Recently, there was an interview of Jashodaben published in The Indian Express. Now, who is this lady, and why I am even talking about her interview? This is the lady who claims to be the wife of Mr. Narendra Modi. I don't think I need to give any introduction to Mr. Modi. I am sure anyone following the Indian elections knows who is Mr. Modi. This lady still claims to be his wife. She is the wife of a potential future PM (prime minister) of India. According to her, she got married at the age of 17 (still a minor age, according to the law as 18 is the consent age for marriage for females in India), and Mr. Modi was 18 (again a minor as 21 is the consent age for boys). So, technically it can be considered as a child marriage. But in those days most marriages were like this and it was a norm to marry a child before attaining legal marriage age. I am glad that this is not the case in most parts of India today, but this is not an issue here, even though child marriage is a very serious issue I won't be discussing that in this post. It seems, Mr. Modi left his wife after 1-2 years of marriage and didn't even recognize her existence until recently when he had to mention it on his nomination form to avoid disqualification.
During political discussions with some of my friends, I argued that abandoning a wife like this is an injustice to her (sort of mental abuse) and illegal. As a public figure, Mr. Modi must offer some explanation for this behavior, and if he thinks he did something wrong he should accept his mistake, apologize to the woman who suffered because of him, and resolve this issue amicably so that they both can move on. A person does not become small or weak for apologizing for their mistakes, rather they display the strength of their character. I also know that this is his personal issue, but when you are a public figure and a leader of a major political party, then very few things remain personal. Mr. Modi's actions inspire many people and his followers can misinterpret them, that's why any public figure like him needs to be careful about their behavior.
In some discussions, I was tutored, taunted, and even accused of trying to defame Modi, by dragging his name into some unnecessary controversy, for being unfair to him, and for raising irrelevant issues. But such personal insults on such forums don't really matter to me. Some even called that woman as happiest woman on earth just because she is the wife of their great leader! I am used to these things, as I get these types of comments from most people who support traditional conservative systems. I get such responses whenever I raise some uncomfortable questions related to religion, God, politics, racism, casteism, or issues related to women. People who try to justify these discriminatory things by calling them tradition and culture, accuse me of insulting traditions or blowing trivial issues out of proportion. In this case, Jashodaben is not even blaming her husband for any injustice or wrongdoing, so what is my problem? That lady survived, no one abused her physically, her parents and brothers helped her, and they are still taking care of her. She blames her destiny for whatever happened, she even feels bad that her husband sometimes has to lie about her and wishes all good for him, so all seems to look good.
In some discussions, I was tutored, taunted, and even accused of trying to defame Modi, by dragging his name into some unnecessary controversy, for being unfair to him, and for raising irrelevant issues. But such personal insults on such forums don't really matter to me. Some even called that woman as happiest woman on earth just because she is the wife of their great leader! I am used to these things, as I get these types of comments from most people who support traditional conservative systems. I get such responses whenever I raise some uncomfortable questions related to religion, God, politics, racism, casteism, or issues related to women. People who try to justify these discriminatory things by calling them tradition and culture, accuse me of insulting traditions or blowing trivial issues out of proportion. In this case, Jashodaben is not even blaming her husband for any injustice or wrongdoing, so what is my problem? That lady survived, no one abused her physically, her parents and brothers helped her, and they are still taking care of her. She blames her destiny for whatever happened, she even feels bad that her husband sometimes has to lie about her and wishes all good for him, so all seems to look good.
So what is the real problem? Why this case is bothering me? Why the rest of India or other political parties are not raising this issue? I have seen a couple of cases like this around me, where a husband abandoned his wife for trivial reasons: like to pursue larger goals in their life (like social service, religious studies), studying abroad, or some other trivial reasons. They didn't even bother to tell their wives why are they leaving. Normally, all these cases are of arranged marriages where there was no consent taken from a boy or a girl before the marriage, parents arrange everything in these cases and marriage is performed. There is a basic flaw in this system as the consent of a boy and a girl doesn't matter much (especially in the old days), but that's not the point. In her interview, Jashodaben says, "When he told me he would be moving around the country as he wished, I told him I would like to join him. However, on many occasions when I went to my in-laws’ place, he would not be present and he stopped coming there. He used to spend a lot of time in RSS shakhas. So I too stopped going there after a point and I went back to my father’s house". She also says, "We have never been in touch and we parted on good terms as there were never any fights between us. I will not make up things that are not true. In three years, we may have been together for all of three months. There has been no communication from his end to this day."
