Public shaming for external appearance: Kejriwal and his sandals

I read news about Mr. Kejriwal wearing sandals during India's Republic Day function with some dismay. Initially, I ignored this news item thinking it was just an attempt to sensationalize a very trivial issue. I don't think even this event is worthy of any discussion, but during the following days, I noticed more discussions about this incident that too with photos, and now it seems one person sent him a check to buy some decent shoes. It looks like some people are deeply hurt by Mr. Kejriwal wearing sandals instead of shoes during this function. These hurt Indians are claiming that Mr. Kejriwal by doing this terrible act that too in front of the French Prescient embarrassed the entire India. I really wonder what is the logic behind this? This looks like an ideal case of intellectual bankruptcy. But I am still trying to figure out why they think like this? Let me first say that I am personally not a big fan of any dress codes and myself faced this problem so many times in my life when people were not happy with what I wore on some occasions. I always wondered what was their problem as long as I was not coming naked and wearing clean, non-stinky clothes of my choice. I know very well that any leader of Mr. Kejriwal or Mr. Modi's stature is capable enough to take care of any such attacks. They both have an army of devotees who are willing to fight for them and defend their each and every action. I am not writing this to defend any one of them but I personally went through these experiences myself, and this is why I am making an effort to discuss this issue on my blog.

I know that this type of public shaming of people for their external appearance is real and in this age of the internet, it has become more common. First of all, why do I or anyone else have to follow others as far as the choice of dress is concerned? I am not forcing anyone to dress like me, so why people should have any problem with my dress? People have the freedom to express their opinions in whatever way they want. They are free to object, free to criticize but to ridicule anyone like this is not a criticism but a case of public shaming. To ridicule someone's choice of dress, food, or profession is not something we should be doing. There is no doubt that people like Mr. Kejriwal or Mr. Modi are public figures and their every action is open for public scrutiny but to comment about their or for that matter anyone's external appearance is something we should refrain from doing. It seems that few people want to force their choice on some individual who is choosing his own way to dress. It doesn't affect these powerful public personalities but such behavior becomes a real problem for common people who want to express themselves but then face such public wrath. One should take note that these people are not objecting to Mr. Kejriwal not wearing a suit or a tie but they are very particular about him not wearing shoes. They might be okay with a dhoti-kurta or any other Indian dress but not with sandals or chappals as according to them these things display cheapness or poverty and thus embarrass India. 

Why wearing sandals is so embarrassing to these people? Is it because it displays the poverty or cheapness of that person or the poverty of the entire country? Is it because there is some official dress code for these government functions and he made a serious mistake by violating that dress code? Or is it because it doesn't go very well with current fashion or doesn't suit the dress he was wearing (but how this can be a matter of embarrassment for the entire country)? I am sure all these people know that Mr. Kejriwal is not a poor or deprived person by any standards. He and his family earn more than enough money to afford expensive shoes, phones, or cars, and based on some photos shared by these groups it also seems that he owns some of this expensive stuff like an iPhone. Information about his salary and other wealth is available in the public domain so one cannot also claim that he is trying to hide his wealth by living a simple lifestyle. So, it is very clear that he was wearing those sandals out of his own desire and choice, lack of money or display of fake modesty are not possible reasons behind it. I wonder why these people have a problem with that? Do these people also feel embarrassed to see Mahatma Gandhi's dress? He went to England or to all official or nonofficial functions without wearing any shoes or formal dress. Gandhi always traveled in his single-piece dhoti. Was his dress choice in any way embarrassing for India as a country? Is it difficult for these people to understand that Mr. Kejriwal or Mr. Manohar Parrikar or for that matter any individual has complete freedom to choose what dress or footwear they want to wear. It is within everyone's personal rights to decide what they want to wear on any occasion. We don't elect CMs and PMs to display their fashion sense but we elect them to govern properly. What Mr. Modi, Kejriwal, or anyone else wears during any function is their personal choice. Public shaming of anyone for their appearance is not good and I wonder how these people forgot about this simple etiquette. I also wish that instead of sending money to Mr. Kejriwal, which is a cheap publicity stunt and a total waste of that money as he doesn't need it this person should have sent it to some struggling farmer or some underprivileged person who is in real need of it. Public displays of hunger and poverty and news of farmers committing suicide because of lack of money are more embarrassing for India a politician in slippers. What anyone is wearing during any function is not even a topic worthy of any discussion in mainstream media for a country like India. It can be a time-pass topic but definitely not something to report in national media. I hope we understand our priorities and act accordingly.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Rape is never the victim's fault

Recently, I saw this very realistic post on my Facebook wall shared by one of my friends, the post conveys a very important message "Rape is never the victim's fault". We all read many posts or articles where many people accuse victims of rape or any sexual assault for that crime. They question the victim's behavior, dress, choice of friends, and many other things. These things according to them encouraged the other person to sexually assault the victim. Most of these comments and objections try to put the entire blame of the incident on the shoulders of the victim and draw some ridiculous conclusion that the victim asked for it and got what she deserved. Forget about the insensitive nature of all these comments that's not what is important here but the attempt to put the blame on the victim and indirectly sympathize with the perpetrator of crime bothers me a lot. 

