My mom and I

My mom, I call her mummy, and I share a unique bond. It's the same and at the same time different than any other mother-son relationship. I am her first child, so, I got an edge over my other two brothers because I got an early start.😉 My mom and I share a unique bond, it's hard to describe. As a person, we are poles apart, there are very few things common between us. Whatever characteristics and features I received from her genetically are there, but apart from that, we are completely different, still very close. I oppose most of her beliefs and many times, criticize them in the harshest possible words, but strongly support her right to practice them. She wonders why I am like this and I also wonder the same about her. This all sounds complicated, but it's not.

There is one thing for which I really give her credit and thank her, she never forced me to do anything against my wishes. This might sound an obvious thing to many, but it's a big deal and I don't know how did she manage to resist the pressure of making your kid follow all your religious and cultural values. I can't thank her enough for doing this, I am sure she must have regretted it whenever I revolted against most of the so-called traditions and rituals, but for me, this was the best thing that she did. This is still quite common in most societies, parents want their kids to inculcate all their values, religious, social, political, personal, and even professional. It was especially prevalent in the neighborhood where I grew up, most kids even ended up doing the same or similar job that their parents did. Like many, I also had a roller coaster teenage and college years. I wondered about things around me, had a lot of unanswered questions, and had no clue where I was heading in my life. My mom supported me, she didn't know what was going on, what did MSc or Ph.D. meant, or why my son was not doing a "normal" job like others, but she stood behind most of my choices. She also didn't force me to get married early which was again a common tradition in the community back then. I am sure all this was not easy for her, but she did it and it worked in my favor.

Mom lost her dad when she was a few months old, and this has created a deep impact on her mind. She has seen struggles of my grandmom as a single mom, and always gets emotional while talking about her. She had a comfortable childhood as her uncle and grandparents took care of her in the absence of her dad. She could only manage to complete her middle school at most as educating girls was not a priority back then. She got married at a very young age, she was around 13 or 14 years young. She migrated to Pune, a city in the Indian state of Maharashtra after marrying my dad. When she arrived in Pune she didn't know a single word of Marathi, it was very tough for her to adjust to this new place with a new culture and totally alien language. I still remember an incident about which told me when she got lost one evening while returning from an errand back to the rented room and couldn't ask anyone for directions as she didn't know the address as well as the local language. It seems one of my dad's friends found her stranded and brought her back to the room, she was petrified by this. She also went through all the struggles and troubles that a migrant family goes through while trying to establish themselves in a new place. Lack of proper education didn't make it easy for her, life was emotionally and physically challenging for her during her initial years in Pune. I still remember the days when she, I, and my younger brother Pankaj used to carry buckets of water every day from a water tanker that used to supply water as our neighborhood did not have access to tap water. 

Mom is overprotective of me. Maybe her own childhood and experiences made her so overprotective about her kids. Since my childhood, she never allowed me to travel alone, the first time I traveled alone in my life was when I took my flight to come to the US. She is very scared of rivers and oceans, the main reason is that my maternal grandpa died in a boat accident in the river Ganga. One can imagine her situation when Pankaj, my younger brother, decided to join a merchant navy. Like many mothers, she still worries about me and offers many suggestions that I don't follow, but she offers them anyway. We also had many arguments and disagreements, some serious ones, but none of those managed to create any personal rift between us that could not be bridged. My concept of respecting one's parents doesn't mean blindly obeying them, following their every order like an obedient son, I can't do this. I am not an obedient son, rather, I am the disobedient one. I am the one who refused to follow the orders and was absent from ritualistic functions because I didn't agree with those rituals. Defied all religious dietary restrictions. But this did not matter as far as my personal bond with my parents was concerned. Actually, over the years, I managed to evolve my relationship with both of my parents in such a way that I treat them more like friends than parents. This was the best way for a rebellious son to preserve the bond with his parents and maintain love and respect without being burdened with the expectation of obeying them. Like friends do, I make fun of them, discuss various things, criticize their views, advise them on their personal issues, and have a great time whenever I meet them personally. This is working great so far. I know that there are a few things that I may never be able to change about my mom, but I will keep on trying. I know that she will be doing the same thing from her side. This will keep both of us busy and can be one of the reasons to keep on persuading each other. Sometimes, 

With my kids, I find myself in a strange situation where I have to explain some of my mom's beliefs to them. They find themselves more distanced from these beliefs than me. It's a tough job, but it's also necessary, someone needs to explain why she has those beliefs. Mom's contribution towards my upbringing is undeniable, I am a witness to some of her struggles and I thank her for not quitting or succumbing to the pressure of society. But she knows this won't stop me from confronting her and this is the beauty of our relationship. I am grateful to her but not burdened by her sacrifices. I am her son, not a devotee, and I think she knows this very well. So, mummy, thank you for everything 🙏 and as always I love you and value what you did for me, and you know that I am not sorry about the many arguments we had so far and might have in the future.😀 Stay happy and stay well. 

Thanks for reading and please share your story about the relationship with your mom.