Languishing-a state that many experience but have had no name for

I came across the NY Times article by Adam Grant about languishing. My classmate from the wellness coaching certification program mentioned this during one of our live sessions. The article raises some interesting points, especially about mental health. Most of us have a perception that if we are not under depression, or not facing any anxiety or panic attacks our mental health is fine and we don't need to do anything about it. However, this may not be the case, mental health is also an ongoing saga just like our physical health. In the same way, as it is not enough to have one healthy meal or one gym session to remain physically fit, we need to practice these things regularly to reap any benefits from it. In the same way, for better mental health we need to work continuously, every day on it. There is a spectrum of mental health and we need to recognize which band of the spectrum, we are dealing with on any given day. We may be happy someday, sad another, or not so sure on some days,. That is why the phrase "languishing" is so important, it defines our mental state where we are not sure, we are neither happy nor sad, neither depressed nor upbeat, neither anxious nor calm, somewhere in between. It is important to acknowledge our mental state because if we don't, it does not fend away future problems, it only postpones the crises. One of the reasons for this is that even though we live in the world of social media, personally, each of us lives in a more isolated mental world than before.  

This is why it becomes more important to acknowledge and examine our cultural burdens. There is a stigma associated with anything related to mental health in many cultures. The stigma is so high that even something like genuine mental fatigue is perceived as laziness or sloppiness, but not mental fatigue. It's not just about the stigma, it's about the conditioning our mind goes through due to the toxic environment this stigma creates. 

I grew up in an environment where mental health was never ever discussed, people were either sane or insane, nothing in between. If you had any mental health-related issue, you were labeled as insane, anyone committing suicide was labeled as weak, escapist, and whatnot. This environment created a very negative image of mental health-related issues in my mind, it took a lot of time, reading, and discussions to override this negative image, and I am grateful to my kids for educating me about this issue. I have traveled a long journey to overcome that negative perception, many books, videos, and discussions, and now I am doing a wellness counseling certification course, the journey has been an exciting and rewarding experience for me. Not only did I learn a lot about myself and my behavior, but now I also understand others' behavior in a much better way.  

So, don't hesitate to express your emotional state, it's not always that we feel good, the answer to "how are you" doesn't have to be a standard answer, it can be different every day, or even different at different times of the day. In a way, we all can help each other to improve our mental fitness, just a little understanding and compassion can go a long way, give a little pause to our judgmental instincts, and try to understand each other rather than judge. This one small step can do a lot of good. We all languish, but we did not have a name for this feeling, now we have it, let's use it.

Thank you for reading. Please share your opinions on this topic. 

Importance of being "well"

We all strive to be healthy, we are told to manage our weight, monitor our diet, and stay away from unhealthy habits, one can add many more items to this list that are recommended to us to remain physically fit or healthy. There are tangible methods to monitor our physical health, we can get our blood work done to make sure all levels of essential markers, like cholesterol, hemoglobin, minerals, and sugar levels are within limits, get X-rays or other scanning results like MRI or sonography. These all will tell us that everything within our body is okay and we are physically fit, but does this mean we are "well"? Is there a difference between being physically fit and feeling well? Of course, there is a difference.

One can be physically very fit, with all numbers within the recommended limits, and not feel well, or there may be some numbers off the mark indicating that you are physically not fit but still feel well. Being physically fit is just one of the aspects of feeling well, they both can go together, but it's not necessary. We need to look at them separately and work on each independently. 

Wellness is more about how we overall feel about ourselves and our surroundings rather than what are our medical statistics. Wellness is decided by a variety of things including our physical health, relationships, social and professional settings, our own expectations, burdens, past incidents, and our overall mental health. We may struggle in our department of wellness even after doing great in the department of physical fitness. If that happens, it is always a good idea to seek professional or expert help so that someone can guide us on how to deal with the issues we are facing in the wellness department. The problem with wellness is that it is very person-centric, completely different than physical fitness. We can find a lot of recommendations about eating well, and gym routines that are standardized to achieve particular goals related to physical fitness and may work for most of us. However, it is not easy to find such standard recommendations for wellness as what may work for me may not work for you, because what works for us depends a lot on our background, social, economic, professional, and emotional settings at that point in time. This is why achieving physical fitness has become a much more standardized practice compared to achieving overall wellness. In today's individual-centric world where we spend a lot of time on social media or consuming a variety of content directed towards us focusing on our mental health is more important than before. Working towards it actively, and if needed, having a wellness coach or mentor is not a bad idea. It not only supplements our physical fitness but improves our quality of life, we find more fulfillment and happiness in our day-to-day activities. Let's give equal importance to our wellness as much as we give to our physical fitness, they both go hand in hand, without wellness we may be physically fit on paper but not in reality, we may appear fit from outside but a total wreck from inside. Let's work towards having a wholesome quality of life where we feel good internally and externally, focusing on wellness can help us to achieve this. Think about it.