This picture below speaks for itself, no need to explain anything. Women have the total right to choose what they want to wear (the same choice that most cultures and societies offer to men). There is heavy commoditization of the human body in the advertising world but that's true for both genders. But women get criticized more for exposure compared to men. Some people (mostly men) are not very comfortable with the exposed women's bodies and behave erratically and they try to blame their weakness of erratic behavior on women. They use the name of culture, tradition, religion, or whatever that can help them to justify their erratic behavior. Women are expected to cover their bodies and show some decency, follow the rules that are supposed to help men control their sexual desires. Somehow society thinks that the responsibility of keeping men's sexual desires under control lies on women.

The accusation that by dressing in a particular way or by their behavior or choice of friends or partners in a relationship they ask or invite sexual assault is ridiculous. Nothing, absolutely nothing, gives anybody license to sexually harass anyone based on their appearance or behavior or anything. By putting the blame on the victim these people make that victim feel inferior, guilty, and worthless which is very dangerous as such isolated victims sometimes take the extreme step of ending their lives (then the same people blame them for being weak). Victim of any crime needs all support and help society can offer to him/her and victims of sexual crimes like rape need even more support because not only their bodies but their minds are also hurt and it's not easy to heal these types of injuries without a robust support system. Because of social pressure and the stigma attached to such crimes sometimes even near and dear ones hesitate to support victims the way they should. We need to confront this mentality. If these people are allowed to become successful they will bring back the era of human civilization where women were forced to cover themselves (not by choice but by force) and follow all gender-biased restrictions imposed on them by a male-dominated society. I don't think we want that era back. We need to make this clear to these people, stop blaming victims. I can't say that there are no fake rape accusations or that some people don't misuse sexual harassment laws to their advantage but these types of cases don't justify any victim blaming or shaming.

Sexual harassment is a very serious and complicated issue, and treating it in such a casual way is not the way to handle it. People need to be educated about this issue. Both men and women need to be educated about their rights and responsibilities. I know that we can not eradicate this problem completely but at least we can help the victims to deal with their pain and spread awareness to reduce these incidents.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright for text: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing) 

Links:

1. Elizabeth Smart: Abstinence Education Teaches Rape Victims They’re Worthless, Dirty, And Filthy

This is how you teach kids rape culture

I read this news article and was thinking really this is what we want to teach our kids? I see news articles about jeans bans, skirt bans, or some other bans (even burka or veil bans) in many schools and colleges. All over the world, this trend is on the rise, especially in so-called conservative or traditional societies and cultures. These bans are for female clothing and behavior compared to male clothing. So, there is also the issue of gender discrimination here. But the issue of gender discrimination is not the whole point here, the issue is what type of message we are trying to give to our kids? Do we want to tell them that women are responsible for (or they control) men's behavior? Do we want to tell women and girls that if these so-called men get "distracted" by their dress and do something inappropriate it's their fault as they were not dressed "properly"? Do these people who are so enthusiastic to implement these dress codes know the consequences of this practice?

Putting restrictions on women (about their dressing, behavior, etc.) or on any section of society by the dominant class is not a new phenomenon. It happened many times in human history and sadly it's still happening. This is how one group or gender tries to maintain its hold on another group or gender. We need to stop this as this is not a sign of a healthy society where everyone should have equal rights and opportunities. People who defend these dress codes and want to control the freedom of women defend their actions by saying that certain types of dresses and behaviors provoke men's feelings and force them to commit a mistake or crime. So, the offenders are painted as poor victims and surprisingly blame is entirely placed on the real victim in such cases. Strange but this is how these people think. This also gives an impression to all men and young boys that it's okay to lose control under certain cases where women violate boundaries set for them by their society or religion. It's not wrong to violate their rights or attack their bodies just because they didn't follow these rules. Most of these rules are heavily biased and targeted towards controlling women's behavior. This is terrible and I wonder how people can recommend something as primitive as this? 

Sexual harassment is a very serious issue and we need to take it very seriously. Blaming females for crimes committed against them is not going to help at all. We also need to educate males on how to control their emotions and behave with the opposite gender. This has to be part of their education. Nothing should be taken for granted just because of the external appearance of someone, be it a man or woman. I think we as a society are civilized enough to understand that we should not judge anyone based on their gender, race, nationality, or external appearance. As humans, we need to respect other human beings and this means respecting their freedom, choices, and other aspects of their identity. I agree that we are also animals inhabiting this planet like other animal species but there is a huge difference between us and other animals and we should always remember this before justifying some cruel animal-like behavior. Always putting the blame on the victim for the way she was dressed (or saying she was too drunk, walking alone, etc.) not only shows how insecure our society is for women but also shows our inability to search for real reasons for this problem. By putting the blame for these types of incidents on the victim people are indirectly encouraging or protecting the offender which is not going to stop these incidents.  These types of comments convey an indirect message to all males that it's not their fault if they misbehave or lose control of their emotions under certain circumstances, this is what I mean by teaching rape culture and we need to stop this.