I have also seen that in most of these cases, women blame their own destiny, misfortune, or family situation for whatever happened. They rarely blame their husband or parents for the problems in their relationship. In most cases, they also wait for their husbands until the end of their lives, they live and dress like married women (in India, widows, especially in rural parts don't wear makeup or colored clothes), except the husband is missing from their lives. Normally, there is no fight or argument between the two of them before separation, the husband in most cases just leaves the home without any explanation, that's why the wife thinks that her husband will return one day and accept her. Such wives live in this false hope, normally their husbands never return and such women live lonely lives without any partner for no fault of theirs. In some cases even if she or her family knows the whereabouts of the husband, their efforts to convince that man to come back are futile. In most of these cases, these women don't remarry, because legally they are not divorced and their husband is still alive (not a widow yet), so, they are not considered marriageable. Literally, they are treated like abandoned property, and society remains a mute spectator. People sympathize and feel sorry, but nothing else happens; the problem remains as it is. Many of these women live secluded emotionally traumatized lives. The situation is a little better if their family supports them or they are educated, at least they don't have to beg for a living or get abused or sexually exploited. I feel they deserve better than just survival and as a society, we need to be sensitive to their situation. A similar thing rarely happens in the case of a male in Indian society, this is gender discrimination and we need to put an end to this misery, people like Mr. Modi can help to initiate this change by setting an example by correcting their mistakes. It will require some courage but aren't public leaders supposed to have such courage to bring social reforms? I also know that this cannot be an election issue in India, this is not a big deal to many. Anyone who raises this issue will be called anti-BJP, anti-Modi, or pro-Congress. But for me, this is not a political issue, but a social issue and a very important one. I hope this case highlights the plight of these women, and people realize the sufferings they go through because of unfair traditions and customs. I hope people are interested in minimizing these types of incidents in the future. Women need to become independent, society needs to empower them so that they don't depend on anyone for their survival, and Mr. Modi can use his own case to highlight this issue. I hope he shows this courage and doesn't miss this unique opportunity.
[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]
I have also seen that in most of these cases, women blame their own destiny, misfortune, or family situation for whatever happened. They rarely blame their husband or parents for the problems in their relationship. In most cases, they also wait for their husbands until the end of their lives, they live and dress like married women (in India, widows, especially in rural parts don't wear makeup or colored clothes), except the husband is missing from their lives. Normally, there is no fight or argument between the two of them before separation, the husband in most cases just leaves the home without any explanation, that's why the wife thinks that her husband will return one day and accept her. Such wives live in this false hope, normally their husbands never return and such women live lonely lives without any partner for no fault of theirs. In some cases even if she or her family knows the whereabouts of the husband, their efforts to convince that man to come back are futile. In most of these cases, these women don't remarry, because legally they are not divorced and their husband is still alive (not a widow yet), so, they are not considered marriageable. Literally, they are treated like abandoned property, and society remains a mute spectator. People sympathize and feel sorry, but nothing else happens; the problem remains as it is. Many of these women live secluded emotionally traumatized lives. The situation is a little better if their family supports them or they are educated, at least they don't have to beg for a living or get abused or sexually exploited. I feel they deserve better than just survival and as a society, we need to be sensitive to their situation. A similar thing rarely happens in the case of a male in Indian society, this is gender discrimination and we need to put an end to this misery, people like Mr. Modi can help to initiate this change by setting an example by correcting their mistakes. It will require some courage but aren't public leaders supposed to have such courage to bring social reforms? I also know that this cannot be an election issue in India, this is not a big deal to many. Anyone who raises this issue will be called anti-BJP, anti-Modi, or pro-Congress. But for me, this is not a political issue, but a social issue and a very important one. I hope this case highlights the plight of these women, and people realize the sufferings they go through because of unfair traditions and customs. I hope people are interested in minimizing these types of incidents in the future. Women need to become independent, society needs to empower them so that they don't depend on anyone for their survival, and Mr. Modi can use his own case to highlight this issue. I hope he shows this courage and doesn't miss this unique opportunity.
Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.
[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]
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