The incidents about which I am writing actually happened a long time ago, almost nine to ten years ago in my life. It is the story of mundan of my both kids. Mundan ceremony is very common and is known by different names in different parts of India. Note that it's not only common in India, but also performed in various other cultures and societies under various names. It seems the first haircut has some unique significance in every culture. According to the tradition followed in my family a boy or a girl should get their mundan (first haircut) done either before their 1st birthday if not then in 3rd year. I don't understand the logic behind these age assignments but this is what they believe, no one explained to me why? Because of this belief, many parents don't give haircuts to their kids for the first 9-10 months and then one fine fine day whole family goes to some temple, and the child's head is shaved or the first haircut is offered along with some rituals and prayers Normally, this haircut costs way more than a normal haircut, many times the family has to travel to distant temples or to some rich and famous venue (like Tirupati Balaji which is very famous for this ritual). So, there are many other things involved in this elaborate affair, it's not just a simple haircut.
The reason I remembered all these incidents after so many years was the discussion about mundan of my friend's son on Facebook. He was debating whether to go for it or not. Back then, I didn't face any dilemma about this issue as I was totally against it. According to me, to perform such an elaborate ceremony at a temple or to travel miles to some temple just to give a haircut to a child is really a wasteful idea. I don't understand the logic behind it, maybe there was some good reason to do this thing this way 100s of years ago but I don't see any reason to do this now. Why spend so much money and effort on a thing that can be performed with professional help at any saloon?
So for both kids before their first birthday, this issue came up for discussion. My daughter had very thick and beautiful hair at that time, she looked adorable. I registered my protest against shaving her head because I thought it was totally unnecessary. People give all kinds of reasons to perform mundan, starting from the original hair (womb hair) is not good in quality, they are thin, and if you need to shave the head to get nice and thick new hair, there is no scientific backing to any of these reasons but may be in some cases it works. There are some other reasons like womb hair is associated with undesirable traits from past lives, etc. But the major question was, why go to some temple just for a simple haircut and waste so much time and money? Why can't we do it in some saloon? But the hold of some traditions or rituals on people's minds is so strong that they are scared even to think about an alternative or more logical way. But the problem was that my wife wanted to do mundan for her, and as a parent, she has an equal say in what decisions we make about our kids. I can express my opinion, register my protest in the strongest possible way, argue over it, and stand my ground but I cannot force my views on my wife or on anyone. If I start forcing my opinion on others then there won't be any difference between me and many others who force these so-called traditions and rituals in the name of culture, religion, or God. There was a debate and heated discussion about this issue and everyone came to know my opposition to this ritual. I don't think it was a surprise to anyone in my family but I guess they were thinking that it's easy to talk about reform and change, many people do that but when it comes to their own kid or own family people compromise because of so many reasons the major one is to avoid unpleasant scenes or not to hurt anyone in their own family. I find this reason really strange because people don't hesitate to use the strongest possible words to criticize or question many things when others do them, like excessive spending on marriage, following some superstitions like this one, or the role of women in the family, but when their own family does these things then somehow they find some reason to defend or justify these actions. My family was somewhat surprised that I was putting on such a resistance to spoil such an important ceremony for my own daughter. To cut a long story short, even after all this mundan happened, I lost to the majority who wanted the mundan to happen. I didn't attend the ceremony. I don't regret at all missing the ceremony but I do regret somewhat that I failed to convince my own family not to perform this stupid ritual, but failures like these are part of the struggle to bring reforms.
The second time similar thing happened in my son's case, but this time I was not in India, everyone knew my opposition to this ritual, but it was easy for everyone this time to ignore me as I was not physically present there. In my son's case, it was done twice within a month (again without any logic and reason), one in Mumbai and one at Balaji - the famous Tirupati temple where every day thousands of people go to shave their head and offer their hair to God. I don't know why God needs so much hair from so many people but I know many people who go there every year and shave their heads. My kids asked the question why this thing was done to them to all who were involved in this ritual but they didn't get any satisfactory answers to date. The only answer they got is that as this is part of our tradition and everyone does it so we also did, it was even done to your father, but this explanation is far from satisfactory. So, this was the story of two mundans in my family.
