Consent must be taught in schools

In one of the web series, a courtroom drama, the lawyer while defending a rape accused says that consent is a great area. This statement is not uncommon, many around us do not understand the importance of consent in a relationship or sexual encounter. Consent is an essential requirement for any sexual encounter, whether that encounter is casual or within any formal relationship like a marriage or civil union, does not eliminate the requirement for consent. Marriage or any other relationship does not give an individual the right to violate or override the consent of another individual, especially for their willingness to engage in a sexual act. So, even after consent is of such great importance, you will be amazed to know that not many are aware of it. For many, it is a gray area because they are ignorant about it. Even though there are many resources available to learn about the meaning of consent under various circumstances, very few people take advantage of it. This is the reason I am advocating that consent should be taught in schools. Like any other good habit like saying sorry, thank you, or excuse me, the importance of having the consent of another person should be part of day to day vocabulary of everyone and schools are a good place to start highlighting it.

Any sexual encounter is a private act, normally, only people involved in the act are the witnesses of that act. Therefore, if there is a dispute, it becomes difficult to decide who is right and who is wrong. Not having a clear understanding of what consent means and how to interpret verbal and non-verbal signals correctly makes things more complicated. It should be clear to everyone that not saying no does not mean yes. This is simple, a person may hesitate to say no for a variety of reasons, there are too many reasons to list, therefore, the absence of no should not be interpreted as yes under any circumstance. There must be some expressed affirmative signal and it is the responsibility of the initiator to obtain that signal to make sure it is a consensual act. 

Also, it is more important to know that consent can be withdrawn at any point for any reason. Given consent, in any sexual act, is a privilege of the person who offers it and it is their right to withdraw anytime they feel they are not ready. This should not be difficult to understand. If the person who is on the receiving end cannot deal with that withdrawal and feels the urge to fulfill their initiated sexual desire, they have other means like masturbation to quench their sexual desire. Violating the rights of another to engage in consensual sex cannot be a reason under any circumstances. Traditional institutions like marriage also do not give license to an individual to violate the rights of his or her partner. Spouses don't have the right to rape each other, if it is wrong to force yourself on another outside marriage then it must be wrong within marriage also. Marriage does not offer up any license to ignore or violate the personal rights of our partner, rather were should respect those rights.

Humans are different compared to other animals, we behave differently socially compared to other animals. The same is true for our sexual acts, they have to be consensual otherwise there is no difference between us and animals if we force each other just to satisfy our sexual urges. Our relationships will become stronger and more fulfilling if we respect each other's choices. If we respect each other's willingness to participate. This is why let's start teaching the meaning and importance of consent as early as possible. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com

No means NO

Recently I watched a Hindi movie "Pink." It is a courtroom drama dealing with sexual assault and battery-related incidents. I liked the movie, it is very well made and all actors have performed brilliantly in their respective roles, but this post is not about the movie. It is about the importance of willful "consent" in any relationship. I watched this movie with my kids, they both are teenagers and will face a situation of dealing with their or their partner's willful consent in their relationship and I wanted to make sure that they get this message. When someone says "No," it means "NO." It doesn't mean yes or even maybe. It doesn't matter what that person said just a few minutes ago, it doesn't matter if that person was drinking or very friendly and seems to agree to your advances. NO means NO. There is no ambiguity and no confusion, there doesn't need to be any explanation or additional word, NO is a sentence in itself, it means NO, nothing more, nothing less.

Any relationship needs a very strong foundation, and to treat our partner equally can be the first crucial step towards building that strong foundation. I know it is not an easy task for many, our culture and patriarchal society never treated all genders on an equal basis. One can include any kind of discrimination to point out the inequality in our society, but here I am talking specifically about gender discrimination. Many cultures never gave women a chance to have control over their sexual behavior as they gave to their men. Rather every time some sexual misconduct happens, many societies try to find the fault in the victim's behavior. Many try to hint that the victim might have provoked poor boys (or men) and forced them to commit sexual assault. Now, before I move on, let me clarify that I know that men are also victims of sexual harassment, but data shows that still women are the main victims of this crime, that's why I am focussing only on women victims. This victim shaming is one of the reasons why many such incidents even don't get reported, as many victims fear social backlash or humiliation. It is still very common to comment on and judge the character of women based on their sexual behavior, the clothes they wear, or some of their social behavior (like smoking, drinking, etc.). We need to stop this, women need to claim their freedom to express themselves without any social prejudice. Women need to make it clear that it is their life and they are free to choose their path, same as men. They must demand equal rights, no more no less.

