My recent encounter with Stockholm syndrome

Recently there was a series of comments on my post "Chanakya and his views about women." There were a few commentators from both genders who were there to criticize my post and defend Chanakya's views about women, especially the ones that I mentioned in my post. Their major objection was how come a trivial person like me can have the audacity to criticize the great Chanakya. I was not at all surprised by their language (calling me stupid or dirty or any other name, and offering unsolicited pieces of advice to me). I was a little surprised to see some educated women defending Chanakya's description of women in general. I am reproducing some of Chanakya's quotes that I used in my post. 

One should not place trust in rivers, animals with horns, armed ones, women or in ruling families.

Women are fickle minded. He also says 'Only women could speak falsehood'

Untruthfulness, rashness, guile, stupidity, avarice, uncleanliness and cruelty are women's seven natural flaws.

Fire, water, women, fool, snake and the royal family, beware of all these, they can prove fatal.

Courtesy should be learned from princes, the art of conversation from pundits, lying from gamblers and deceitful ways from women. 

So, these people were trying to tell me how all these above sentences actually describe qualities of women in general, and good women who don't have the above characteristics are exceptions but most women do have these characteristics. Their arguments are interesting and clearly show strong prejudice against women all over the world. The whole discussion continued for a long time (and still going on) and some people even posted some links to a couple of TV serials that were based on Chanakya's life to support their arguments. Their whole point was Chanakya was a genius, he was the greatest teacher India ever produced therefore "nothing" that he said can be wrong and everything should be accepted as it is. One person even said that there is some logic behind why Vedas (but never bothered to explain what logic) and Chanakya are against women's independence, below is the actual comment, reproduced as it is.

"Again you don't understand it. Its not the Women, Its the woman in the position as MOTHER you can trust. Same woman which can be trusted as mother always cannot be trusted as any other role may be( like wife). May be c is untruthful wife but always loving mother.
Man you need a brain to understand what he really wants to say. Vedic Culture not only Chanakys is against Women independence. You know why ? Precious things are not kept independent. When they have it they become cheap. What is happening to women is the Side effect of women liberation. Women are precious to us. Hence respected. But when they Show characteristics of a women not a slut. As its said Nariyal chahe kitna bhi bada ho uski jagah dali ke niche hai." 
(translation of last line which is in Hindi is, "No matter how big coconut is, its place is always below the branch")"

This is just a representative comment. One can clearly see what is the mindset of people who are trying to defend these views. Look at the sentences with too much emphasis on women's sexual conduct, addressing them as "precious things" that can not be left independent, and finally, the conclusion that no matter how big they become they will be always below men. The proverb mentioned in the comment and many other sexist proverbs like that are still used regularly to convey this disgusting message to women. These people still like to live in the medieval period of male superiority and believe me there are millions who think like this, not only in India but all over the world. What we see in the comments section of this post is just a small subset of educated people, who even after their education and experience in the outside world have such views. 

The strange but not that surprising was a few women who overwhelmingly defended these comments. This can be an ideal example of Stockholm syndrome (defined as a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy, they have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them). My friend Anila explained to me very nicely why some women are defending such statements by comparing this behavior with Stockholm syndrome. I quote her comment from my Facebook wall "in this case the kidnapper is a crippling ideology, and it is so well indoctrinated that the very subjects of abuse become the most powerful voices in favor of it." I totally agree with her, the effect of some ideologies is so strong on people that they don't see anything wrong with it even if someone points it out. Just because some famous personalities like Chanakya said these things they think that it has to be right. For centuries this was hammered on people's minds and now it has become a belief system. Chanakya was a genius of his time in various fields like politics, governance, and economics, so how can he be wrong about women? People just believe his and many other famous people's statements blindly that propagate such backward views. Most of these people's major complaint or objection is who am I to object to great genius Chanakya's views? He was great so a common man like me can not even question him. This mindset is very prevalent in Indian society, and after reading some of the comments I can see that other countries are also not that far behind. Most people don't like to see someone questioning their idols which they worship and adore. Questioning and healthy debate are most important pillars of human civilization and many people are against them especially, when their own faith and beliefs are questioned.