According to me, this ritual is one of many traditions and rituals that people follow blindly (just like a superstition). They don't even think whether there is any reason or logic behind this, just follow it blindly. I can't do this, ignorance might be bliss for many but for me, it's not an option. I don't believe in forcing my opinion but that doesn't mean I don't express them. I express my disagreement whenever I face these issues in my family or somewhere else, and try not to attend these ceremonies. Many people (even those who can't afford them) spend a lot of time and money on these things but the same people don't have time or money for community service or charity. This is particularly sad in a country like India where there is a strong feeling for following culture and traditions but not that much for doing charity and community service. The mundans still happen but I hope this tradition will end soon, this will also save a lot of time and money for many. I hope more and more people will choose to follow a more sensible path rather than the usual path.
The reason I remembered all these incidents after so many years was the discussion about mundan of my friend's son on Facebook. He was debating whether to go for it or not. Back then, I didn't face any dilemma about this issue as I was totally against it. According to me, to perform such an elaborate ceremony at a temple or to travel miles to some temple just to give a haircut to a child is really a wasteful idea. I don't understand the logic behind it, maybe there was some good reason to do this thing this way 100s of years ago but I don't see any reason to do this now. Why spend so much money and effort on a thing that can be performed with professional help at any saloon?
So for both kids before their first birthday, this issue came up for discussion. My daughter had very thick and beautiful hair at that time, she looked adorable. I registered my protest against shaving her head because I thought it was totally unnecessary. People give all kinds of reasons to perform mundan, starting from the original hair (womb hair) is not good in quality, they are thin, and if you need to shave the head to get nice and thick new hair, there is no scientific backing to any of these reasons but may be in some cases it works. There are some other reasons like womb hair is associated with undesirable traits from past lives, etc. But the major question was, why go to some temple just for a simple haircut and waste so much time and money? Why can't we do it in some saloon? But the hold of some traditions or rituals on people's minds is so strong that they are scared even to think about an alternative or more logical way. But the problem was that my wife wanted to do mundan for her, and as a parent, she has an equal say in what decisions we make about our kids. I can express my opinion, register my protest in the strongest possible way, argue over it, and stand my ground but I cannot force my views on my wife or on anyone. If I start forcing my opinion on others then there won't be any difference between me and many others who force these so-called traditions and rituals in the name of culture, religion, or God. There was a debate and heated discussion about this issue and everyone came to know my opposition to this ritual. I don't think it was a surprise to anyone in my family but I guess they were thinking that it's easy to talk about reform and change, many people do that but when it comes to their own kid or own family people compromise because of so many reasons the major one is to avoid unpleasant scenes or not to hurt anyone in their own family. I find this reason really strange because people don't hesitate to use the strongest possible words to criticize or question many things when others do them, like excessive spending on marriage, following some superstitions like this one, or the role of women in the family, but when their own family does these things then somehow they find some reason to defend or justify these actions. My family was somewhat surprised that I was putting on such a resistance to spoil such an important ceremony for my own daughter. To cut a long story short, even after all this mundan happened, I lost to the majority who wanted the mundan to happen. I didn't attend the ceremony. I don't regret at all missing the ceremony but I do regret somewhat that I failed to convince my own family not to perform this stupid ritual, but failures like these are part of the struggle to bring reforms.
The second time similar thing happened in my son's case, but this time I was not in India, everyone knew my opposition to this ritual, but it was easy for everyone this time to ignore me as I was not physically present there. In my son's case, it was done twice within a month (again without any logic and reason), one in Mumbai and one at Balaji - the famous Tirupati temple where every day thousands of people go to shave their head and offer their hair to God. I don't know why God needs so much hair from so many people but I know many people who go there every year and shave their heads. My kids asked the question why this thing was done to them to all who were involved in this ritual but they didn't get any satisfactory answers to date. The only answer they got is that as this is part of our tradition and everyone does it so we also did, it was even done to your father, but this explanation is far from satisfactory. So, this was the story of two mundans in my family.
According to me, this ritual is one of many traditions and rituals that people follow blindly (just like a superstition). They don't even think whether there is any reason or logic behind this, just follow it blindly. I can't do this, ignorance might be bliss for many but for me, it's not an option. I don't believe in forcing my opinion but that doesn't mean I don't express them. I express my disagreement whenever I face these issues in my family or somewhere else, and try not to attend these ceremonies. Many people (even those who can't afford them) spend a lot of time and money on these things but the same people don't have time or money for community service or charity. This is particularly sad in a country like India where there is a strong feeling for following culture and traditions but not that much for doing charity and community service. The mundans still happen but I hope this tradition will end soon, this will also save a lot of time and money for many. I hope more and more people will choose to follow a more sensible path rather than the usual path.
Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.
[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]
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