Recently my Facebook friend Lalit Kumar wrote a very wonderful and thought-provoking post on his blog related to this subject (http://dashamlav.com/1637). I highly recommend this post for readers who can read and understand Hindi. I found this post very interesting because I also faced this dilemma or question. This subject is not something very new but the issue discussed in the post is still very relevant and affects all of us. Many people have very strong and different opinions about this question. Many feel that there is strong physical attraction between heterosexual males and females which overpowers simple friendship that's why it's not easy for them just to be friends. Many think that except for some very close blood relationships (like brother-sister), all other relationships between man and woman are bound to face the problem or challenge of physical attraction. Many fear that no matter what, society will always look with suspicion at any man-woman relationship outside the immediate family. Many believe that it is indeed possible to have a pure and healthy friendship but it needs a lot of understanding, maturity, and commitment from both sides.
I was born and raised in a very conservative atmosphere where friendship between boy and girl (or man and woman) was not approved by our society. By today's standards, it was a very narrow-minded and restricted environment as far as male-female relationships were concerned and this was the case till I graduated from college. I could never make any female friends because of this. The unwritten rule was "stay away from girls." I always felt it was not an appropriate thing to make female friends and people in my neighborhood would laugh at me or think that I was a person of loose character if they saw me with any girl. I think all those restrictions and taboos were because of a strong belief that male-female relationships are always physical in nature. Maybe society is scared of the physical aspect of male-female relationships because it is related to the creation of new life. That is why many times it seems that the whole burden of morality or character of society rests on male-female relationships. This belief was so strong and dominant that it took me a lot of time to shake it off and I am sure many people living in India and many other countries must have felt the same. Not only families, but society including many movies, and books, propagated this perception. There were very few and rare examples of male-female friendship around me at that time and this whole thing contributed to my perception that they can not be just friends. Either they have to be related or are lovers there can not be anything else.
But then as I grew up I started reading many books, met many new people from different cultures and backgrounds, and slowly got to know about the world beyond my family and neighborhood. I met with some very good friends who showed me the other side of life where there was a possibility that a boy and a girl could just be friends, very good friends. It took me some time to understand this beautiful fact but finally, I am very glad that I could get over my inhibitions. There are many who can not get over these inhibitions and still think that pure friendship is not possible between a male and a female. This not only creates a lot of problems for them but also creates a lot of trouble for people around them. The real problem with this mindset is not only the person who thinks like this can not form friendships with the opposite sex but he/she also looks with suspicion towards all people around him/her who have such relationships and this pollutes the environment for everybody to some extent. It's good to get rid of this inhibition to experience the beautiful world around us. Friends and friendships are very important parts of everyone's life. Friends are friends it doesn't matter what's their gender, race, caste or sexual orientation.
(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing)
No comments:
Post a Comment