Women's liberation or feminist movement started very recently and in a short time, women have achieved tremendous progress in every field where they got the opportunity. However, it seems this is not enough for some people, they want statements from people like Chanakya, Vyas, Newton, or someone like these people to believe that women are equal to men. I want to tell these people that just give women some time they will prove each and every sexist statement written about them wrong, no matter whose statement it is. Some people always read and see what they want to read and see. No matter how successful women are in every field they will always point to women who are still struggling due to years of suppression and abuse and try to prove their point that women can't compete with men. It shows a sad and pathetic sexist mindset.

I hope these people who are thinking like this open their eyes and see the real world outside where women are excelling in each and every field and realize that women are achieving new heights and setting up high standards wherever they get the opportunity. I hope that some of these women who believe in very stereotyped descriptions of women also learn to believe in their own capabilities. Women should stop considering themselves as the weaker sex and also stop believing that they are inferior to men in any aspect (which was hammered on their minds for centuries). I know that it's very difficult to change people's opinions. But, I tried. We need to confront these people because these are the people who give shelter to such ideologies, propagate them, and practice them. We must try our best to stop this, my post is a small step in that direction.


Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Reference:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
2. When the bird starts loving its cage

Sanjay Dutt: A victim, a criminal or a naive offender?

The Supreme Court of India finally declared its verdict in the 1993 Mumbai bomb blast case. It took almost 20 years after the incident to complete all legal formalities and deliver the judgment. Sanjay Dutt was one of the accused in the long list of people accused of doing something that was related to the occurrence of those blasts. He was not convicted for involvement in the actual terror plot of bomb blasts but was found guilty of possession of illegal arms and the TADA court sentenced him 6 years in prison. Supreme Court upheld that verdict but reduced the sentence to 5 years (minimum in such cases). He already spent 18 months in jail so if the situation remains as it is then he is supposed to go back to jail for three and a half years more. Since the verdict about Sanjay was declared there have been a lot of reactions from the film fraternity and other eminent people about this sentence and whether he deserves this harsh punishment or not.

Sanjay Dutt's entire life has been like a roller coaster ride. There are so many ups and downs in his life that I think there may not be any other celebrity who has experienced so many ups and downs in their life. Starting from his drug addiction, the death of his mother (actress Nargis), his failed relationships, his successful career as an actor, his conviction in a terror plot, then his short jail term, back in movies while on bail, delivering two most successful and admired movies of Hindi cinema (Munnabhai series), getting married again, getting back family life which he dreamed of his entire life, and now the possibility of going back to jail. His life itself is like some thriller movie where you never know what might happen next. But this post is not about him or his life but about the reactions generated from various quarters after the Supreme Court delivered this verdict about him.

From those reactions it's very clear that there are two sets of laws in any country or at least the same law is interpreted in two different ways depending on the convict. I am not talking only about India but about any country, one law for the rich and famous and one for the poor or common people. I am not saying that rich and famous can get away with anything they do because of their money and fame. NO. This is not true and this is not what I mean. Rather, sometimes they get punished just to set an example and get in trouble because of their celebrity stature. This is again wrong and should not happen. But even keeping that in mind, if one looks at Sanjay's case one can clearly see the sympathy generated for him and the large outcry for punishment being too hard and the request for his pardon from various quarters of society is clearly because of his image as a rusty but gold-hearted man. I also like some of his movies, especially the Munnabhai series, those are my all-time favorite movies. But I am not a blind follower or a crazy fan of anyone. So, even though I feel bad for him I can not claim that the judiciary has been unfair to him.

Every convicted person has a family, many of them have kids, and many terribly regret the crime they committed. In many cases, the convicted person is the sole earning member of that family, and the entire family depends on him/her for their survival. Sometimes their crime is trivial but they lack the resources and money to fight for justice and are left with no option but to face the punishment. All these incidents happen daily in countries like India and everyone including me, all these celebrities, politicians, and stars know about this. Especially the film industry clearly knows about these types of incidents because they make movies based on some of these stories but even after all this they still feel that only Sanjay should be pardoned. What about many others like him? I can understand if they are speaking as his friend, well-wisher, or relative they have full right to show their support and sympathy to him even after knowing that he violated the law. Actually, convicts need support from their loved ones to get reformed, friends and family members of most convicted persons behave like this. So, they are not doing anything radically different as everyone likes to support their closed ones. But they should at least have the courage to say that he made a mistake but we are going to support him because he is our friend and we love him no matter what. But, please don't try to paint him as a "victim" because he is not a victim. At the same time, Sanjay should not get harsher treatment just because he is a big star. He should have the right to explore all legal options that are available to any convict to defend himself. Making his case a special case because of his celebrity status would be a cruel joke on people who lack these resources just because they are not rich and famous.

