Signs of a closed mind

"This is who I am." "This is how it has always been done." "Because that's our culture." These are just a few statements we hear people around us saying or saying ourselves, either casually or purposely. We use these statements to demonstrate that our prior experiences dictate our current and future decisions. However, in reality, we are expressly admitting that who we have been in the past will control our future, and we are not open to any challenges to our beliefs and values. In short, we accept that we are prisoners of our past. This is not a sign of self-growth, but one of the signs of a closed mind. The general perception is that people who do not have access to information or knowledge suffer from closed minds. However, this perception has been proven wrong as even with access to unlimited information people are becoming more guarded about their beliefs. That is, they chose to close their minds rather than being open to contrary information. 

Why do people do this? Well, there can be multiple reasons, but one of the major reasons is, fear of change and comfort of the status quo. Change is uncomfortable, especially, when we have to change or update our beliefs, or modify our behavior. We do not like to accept that we are wrong, especially, when it comes to our personal, religious, or political beliefs. We feel these beliefs are part of our identity and are reluctant to change them. We try our best to resist change, no matter how factual or accurate the evidence is to prove us wrong. This is when we show the symptoms of a closed mind. We take shelter from whatever lame reasons we can find to justify our stance. However, no matter how much we try, it is not possible to run away from facts. Truth doesn't disappear just because we close our eyes. A closed mind might offer temporary comfort, but sooner or later we are bound to face reality and if we remain truthful to ourselves realize our mistake. 

What's the solution? Check regularly if you have any symptoms of a closed mind. If yes, consciously try to update your knowledge and make sure that your sources of information are diverse and verified. We have access to resources that were not available to humans at any point in history so far, it will be shameful if we don't make proper use of these resources. Be informed and be open-minded. All the very best. 

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

No one is watching

We all are told that someone is watching us all the time. I was told as a child that god is watching all the time, once that didn't work I was told that some ghost was watching, if that failed it changed to the police are watching, once the effect of this also waned, then some other scary thing was watching. I feel the intent behind making people believe that someone is always watching is to stop them from doing wrong things. Especially, if that someone has the power to control and punish you we are supposed to behave to get the approval of that entity by behaving as per that entity's will. This myth was busted at some point when I witnessed so many wrong things happening in front of my own eyes and that powerful entity who was supposed to watch and take note of things didn't do anything to stop these atrocities. I realized that no one was watching. No one can watch everyone at the same time and monitor what they are doing. We are on our own and there is no virtue in doing something good just because someone is watching us. One should be good irrespective of whether anyone is watching or not, otherwise, it is a forced act not spontaneous or based on our own conscience. 

Religion particularly uses the concept of an omnipresent god who is supposed to be present everywhere and watch everyone all the time. All who believe in religion accept this notion of this omnipresent entity, addressed by different names in different religions. However, after witnessing various atrocities committed in the name of religion one can see that this threat is clearly not working. Communal violence is a glaring problem even today and all religions are guilty of this. People who believe in a real sense of community welfare and peace will behave with compassion and love with or without religion. Any civilized person does not need any threat or lure to behave compassionately towards others. Hatemongers will perpetuate hate and violence by using whatever tool they get, religion, politics, or anything else. Hence, ask yourself how will you behave with others if no one is watching. This will give you an understanding of your moral compass. If you behave nice because of fear or some lure like heaven, try to be nice without fear or lure. If you hate someone because of their religion/race/gender/sexual orientation/nationality/caste, try to ask how will you feel if someone hates you just because of your identity associated with those tags. If you feel inclined to justify hate and violence against certain communities ask yourself what if someone does the same to your community. These questions may make you feel uncomfortable and may challenge your perceptions and beliefs that are the result of years of brainwashing, but they will also help you to see your own hypocrisy and encourage you to get rid of your double standards. These questions did make me feel uncomfortable when I asked them myself, but they helped me to improve and become a better person. I hope you don't harbor feelings of hate and violence against any religion, community, or person just because they are different than you. I hope you are nice to others even when no one is watching.     

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com 

Parents are always under training

Parenting is a tough job. If it's not the toughest, it should be ranked among one of the toughest jobs in the world. It is tough not just because of the onerous requirements of time commitment or physical effort, but also because of the other complexities involved with parenting. Even though there are various manuals and books on parenting, most of them are pretty useless except for the initial months when you only need to feed and clean your baby. Once a child develops its own personality, there cannot be any pre-written manual for that child as that child never ever existed before and every human is unique in the way they think and behave unless they are forced to think and behave only in a certain way, for example, if they are brainwashed or emotionally abused. Parenting is also tough because of the uncertainties involved in it. As I said, as every child is unique there is no way to assume that what worked for one child will work for sure for another child also. I am writing all this with the assumption that parents want their children to develop their own unique identity and personality and don't expect their children to follow some standardized behavioral pattern like a robot. 

I understand that nowadays many parents rely on experts and self-help books to help them with parenting. However, the problem of following any manual for child upbringing is that we unintentionally force them to fit into a mold. No matter how well-intentioned, when parents try to mold their child into a person that they believe to be an ideal person, they are basically trying to replicate that ideal person, this experiment is risky and most probably a sure failure. The child may not only not want to be like that ideal person but also may lose his/her ability to figure out his/her own identity. This is where most parenting mistakes happen, when parents try to charter a safe path for their child, thinking that they are doing this for the good of their child without giving that child a chance to decide. This is one of the reasons no matter how careful we are, all parents make mistakes, many mistakes. This is why I say that parents are and must be always under training. Parents need to continuously learn from their children and adapt accordingly. The biggest mistake parents make is that they always think that their job is only to teach their children and not to learn anything from them. As I said, every child is supposed to be unique, so the parents need to observe, learn, and then develop a unique way to raise each child. Children give many hints expressly or indirectly and as a parent it is our job to try to catch most of them. No doubt, we are going to miss some of them, but the aim should be to catch more hints and miss only a few. The general assumption that kids don't understand anything and are too immature to decide for themselves allows parents to dismiss most complaints and suggestions from their kids on important matters related to that kid. There is no harm in listening to your kid patiently, considering what's their point, and giving serious thought about what they say rather than reacting based on a pure parental impulse. As our children grow we also need to grow as parents. Parents not only need to be aware of their children's material needs but also of their physical and emotional needs. Some conversations might be awkward or difficult depending on the society and culture from where parents come, but the research shows that these conversations are necessary and parents should not shy away from them. Remember, if we don't talk with our kids about these things, someone else will, they will get this information from some source and that source could be unreliable or misleading, so, it is better that we become that source and provide them with reliable and authentic information. Children not only need someone who can feed and protect them, but they also need someone who can understand them and allow them to be themselves, and there is no one better than parents who can do this job best, please don't miss this opportunity. Yes, often it will be frustrating and annoying, but remember you are under training and your kids are also learning as much as you are. Please learn from your child, I learned a lot from my children and it only helped me to become a better parent.

Thank you for reading and please share your views on this topic. 

© Vinay Thakur, All rights reserved, Vinay can be reached at thevinay2022@gmail.com