Arranged marriage: can it be called a legalized rape?

One of my friends called arranged marriage a "legalized rape." His statement didn't surprise me as I heard this previously also. I did not agree with this statement completely because I know many successful and happy arranged marriages (including my own). The system of arranged marriage is not perfect, it has many serious drawbacks, but even considering all drawbacks, it is an exaggerated statement to call all arranged marriages as legalized rape. However, this statement is not entirely wrong, the statement is not 100% right, but it's not also 100% wrong. It can make sense to a person only if he/she tries to understand the logic behind this argument. Some people might find this topic disgusting or offensive or against their tradition or culture, so for them, my advice is the intention is not to offend anyone but if they at all feel offended by this subject then please don't proceed and go and read some other post there are many other posts on this blog, hopefully, some of them won't offend you.

Arranged marriage is a system designed to find a partner for marriage. The system was designed during times when any unsupervised interaction between males and females was not allowed. In many societies, arranged marriage was the only way to get married. The system was controlled by parents and other elders as they used to decide everything, starting from selecting the bride or groom to the date and time of marriage. The bride and groom were just instruments to run this show. All decision and execution power used to rest in the hands of elders and slowly they extended this system to child marriage. After all, the consent or desire of the bride and groom didn't matter, so why have any age restriction, right? There can be many reasons why the consent of the boy and girl was not taken, the young age and immaturity might be the two biggest reasons. After the marriage next step is the consummation of marriage. According to Wikipedia, consummation or consummation of a marriage, in many traditions and statutes of civil or religious law, is the first (or first officially credited) act of sexual intercourse between two people, either following their marriage to each other or after a prolonged sexual attraction. In any sexual act if there is no consent involved or if force is used against the will of any individual involved in it, it can be considered a rape or sexual assault. There are high chance of this happening during the consummation of many arranged marriages. I think this is what my learned friend meant when he made this comment.

People often cite high divorce rates in developed societies to prove the uselessness of love marriages. No matrimonial system is perfect, there are some pros and cons associated with every system, but only a fool will advocate any system where two people are allowed to get married without knowing each other. Allowing two people who want to get marry interact with each other to make their own informed decisions is the best way whether it happens through a love marriage or an arranged marriage doesn't matter. No doubt that good traditions and rituals should be preserved and continued but not all traditions are worth preserving, some need major reforms and as a society, we should be willing to change. Obtaining informed consent of the two people getting married is not wrong, rather it's beneficial for everyone interested in that union and can avoid many problems after marriage. Why not follow such a simple common sensible thing during the arranged marriage. Parents can definitely help whenever needed, and offer suggestions whenever asked but they should leave it to the two individuals to make decisions about their own lives, after all, they are the ones who are getting married. In any relationship, it is essential to learn to respect your partner's choices and their right to say no, and arranged marriages must ensure this to avoid it being labeled as a legalized rape.

Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]