I am not writing this to suggest what should be done and what shouldn't, whether Sanjay Dutt is guilty or not, or what is a proper punishment for his crime, this is not my job to decide. I am sure law will take its own course, in fact, it did, it was a long, 20 years long, process to deliver this judgment. We need to do something to make this process faster. 20 years is a very long period, many things can change in this long time and it can add complications to the case. It will be interesting to see in which direction things proceed in his case. I am sure he is strong enough to deal with these setbacks in his life but at the same time, we need to think about many people who are not as lucky as him to get so much support but also deserve a second chance in their lives. Can we be supportive of them also? if yes then let's do it and let's have a proper mechanism to do that. If not, then why not? Why Sanjay's case is special then? Let this incident be an opportunity to improve some things in our criminal justice system and not an opportunity to take sides, show loyalty, or play politics.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

References:

1. “Why are people talking only about Sanjay?”-The Hindu

2. Charges against Sanjay serious, says Supreme Court- The Hindu

3. Timeline: 1993 Mumbai blasts and after

Is there anyone with an unconditioned mind?

I come across the term, unconditioned minds, in many articles and comments on various forums, mainly related to religion or spirituality. People use this term freely to accuse anyone of not agreeing with their views. Many people accuse each other of having conditioned minds. They say that it's because of conditioned minds many people cannot understand the true nature of God, cannot feel true love for god, or understand the true meaning of the religion. Non-believers also accuse believers of having conditioned minds. So, we can see that both sides are accusing each other of the same fault. According to many, if someone doesn't agree with their ideas or views then the other person's mind is conditioned and polluted with some biased ideas which stop that person from understanding their logical and rational arguments. Many times we all think like this as it helps us to satisfy our ego and be happy. But really what is a conditioned or unconditioned mind? Are these two different types of brains? Does one work differently than the other? Or is it just a very convenient way of categorizing people based on our own assumptions to satisfy our ego and to make ourselves happy?

The human brain is a very complex organ. It works in a very complex way and we are still in the process of exploring the mysteries associated with it. We have achieved many major breakthroughs in understanding its design and function but still, we have a long way to travel. Our brain and its powers make us a unique species and differentiate us from other animals on this planet. It's the reason for our dominance and survival on this planet. At the same time, many of our problems can be attributed to our brain's destructive power. Most of our actions are controlled by our brains and are the result of all the information and data we gather over the years. This is what we call conditioning of our mind. So, as far as I think technically no functioning mind is unconditioned. Perhaps only the mind of a newborn baby who doesn't know anything about this world may be called unconditioned, but slowly that mind also gets trained to recognize people and surroundings. Any social creature can't escape conditioning of its mind in some way or another.

Technically we all have conditioned minds, the only difference is that all minds are conditioned in very unique ways. Even minds of people from the same family, living in similar environments function in totally different ways. I think only conditioned minds can think rationally, unconditioned minds don't know any rationale as they are not conditioned about it. Most of us get training not only about how to think but also what to think and any such training requires conditioning of mind. We can call this process education, training, upbringing, culture, social influence, or any other name but basically, it's a conditioning of the mind so that it can function in a particular way in a particular situation. Also, conditioning is not always bad. Actually, it's very necessary for our civilization and society. Because of the conditioning of the mind we are civilized people otherwise, there won't be any difference between humans and other animals. But this conditioning should not be to an extent where it becomes an obstacle to accept anything new that seems to come from outside of those boundaries that are set by that conditioning. Such conditioning then forces us to define marriage only in a certain way, forces us to define certain rigid roles for each gender, forces us to label some races superior and some inferior, and makes us think that certain jobs are more respectable than others. This is all the result of excess, forceful, and very rigid conditioning, we call it brainwashing. Anything in excess is bad and the same is true for this conditioning process. This process is necessary to train our mind but the same thing can prove detrimental if it takes over our mind and forces it to reject everything new without even giving it careful consideration. Conditioning is only necessary to have enough information so that we know how to think, it should not teach us what to think. We need our minds to create something good and accept new ideas, even if it requires thinking beyond limits set by that conditioning and challenging our own beliefs and values. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

औरत और धर्म

महिलाओं के सामाजिक स्थान में हमारे सभी धर्म और रीतियों  कितना योगदान रहा है? क्या किसि धर्म ने उन्हें पुरुषों के सामान दर्जा दिया है? सदियों से चले आ रहे महिलाओं के शोषण में धर्म और उसकी परम्पराओ का कितना योगदान है? सभी धर्मों के संथापक एवं करता-धर्ता केवल पुरुष ही क्यों है? ऐसे कई सवाल है जिनके जवाब अगर हम ढूढने की कोशिश करें तो शायद धर्म का असली मकसद और स्वरुप हमारे सामने आ जाये...किसी विशेष धर्म के ऊपर टिका करना मेरा उद्देश नहीं लेकिन ये सरे सवाल पूछना भी बेहद जरूरी है..

YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7exRV-ULP8

India and Pakistan - a tale of two siblings

Tension or violence at the line of control (LOC) between India and Pakistan is not something unusual. People from both countries are used to reading news about firings or killings at the LOC and this has been going on since these two countries became independent. Political leaderships from both countries failed to find some mutually agreeable solution for problems that exist between the two nations, even after so many attempts, and so many meetings still most of the problems remain as they were. 

The major issue between these two countries cannot be looked at only as a border dispute. There are a lot of emotional, political, and international angles to it. The issue of Kashmir is very sensitive for people from both countries. The biggest sufferers of this problem are Kashmiri people who are deprived of any stability in their state. This instability has affected everything in Kashmir, day-to-day life, economic development, tourism, and education. Thousands of Kashmiri Pandits are displaced from their native land and are living like refugees in their own country. Sadly this problem very rarely gets reported whenever the problem of Kashmir is discussed at any level. Both countries have invested so much in the Kashmir issue that it's almost impossible for both of them to back off from their stand. This standoff will continue indefinitely unless both of them acknowledge that there is a problem and they need to make serious efforts to solve it. Right now both of them claim Kashmir as their own territory and blame each other for creating this issue. This has been going on for decades and I think will continue in the future also because many political parties survive because of this issue in both countries. Both these countries refuse to accept that it's their fault that this problem still exists. They just blame each other and do nothing substantial to resolve the issue. This issue is also one of the major reasons for the arms race between these two countries (which involves the interest of many other countries that sell arms).

The hatred between the people of these two countries is also something that keeps these issues hot and politically relevant. One very good example of this is India Pakistan cricket match. For many people, it's not just a cricket match, but it's a war on the cricket field. It is a chance to show that we are superior to you, we can beat you, and these matches are full of tension. There are always very high expectations from fans of both teams. The unwritten rule is to "lose against anyone but not against Pakistan/India." For me, it took quite some time to get over these feelings and realize that a loss against Pakistan is not such a big deal. Now I look at it as just another cricket match but this was not the case during my childhood. I still remember that anxiety, agony, and anger after India's loss against Pakistan, now I laugh at it but at that time it was really serious and I used to consider all Pakistanis as our enemies.

Despite these differences and such a bitter rivalry there is so much similarity between these two countries. People from both countries enjoy similar movies and music. They share many cultural and social customs and more Muslims live in India than Pakistan. Many Pakistani artists work on Indian television and also in the Hindi movie industry but unfortunately reverse doesn't happen. Indian artists are not allowed to work or perform in Pakistan that's why I wonder how long this unilateral cultural exchange will continue. So far, this cultural exchange and bilateral sports tournaments are not proving any useful. The tension prevails, soldiers are dying and still terrorists have safe heaven in many places of Pakistan. Sometimes these cultural and sports exchanges are successful in creating a friendly atmosphere but then something very ugly happens at the LOC and things derail again. Political instability in Pakistan and a very dominant military regime complicates the issues more. Now Pakistan is also facing the fear of extremist terrorism and many tragic incidents are happening regularly there. Hopefully, at least not Pakistani government will take some serious steps to curb acts of terrorism at least to protect their own citizens. I hope that now both countries realize that they have a common enemy and come together to fight against it, but I wonder whether this long history of conflicts will make things any easier or difficult.

