Karva Chauth - is it only about love?

Every year 'Karva Chauth' (करवा चौथ) is celebrated, mainly in the northern parts of India. I don't know when this ritual started, but it must be very old. My guess is it must have started centuries ago when the situation in the Indian subcontinent was very unstable and there used to be frequent wars. Men used to take part in many of these wars or travels (for business) and in those days all these things involved a great amount of risk and uncertainty. So this ritual must have started to wish men good luck for their future journey and for their safety. This festival has been glamorized by many movies and TV serials. Now it has become popular in many other parts of India too. I am not against any festivals or celebrations, they are a nice and very good way to get together, relax and have fun and there is nothing wrong if people want to have fun and enjoy. But if we look carefully, it's not that simple and I am not doing this as an intellectual who is trying to bring the issue of gender equality everywhere. Many people like me are blamed or criticized for bringing up the topic of gender equality or superstition almost in every issue we face. We do this because all these issues are so interrelated. I hope this post will explain why I am discussing this particular festival as an example. A ritual that looks very harmless and simple can have a deep effect on the psychology of people.

Now let's look at this festival of Karva Chauth, where the wife fasts the whole day (in many cases without drinking even a drop of water) for the prosperity and long life of her husband. In the evening after some rituals, they get gifts of their choice from their husbands and eat only after seeing the faces of their husbands. This festival is exclusively for married women whose husband is still alive. The festival looks very benign and many people think it's full of love and devotion. So, what's wrong with fasting like this? Fasting is part of many festivals. Muslims also do it in the month of Ramadan. Actually nothing wrong with fasting. A wife definitely has the right to wish for happiness and a long life for their partner. The festival looks like a very harmless ritual, a beautiful way to express love and dedication by wives for their husbands (but notice that in the traditional format of the festival, husbands don't fast, this is a noticeable difference). Perfectly fine as long as it's voluntary, without any obligation, but does it happen like this? In most cases, the answer is 'No'. According to me fast should be performed by both because I believe respect and love in any relationship should be mutual, but this is the case. I have also seen mother-in-laws calling their daughter-in-laws day or two days before such festivals and reminding them that they should keep that fast to make sure that their son's welfare and longevity are not jeopardized. Note that there is no festival that I know where husbands fast for the well-being of their wives.  The guilt if wives don't do this is very strong. As if they missed giving a crucial dose of some life-saving medication or something to their husbands.

This post is not a criticism of the festival, traditions, or culture but it's about the mindset which gets perpetuated in the name of festivals, traditions, etc. Unmarried women and widows are not allowed to participate in such festivals. I wonder how widows in the family must be feeling about such festivals. As I mentioned this festival is supposed to be for the welfare and long life of husbands and it seems that many wives and mothers believe that it's necessary to do this fast to achieve this goal otherwise something bad might happen. Because of this fear many try to follow this ritual even during sickness, poor health, or during pregnancy even when it might affect their health. Women get praised for doing this in adverse conditions for their dedication, love, and respect towards their husbands. So the question comes to my mind, is it love and dedication or is it fear of losing that person or something bad might happen if that ritual is not followed? Love or superstition? Many women suffer physical and mental abuse, and many are abandoned by their husbands for other women or for whatever reason also observe these types of festivals for the welfare and longevity of their husbands. Does this make any sense? This reminds me of Stockholm syndrome, I am sure something like that is going on here. This festival is about total surrender but I doubt whether love is part of it.

I know that every issue has positive and negative sides. There might be many families where this festival must be fun and a nice way to get together, and they may not see anything wrong in it, even if it excludes widows. I am against any festival that forbids the participation of certain sections of society just because of their gender or marital status (widows). I believe that the concept of widows being barred from participating in many rituals or considering them as bad omen must have started from traditions and festivals like this. Imagine how they must be feeling when all these women are celebrating and they are not allowed to participate just because their husband is dead. Another ritual to remind them how unfortunate they are, it's a cruel joke on them. I am not saying that married women should not express their love or should not celebrate just because widows are around. That's not what I mean, everyone has the right to express their love and respect for their partner but why not include all women and men in these types of celebrations. If necessary change the format of the festival, and make it inclusive where all (irrespective of gender or marital status) can express love for their partner or friend, living or dead shouldn't matter. If it's about love, dedication, etc. then does it matter if that partner is alive or not, male or female?

Many people who know me also know that I am not a very big festival fan. When I participate in any family function I want to have fun. For me, the fun is when everyone can participate in it. Just for comparison when I see festivals like Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine's Day, where everyone can participate there are no age limit, gender, or marital status restrictions (maybe for marketing purposes, but they are open to all), why can't we take this very good thing and include in our festivals. Anyway, we are copying many other unwanted things from the West that we don't need in India so why not take some good things also. But I know that it's not easy to change these rituals and many people may not like my comments and suggestions. They may think of this post as one more attempt to bring the issue of gender equality and criticize grand old traditions. I am fine with all this criticism but I feel to express my opinion about this even if many don't care about this issue.

 Thanks for reading and please share your views on this topic.

[Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing]

Links:
1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karva_Chauth
2. http://hinduism.about.com/od/festivalsholidays/p/karwachauth.htm
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome