years in Pune. I still remember the days when she, I, and my younger brother Pankaj used to carry buckets of water every day from a water tanker that used to supply water as our neighborhood did not have access to tap water. 

Mom is overprotective of me. Maybe her own childhood and experiences made her so overprotective about her kids. Since my childhood, she never allowed me to travel alone, the first time I traveled alone in my life was when I took my flight to come to the US. She is very scared of rivers and oceans, the main reason is that my maternal grandpa died in a boat accident in the river Ganga. One can imagine her situation when Pankaj, my younger brother, decided to join a merchant navy. Like many mothers, she still worries about me and offers many suggestions that I don't follow, but she offers them anyway. We also had many arguments and disagreements, some serious ones, but none of those managed to create any personal rift between us that could not be bridged. My concept of respecting one's parents doesn't mean blindly obeying them, following their every order like an obedient son, I can't do this. I am not an obedient son, rather, I am the disobedient one. I am the one who refused to follow the orders and was absent from ritualistic functions because I didn't agree with those rituals. Defied all religious dietary restrictions. But this did not matter as far as my personal bond with my parents was concerned. Actually, over the years, I managed to evolve my relationship with both of my parents in such a way that I treat them more like friends than parents. This was the best way for a rebellious son to preserve the bond with his parents and maintain love and respect without being burdened with the expectation of obeying them. Like friends do, I make fun of them, discuss various things, criticize their views, advise them on their personal issues, and have a great time whenever I meet them personally. This is working great so far. I know that there are a few things that I may never be able to change about my mom, but I will keep on trying. I know that she will be doing the same thing from her side. This will keep both of us busy and can be one of the reasons to keep on persuading each other. Sometimes, 

With my kids, I find myself in a strange situation where I have to explain some of my mom's beliefs to them. They find themselves more distanced from these beliefs than me. It's a tough job, but it's also necessary, someone needs to explain why she has those beliefs. Mom's contribution towards my upbringing is undeniable, I am a witness to some of her struggles and I thank her for not quitting or succumbing to the pressure of society. But she knows this won't stop me from confronting her and this is the beauty of our relationship. I am grateful to her but not burdened by her sacrifices. I am her son, not a devotee, and I think she knows this very well. So, mummy, thank you for everything 🙏 and as always I love you and value what you did for me, and you know that I am not sorry about the many arguments we had so far and might have in the future.😀 Stay happy and stay well. 

Thanks for reading and please share your story about the relationship with your mom. 

What if others don't care?

Human activities impact the environment, and there is enough data to demonstrate this. I try to follow a certain lifestyle where I try to minimize the impact of my behavior on the environment. It is also true that every living thing lives at the cost of another living thing (vegetarians and vegan people should stop thinking that they don't kill anything to feed themselves, we all do that). Our existence on this planet is bound to have some impact on this planet, whether we like it or not. We all need to consume things to survive, we all generate waste and our consumption and waste generation capacity is increasing day by day. What do we think about this? Do we care? Most of us don't. We think why should I care if others don't? Whatever will happen to others will happen to me also so why care?

Whenever possible I share my thoughts with my kids and people around me about this topic. During my discussion I encourage them to reduce their carbon footprint, some people care to listen, some of them care to follow certain things but most don't care. They think if they can afford the luxury then why not use it? They are perfectly right in their thinking and this whole thing is not at all about whether you can afford to enjoy certain luxuries or not but it's all about whether you care about this planet or not? You can enjoy most of the luxuries and at the same time contribute towards the welfare of this planet, showing concern towards our planet doesn't mean going back to the stone age.

We can practice many small things in our lives that can bring huge change, things like not using an elevator to climb up anything less than 5 floors or not at all while coming down from any building, walking wherever possible, or using public transport if possible, try to share a ride or carpool whenever possible, use lights in the home more efficiently, etc. If many people follow these things it can save a lot of energy, and some of these habits even have health benefits. Energy consumption is at its peak on our planet and it's going to increase as more and more people start using vehicles and big homes because they can afford it. Because of this, it becomes even more important to use available energy more responsibly and efficiently. Justifying our own high energy-consuming lifestyle by saying that everyone is doing is not a proper thing to do. I know that one person can not create a huge impact or change things but he/she can definitely have some impact and that's what my goal is. I know people might laugh at my ways, might dismiss it as some fad, or might even question my understanding of current living standards but that's not going to stop me from practicing what I believe. I am not talking only about India but people all over the world need to be conscious about their energy use. In the US also there is a huge waste of energy. People all over the world need to analyze their use of energy and try to bring the necessary changes. India has a huge population so if Indians care for energy and manage their consumption I believe that its impact will be huge. We call our planet 'Mother Earth' and we show so little concern about her health and welfare. Everyone is concerned about their own biological mother and her health and does whatever is necessary to take care of her. Our Mother Earth has so many kids but unfortunately, very few care about her, and most of her kids think that it's not their responsibility. Poor Mother Earth even after having so many kids, providing them almost every necessary thing is facing abuse at the hands of her own kids.

I know that it's not that easy but in my experience, it's not that difficult. It's a little inconvenient to travel in crowded city buses and trains but things are much better than they were 10 years ago. I traveled on the PMT (city transit bus in Pune) bus a few days back and it was not that bad, at least it was better than the experience of driving a four-wheeler on crowded roads in Pune. Water wastage is another issue that bothers me. Administrators in India just don't want to accept that we need a better water management system. People face the same problems repeatedly, water cuts every year in Pune but refuse to learn any lesson from them. At least some people are thinking about rainwater harvesting and other options to conserve some water which is a welcome sign but in general, there is no general awareness about this issue. Traffic on roads is horrible, and everyone complains about it but no one is willing to set an example (and again same explanation that no one cares then why should I?). Honking has become a habit of Indian drivers, hardly a minute passes by where you won't hear honking on the road. I just don't understand why people need to honk so much (unless they believe others are driving in their sleep and they need to honk to wake them up). Yesterday I rode our bike for the (first time on this India visit) and didn't feel the need to honk even once, I don't think people understand how to use vehicle horns properly here. I wish they knew and cared about the noise pollution which is caused by this unnecessary honking.

My aim is not to list the problems that I see around me and only complain about them. I want to question the attitude, if others don't care why should I? We don't ask this question while buying a car, if someone is buying fuel fuel-efficient car then why shouldn't I? We don't ask a similar question when someone is doing some philanthropic work, I can list many more instances like this. In most of these situations people do whatever they want to do, they don't follow others but whenever it comes to following the rules and caring about the environment everyone wants others to start first. No one thinks why shouldn't I? I think we need to ask this question and ask it very honestly. I am sure even if others don't care many of us do care and we need to show that in our actions. Let's show that we do care.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)   

Why Should We Care About This Planet?

Nowadays, we hear a lot about the impact of humans on this planet. Humans are the largest consumers of the natural resources of this planet. We benefit immensely from the things produced by nature; we are heavily dependent on some of them, like sunlight, natural gas, air, water, etc. Any living entity needs to consume at least a few things from its surrounding environment to survive. If consumption is matched with the regeneration of consumed stuff, then life is in perfect balance. But for some reason, if we cannot maintain this balance, then also nature adjusts as much as it can, but there is a limit to how much abuse it can take, and when things go beyond a certain limit results can be catastrophic. Because of recent developments in science and technology, we have seen tremendous improvement in the quality and longevity of human life. This has also resulted in an increase in the consumption of natural resources at an unprecedented level.

We need to learn how to reduce our carbon footprint so that we can minimize the harmful impact of consumerism on our planet. There are many environmental problems, like air, water, and land pollution, global warming, depletion of non-renewable natural resources, etc. They are all related to the heavy use of natural and human-made resources. Because of tremendous progress in the area of science and technology, we have achieved many things that were considered impossible a few decades ago. This has resulted in heavy consumption of natural resources such as water, land, trees, fossil fuels, etc. Instead of using these natural resources, we are misusing them; nature can not take this abuse endlessly. We are seeing some early signs of warning in the form of climate change, unpredictable weather, and natural disasters. Right now, we have all the necessary technology, resources, and the required capability to address most of the issues on our planet. Never before in the history of humanity have human beings been as capable as we are today.

At present, this is the only planet in the entire universe on which we can survive without any artificial aid. We are still trying to find proof of the presence of life on other planets. Even if we find proof of life, it's very unlikely that we can find any other planet that will be as suitable as this one for our habitat. We know the problem, we even know possible solutions, and we have all the resources and capabilities to control the damage, but still, why are we not doing it? What is stopping us from taking those steps? Is it that difficult? Are we so selfish that we don't want to think about the well-being of our future generations? It's not that we have to make huge sacrifices to control global warming; people who don't want to stop excessive consumerism paint the picture as if global warming advocates want people to stop breathing because they emit carbon dioxide. It's not like that; small steps can bring very effective change. A few things that everyone can do are to save electricity, limit the use of vehicles (walk wherever possible, it's healthy also), and try to use renewable source products (like paper, bio-based fuel, etc.). These are very easy steps to follow. It's not the responsibility of governments alone to ensure the well-being of this planet; we all should contribute. If we care, we must show by our actions that we really care; just thinking about it or talking won't help.

The quality of our lives is directly related to the health of our planet. There can not be a good life without a good planet. Currently, we can't create a new planet, but we definitely can maintain and preserve the planet that we have. We are not doing any favor or social work for others by preserving this planet; we have to do it for our own lives and our own fellow beings. We all breathe the same air and live on the same planet; if anything goes wrong with his place, we all will suffer. We can enjoy a good life because our ancestors didn't destroy the ecological system of this planet, and they didn't disturb the natural balance that is required for the smooth functioning of our ecosystem and environment. Are we doing enough to make sure that we pass on a similar healthy planet to our future generation? 

Thanks for reading, and please share your views.

Related References:
1. http://www.epa.gov/climatechange/
2. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_warming
3. http://topics.nytimes.com/top/news/science/topics/globalwarming/index.html
4. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Renewable_energy

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)