If both these countries settle their issues and try to bring peace it will be like a blessing for the people of both these countries. It will be like a dream coming true, but many people don't want this to happen because then their political careers will vanish. Many countries that sell arms to both countries will also suffer huge losses and I am sure all these forces will try their best to prevent anything like this from happening in the near future. This is very sad but it's a bitter truth. People from both countries also have very wrong images of each other. I met some Pakistanis here in the USA and they all are not very different than us, I enjoyed talking with them and I am sure many Indians had similar experiences and feel the same way. I want my fellow Indians to realize that our neighboring country is not full of only Islamic extremists or India haters. It's a very wrong image formed by some of the actions of the military and some politicians of Pakistan. We need to clear this misconception. One thing is clear these two countries can not avoid each other they are destined to be neighbors as long as both of them exist, so why not live peacefully and stop the blame game that has been going on for the last six decades or so. The time has come to stop this hate game, take a pause, think rationally not emotionally, and then take one step at a time, firmly, boldly making sure that we are going in the right direction. This is the only way we can resolve issues between these two nations and bring some peace. I think people from both countries need it more than anything else and their leaders owe at least this much to them. 

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

1. To fight India, we fought ourselves-Mohsin Hamid
2. In Britain, the ‘Enemy’ Was Just Like Me- RAHUL JOGLEKAR

Liberal extremist - not better than conservative extremist

Recently, one very interesting news made headlines in Indian electronic and print media, one of the world's best management schools, Wharton was in the news for withdrawing its invitation to Gujarat's chief minister Mr. Narendra Modi as a keynote speaker for its Wharton India Economic Forum (WIEF). The reason for this withdrawal was fierce opposition to Mr. Modi as a keynote speaker by sections of Wharton professors, students, and other stakeholders. They opposed him because of his communal political background, especially for his alleged involvement in the Godhra communal riots of 2002. I was totally surprised by this decision of WIEF. Opposition to Mr. Modi was not surprising because there is a section of secularists who love to bash only some political parties or leaders for their communal policies or views but conveniently ignore similar acts by other people.

I agree that religion and politics should not be mixed but in reality, this happens everywhere in the world. Religion and politics have so many similarities in them that it's really hard for politicians to resist the temptation not to mix them. Both these faculties get benefit from each other and survive with the help of each other. Some secular groups are trying to make "secularism" a separate religion that has its own rules and norms. They also treat some things as untouchables and are extremist in their views on some issues. Most of these people love to call themselves liberal, they got angry when Mr. Salman Rushdie was not allowed to speak at some literary festival in India, and they cried for freedom of speech at that time, but the same people kept mum when Mr. Modi was not allowed to speak as a keynote speaker at WIEF. There is nothing wrong with protesting against anyone's policies or opposing some political actions. People who are against Mr. Modi should protest or try to ask him questions wherever they face him but I think not allowing him to participate in any function is a bit too extreme, similar to what some groups did to Mr. Rushdie a few months back. One can have serious differences with Mr. Modi's political stance or Mr. Rushdie's books but to stop them from participating in any public function or bar them from sharing their views from any platform is not the way to fight with their ideologies.

I also don't understand what they achieved by stopping him from participating in this function. Many controversial political leaders are there in US politics. Many of them and others from all over the world visit the US and deliver seminars or speeches at so many places. I really admire this quality of American people and institutes. They are very tolerant of a broad spectrum of ideas and beliefs, and they encourage open debate about various sensitive issues. But this indecent is really unique and I think a huge mistake. They lost a chance to hear from one of the very successful chief ministers of one of the very successful Indian states (Gujarat), at least this is what Indian media projects. It's not a loss for Mr. Modi as he will find some other platform, but a loss for the students of Wharton. This group who opposed his visit must be very happy about their achievement. They must be thinking of this success as another feather in their cap to show their secular credentials, but in this process, they have shown that they are not at all different than other people who don't allow certain people to express their opinions just because it doesn't agree with their own beliefs. Like conservative extremists, we also have liberal extremists and both are the same with absolutely no difference in their attitude only they identify themselves with different name tags. I think we need to fight against both these groups to have a true liberal or free society, where every voice is heard and every topic is debated, where issues are more important than the person who is speaking.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

