Every year 'Karva Chauth' (करवा
चौथ) is celebrated, mainly in the northern parts of India. I don't know when
this ritual actually started, but it must be very old. I guess it must have
started centuries ago when men used to depart their homes frequently for wars or travels and in those days
all these things involved a great amount of risk and uncertainty this
ritual must have started to wish these men good luck and safety for their endeavor. In recent times, this festival has been glamorized by many movies and TV
serials as the ultimate symbol of a wife's love and dedication towards her husband, so now it has become popular in many other parts of India.
I am not against any festivals or celebrations. Festive occasions are useful for getting together, relaxing, and having fun and there is nothing wrong
if people want to enjoy. But if we analyze the situation carefully it's not
that simple. Many people like
me are blamed or criticized for bringing up the topic of gender equality almost in each and every issue we
face, at least I do this because all these issues are so interrelated that I
can't help it and I hope this post will explain why I am discussing this
particular festival as an example (this festival is just an
example, the post is not only about this particular festival), this is the case of a ritual, widely accepted, glamorized and celebrated,
which looks very harmless and simple but it can have deep effect on psychology
of people following it.
Now
let's look at this festival of Karva Chauth. A wife fasts the whole day
(in many cases without drinking even a drop of water) for the
prosperity and long life of her husband, and in the evening after some
rituals, they get a gift of their choice from their husbands and eat only
after seeing the face of their husband. The festival is exclusively for
married women whose husband is still alive. The Festival looks very benign
and many people think it's full of love and devotion. Fasting is part of many festivals. Muslims also do it
in the month of Ramadan. Actually, nothing wrong with fasting, wives
definitely have the right to wish or pray for the happiness and long life of their
husbands. The festival looks like a very harmless ritual, a beautiful way to
express love and dedication by wives for their husbands. Note that
in the traditional format of the festival, husbands don't fast. Perfectly fine as long as it's
practiced voluntarily, without any obligation, and not forced on all married women either by social or family pressure. Does it happen like this? In
most cases, the answer is 'No.' If it's about love and respect, this fast should be performed
by both husband and wife as respect and love in any relationship should be
mutual, but rarely this happens. I have also seen many mothers-in-law calling their daughter-in-laws a day or two days
before such festivals and reminding them that they should keep some fast
to make sure that their son's welfare and longevity are not jeopardized. Also, there is no
festival that I know where husbands fast or pray for the well-being of their
wives. The social pressure is also tremendous, believe me, the guilt some women get if they fail to do this is very
strong as if they missed a crucial dose of some life-saving medication.
This post is not a criticism of all the festivals or traditions or any culture but it's about the mindset which gets perpetuated in the name of festivals and traditions. Unmarried women and widows are not allowed to participate in this festival which claims to celebrate love and dedication. As I mentioned many such festivals are supposed to be for the welfare and long life of husbands and it seems that many wives and mothers literally believe that it's necessary to do all these things to achieve this goal otherwise something bad might happen. Because of this fear, many try to fast even during sickness, poor health, pregnancy, or under circumstances when it might affect their health. Many women get praised for doing these things in adverse conditions, they get hailed for their dedication, love, and respect towards these traditions and their husbands. A question comes to my mind, are these things only about love and dedication? Or is it fear of losing that person or something bad might happen if that ritual is not followed (superstition)? I also see many women who suffer physical and mental abuse at the hands of their husbands, many who are abandoned by their husbands for other women or for whatever reason observe these types of festivals for the welfare and longevity of their husbands. Does this make any sense? Isn't it a sign of Stockholm syndrome? I am sure something else going on in these cases, why do you want to pray for the well-being of your abuser? I am sure this festival is about total surrender but I have doubt if love is part of it or not.
Every issue has positive and negative sides, there are many families where this festival must be fun and a nice way to get together, they may not see anything wrong in it (even the exclusion of widows). I am against any festival that forbids the participation of certain sections of society just because of their gender or marital status (widows), rather I believe that the practice of widows being barred from participating in many rituals or considering them as a bad omen is one of the worst forms of discrimination and it must have started from traditions and festivals like this. Imagine how they must be feeling when all these women are celebrating and they are not allowed to participate just because their husband is dead. It's a very cruel joke played on them by society. I am not saying that married women should not express their love or should not celebrate just because few widows are around, rather everyone should have the right to express their love and respect for their partner. Why not include all women and men in these types of celebrations? If necessary, change the format of the festival and make it inclusive where all (irrespective of their gender or marital status) can express love for their partner (living or dead it shouldn't matter). If it's about love and dedication then does it matter if the partner is alive or not, male or female, married or not?
Look at the festivals in the USA like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day, where everyone can participate and there are no age, gender, or marital status restrictions. I know this is for marketing purposes, but at least they are open to all. Why can't we take this aspect of these festivals and include it in all festivals in India? We are copying many other unwanted things from the West so why not take some good things also. But I know that it's not easy to change these rituals and many people may not like my comments and suggestions. They will label this post as one more attempt to bring the issue of gender equality and criticize grand old traditions. I don't care about all this criticism but I feel festivals like these encourage gender discrimination and start instilling feelings of inferiority in women from a young age and we need to stop this.
Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.This post is not a criticism of all the festivals or traditions or any culture but it's about the mindset which gets perpetuated in the name of festivals and traditions. Unmarried women and widows are not allowed to participate in this festival which claims to celebrate love and dedication. As I mentioned many such festivals are supposed to be for the welfare and long life of husbands and it seems that many wives and mothers literally believe that it's necessary to do all these things to achieve this goal otherwise something bad might happen. Because of this fear, many try to fast even during sickness, poor health, pregnancy, or under circumstances when it might affect their health. Many women get praised for doing these things in adverse conditions, they get hailed for their dedication, love, and respect towards these traditions and their husbands. A question comes to my mind, are these things only about love and dedication? Or is it fear of losing that person or something bad might happen if that ritual is not followed (superstition)? I also see many women who suffer physical and mental abuse at the hands of their husbands, many who are abandoned by their husbands for other women or for whatever reason observe these types of festivals for the welfare and longevity of their husbands. Does this make any sense? Isn't it a sign of Stockholm syndrome? I am sure something else going on in these cases, why do you want to pray for the well-being of your abuser? I am sure this festival is about total surrender but I have doubt if love is part of it or not.
Every issue has positive and negative sides, there are many families where this festival must be fun and a nice way to get together, they may not see anything wrong in it (even the exclusion of widows). I am against any festival that forbids the participation of certain sections of society just because of their gender or marital status (widows), rather I believe that the practice of widows being barred from participating in many rituals or considering them as a bad omen is one of the worst forms of discrimination and it must have started from traditions and festivals like this. Imagine how they must be feeling when all these women are celebrating and they are not allowed to participate just because their husband is dead. It's a very cruel joke played on them by society. I am not saying that married women should not express their love or should not celebrate just because few widows are around, rather everyone should have the right to express their love and respect for their partner. Why not include all women and men in these types of celebrations? If necessary, change the format of the festival and make it inclusive where all (irrespective of their gender or marital status) can express love for their partner (living or dead it shouldn't matter). If it's about love and dedication then does it matter if the partner is alive or not, male or female, married or not?
Look at the festivals in the USA like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day, where everyone can participate and there are no age, gender, or marital status restrictions. I know this is for marketing purposes, but at least they are open to all. Why can't we take this aspect of these festivals and include it in all festivals in India? We are copying many other unwanted things from the West so why not take some good things also. But I know that it's not easy to change these rituals and many people may not like my comments and suggestions. They will label this post as one more attempt to bring the issue of gender equality and criticize grand old traditions. I don't care about all this criticism but I feel festivals like these encourage gender discrimination and start instilling feelings of inferiority in women from a young age and we need to stop this.
[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]
Links:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karva_Chauth
2. http://hinduism.about.com/od/festivalsholidays/p/karwachauth.htm
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome
4. Karva Chauth...is it only about love? (link for more or less same article published on blog in Nov 2012)
People will be prone to blaming you for bringing topics like gender bias in each and every post. But can you help it, Vinay? Or, can we, for that matter? If an honest and unbiased cross-section of a few rituals reveals gender bias or superstitions at their very core then it is the naked truth, and it would be incorrect on anybody’s part to deny or ignore it.
ReplyDeleteBe it Karwa Chauth or Haritalika Teej or Vat Pournima or any other similar festival, it’s always the woman praying for the longevity and well-being of man. I have not yet come across any festival where men have fasted (or practised any other ritual) for the well-being of women. And was the practice of sati any different? It was not a festival, of course, but it far surpassed all ‘sanctities’ attached to the woman-praying-for-the-man rituals. No wonder, it had to be legally banned. Widows have clearly been the most unfortunate of the entire lot.
I hope people see through all this gender bias prevalent in our society.
I can not agree with you more on all the points which you mentioned in your comment. I second your thought that people try to see through all this gender bias prevalent in our society. Thanks a lot.
DeleteI am sharing a comment posted by Mr. Madhusudan Attaluri on same post when I posted this on my blog on Speaking Tree website,
ReplyDeleteLink: http://timesofindia.speakingtree.in/public/spiritual-blogs/seekers/self-improvement/karva-chauthlove-or-discrimination-wrapped-in-love#commentlist
Vinay Ji, Pranaam.
A lovely blog. Humility in expression and delicacy in heart makes the blog a precious one. I support your views from the bottom of my heart.
We have a Brahmin family to our next door. The family consists of a widow mother, her son and daughter-in-law and their son. The knowledge, compassion, love, humility and forgiveness of that widow mother is a personification of mother's love. My wife being a home maker available all the day at home. The Brahmin couple, both are employed. Only when all the members of family left home for their duties, mother comes out to see the Sun. With 100% affection and unconditional love she greets my wife and chats for a while.
The pity is we observe the total seclusion for her at home. Her son very indifferently expresses his anger if she comes before him when he is going out. The grandson, need not tell specifically. After all he is his son. The daughter-in-law is too intelligent and smart. She maintains distance with her so that nobody points out her attitude. Mother once expressed that her stay at Old Age Home (for some time she was kept thereat) was happy. She enjoyed freedom and friendship and sharing with inmates. Being Brahmins, the couple feel pride for their elevated status of community they very sparingly talk to us just to maintain the neighbourhood.
I always believe that the family is flourishing only by the grace of that mother's love and affectionate blessings.
vinay and calstrophobe i agree on your points. i am a maharashtrian and have always wondered why women go round the banyan tree on vat pournima and not men do the same for us.
ReplyDeletegood post.
deepa