Thank you for reading, please share your opinions about this topic.

How good is your coping mechanism?

Emotions are unavoidable, we all experience them and there is a range of emotions that we experience, they are an essential and unavoidable part of our lives. The range of emotions is vast, sad, happy, love, hate, jealousy, envy, hate, fear, and many more, there are different shades of them. Some of us are better at dealing with these emotions than others, this is not because some of us experience these emotions and some don't, we all experience these emotions, and the difference is our coping mechanism. We cope with these emotions differently, and hence our reactions differ. Most of us neglect to think about our coping mechanisms, this can be knowledge about our own triggers or people who help us to deal with our emotional health. It is important to be aware of our coping mechanisms.

It is tough to control the onset of emotions, they come and go depending on many factors, but we can control our reactions to our emotions. Some emotions affect us positively, some have a negative effect, and some don't affect us at all. Not all reactions need to be modulated or controlled, rather, our impulsive reactions make us human, they nurture our relationships and cultivate our sensitivities. However, when our reactions start hurting us or the people around us, then we need to work on our coping mechanisms. Having a reliable coping mechanism is important to protect ourselves and the people around us from the negative effects of some of our emotions. It is true that we can't control the incoming or outgoing of our emotions, but we can control our reactions, this is also one of the characteristics of being human. The presence of a coping mechanism also differentiates us from animals, the ability it allows us to control our emotions and impulses. Controlling our reactions to our emotions doesn't mean suppressing our feelings, undue suppression of feelings can result in serious mental health issues. The control that I am talking about is not about unhealthy suppression of emotions but control or modulation that we need to protect our mental well-being. A control that allows us to react better, in a more constructive way towards whatever emotion we are experiencing. A control that allows us to be ourselves doesn't force us to change just to fit in, a control that makes us feel that we belong rather than feeling like a misfit. 

One way to have a better coping mechanism is to have people around us who can help us deal with these emotions in a better way. People cannot be a substitute for an internal coping mechanism but they can be a facilitator in developing a better internal mechanism. Actually, we all can help each other to develop a better coping mechanism. Helping others not only may improve their reactions to their own emotions but in this process, we also may learn a few new things about ourselves and improve our own coping mechanisms. Let's work on improving each other's coping mechanisms to deal with emotions that affect us negatively or impact our health. The world will be a much better place if we all learn to control our reactions a little better and learn to treat each other with some more compassion and love, let's work sincerely towards it.

Thanks for reading and please share your opinion about this topic. 

Lata Mangeshkar- a feeling that will live forever

Lata Mangeshkar, the most celebrated singer of the Indian film industry died on 5th February 2022. Personally, for me, her voice and many of her songs mean a lot, those songs are therapeutic for me, they calm me, give emotional support when I need it, provide immense joy, help me to stay focused, give me hope, and stay with me wherever I go. I also know very well many controversies and facts that are not so pleasant about her life, I also know about her political and ideological leanings that don't match at all with my ideological leanings, I have read and researched a lot about Lata Mangeshkar, the person, I was once her devotee and worshipped not only her voice but her personality as well. Ultimately, I learned to differentiate art from the artist. For me Lata Mangeshkar is not just a person, Lata Mangeshkar is that magical voice that enchants me every time I listen to songs sung by that voice. That voice comes through a person, but that voice is not that person but it is a feeling, a feeling that is going to last with me forever. People come and go, and people have good and bad characteristics or controversies associated with them but beautiful and soothing feelings are pure and live forever. 

It is not that all songs sung by Lata are immortal, and it was not only her voice that made those songs great, Those songs were really well written and composed, lyricists and music composers deserve equal credit for those songs. However, it is also true that many of those songs were composed because those lyricists and music directors knew that only Lata could pull it off. Lata Mangeshkar could not make a bad song great just by her singing, but she definitely could make a good song not just great but immortal by her singing, there are many songs like that, ask any Hindi and Marathi film music lover. 

I address that voice as "Lata," not Lata didi or Latajee because that voice is not 92 years old, songs with that voice are still as fresh and enchanting as they were when they were just released, they will never age, get old or die. Lata Mangeshkar, the person is no more, but Lata "the voice" is very much here and going to be here as long as music exists on this planet. Lata is with us there is no saying goodbye to that Lata, that voice cannot leave us, that feeling cannot leave us, and for that, I am thankful to the person Lata Mangeshkar, thank you for everything, whatever you gave is more than enough for us to survive. Thank you.