References:
1. Full text of letter protesting Modi invitation to Wharton
2. Modi’s address at Wharton cancelled
3. Wharton backs Modi invite cancellation

Thank you for reading

Exactly one year ago (5th March 2012) I posted my first post on my blog. It's hard to believe that one year has already passed since I started writing this blog. This journey so far has been quite an enjoyable and fulfilling experience for me. When I started this blog, I didn't know how long I would continue writing. I never knew what topics I would discuss. I only knew that I wanted to share my views on various topics with others and was interested to know others' views also and wanted to have a healthy dialogue. The blog survived for one year and it is still going strong. Today is the first anniversary of my blog and I want to celebrate it with all my readers, critiques, and well-wishers because you all are the people who helped me to come this far.

First of all, I want to thank all my readers for their time and encouragement. Readers from all over the world visit my blog and I am really thankful to all of them. I also want to express my gratitude to all my friends and family members who encouraged me to write and instilled the confidence in me that was required to start this adventure. Without their support and encouragement, this blog would not have come into existence. We all discuss various topics with our friends and family members and express our concerns and opinions on almost all issues but rarely do we think that we should share it with a wider audience. Previously it was difficult to share as mediums like blogs or social media like Facebook were not available but now it has become really easy to share our thoughts with others and this is the major reason we see so many blogs by so many people who want to share their ideas and opinions. I was also inspired by this phenomenon and was thinking of starting my own blog sometime at the beginning of last year but was hesitant to start for a few reasons. First of all, English is not my first language and I was wondering if the topics that interest me or trouble me will also interest or appeal to others or not. But my friends especially Vishnu encouraged me to write and this blog was started. I don't worry anymore about my English because I know that there are many people like me who speak and write very simple English which is not written or spoken in conventional literary style but it serves the purpose. The main intention here is to share thoughts with others and language is only a medium and I am sure that my language is pretty simple and clear to understand.

To my great surprise blog was mentioned in one of the very popular Marathi daily newspapers Loksatta (लोकसत्ता) in a section "वाचावे नेटके (Wachave Netake)" which can be translated as "something good to read," and the author said very good things about the blog. He said that language is simple to understand, topics are socially relevant and thoughts are presented in a very clear and non-provocative manure. I was not aware of this article and came across it very accidentally and it was a pleasant surprise for me. Along with this praise, the blog received some criticism as well, I found it was mentioned as an "anti-Hindu" blog on some Yahoo group's message board. That message has been deleted from this group for some reason after I wrote a post about this rare honor some time back. Some readers also criticized some of my opinions and I tried to answer all their concerns and doubts to the best of my abilities. All these discussions and debates are there to read for everybody in the comments section of the blog. Some of them are very interesting, maybe more interesting than the post itself and I recommend readers interested in those topics to go through them if they have enough time to spare because some of them are really lengthy.

I share my blog posts on some other platforms like the Speaking Tree section of Times of India and on my Facebook page where I get to interact with many other blog writers and readers who don't visit this blog. Blog writing and interacting with my readers on various platforms has been a very rewarding and satisfying experience for me. I enjoyed it a lot and I hope that readers of my blog also enjoyed it. I wish to continue this journey as long as I enjoy it. I learned a lot and hope that people reading my views also got something useful from my blog posts. Many of the issues that I discuss on my blog are very serious and complicated. I know that it will take more than just a blog post to deal with them but this is an attempt from my side to initiate a thought process in people's minds and I hope it will generate some interest and awareness about these issues. Even if few people get inspired to do something different and good I think the purpose of writing this blog is served.

Thanks for reading and please keep on reading and sharing your thoughts.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Reference:
1. Loksatta link
2. My blog at Speaking tree
3. Some of my old posts on Speaking Tree
4. Two most popular posts from blog: Chanakya and his views about women;
                                                          Does Religion Divide or Unite People?

Why I named my daughter "Sara"?

Chandrakant uncle asked me this question a few days back. I never shared my intention or reasons for giving this particular name to my daughter with many people outside my immediate circle, but I think it will be interesting to share it on my blog. Naming your child can be a very complicated and sometimes stressful process and in today's world of the internet, it's becoming a very elaborate activity. There are many resources at people's disposal to get name suggestions. I was not very familiar with the world of the internet when my first child was born so I had very limited resources at my disposal to find a suitable name.