After watching the movie, during our discussion, I told my kids that they should understand one thing very clearly, whenever another person says "no" it means NO, and they should respect that under any situation. Always respect other's right to decide for themselves, it is a minimum courtesy we all can offer to each other and especially to our partners or friends. Please go and watch Pink if you like courtroom dramas, but even if you don't watch it, remember that NO means NO. No is a sentence in itself, it doesn't need any explanation or justification. Also, only humans can understand this denial, wild animals can't control their natural instincts, but we humans can and it is one of the major differences between our and wild animal's sexual behavior. So, if you claim to be a human, you should understand when someone says NO. Get this thing ingrained in your mind, NO means NO.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Democracy depends on informed electorate

Nowadays it is election time in India, a very charged atmosphere with political emotions flying high. All political parties are trying their best to woo the voters. India is considered the largest democracy in the world with a population of around 1.2 billion people. Politics and democracy are two different things according to me. Politics is played in almost every country, but there are very few places where true, healthy, and well-functioning democracy exists, the question here is, is India one of them?

True democracy doesn't only mean the right to vote, this is just one part of it (no doubt a very important part). True, healthy, and functioning democracy depends on the informed voting decisions of people involved in the democratic process. The process includes candidate selection by political parties, policy development, voting, governing, etc. All eligible citizens should be able to participate in every step directly or indirectly. There are very few countries in this world that have such a robust and transparent democratic process in place. India is a democratic country for sure, citizens have the right to vote but most voters have very limited information or knowledge about the policies of political parties or even about candidates contesting from their constituencies. This information is deliberately not provided to them. Until recently there was no Right to Information Act (RTI). Even now political parties and their funding sources are not revealed under this act, they don't even come under this act. Most political leaders prefer to deliver emotionally charged speeches rather than talking about their policy road map which will allow them to achieve promises they are making. There is no culture of debate or discussion between major political parties or their candidates which can allow voters to understand what they really stand for. People with serious criminal charges (like murder, rape, kidnapping, etc.) are given tickets by almost all political parties. All these political parties unite whenever there is an attempt to bring any reform or act that can minimize the criminalization of politics or make political funding transparent in any way. These things normally happen in the background, most voters/citizens are not even aware of these things and most political parties don't want voters to know about these things. The more ignorant and ill-informed voters are, more better for these political parties.

Because of tremendous development in information and technology in recent years and the presence of active media, nowadays people are receiving a lot of information from various sources. There is so much information inflow that it's really difficult to grasp all of it. Along with very useful information, there is a lot of junk also, people need to filter it and educate themselves about real issues and problems. Once voters get informed they realize the real power of their vote, and they get empowered. Without information and awareness, the votes of voters can be purchased or voters can be fooled by creating some wrong perception. All these things have been happening in India for so many decades. People are really frustrated and disillusioned with this system. This is the major reason for all the support that inexperienced parties like AAP (AAm Aadami Party) or any other new regional parties are getting. Whenever some group tries to reform the rotten system, major political parties don't appreciate such efforts. They all want the same old system in place, the same old style of opaque politics as it is very beneficial to them. People who are trying to bring these changes are targeted. Actually, these people are not that important but the reforms that they want to deliver are important. Some people are trying to shoot the messenger in the hope that the message doesn't get delivered. I hope voters of India look beyond personalities and try to understand the message. Who is delivering the message is not at all important, the message is important. If major national parties like Congress and BJP are willing to decentralize power, bring strong legislation against corruption, bring total transparency and accountability in political funding and governance, and encourage job growth then there won't be any need for any anti-corruption movement or any new party. Whenever the establishment neglects a certain section of society, corruption, and crime become rampant in society, some new movement starts, and some new political party is formed to fight against this injustice.

Informed voters are more powerful, they are aware of their rights as well as responsibilities. Informed voters are equipped to make informed choices, and political parties, and leaders can not fool them all the time by giving false promises. Democracy is not very useful for its citizens without well-informed voters. I hope this scenario changes in the near future. I hope candidates participate in civilized debate because these types of debates are very necessary and are essential parts of any democratic process. India never had them so far as a part of the electoral process I hope in future they try to conduct them. After all, democracy depends on an informed electorate, and without that, it's just a democracy for the namesake. I think most of us want true and functioning democracy, not something that just looks like it but doesn't feel or work like a true democracy. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]