Sunday, March 25, 2012

Are marriages made in heaven?

According to me not at all, marriages are very much decided on earth by humans, we make and break them. Human mind is very unsteady and it tries to run from one place to other so to reduce this instability in long term relationship concept of marriage was introduced. Centuries ago when societies were very conservative, social male-female interaction was very restricted and limited, females were allowed to interact with only males from their own family. This created unique system of ‘arranged marriage’ where everything was decided by elders and real bride- groom had very little say in their own marriage, I think this resulted in belief that to whom you will get married is your destiny (that is not in your hand) that’s why they say marriage are made in heaven (one more blame on God). All the rituals, oaths and celebrations associated with marriage is just to make us realize the importance of that relationship. Like any other relationship marriage requires lot of understanding and adjustment to make it successful. As society progresses (intellectually and materially) concept of marriage also evolved with time.

Marriage is definitely a man made concept and institution there is nothing divine or spiritual about it, its friendship at different level. It’s widely accepted in all societies and cultures so it needs to be respected and preserved as it helps in smooth functioning of society and brings some stability in human relationship and nurtures concept of family. We are not yet successful completely in curbing our animal instincts totally so most of us need these types of intuitions and laws to curb our animal instincts and have harmony in social and personal life. 

Traditionally concept of marriage was to allow development of long term relationship between man and women to create a family. But today marriage is a commitment for a long term and honest relationship between two individuals and whether these individuals should only be man and women can be debated, according to me it can be between any two individuals as long as both are willing to enter and honor the commitment. This is what I believe and there can be different opinions on this and I totally understand it. People are entitled to have their own opinions and express it in democratic manure. If you think logically then you might understand what I meant, technically we can’t say that same sex people can’t get married, why not? If they are willing to enter in ling term relationship and honor their commitment. 

Our society was male dominant for centuries and marriage was also designed heavily to favor males, where all changes (name change, family change, loss of property rights, etc.) were forced on females. As wives there role was restricted to specific duties which were mainly related with household chores. Things are now changing very fast but I think females suffered a lot because of unfairly biased rules where they have to compromise so much just for the sake of long term relationship with man to bring some stability in their life.  

Marriage is also not an institute designed to produce legitimate kids, according to me becoming parent is a special process and it requires different level of maturity and capacity. Everybody who is eligible to get married is not ready or eligible to become parent, so marriage and parenthood are two different things and we should not mix them together. Historically both these things are linked but I think we are mature enough to understand that these two things are separate and have nothing to do with each other.

I would like to end this post with one interesting quote ‘You don’t really need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely’.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to share your views and comments.

(Copyright: Vinay Thakur. Please contact the author for re-posting or publishing) 

9 comments:

  1. For me This institution of Marriage was made to see that each got a share! Where 'Might is right' and 'survival of the fittest' was the rule the way of each getting a mate was done by this 'civilized' society formed by the intelligent humans....(social animals)
    How marriages are performed and concluded is another question as it differs all over the globe.

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  2. Though you have mentioned about arranged marriage structures, you havnt elaborated about love marriages, which many consider as made in heaven thing too. I think marriage is too much glorified, specially for sake of girls in urban places.

    For me, marriage is simply a team where 2 people (for now, lets assume 1 marriage is enough to keep society civilised :)) match their frequency to carry forward their life in the best possible ways. Many think it is responsibility, I do not think so. I think it is simply sharing your workload, by means of getting emotionally supported and helping each other feel good about oneself. Nothing else.

    Dont know where this responsibility thing came from. Husband and wife should live their life just the way they would have lived with anyone else. Where is the question of responsibility? If you do not like being surrounded by anyone else, do not marry. If you like, marry. Once married, work out your strategy on how to be happy, just like you will while working in a team. Divide the chores, help each other where needed, keep communication open to avoid ifs and buts.

    Just apply same strategies you will apply while living with anyone else. Agreed there can be tough times, but same with anyone else. Keep trying until you find your limit. Learn from mistakes and move on. Just keeping it simple is key. More you complicate, more complicated it is, just like any other thing is.

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  3. Why go into dynamics that are unnecessary when the basic institution of marriage is for the opportunity to all to have a mate who is recognized by 'Society' which again is man made!

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  4. I feel a girl, right from her childhood till the time when she understands what LOVE is, knows one thing for sure; that one day that beautiful moment will come in her life when she will marry her prince. Till that time she prepares herself, every day, for that special moment. Read more on http://nectarofhappiness.com

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    1. This is effect of all Disney princess movies and so many other romantic flicks, heavy marketing by Disney creates deep effect on kids mind. Romance, dreams, love, etc. all are beautiful feelings, people like them and nothing wrong to believe that they can be true...but reality is far different than all these fantasies, there are many for whom marriage becomes nightmare, many even can't marry for so many reasons, same society which helps in creating such fantasies crushes dreams of so many just because they don't follow their rules or fit in their definition of normal (like same sex couples).

      According to me marriage in a man made institution, there is nothing divine about it. Yes, it is beautiful, it is romantic but there is nothing divine in it, it is like so many other relationships we form during our life, it's special but after all it's a relationship. Thanks a lot for sharing your opinion.

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    2. I saw only positive side of it, yes its true that this relationship have many other aspects but fall in love & marriage are beautiful things

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    3. No doubt these things are beautiful things and no one can deny it, the post is more about attitude of people when they question others love or desire to get marry just because their love or relationship doesn't satisfy their standards, it can be inter caste or inter religion marriage or same sex couples. With time we need to update the rules and modify the definations, that's the message post intends to deliver.

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    4. Oh my god. We are in 2014, wake up!

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