We need to educate both men and women about their rights and responsibilities. Teaching only one gender about their rights and putting the whole burden of responsibility and morality on the other gender is not a solution as it creates a very unbalanced society. It might have worked in the past when the structure of society was totally different from today, but this is not the solution for today's society. We need to change this attitude no matter how difficult it is. Don't teach girls not to get raped, teach boys not to rape. Both genders are part of this problem so both of them should be equally involved in creating the solution otherwise it won't work. There is no weaker or stronger sex here, both are equal and should be treated like that. When most people understand this then only we can dream of a safer world for women, till then we need to work to educate people around us. Just making laws and punishing a few criminals won't solve this problem.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)

Reference:
1. http://feministing.com/2013/04/10/this-is-how-you-teach-rape-culture-to-12-year-olds/

Don’t Tell Me How to Dress, Tell Them Not to Rape

'Don't tell me how to dress, tell them not to rape' 'Nazar Teri Buri Aur Parda Mein Karoon?'

These lines caught my attention while reading a news article in the Times of India. The article was about the protest against the relentless stream of rape cases that have rocked the National Capital Region (Delhi) in recent times. With 465 rape cases registered in Delhi in 2011, 489 in 2010, and 459 in 2009 (on average, more than one rape per day), one can see that something is not right. No one can justify the occurrence of so many sexual assault-related crimes in the capital of India. The slogans above are not only against rape but also against moral policing, which many times blames women for the crimes committed against them. Many people advise females to dress up properly; they insist that females should dress in a ‘proper’ way to avoid unnecessary attention or not to provoke the emotions of males around; they should control their behavior and limit interactions with males. So, the problem of males not being able to control their animal instincts is conveniently blamed on females. In any civilized society, everyone has the right to dress up in a way they like. Most societies give freedom to males to dress up the way they want, but put restrictions on females in as many ways as they can. This practice has been going on for generations.

The use of dress codes is not uncommon in society; many events or functions have a dress code associated with them, and people follow it gladly. Normally, this dress code is recommended for certain functions and parties, and people can choose not to follow it. But the dress code I am talking about is forced upon certain sections of society and often sanctioned by government institutions. In many countries, these compulsory dress codes (especially for women) are enforced by armed groups, self-declared moral police, or other non-state actors. According to international human rights law, every person has the right to freedom of expression and the freedom to manifest their religion or beliefs. Many times, the way people dress can be very important for them to express their religious, cultural beliefs, or personal identity. As a general rule, in many countries where rights to freedom of religion or belief and freedom of expression exist, it means that all people should be free to choose what they do or don’t want to wear. Governments must ensure that every individual’s fundamental rights (such as freedom to express their beliefs and identity) are protected and respected. Religions and cultures can be interpreted in many ways; many people have interpreted so-called holy books (scriptures) in many different ways. Interpretation of culture or religion or these holy books cannot justify imposing a dress code on people; this is unjust to people who want to dress differently. It is the government’s responsibility to create a healthy environment where every person can exercise their basic rights. People’s religious belief is their personal thing; they cannot be imposed on the whole society.  I know that there are many more important issues for the government to look after than how people should dress. But when the situation goes out of hand, and statistics clearly indicate that there is a problem, then they should do something to protect their citizens. They should take measures to protect individuals or communities from being forced to dress in specific ways by their family members, religious groups, leaders, or the community.

Normally, ideas associated with dress codes are also one of the ways to stereotype gender identity; most of the time, victims of this are women because, somehow, society, family members, and even the state believe that they are entitled to regulate women’s dress and behavior. They consider women’s image as the symbolic reflection of the community’s values and culture. People who think like this don’t even care or bother to check whether these beliefs are shared by the people on whom they are enforced. Enforcement of dress codes can be a result of age-old biased views against women, which resulted in discriminatory attitudes towards them, and also reflects a desire to control women's sexuality and behavior. I wonder whether society or people who are doing this even realize that they are objectifying women and denying them their personal freedom. Many times, when women are victims of violence, sexual or physical assault, or are stigmatized for not abiding by dress codes, they are told that the blame lies with them. These incidents are often used as a reason to emphasize the importance of the dress code. The victim is blamed for perpetuating the crime against them rather than the offender.

I can understand this rebellious attitude of women who are targeted continuously and forced to carry the moral burden of society on their shoulders. It seems that males are free to do whatever they want, but women should not cross their line. Our society and culture have evolved enough to understand that we need to respect others' beliefs and choices. Everyone has the right to practice their right to express themselves in whatever way they want. Let's stop judging others by their external appearance, let's not stereotype any gender, community, culture, or country. Along with our body, our thinking should also evolve; we can not live in the 21st century with the 1st-century mindset. Respecting our fellow citizens' feelings and rights is not such a big expectation to have. Let's try to become a law-obedient, respectful, and aware world citizen.

Thanks for reading, and please share your comments.

Reference:

1. http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2012-05-05/delhi/31586102_1_protest-march-jantar-mantar-house-station

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)