I was very happy to know that our first baby was a girl. I really wanted to have a daughter, not that I didn't want to have a son or was biased towards a particular gender. Any child is a child its gender really doesn't matter much. There was a very personal reason for my wish to have a daughter. I was tired of listening to comments or taunts like, 'It's easy to talk about feminism but difficult to practice," "You don't know how difficult it is to raise a daughter in today's world," "Maybe one day you will realize what it means to have a daughter" (said in a tone like it's some type of curse 'to have a daughter), "You talk like this because you don't have a daughter," etc. So, it was a big relief for me when I heard that my wife gave birth to a girl. When I heard that the first thought that came to my mind was that maybe now I don't have to listen to any of these comments or taunts. No doubt that I was happy, becoming a parent is one of the nicest feelings in the world. It's a pleasure as well as a huge responsibility and like any other parent it was one of the happiest days of my life.

The next task was to name our daughter. Normally people select names appropriate to their own religion, culture, caste, etc. Many things contribute to the selection of the name of a child in India (or anywhere in the world). People who suggest names always try to suggest names according to your religion and this practice is very common all over the world. I also got some suggestions on similar lines. I and my wife had some of our own choices and they all were strictly according to all guidelines most parents follow, we were not any different. At that time I was also reading a lot about the anti-superstition (अन्धश्रधा निर्मूलन) movement in Maharashtra. I also read about Dr. Shriram Lagoo, a very celebrated actor on the Marathi stage and a popular character artist from Hindi cinema. I read about why he gave his son a Muslim name, he and Deepa Lagoo named their only child "Tanveer" a Muslim name, even though they both were born in Hindu families. There are not many examples like this (I know only this one). I read somewhere that they gave their child a name from a different religion, that to the religion with which their own religion has a history of bitter rivalry, because they wanted their child to understand that people can judge you as a person based on your name. They wanted their child not to judge others based on their name or religion. 

People indeed can form many prejudices just based on your name. From your name, they come to know about your religion, and caste (in India). They can guess from which region or country you belong and then based on their own assumptions about these things they can form certain opinions about you. We all do it, it's a very common thing. This might be the reason why many parents do not want to name their kids Osama, Adolf, or Duryodhan just because of the negative image associated with these names. It induces fear in parents' minds that their child might subjected to some trauma or torture just because of his/her name and they want to avoid it.

So, when I decided to name my first child my intention was to convey my belief to her that it's not your name that gives you a character or meaning to you rather it's you who give some meaning to your name. It doesn't matter what your name is, or from which religion or region it belongs, a name is just a name. But frankly speaking at the same time I was not as brave as Lagoos to give clearly a Muslim or Christian name. I knew that no one in my family would accept it and clearly, it would be a matter of argument and discomfort for many people in my family. I wanted to avoid this scenario as I was already causing enough trouble. I didn't want my newborn daughter to be a reason for family fights right from her entry into this world. Then I came across the name "Sara." I don't remember where I read it for the first time but maybe I came across it for the first time while reading about Sachin's family life. I know now that his daughter's name is Sara but I am not that type of crazy fan to name my daughter or son after people I like. I realized that the name "Sara" perfectly fits my bill. It's not from my own religion, my family had no clue which religion or region it belongs to as it was not a very common name in India). Honestly, I didn't have any clue at that time about the meaning of this name but I liked it. Fortunately, my wife also agreed to it and no one else protested (once she agreed anyway other's protests didn't matter). So, we named her Sara.

It's a very simple story but I thought it's worth sharing. Thanks to Chandu uncle for asking me this question which took me back to my memory lane to remember those wonderful days. My daughter is now old enough to understand how people name their kids and what logic normally people follow while naming their kids. She also knows which part of the world her name originated in and what it means. I told her the story behind her own naming process and she is totally cool with it. I am glad that both kids understand the limited importance and significance of people's names and they don't judge people just based on their name, race, religion, or nationality. After all, name, religion, and country of origin don't really matter, all that matters is how we behave with others and how well we treat the people around us. Remember, our name doesn't give any meaning to us, but we can definitely give some meaning to our name.

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)